The Government is still shut down because democrats refuse to pay for any kind of border security at all. The biggest WTF? this week is the new liberal narrative that walls can’t stop people from crossing our border illegally, but there was some other minor WT? going on too:
Headline of the Week
Super-gonorrhoea spread causes ‘deep concern’
There have been growing levels of super-gonorrhoea around the world with similar cases reported in Japan, Canada and Australia.
Is it just me or are these Marvel superhero movies getting really lazy? Speaking of which…
Blasphemy of the Week:
You would think that Christians would jump at the chance to see their Savior represented in popular media, but some believers are upset about the portrayal of Jesus in a new series from DC Comics.
The premise is actually pretty great: The superhero is Jesus, but He comes back to Earth only to “set the record straight” after seeing how people have twisted His words.
Yeah, can you believe those uptight Christians are upset about “Super Jesus”? Trying doing a “Mega Mohammad” and see how well that goes over. And on a related note…
DUI of the Week
Sheriff tried to avoid arrest: ‘Jesus Christ, I’m a sheriff’
A police report and bodycam video show that a Michigan sheriff accused of drunken driving asked a deputy not to arrest him.
Stephenson is heard on the video asking that he not be arrested. He says, “Jesus Christ, I’m a sheriff.”
Stephenson was suspected of drunken driving after leaving a deer hunting camp in Kalkaska County. A breath test revealed a blood-alcohol level nearly three times the legal limit for driving.
Hunting while drunk? Jesus is going to sit this one out.
Strip Poker Game of the Week
Panties, bras fly from car during 100 mph chase on Indiana highway
Panties and bras flew out of a car being chased by police at speeds of 100 miles per hour in northern Indiana.
Police stopped 34-year-old Holly Sansone in Portage on suspicion of shoplifting from a Kohl’s store…
Police recovered four bras, 14 pairs of panties, two candles and some air freshener refills – all valued at $445.
At least the panties weren’t used. That would have been assault with a deadly weapon.
Loser of Strip Poker Game of the Week:
Naked man driving wrong way on I-95 causes massive traffic delay
A naked man who drove at least 10 miles the wrong way on Interstate 95 Wednesday night has been captured by police.
The naked suspect, whose journey apparently began in Delaware, was unharmed after his vehicle slowed and struck a state police car and finally came to a stop. He was taken to a hospital for evaluation.
When a guy is driving naked down the wrong side of the road, is an evaluation even necessary?
Walking Dead of the Week
Woman and son fight off ‘zombie’ home intruder in Jersey City
A Jersey City woman and her son fought off a inebriated man they described as a “zombie” after he pushed his way into their home Wednesday night when the woman returned home from shopping.
“I was shocked,” said the son, adding that the intruder “seemed like a zombie.”
After the mother and son wrestled with the man for a while, the son managed to get hold of the man’s upper body and the mother grabbed his legs. Together they managed to get him out the door and lock it.
No, stupid. You shoot ’em in the head. That’s the only way.
Nap of the Week
Venlo WW2 explosive: Don’t lie down on bombs, Dutch warned
The Dutch public have been warned it is “strictly ill-advised to lie down on a bomb”, after a man did just that for about three hours.
The man came across an unexploded World War Two device while gardening in the town of Venlo on Wednesday.
When it started whistling he covered it with his body, apparently trying to limit the damage.
Nearby residents were evacuated and the device proved harmless. The man was treated for symptoms of hypothermia.
Once again the fascist government tries to dictate people’s lives with all of their stupid rules. Speaking of which…
Diet Fad of the Week
Officials warn motorists not to eat chicken tenders spilled on highway
These chicken tenders aren’t for pick-up. An Alabama sheriff’s office is warning people against eating chicken that tumbled on to a rural highway after a truck wreck.
An 18-wheeler crashed on Alabama 35 on Sunday, spilling boxes of chicken tenders in Cherokee County near the Georgia line. Motorists began stopping to pick up the food, which authorities say created a traffic hazard.
Yes, traffic congestion is clearly the problem here.
Educator of the Week
Substitute teacher accused of performing sex act on himself in classroom
A substitute Fairfield middle school teacher was arrested this morning after he was observed allegedly performing a sex act on himself in a classroom while students were present.
A Fairfield school resource officer at Creekside Middle School on Nilles Road received several complaints that the substitute teacher was observed performing the act. No students were physically involved in the act, officials said.
The school officer removed the teacher from the room.
Was it a sex-ed class?
Shitty Job of the Week
Florida Teacher Smeared Human Feces at Park to Ruin Principal’s Party: Officials
A Florida substitute teacher accused of spreading human feces on tables and grills at a park where a principal was set to host a birthday party told deputies she was “displeased” with how the principal was handling a professional issue.
Define “professional.”
Shitty Person of the Week
Baltimore fugitive known by the alias “Doo-Doo Butt” arrested in York County
Police say Anthony “Doo-Doo Butt” Ward, 21, was apprehended on the 400 block of N. Pine Ave on Dec. 26, 2018.
Ward was wanted for Attempted 1st Degree Murder for his involvement in a road-rage style shooting, according to police.
I’m guessing there is a pretty good reason this guy is known as ‘Doo-Doo Butt.”
Dick of the Week
Woman given erectile dysfunction cream for dry eye in prescription mix-up
Experts have said GPs must use block capitals when writing prescriptions after a woman was mistakenly given erectile dysfunction cream for a dry eye.
The unnamed patient, from Glasgow, had to be treated in hospital after she was given the wrong medication due to a mix-up. She suffered with blurred vision, a swollen eyelid and redness and discomfort immediately after putting the cream into her eye.
There should be a stiff penalty for pulling a boner like this.
Balls of the Week
Chuckanut Drive/State Route 11 reopens after rockslide
A rockslide closed both directions of State Route 11/Chuckanut Drive Wednesday night between milepost 12.4 — just north of Taylor Shellfish Farms — and milepost 13.8 — just south of Larrabee State Park — in northern Skagit County.
Thankfully Throwadick Drive and Tossavagina Road remain open.
Asshole of the Week
Man Denies Ownership Of Syringes Found In His Rectum During Jail Strip Search
A Florida Man denied ownership of three syringes removed from his rectum during a 4:30 AM strip search at a county jail…
Cops arrested Wesley Scott, 40, early Friday on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession. While being searched in the field, Scott denied having any illegal items concealed on (or in) his body.
But when Scott…arrived at the Pinellas County jail and was subjected to a strip search, he “removed three syringes from his rectum and provided them” to a jailer. Scott then claimed that he “found” the syringes and that “they were not his.”
Sounds like a reasonable explanation. Who doesn’t keep found needles up their butt? And while we’re talking about Florida Man…
Florida Man of the Week Roundup
Florida man decapitated while working on helicopter
Florida man chews up police car seat after cocaine arrest
Florida man with machete cuts neighbor, threatens to ‘kill’em with kindness’
Florida man arrested after argument over cheesesteak
Florida man shoves pizza in dad’s face after learning he helped deliver him at birth
Florida man accused of burning son with ‘torch-style lighter’ to teach him lesson about fire
Florida Man, Woman Charged with Having Sex in the Middle of the Road
What the Cluck? of the Week
Nearly 100 chickens were on the loose on the Saanich Peninsula and nobody knows where they came from
The mysterious appearance of approximately 100 chickens kept emergency services and animal control busy on Thursday morning.
Central Saanich police told Victoria Buzz that they received reports of chickens on the loose near Wallace drive.
As officers were making their way to the call location, they found a secondary group of chickens near the road. The officers then divided into two teams, one for the first site, which had 32 free ranging chickens, and one for the secondary site, which had around 16.
But the chicken chasing was only beginning.
As officers were wrangling chickens they were called to “another site of 20 more,” Cnst. Ann Piper of Central Saanich Police told Victoria Buzz. A fourth site was then reported, with about 7 more chickens roaming the central saanich area.
Piper said that soon after, Sidney RCMP contact Central Saanich Police saying that they also had loose chickens a “huge distance” away from the original call site.
Is it just me or are horror movies getting really lazy?
