CNN: Trump Is Causing Premature Births Among Latina Women

It’s Blame Trump 2: Psychotic Boogaloo. We’ve already seen Think Progress blame Trump for warm weather in the summer and now CNN points out that the President is responsible for premature births in the Latino community. Clearly the low-rated cable network is fine with the “fake news” tag and isn’t worried in the slightest that no one trusts or watches them. Otherwise they might have reported some news.

Here’s something CNN thought qualified as news:

A rise in premature births among Latina women may be linked to Trump’s election

The United States 2016 election, when President Donald Trump was voted into office, may have been tied to a rise in premature births among Latina women across the US, according to a new study.

In the nine months beginning with November 2016, about 3.2% to 3.6% more preterm births to Latina women occurred above the levels of preterm births that would have been expected had the election not occurred, suggests the study, published in the medical journal JAMA Network Open on Friday.

Not only is CNN fake news, the JAMA is fake science and medicine. That can’t be a coincidence.

Both of these bogus entities try to get out of being completely full of shit by adding the word “may.” They’re saying Trump’s election may be causing Latina premature births, but they don’t give the odds of that being true. If there’s a 0.01% chance of something being true, you can say it may be true, but it doesn’t make it likely to be factual.

Everyone at CNN may have sex with pig carcasses. All of the editors at JAMA may get high huffing illegal alien farts. There’s lots of shit you can say may occur.

And while my theories on CNN and JAMA have some basis in fact, the claim that Trump is causing premature births is completely evidence-free. In order for there to a be a kernel of truth in this, there would have to be some solid science that presidential elections have an effect on pregnancies coming full-term. Without that, this is just correlation, which is very close to superstition.

This is like saying because the one album Metallica released since Trump was elected isn’t very good that the President is responsible for making the band suck. The truth is, there is no connection between the quality of Metallica’s music and Trump’s presidency. The band has been on a steady decline for decades and it’s more due to them running out of good ideas than anything else. For the record, all of Metallica’s best albums came out when Ronald Reagan was President, so clearly he made them great. I wish Trump would make them great again: MMGA!

This causation vs. correlation argument is something that CNN was well aware of before they published this fake story and inflammatory headline:

The study showed only an association between premature births among Latina women and the election, not that the election directly caused any negative birth outcomes. To determine that, more research would be needed.

In other words, the only reason CNN published this story was to take an unfair shot at President Trump. What’s that thing Jim Acosta always says about CNN being real news?

But hey, this is CNN, so you know they’re going to take it to the extreme:

The new study’s findings align with some previous research.

In New York City alone, the overall preterm birth rate significantly increased from 7% to 7.3% between the time before the 2016 presidential nomination and after the inauguration…

So not only is Trump making premies in the Latino community, he’s doing it to the entire liberal mecca of NYC? You know what? There may be something to this. Trump Derangement Syndrome is real and causes all kinds of physical problems with liberals. I could see TDS make hysterical leftists drop their puppies early because that’s just how f*cked in the head liberals are.

They should study the effects of TDS on liberal health, but no matter what the findings are, it’s not Trump’s fault. If I’m afraid of clowns (and I am) and my coulrophobia makes me shit my pants (which I’ve done, but not because of clowns) it’s not the clowns’ fault I ruined my underwear, it’s my irrational fear clowns.

I am assuming the Central Liberal Authority sent out a memo telling the drones to blame Trump for stupid shit like warm summers and premature births, so we’ll see more of this in the coming days. My money’s on the terrible ending of Game of Thrones, but it could be anything.