This week democrats were furious with President Trump when they thought he was going to retaliate against Iran. They then became furious when he didn’t retaliate against Iran. Here’s some other head-scratching WTF? from around the globe:
Headline of the Week
BILLIONS of fleas are set to invade British homes and workplaces, including “porn star” mutants with huge penises – and the weather is to blame.
Thanks to a combination of a warm winter which saw temperatures hit 20C which has been followed by a mild and rainy summer, the perfect conditions for fleas to thrive have been created.
And it’s being made worse by super-fleas, a mutation far bigger than the normal-sized blighters.
They have sizeable appendages, two and a half times longer than their body – the biggest willy on the planet relative to their size.
Fleas are starting their breeding season, with the males rushing from female to female, with the super-studs waving their porn star attributes.
Turns out being hung like a flea ain’t that bad after all.
Turd of the Week
Defendant in Miami-Dade courtroom throws feces at judge during trial, misses
Miami-Dade court officials say a man charged with burglary defecated during his criminal trial and tried to throw his feces at the judge.
Dorleans Philidor, 33, was sitting in a wheelchair next to Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Lisa Walsh when officials say he tried to throw his excrement at her. It did not reach her.
…Philidor yelled “It’s protein! It’s good for you!” during the incident.
Witnesses say dozens of corrections officers responded and the trial was moved while the courtroom was sanitized.
Miami Dade Circuit Court spokeswoman Eunice Sigler says Philidor also defecated on himself in a holding cell Thursday.
Jurors subsequently acquitted him of the burglary charge.
It’s unclear whether he’ll face any charges involving the feces.
You know you’re living right when you can throw shit at a judge and still be found not guilty.
Name of the Week
Yes, her name really is Marijuana Pepsi, and now she’s Dr. Marijuana Pepsi to you
The incoming college freshman vowed that she would go on to a master’s degree and then a doctorate.
“I’m going to be called Dr. Marijuana Pepsi!” she declared.
Well, she did all that, despite and maybe because of the druggie sugary name she was given at birth 46 years ago and has embraced proudly ever since.
Marijuana is printed right there on her driver’s license. Her mail comes addressed that way. Sometimes, when she’s in a hurry, she uses the initials MP when she calls or encounters someone. That’s just to avoid the 15 minutes of inevitable questions about her name. She has used MP in the real estate business so that stoners don’t steal her signs.
It’s fitting that an African American woman who has gone through life as Marijuana Pepsi chose as her dissertation topic: “Black names in white classrooms: Teacher behaviors and student perceptions.”
I’ve heard worse black people names than this.
Quotes of the Week
“I cut my penis off and flushed it down the toilet, I didn’t need it anymore.”
“This weekend I masturbated a ton, and now it feels like my clitoris is worn out or something.”
“While my mother was on kidney dialysis, kinky sex gave her some of the best times of her life.”
And the kinky sex during her colonoscopy wasn’t bad either.
Dick of the Week
Man sprayed in face with substance before a dog ‘bit his penis’ in Croydon
A man was reportedly sprayed in the face with a substance before a dog bit his penis in Croydon .
The Metropolitan Police was called to Southbridge Road on Friday afternoon (June 21) following reports of a substance being sprayed into a man’s face.
The victim was then reportedly attacked by the suspect’s dog and was rushed to hospital, where his injuries are thought to be non-life threatening.
The police have confirmed the dog has since been seized under the Dangerous Dogs Act.
Following the incident a man and a woman, both in their 40s and from Croydon, have been arrested on suspicion of GBH.
So far the breed of the dog remains unknown.
I bet it was a dachshund. They don’t call them wiener dogs for nothing.
Pussy of the Week
Woman Unable To Have Sex Turns Out To Have A “Blind Vagina”
A 20-year-old woman in Pakistan reported to her doctors that she was having difficulties having sex with her husband.
Having only recently been married and begun having sex, she hadn’t noticed any sexual problems before that point. When she attempted to have sex with her husband, penetration wasn’t possible. Over the six months of their marriage, this led to physical and verbal abuse from the husband, and she eventually returned to live with her parents.
Upon physical inspection, the problem was identified. The woman had a “blind vagina” of just 2 centimeters (0.7 inches) in length: her reproductive canal ended in a sac that didn’t connect to her internal genitalia. She was diagnosed with a transverse vaginal septum, where a horizontal “wall” of tissue formed during embryologic development essentially blocks the vagina.
See, walls do work to keep the dicks from crossing the Southern border.
Asshole of the Week
A German man is in court facing manslaughter charges for killing his new wife in a 48-hour BDSM sex session just days after they walked down the aisle together.
Ralph Jankus, 52, and his wife Christel, 49, took part in a 48-hour sex session for their nuptials, he claims.
New bride Christel suffered severe internal injuries allegedly after a sharp object was inserted into her.
When emergency services were called four days later, they were unable to save Christel.
Self-confessed sadomasochist Jankus faces manslaughter charges at the court in Krefeld, a city in North Rhine-Westphalia, in western Germany.
He is being prosecuted for failing to call for help, allegedly leaving her injured for four days. He claims he was not aware his wife was seriously ill.
He told police: ‘It was our honeymoon period.’
Vaginas bleed during a period, not buttholes.
Psychic of the Week
Florida man accused of killing mother, dog after watching YouTube videos that made him paranoid
Florida authorities say a man claiming to be paranoid killed his mother and their dog and then set their home on fire.
The Marion County Sheriff’s Office told news outlets 22-year-old Colby Larue was charged with murder and arson Wednesday.
Larue told officers he was watching YouTube videos that made him paranoid that someone was going to harm his mother. He grabbed a gun and shot his mother when she came downstairs. He then shot the dog and set the house on fire.
An arrest report says Larue got in a row boat and crossed the lake near his house before running through the woods and turning himself in.
Eerie. He had a premonition that someone was going to harm his mother and then someone harmed his mother. I wonder how he is at picking Lotto numbers.
Carpool of the Week
Tenn. man found with severed torso of pedestrian he killed, driving drunk, police say
Police say not only did Dorrae Debrice Johnson, 29, hit and kill a pedestrian while driving drunk, but he put the severed torso in the passenger side of his car and tried to run away from police.
According to the police report, officers noticed something was amiss when they saw Johnson swerving in and out of lanes on Interstate 40, so they tried to pull him over.
That’s when Johnson yelled at police that he had to get back to his family and sped away from the traffic stop, exiting the interstate.
Police said Johnson drove down the wrong side of the road, struck a curb and blew out a tire. Then he drove onto a sidewalk, hit a pedestrian and continued on until he finally hit a utility pole, forcing him to stop.
At this point, Johnson ran away from the car crash site, but police were able to catch him.
Johnson told police he’d been drinking tequila, but couldn’t say how much. Police noted that Johnson had alcohol on his breath, bloodshot eyes and staggered during the chase. Johnson told police that “he knew he was blitzed.”
As officers tried to turn off the ignition to the car, they found the severed torso on the floor of the passenger side of the car.
Johnson told police he switched seats with a passenger.
Police found the other half of the remains and the victim’s wallet on the sidewalk where he was hit.
So the severed torso was driving?
Lunch Break of the Week
Nebraska man arrested masturbating while walking toward Arby’s
A Lincoln, Nebraska, man was arrested for indecent exposure as he was reportedly seen walking toward Arby’s while masturbating.
Officers were called around 8 p.m. to the 2900 block of N 57th Street after multiple witnesses reported a man walking in the street with his penis exposed.
The man was walking towards Arby’s and masturbating, police said.
Officers located the man inside Arby’s and identified him as David Hefner, 38.
Hefner was arrested for public indecency.
Arby’s really does have the meats and so does this guy:
Muncher of the Week
The Kentucky man has eaten nothing but raw meat and even rotten meat for almost a decade
A man who has eaten raw meat for almost ten years and even eats rotten meat says he has never felt healthier.
Eating everything from sheep intestines in the stomach to animal spleen, liver and testicles, Derek Nance lives on a diet that consists almost entirely of raw meat.
Nance has been following his caveman-like diet for almost 10 years and the father of four, who eats raw meat, is safe, even feeding his children the same diet.
But his partner, Joanne Prosser, who was a vegetarian, still doesn’t eat raw meat.
The 35-year-old self-proclaimed carnivore from Lexington, Kentucky, says the only parts of an animal that he will not eat are the hooves and horns.
He eats dicks and assholes, but draws the line at hooves?
WTF? of the Week
Vile woman laughed as she sexually tortured drugged and bound man with sex toy, police say
Jennifer Johnson, 36, apparently laughed throughout the videos as she abused the bound victim with a sex toy in Alabama.
An investigator said: “The victim was physically helpless at the time of the assault.
“He was also bound with duct tape around his mouth, wrists and ankle.”
The footage was found on Johnson’s phone after she was arrested for allegedly driving a stolen car in Northport, Alabama, court files said.
Officers tracked down the man, in his 20s, to a property in the Tuscaloosa suburb of Cottondale.
And they learned he had been under the influence of Gamma Hydroxybutyrate – or GHB.
Johnson reportedly joked during the recordings: “If you scoop out and talk about stealing my homeboy’s truck, this is definitely what I’m going to do to you.”
So she warned him if he did something in the future she would shove a sex toy up his ass while she was shoving a sex toy up his ass? And he was passed out?
