Crazy Joe Biden finally announced his candidacy for president this week, which means all other WTF? is officially on notice. From this point on, everything insane and reality-defying will have to compete with Creep Uncle Joe’s gaffes and delusions. Here’s some WTF? that is challenging the democrats’ goofy frontrunner:
Headline of the Week
Brazil’s president says 1,000 penises amputated every year due to bad hygiene
Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro said 1,000 men have their penises amputated in his country each year due to a lack of basic hygiene — a number he called “ridiculous and sad.”
“In Brazil, we have 1,000 penis amputations a year due to a lack of water and soap,” the far-right president told reporters Thursday in the capital, Brasilia. “We have to find a way to get out of the bottom of this hole.”
Don’t be a dope. Use soap.
Apology of the Week
Apologetic homeless man exposes penis to woman, 2-year-old son, police say
William Lockard, 78, was arrested Tuesday on a charge of committing a lewd act in the presence of a child.
According to a police report, Lockard approached the woman on the pier and asked her where she was from originally. Police said Lockard then pulled down his pants, exposing his penis to the woman and her 2-year-old son.
A witness told police Lockard was “playing with his penis” in front of the mother and son.
Police said Lockard apologized for his actions after his arrest.
And yet Joe Biden can’t apologize for sniffing women’s hair.
Blame of the Week
Florida man blames blood sugar and diabetes in Walmart theft
A New Port Richey man accused of stealing almost $5,000 worth of merchandise at a Walmart claims he does not remember doing it
Deputies say Fruggiero had committed three thefts at the Walmart in a week but Fruggiero says due to his blood sugar diabetes, he does not always know what he is doing, and does not remember stealing from the Walmart on State Road 54.
He has been charged with scheme to defraud and was transported to Land O’ Lakes Detention Center.
Don’t worry, things will get butter for this guy at the Land O’ Lakes center.
Dick of the Week
Girl expelled after kneeing boy in groin after he tried to enter girls bathroom, family says
NORTH POLE, Alaska – Reports from the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner say a female student at North Pole High School was suspended for kneeing a male student in the groin when he tried to enter the girls bathroom, but according to her family, she was expelled.
The incident, which occurred April 4, involved a group of seven boys who were allegedly protesting a transgender student, who is transitioning from female to male, using the boys bathroom.
According to reports, the boys entered the girls bathroom and blocked the female student from leaving the bathroom, after which, she kneed one of the male students.
The boy who was kneed in the groin was allegedly sent to the hospital for treatment.
This transgender bathroom issue is nuts.
Beaver of the Week
Do NOT put garlic in your vagina
A gynaecologist has urged women to not put garlic in their vagina to treat yeast infections.
Dr Jen Gunter, based in California, went on a Twitter rant about the old wives’ tale, which recommends putting a clove inside the vagina for up to three days.
There are no studies to support the claim garlic has antifungal properties – apart from in a petri dish – and it could be a serious risk for further infections, Dr Gunter said.
The vagina is the ‘perfect’ environment for the botulism bacteria to grow, which can be life-threatening and lead to paralysis.
If you want botulism with too much garlic, just eat at Olive Garden.
Damn Beaver of the Week
Beaver Dam woman appears in court in shooting of man in groin
A 28-year-old Beaver Dam woman appeared in court Monday after being charged with shooting her boyfriend in the groin Sunday morning.
Tonya M. Diniz is charged with a felony count of second-degree reckless injury, use of a dangerous weapon, domestic abuse assessment and a misdemeanor count of pointing a firearm at another, domestic abuse assessment.
Diniz told a Beaver Dam police officer that she shot her boyfriend after asking why he had sent texts to another girl. She allegedly said that she had pointed the gun to his groin area and told the officers, “we have been together four years and we play like that.” Diniz said as she knelt on the bed, the gun went off.
Police arrived at the apartment and found the victim lying on an air mattress in a bedroom. The victim could speak, but was having difficulty breathing…The victim told officers that Diniz had shot him and had touched the barrel of the gun to his body before shooting him.
It’s all fun and games until somebody gets their nuts shot off.
Quack of the Week
Mum left with horrific ‘sausage lips’ after nasty reaction to £75 at-home filler treatment
Christina Burton, 29, had to be rushed to hospital as her lips began to swell “out of control” and her throat started to close following the £75 at-home procedure.
Christina said: “They looked like sausages on my face, I looked like a duck gone wrong.
“My lips kept getting bigger and bigger and more painful. I thought my lips were going to explode, the pain was unreal.
This woman walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender said it would be $7.50. She replied, “Put it on my bill.”
Poltergeist of the Week
Have You Ever Experienced Phantom Dick?
This story begins like all great stories do: with an awe-inspiring Reddit thread. “How common is ‘phantom dick’ after sex?” the Redditor asked, clarifying that “phantom dick” is the phenomenon where “you can still feel the pressure from penetration hours after the deed has already been done. It doesn’t hurt or anything, just feels…interesting?”
This Ghost Dad sequel is going to be off the hook. I hope they let Bill Cosby out of prison to film it.
They Shoot Asses, Don’t They?
Man shot in buttocks during altercation outside Pacific Beach bar
Man shot in buttocks outside White Castle on Detroit’s west side
Man Shot In Buttocks April 17 Near The Birches, Police Confirm
14-year-old shot in buttocks in Central City: police
NOPD: man shot in buttocks near Magnolia St.
Woman shot in buttocks during attempted robbery at Northeast 7-Eleven, police say
It was a bad week to be a buttock.
Settled Science of the Week
Oxford University professor claims aliens are already breeding with humans on earth
AN Oxford University professor has claimed aliens are already breeding with humans to create a new hybrid species that will save the planet.
Dr Young-hae Chi, an instructor in Korean at Oxford’s Oriental Institute, part of the prestigious university, thinks this new species will save Earth from annihilation from climate change.
He believes there is a strong correlation between climate change and alien abductions…
He said: “So, they come not for the sake of us, but for the sake of them, their survival, but their survival is actually our survival as well — the survival of the entire biosphere.”
Dr Chi said he was “still looking for more evidence to support my view”.
Sadly this is the least crazy thing anyone has said about global warming.
Battle of the Week
Meth-smoking man: I was fighting the man in the mattress
Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office deputies were called to the home on Willow Bend around 1:10 Friday morning after the man’s girlfriend, who he had refused to let leave the bedroom, was able to escape and call for assistance.
Felipe Oquendo, who is 37, was charged with false imprisonment and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to a press release from the Sheriff’s Office.
His girlfriend told deputies Oquendo began acting erratically, thinking she was cheating on him with a man in the mattress. He stabbed the mattress with a bedpost, then ripped it apart with his hands.
Oquendo told OCSO deputies he was fighting the man in the mattress, holding him down when they arrived, but the man then slipped out and left. He admitted he had been smoking methamphetamine.
Was there ever any doubt he was smoking meth?
Family Feud Roundup
Florida Woman Accused of Beating Son With Meat Tenderizer
72-year-old man stabbed nephew for taking too long in the bathroom
Florida man who tossed daughter off bridge asks for new trial
Survey says…donkey teeth.
WTF? of the Week
Men sentenced up to 41 years for having sex with horses, cow, goat and dogs
Three men were sentenced to up to 41 years in prison for having sex with multiple animals.
Matthew Brubaker, 31, Marc Measnikoff, 34, and Terry Wallace, 41 were all arrested in 2018 and charged with having sex with 9 horses, a cow, a goat and dogs over the past five years.
According to the report, a teenage boy was forced to restrain the animals while the men engaged in the sex acts.
Neigh means neigh #MooToo
