Enough of all this serious stuff. Time to get silly. Ah, tweakers. Yes, users of methamphetamine can be dangerous but they can also provide us with some good laughs with their speed induced antics. One thing meth can do is make you feel paranoid as a motherfucker. This is one reason you will often find meth heads in possession of pit bulls who they systematically abuse to make them mean. They feel everyone is coming to get them and they need a vicious dog to alert them to approaching LEOs or robbers.
But one Alabama sketcher took a different route with his defense system. I give you the “attack squirrel.” A thug kept this critter as a pet and fed it a steady diet of meth to make sure it would attack any interlopers.
Alabama man allegedly fed ‘attack squirrel’ meth to keep it aggressive: officials
An “attack squirrel” housed in an Alabama apartment and fed methamphetamine by its owner to make sure it stayed aggressive was rescued Monday, officials said.
The squirrel was removed from the alleged drug den by investigators following a bust at an apartment in Athens, according to authorities.
One man, identified as Ronnie Reynolds, 37, was arrested at the scene, but the Limestone County Sheriff’s Office is still looking for another suspect — the alleged “caretaker” of the squirrel — identified as Mickey Paulk, 35.
Although this occurred in Alabama, we can rest assured that our Jaydolf 9000 is not the perp. The thug pictured in the above photo is not wearing makeup or a wig, and therefore not Jaydolf.
The sheriff’s office said that prior to the drug raid, officials were told Paulk kept an “attack squirrel” in his home, AL.com reported. It’s illegal in Alabama to have a pet squirrel.
Let alone to feed meth to it.
Officials found the squirrel, and released it into the wild, per a recommendation from Alabama’s Department of Conservation.
“There was no safe way to test the squirrel for meth,” the sheriff’s office said.
Because . . .
Yes. And it’s on meth. You don’t want to fuck with it!
Meth, drug paraphernalia and body armor were seized from the apartment.
Authorities urge anyone with information on the whereabouts of Paulk — who’s wanted on multiple charges including possession of a controlled substance — to contact the sheriff’s office at 256-232-0111.
So the killer tweaked-out squirrel was released into the wild where I’m sure since it’s no longer being fed meth, it will soon crash and sleep for 48-72 hours straight and be no danger to anyone. That is, until its withdrawal symptoms begin. Then watch out!
