This week Joe Biden spent a lot of time “remembering” things that never were and the Democrats came up with a new slogan that involves punching Republicans “for the children.” Here’s some other WTF? that is both violent and hard to believe:
Headline of the Week
Sexologist Who Uses Vagina Juice As Perfume Says It Is A ‘Delicious Secret’
Struggling to attract a mate? Have you considered a new look? Maybe you should learn Spanish? Perhaps you should try rubbing vaginal juice on your wrist or neck?
Sexologist, Shan Boodram, claims that people have ‘flocked to her’ when she has worn the bodily fragrance.
The author spilt the beans… in which she discusses an experiment she ran with four of her clients to see if copulins (a chemical secreted by the vagina) made the clients more attractive to people when worn as perfume.
In order to test the theory, the women went to a bar and ‘connected’ with strangers, before gathering in the toilets halfway through the night…
…Shan wrote: “I instructed them to wash their hands, get in a stall and then move their finger around their vaginal opening. The goal was to get a sample from the Bartholin’s glands, which are the size of a pea but play a large role in vaginal lubrication”.
From here, the women were told to apply ‘a good amount of wetness’ on their pulse points and around their collarbone and neck… with one of the women complaining she felt ‘sticky’.
Something seems fishy about this experiment. In related news…
Catch of the Week
Woman reels in bizarre fish with 2 mouths
A woman received a bizarre mouthful when she reeled in her catch on Lake Champlain Friday.
Debbie Geddes and Knotty Boys Fishing were trolling for lake trout when Geddes reeled in a fish with two mouths.
The mouth on the top looks like a normal fish mouth while the bottom mouth looks like something out of “Alien” or “Stranger Things.”
Or maybe The Simpsons.
Shot of the Week
Man believed punished with mysterious penis shooting
The man, 28, presented to a New York City hospital, suffering the gunshot through the end of his penis…
The man reportedly wouldn’t tell doctors how he sustained the gunshot wound, but a doctor [said] he’d seen similar injuries handed out as punishments for those associated with crime.
The gunshot in an intimate area was similar to a kneecapping injury, doled out as a punishment.
X-rays and horror photos show how the bullet had travelled through the end of his penis, and became lodged in his thigh.
After operating on the man to stop the bleeding, doctors then carried out an “intraoperative artificial erection test”. They found that he’d suffered defects in his penis, causing it to curve to the left.
Bent out of shape and leaning to the left? This guy is obviously a liberal.
Poke of the Week
Police have released a shocking image of a zombie knife which was plunged so deep into a man’s buttocks it had to be surgically removed.
The victim was stabbed by Aaron Toward-Parker, 18, during a showdown between love rivals in a park.
The court heard how Toward-Parker’s friend Jack Parfitt arranged to meet a colleague of his pregnant girlfriend – after becoming upset at flirting between the pair.
They arrived at the scene near Covingham Square in Swindon on bikes at around 9pm on January 20 this year.
Parfitt, then 17, identified his target and opened fire with a BB gun.
The victim of the zombie knife was a friend of the love rival who had accompanied him to the park.
After shooting his target, Parfitt told Toward-Parker to “back out the shank’ – an instruction to his friend to get out his knife, the court heard.
Toward-Parker, of Bath Road, Swindon, then told the love rival’s friend: “Don’t think I won’t bore you out with the knife” before plunging it into his buttocks.
What an asshole.
Nut of the Week
Man arrested after botched castration surgery in Florida
An elderly Florida man with a bizarre castration obsession was busted by cops for allegedly performing a botched, at-home surgery on another man whom he met through a site on the dark web for those with eunuch fetishes, police said.
Officers with the Highlands County Sheriff’s Office showed up to 74-year-old Gary Van Ryswyk’s home in Sebring just before midnight Sunday after a 911 hang-up, officials said.
When Van Ryswyk answered the door, he told a deputy that he had just performed a castration on a man, “and, to say the least, Van Ryswyk dropped the ball on this one,” the sheriff’s office quipped.
The heavily bleeding victim was found on the bed with a towel over his groin.
“Nearby, there was a pink container which held two body parts that had recently been much closer to the victim,” police said.
The cut-up man was rushed to an area hospital and later flown to a regional medical center, where he was listed in stable condition.
According to authorities, a room in Van Ryswyk’s home was “set up like a surgical center with medical equipment and painkillers.” A camera was also set up to record the procedure.
Van Ryswyk admitted to deputies that he met the man on a website called “eunuch.com” and that he had told the man he had castrated animals and even removed one of his own testicles in 2012.
That moment when Internet porn became boring.
Fat Nut of the Week
Deputies looking for man accused of breaking into construction site to masturbate
Hillsborough County deputies are looking for a man accused of breaking into a construction site and masturbating while inside.
Deputies say the man has broken into the construction site at least three times in the last six weeks. The sheriff’s office said the man enters the site in Thonotosassa, takes off his clothes and performs sexual acts on himself.
The man is described as white, 29-35 years old with short dark hair, 5’8″ to 5’10” and obese…
The dude needs power tools to find his wang. Give him a break.
Roasted Nut of the Week
Man hospitalised with chemical burns to groin after using Veet cream before date
A man faces weeks in hospital after he gave himself chemical burns on his groin by leaving hair removal cream on for double the recommended time.
William Bishop, 26, was getting ready for a first date with a woman he met on a night out when he decided to use the hair removal cream.
But he admits he left it on for too long and used the Veet cream variety designed for body and legs, rather than the delicate groin area.
Two days on he was left with huge blistering open wounds and took himself off to A&E.
Property developer William, from Cheltenham, Glos., was admitted to the burns unit so docs could repeatedly BURST the blisters, and has been in hospital for two weeks.
Click the link. I dare you. There are pictures.
Nip Slip of the Week
Susanne Woodward, a qualified masseuse from Tempe, Arizona, charges $80 for cuddling sessions, a stress-relieving therapy which has boomed in recent years.
But Woodward, who claims she produces magic when she holds clients, was reported to the Arizona State Board of Massage after nude sessions in April.
Woodward had four sessions with the client who expressed a desire for nudity so the therapist could help her with sexual trauma.
…the complainant said: ‘I told her it has always been my dream to be held naked by a woman.’
Woodward said she could do so but the complainant alleged she was told to keep it quiet.
On their fourth session the women got undressed and Woodward allegedly invited the client to rest her head on her breasts.
‘She then told me to suck her nipple,’ the woman [said], and the therapist told her, ‘I am channeling nurturing energy to you through my breast.’
Woodward claims it was the client who initiated the mouth-to-breast contact and it was entirely consensual.
She said the client thanked her for the sessions and seemed in good spirits afterwards.
The complainant said it was only after she got home from the final session she realized the ‘severity’ of what Woodward had done.
The complainant had contacted Tempe police but they told her nothing illegal had happened.
Magic nipples? I’m in.
Cow Nip of the Week
Seem wrong? If you wouldn’t breastfeed from a cow, then you shouldn’t drink their milk out of a carton either 😳😷 #WorldPlantMilkDay
[Art by Melinda Hegedus, @memememelinda on Instagram] pic.twitter.com/DmAG0wKPRj
— PETA (@peta) August 22, 2019
I don’t know about you but suddenly I want to drink some milk. Tits sell, PETA.
Shithole of the Week
Estacada firefighters rescue woman stuck in septic tank possibly for days
Firefighters in Estacada rescued a woman they said was trapped in a septic tank possibly for two to three days. They said she had to be flown to the hospital.
Rescuers said they found her lying in raw sewage with her face just above it in a tank outside her rural home, which is about five miles northeast of Estacada. Officials said she lives there alone.
The woman was taken by helicopter to a hospital in Portland due to concerns about the lack of oxygen in the tank and possible infection from being in contact with sewage for so long.
Maybe run her through a car wash first.
Shithaul of the Week
Driver ticketed after throwing dirty diaper out of car, hitting police cruiser
A driver is going to have to pay a fine for an unusual littering offense.
Indiana State Police said a driver on I-65 in Johnson County was ticketed after throwing a dirty diaper out of a car window.
Police say it not only happened in front of a state police trooper, but it hit the trooper’s vehicle.
I doubt this is a fix-it ticket.
WTF? of the Week
6 seniors arrested for sexual activity at Connecticut conservation area
Six seniors were arrested in a conservation area in Connecticut for lewd and sexual activity…
Those arrested, ranging in age from 62 to 85, are accused of meeting up for sexual activity at the Grace Richardson conservation area in Fairfield.
Police set up surveillance and saw several violations.
The arrestees include an 82-year-old man and an 85-year-old woman.
Police arrested 67-year-old Daniel Dobbins and 62-year-old John Linartz for breach of peace and public indecency.
…Dobbins was also arrested in May of 2017 for walking around a New Canaan park naked. He reportedly told responding officers he was naked for medical reasons.
Otto D. Williams, 62; Charles L. Ardito, 75; Richard Butler, 82; and Joyce Butler, 85; face breach of peace charges.
Authorities say the area is advertised online as a place to meet up for sex and police will continue to monitor activity there.
Let’s just be thankful the police didn’t release the footage of this bust. None of us want to see this on Muny’s Body Cam Theater.
