NYC went WTF? this week when groundhog killing socialist mayor Bill de Blasio announced he’s running for president. Actually that might be more of a WTFC? (who the f*ck cares?) kind of thing. In any case here’s some WTF? that’s a little more relevant:
Headline of the Week
‘Sky penis’ Navy officers thought drawing male genitalia in sky ‘would be so funny’ before probe
When two U.S. Naval officers decided to create a phallic drawing in the clear blue skies across Washington state two years ago using the exhaust of their jet, they apparently never thought it would spark an official probe and draw the eyes of leadership thousands of miles away in the nation’s capital, new transcripts show.
“Draw a giant penis,” the pilot’s cockpit officer said. “That would be awesome.”
“What did you do on your flight?” the pilot replied back. “Oh, we turned dinosaurs into sky penises.”
“I could definitely draw one, that would be easy,” the pilot said.
The pilot then continued: “Dude, that would be so funny. Airliner’s coming back on their way into Seattle, just this big (expletive)ing, giant penis. We could almost draw a vein in the middle of it too.”
Hey, the pilot wasn’t wrong. It was funny.
Dicks of the Week
Mysterious giant penises appear in Google Maps
Parks in Melbourne, Australia have a very specific problem that can only be seen from space.
They’ve all got giant dicks drawn on them.
Three separate parks in the northeast of the city have been adorned with phallic glyphs that can be seen on Google Maps.
The giant penises have been compared to Peru’s famous Nazca Lines – ancient symbols that can only be appreciated from space. It was said that they were drawn to please the gods looking down on the Earth.
As above, so below.
Balls of the Week
Oklahoma woman arrested for throwing billiard balls at boss after getting fired, report says
Ashley Priola, 26, showed up intoxicated to the Red Dog Saloon but was given permission to work and dance on stage until things took a turn for the worse, her manager told the police.
The manager then fired Priola for coming to work intoxicated after she fell twice on stage…
Once the 26-year-old was fired, witnesses told police she grabbed a billiard ball and threw it at her manager, striking her in the face.
Priola then grabbed a second ball and threw it, but missed before leaving the scene.
Authorities later arrested Priola for assault and battery, but on her way to the Oklahoma County Jail the 26-year-old allegedly became hysterical and offered officers “all of her money” if they took her back home.
When officers refused, police said Priola she began screaming and banging her head on the window of the car in an attempt to kick the window out.
Balls in the face at a strip club? Only in Oklahoma.
Deep Throat of the Week
Drunk Man Throws Up Tumour, Gets Scared, Swallows It Back
A 63-year-old man recently made news headlines in China for reportedly throwing up a tumor after a drinking session, then getting scared and swallowing it back.
The unnamed man from Hunchun County, in China’s Hubei Province, had allegedly been feeling discomfort in his throat for some time, but since it didn’t hinder his breathing or swallowing too much, he never sought medical attention. However, last week, after having one too many drinks, the man started feeling nauseous. That was hardly unusual after a long drinking session, only this time, as he was getting ready to throw up, the 63-year-old felt a sharp pain in his lower throat followed by the disturbing presence of a large piece of meat in his mouth. Strangely enough, the fleshy mass seemed to be attached to something, so the drunk man couldn’t just cough it out, so he did the next best thing – he chugged a glass of water and swallowed it back.
Chinese food is disgusting. Actually, I’m not a big fan of seafood either:
Aquaman of the Week
Transgender woman gets new vagina made from fish skin
A trans woman had a vagina constructed using the skin of a tilapia fish after her genitals began to shrink and close up following botched surgery.
“We were able create a vagina of physiological length, both in thickness and by enlarging it and the patient has recovered extremely well. She is walking around with ease, has no pain and is urinating normally. In a couple months we believe she will be able to have sexual intercourse.”
Talipia? I would have thought they’d use red snapper.
Nut Cracker of the Week
Pennsylvania man has his scrotum torn open by angry girlfriend, leaving him with a bleeding testicle
A 32-year-old Scranton, Pa., area man was left with a broken scrotum and an exposed bleeding testicle after being savaged by an ex-girlfriend who appeared angry he’d been out drinking.
The unidentified victim said he came home from a bar to find Micaela Huettner waiting in his house…
The victim reportedly told cops that Huettner inquired as to where he’d been when he arrived home after 1 a.m. and an argument ensued. Huettner then allegedly struck the man several times, landing one blow directly on his groin.
According to the victim, after landing that shot, Huettner “appeared as though something was wrong and he then observed his scrotum was torn open and his testicle was exposed.”
Ironically, she’s the one who’s nuts.
Taco Tuesday of the Week
Woman, 25, suffers horrific vagina injury after being flung from jet ski and landing on handle bars
The 25-year-old was left with a large blood clot on her vulva that was continuing to swell and had to be surgically drained.
She was in so much pain that by the time she saw medics at a hospital in New York three days later, she could barely walk.
Dr Amir Marashi, who treated the woman at his Brooklyn clinic, told DailyMail.com: “It was like almost having a grapefruit in between her legs.
It’s mustache rides, not handlebar mustache rides. Speaking of which…
Husband of the Week
Bike handle stuck in woman for two years after husband shoved it in vagina
The woman, 30, was admitted to MY Hospital, in Indore, Madya Pradesh, in central India, two days ago with severe stomach pains.
Doctors did an X-Ray before spotting a large object.
A CT scan confirmed a motorbike handle in her uterus, small intestine and bladder.
Associate Professor, Dr Sonia Moses, from M. Y. Hospital, said: ‘She told us that the handle had been inserted inside her vagina by her husband when he was intoxicated with alcohol.
‘He had warned her not to tell anyone or he would hurt her.
‘The object had been inside her for almost two years and it had become severely infected with her organs perforated and eroded. And she was left in excruciating pain.
India’s version of American Choppers is horrifying.
Florida Man of the Week
Florida man fled in replica of TV’s ‘General Lee’ car after setting ex’s house on fire, reports say
A former jockey set his ex-wife’s house in southwest Marion County on fire after an apparent domestic dispute Tuesday night, then led deputies on a multi-county chase using different vehicles — one of them was a Dodge Charger painted to look like the “General Lee” from the TV show “The Dukes of Hazzard,” according to news reports.
“He’s always been really nice to us. Every time we’re walking, he’ll stop and say hi. And he loved his job, and I know he loved his family, so I honestly don’t know. He must have been really distraught if it is him.”
Beat up his old lady, set her house on fire, and fled in the General Lee? He’s not Florida man, he’s Florida Superman.
Florida Woman of the Week
Florida woman accused of threatening to ‘shoot everyone’ at elementary school, deputies say
A Tampa woman is behind bars after she made threats to shoot people at an elementary school, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office.
Deputies said Juliana Cote, 26, posted threats on her Facebook account on Thursday.
Cote threatened to “shoot everyone” at the nearest elementary school in a post showing a small fake gun, deputies said.
That face is more of a threat than a small fake gun.
WTF? of the Week
Lamar Odom reveals he used prosthetic penis to pass drug test so he could play at the Olympics
n the memoir titled “Darkness to Light,” Odom says he used a prosthetic penis to fool drug test officials after he had been “smoking weed every day that summer.”
Odom says being offered a spot on the team was one of the biggest honors in his career, but that happiness was short lived once an official told him about the well-known mandatory drug testing for Olympic athletes…
Nervous, he ordered the prosthetic, filling it up with his trainer’s urine.
“He handed me the rubber penis and left the bathroom as I strapped it on,” Odom said.
The NBA official entered the bathroom soon after and watched from a couple feet away as Odom squeezed out urine from the prostetic.
“(An official) stuck a thermometer in the cup to gauge the temperature … satisfied that the pee was mine, said ‘Welcome to Team USA,’ ” Odom writes.
I know you can use prosthetics in the Special Olympics.
