A lot of stressful events can occur in one’s life. The death or illness of a spouse or family member, divorce, getting locked up, losing your job, being the victim of a violent crime, and so on. But I would never associate major stress with having to take final exams. I remember taking final exams in college and I never really considered them that traumatic of an event. But today’s snowflakes and the academics that run our universities are such drama queens that they’ve created safe spaces for their mentally weak students to “de-stress” from that non-stressful event called final exams.
9 colleges using wacky ways to help students ‘de-stress’ from finals
As the end of the semester approaches, finals season is inevitable for many college students, and to calm students down, colleges and universities are hosting “de-stress” fests, offering students free massages, coloring books, and even a trip to the mall.
1. Middlebury College
At Middlebury College, for example, the Institute of International Studies in Monterey, Calif. is hosting a “Student Services De-Stress Room,” in which students have the opportunity to “color, smell and breath[e] your stress away!” with free “Essential oil creations,” “coloring,” “play dough,” “hot tea” and even a “foot/neck massager.”
Coloring books and Play-Doh. Wow. By the way, Play-Doh is recommended for ages “2+.” While there is no ceiling on the upper age limit of that product, in my opinion, someone who is an adult and is playing with a toy intended for a two year old has some serious issues. Why don’t they just go for full-on childhood regression, take of their clothes, slap on a diaper, shove a pacifier in their mouth, and get in a play pen?
2. University of Massachusetts- Lowell
The University of Massachusetts-Lowell took a similar approach, offering students “free chair massages,” as well as a “Reiki massage” during their “stress relief day.”
3. University of Massachusetts- Amherst
The University of Massachusetts-Amherst also gives students the chance to receive “acupuncture sessions,” and go to meditation classes.
4. University of Nebraska-Omaha
Instead of free foot/neck massages, how about a shopping trip? The University of Nebraska-Omaha is providing a “free shuttle” for students to go to a shopping mall in the area called Nebraska Crossing. Students will enjoy a three-hour shopping trip at the mall and are provided with a “free Nebraska Crossing goodie bag.”
For students who aren’t into shopping, however, the University of Nebraska-Omaha provided students with a “Crafternoon at the Library” where students can “color away their stress” and make a “shrinky dink charm.”
Shrinky Dinks: Recommended for CHILDREN 5 years of age and older.
5. California State University-Northridge
At California State University-Northridge, their library is handing out “finals survival kits” which include a “FREE pillow,” or earplugs “plus lots of other goodies,” all of which is in addition to providing students with crayons and coloring books that are available in the library throughout finals week.
6. Buffalo State University
For the students who do not enjoy coloring, Buffalo State University has a “De-Stress Fest” where they are offering hot chocolate, music, crafts, and even “a photo with Santa.”
I can’t remember the last time I took a picture with Santa, I was probably like 5 years old. And do you know why? Because Santa doesn’t fucking exist and I grew up! But hey, I imagine whoever the old pervert is that they got to put on the red suit is feeling pretty jolly with co-eds sitting on his lap all day.
7. Emerson College
Emerson College is hosting a “Cirque de De-Stress” where students can sign up for appointments to be with “therapy dogs” or take advantage of a “chair massage” in addition to doing “arts and crafts.”
8. Kansas State University
Kansas State University is offering free “noontime yoga” as a way for students to de-stress during finals, stating that it gives students a chance “to practice yoga together in a friendly, non-competitive environment.”
9. University of Idaho
The University of Idaho also hosts yoga during their finals “de-stress” fest.
I thought college was meant to be a place where you started to learn how to become an adult. Maybe it once was, but not anymore. Now it’s a place where young adults can go to learn how to become children again. If final exams are causing them so much stress that they need to resort to adult baby play to cope with it, good luck to them when a REALLY stressful life even comes their way. Look for an increase of suicides once these wimped out products of academia exit college and enter the real world.
