Monday was April Fool’s Day and democrats WTFed it up by being completely predictable: They refuse to accept the Mueller report, pushed socialism, and defended pervert Joe Biden. Here’s some WTF? from people who take the holiday a little more seriously:
Headline of the Week
‘Penis Death Grip Syndrome’ May Not Be Real, But It Still Sounds Pretty Horrible
The term “death grip” should never be associated with a penis, but according to our always trustworthy friend the internet, that’s the term for when you choke the chicken so often that it’s actually difficult to ejaculate. “Penis Death Grip Syndrome” also has its very own Urban Dictionary entry:
A condition in which frequent masturbation by hand desensitizes the nerves in the cock, thus lessening the pleasure of jerking off.
That’s the problem with Death Grip Syndrome — it’s one of those internet ideas that have yet to be proven with any scientific backing,
There’s just as much science to prove this as there is global warming or more than two genders. It sounds like whoever wrote this is just a Penis Death Grip Syndrome denier.
Dick of the Week
Man stabs fiancée to death for mocking his small penis
A man has stabbed his fiancée to death in Austria after she mocked him for having a small penis…
The man named Daban K. and who hails from Iraq, killed the woman after she had sheltered him from the Austrian authorities for several years.
The woman hid Daban in her flat when he ignored a deportation order to be sent back to Iraq from Austria.
After he was arrested for murder, the 40-year-old blamed the attack, which saw him stab his partner at least four times in the neck, on her for mocking his masculinity and being unfaithful.
“She cheated on me three times with other men and did not want to have sex with me anymore. One day she told me that my penis was too small.”
Apparently his knife was really small too, which is why it took 4 stabbings.
Nut of the Week
Teenager dies after tapeworms burrow into his brain and testicle
A teenager in India suffering from seizures was found by doctors to have a parasitic disease caused by swallowing tapeworm eggs…
The 18-year-old from Faridabad was taken to hospital with swelling over his right eye and pain in the right side of his groin.
Following an MRI scan, the doctors at Faridabad’s hospital discovered that the teen had “cystic lesions” in his brain…
Despite treatment at the hospital, the 18-year-old died two weeks after he was admitted to the ER department.
These Internet challenges are getting stupid. Well, stupider.
Pussy of the Week
The World’s First Vagina Museum Encourages Conversation Around Gynecological Health
A few years ago, gynecological cancer charity Eve Appeal surveyed women aged 16-25 and found that 65% of them had trouble using the words “vagina” and “vulva”, and some even avoided seeking medical help for gynecological issues because they found it too embarrassing.
Being able to talk about these topics could not only increase gynecological health but also improve discussions around consent. The question is, how do you start such a conversation?
Science communicator Florence Schechter is the founder of the Vagina Museum, which has as part of its mission to “raise awareness of the gynecological anatomy and health”.
A whole museum to start a conversation? I usually break the ice with a joke: What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
Sequel of the Week
Ocala man accused of engaging in sex acts with a dog
Jesse C. Allen, 27, was booked into the Marion County Jail on Tuesday on two counts of sexual activity involving animals. Bail was set at $2,000.
Detective Josh Fried looked at the Facebook page of that man, identified as Jesse C. Allen. The page showed multiple cartoon images of various animals, mostly dog-like creatures “engaging in vulgar sexual acts,” according to the affidavit.
The detective obtained a search warrant for Allen’s cellphone. Fried said he found pictures of different dogs’ private areas and videos showing dogs having sex with women. He also said there were photos of Allen engaged in various sex acts with a dog.
Allen was interviewed by Fried last week. According to the affidavit, Allen said the sexual activity between him and a dog named Rocky has been “going on for some time.”
Rocky VIII sounds terrible. And so does Back to the Future VI:
Turd of the Week
Driver rear-ends manure spreader, airlifted to Upstate University Hospital
A woman was airlifted to Upstate University Hospital in Syracuse Tuesday morning after a multi-vehicle accident involving a manure spreader.
Jill R. Ashley Williams, 41 of Groton, NY was traveling east on State Route 222 when she rear-ended a manure spreader being pulled by a John Deere tractor belonging to the Fuller Family Dairy Groton Farm.
Marty McFly sought for questioning.
Tip of the Week
Man who had an erection for two days had to get the tip of his penis amputated
A man from India was required to have his penis partly amputated as he developed gangrene from an erection which went on for two days.
According to reports, the 52-year-old, who remains anonymous, had to go to the doctors as he was unable to get rid of the “painful and sustained” erection.
The medics quickly drained the blood from his penis but ended up leaving a catheter in and dressed his penis which resulted in the man developing black gangrene.
The doctors had no choice but to amputate that specific part of his penis after he showed signs of extreme tissue damage which was caused by the loss of blood circulation.
This operation seems pointless to me.
Drama Queen of the Week
A University of Hartford student accused of stabbing two classmates while they filmed a movie in a campus dorm Sunday, first told police he was not acting and was “curious what it would be like to stab someone” but later told police he was acting and his emotions got the best of him, a police report says.
Hopefully he develops a curiosity for what it feels like to not be psychotic.
Rash of the Week
Woman masturbated on Tube for 10 MINUTES and blamed ‘itchy thigh’
Sarah Hinkson, 37, draped herself across four seats on the Hammersmith and City line while touching herself and moaning loudly in February.
Hinkson’s hand was allegedly still down her trousers when she was arrested by police officers at King’s Cross station.
Hinkson later told officers: “Rash on my inner thigh, I was scratching a rash on my inner thigh. It comes and goes.”
Police said there was something very fishy about her explanation.
Stuntman of the Week
Police: Drunken man impaled by stick after jumping off overpass in La Crosse
Police say a drunken man was impaled by a stick in his buttocks after he jumped off an overpass on Sunday.
Charges are pending against Trevyn J. Sanders, 21, for two counts of bail jumping, and he also has an outstanding city of La Crosse municipal warrant, according to a police report.
Police said dispatch received a report about 3:21 p.m. that a man “jumped off the bridge on the north side of the overhead and was bleeding from his butt after landing on a stick” at 2700 State Road.
Sadly, getting impaled in the butt won’t stop for this guy when he gets to jail.
WTF? of the Week
A mother who went to hospital with pain in her lower abdomen was found to have an ovarian cyst with traces of vegetables in it.
Doctors described the growth as ‘very foul-smelling’ and said it also had hair inside it.
The unnamed 32-year-old went to a hospital in Rochester, Michigan, because she’d had pain in the torso for about a week, with it getting worse in the past few days.
And beside the ovary, there was a 4.7cm by 4cm mass containing vegetable fibre, human hair, gas, fat, and calcium build-up.
‘Grossly, the specimen contained sebaceous material and hair… in one area, a fragment of vegetable fibre was also seen.’
The doctors suggested the reason the cyst contained vegetable fibre was because the woman’s bowel had perforated and the matter leaked out.
But they couldn’t find any proof of this happening and left the mystery unsolved.
Where’s the mystery? Vegan diets are awful for people. You ever heard of someone with a T-bone steak in their ovaries?
