The biggest WTF? this week has been the complete lack of interesting news. I can’t remember a week this slow in quite some time. At least crazy people didn’t stop doing stupid shit so we can still enjoy these WTF? moments:
Headline of the Week
A man in Tokyo had a part of his penis amputated after he strangulated the organ with a rubber band to stop his skin cancer from spreading.
The 65-year-old decided to visit a hospital after he started experienced excruciating pain in his genitals.
To their horror, doctors at Koto Hospital in Tokyo, Japan discovered that the man was trying to stop his cancer from growing by tying the elastic bands around his penis. They found that the band had already cut into his skin causing tissue damage.
The man reportedly had “a penile tumor in a shape of cauliflower around the glans [head of the] penis” which was later diagnosed as squamous cell carcinoma…
And you thought cauliflower ear was bad.
Multi-Tasker of the Week
Man accused of exposing penis, masturbating while biking in Sterling Heights
A Macomb County man was charged with indecent exposure after an off-duty police officer saw him expose himself and masturbating while riding his bike.
Macomb County Prosecutor Eric Smith announced Monday that 29-year-old William Brown was charged with two counts of aggravated indecent exposure.
According to a press release from Smith’s office, Brown was riding his bike on a trail at Dodge Park on August 1st when he exposed his penis and was masturbating.
The person who saw it was an off-duty police officer who was jogging on the trail. She said the man was very tall and was wearing gray pants while riding a mountain bike.
About 30 minutes after this encounter, another person said Brown was on his bike with his penis exposed. When she tried to go a different direction to avoid him, she said she then saw Brown sitting on a bench with his penis out and masturbating.
“This type of vulgar behavior will certainly not be tolerated.” Smith continued, “Dodge Park is a beautiful place for families to go to; to enjoy the outdoors and recreation with their children. Having to worry about something like this is unconscionable.”
Not bad for a guy who looks like he can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.
Dick of the Week
Man ‘bit friend’s penis off’ after victim demanded he pay back £11 loan
A man bit off his friend’s penis after an argument over an £11 loan turned violent.
Police say the brawl quickly escalated into the appalling mutilation which resulted in the victim, named as Vode Venkateswarlu, being rushed to hospital for treatment.
The paper said victim Venkateswarlu had taken a loan from his friend, known as Subbaiah, and despite requests to repay it, had not done so.
After meeting up, Subbaiah again asked for the money to be repaid and when Venkateswarlu did not respond, he became furious and the two began fighting.
Subbaiah, who was in an inebriated state, could not control himself and fell to the ground.
Venkateswarlu then sat on Subbaiah’s chest and began thrashing him on his groin. He then bit off Subbaiah’s penis.
There was no word on what happened to the penis after it was bitten off.
But were they able to salvage their friendship?
Pussy of the Week
Someone Please Adopt Daisy, The Beautiful Rescue Cat With A Dick On Her Face
Daisy is a lovely fluffy 9-year-old kitty, desexed, microchipped and vaccinated and according to the ad, she “is very easy going and doesn’t want for much, she loves company of humans but has also been around other cats so will do well after correct introductions.” Perfect, on paper. But the ad also alluded to Daisy’s, er, rather unusual facial markings.
That’s right, guys. Daisy has a dick on her face.
There are worse places a dick could be.
Dummy of the Week
Nurse pretended woman’s vagina was ventriloquist dummy in front of colleagues
A nurse examining a vulnerable patient in front of colleagues made it appear her vagina was talking, a professional hearing has been told.
William Kennedy was examining the woman – referred to only as Patient A – for abnormal discharge in front of three colleagues when he “pulled her labia apart and said ‘Hello my name is [Patient A]’, treating her labia like a puppet”…
The 58-year-old, who was prosecuted over the incident, was said to have been “blasé” when discussing what had happened, with the panel noting that Kennedy had been described as “justifying and minimising the offence… describing it as having been blown out of proportion, relying on the absence of sexual motivation and his own sexual orientation”.
There are worse things a Kennedy could do to a woman.
Nut of the Week
Idiot, 26, repeatedly gored through the testicle while taking part in running of the bulls in Spain
The 26-year-old tried to flee from the bull’s path by jumping over a railing but became entangled in the metal bars.
As the bull charges at the new victim, the man makes a desperate attempt to scale the railing but his legs become hopelessly sprayed between the metal bars.
Caught in a compromising position, he struggles to free his legs as the bull continues to charge and strike him in the groin.
The injured victim was received first aid before he was transferred to hospital.
Town mayor Carlos Fraile said the man is still receiving treatment in hospital, but is said to be in a stable condition.
Why does this keep happening to me?
A Florida woman was arrested on suspicion of child abuse this week after allegedly spanking a 7-year-old girl who didn’t want to pick up a cockroach.
Ana Alicia Nobles, 29, of Pinellas Park, was detained on Monday at roughly 12:20 p.m. by officers from the local police department, according to a sheriff’s office charge report.
According to an arrest report, Nobles is accused of hitting the child with a leather belt roughly eight times after the young girl declined to pick up the bug. Shortly after, the suspect allegedly took off the girl’s pants and spanked her on the buttocks while saying, “I hate you.”
Nobles left the girl alone while she traveled with another 5-month-old child to a dog groomers, the arrest report noted. She returned an hour later and apologized to the girl. The bruises were spotted by a nurse approximately four days after the spanking, deputies said.
In a section for identifiable marks, police noted Nobles has a sleeve tattoo of skulls and roses and back tattoos reading “serenity courage wisdom” and “better to burn than fade away.”
YOLO!
Asshole of the Week
French footballer allegedly sodomised with police truncheon is ‘incontinent’, says medical report
A young black man allegedly sodomised with a truncheon by French police is incontinent and will need lifelong medical care, according to a doctor’s report submitted to a judge investigating the case.
Four policemen have been charged over the 2017 assault of Théo Luhaka, 22, in the mainly immigrant Paris suburb of Aiulnay-sous-Bois, which has become a cause célèbre in France.
The assault sparked furious protests in Paris. Rioters attacked a police station and torched dozens of cars in several Paris neighbourhoods.
One officer has been charged with rape and the other three with using excessive force. They claim the assault, during which Mr Luhaka alleged that a truncheon was forced into his rectum, was unintentional. They say the truncheon slipped into his anus accidentally. All four have been suspended.
Asshole riots?
Hitchhiker of the Week
‘Yes, it’s real!’: College student proudly shows off his abnormally large five-inch-long thumb
A college student from Massachusetts has become an internet hit after he showed off his five-inch-long thumb.
Jacob Pina, 20, from West Port, Massachusetts, shared a video on music app TikTok in which he boasted that he had ‘never lost a thumb battle’.
His video shows the almost-comical length of his thumb as he explains: ‘yes, it’s real’.
The 20-year-old has no idea why his thumb is so out of proportion with the rest of his hand but he has embraced it and loves showing it off.
He said: ‘There is no reason, it’s so big just an anomaly.
‘When people see my thumb, they freak out and measure it next to their own thumb, I feel great about it.
‘It’s always great to be different and embrace your own essence.’
When you get a thumb’s up from this guy, you know you’re doing a good job.
Clam of the Week
People stunned by stick-on Halloween makeup that looks a lot like something else
You might be shocked to see that Halloween products are already on sale in some shops.
But you’ll be twice as shocked when you see these “realistic” latex scars that look more than a little but like something else.
The prosthetic wounds have caused more than one shopper in a Devon store to do a double-take.
These will be perfect for my Cunt Dracula costume.
Friend of the Week
After drinking 10 beers, Pa. man shows friend shotgun and kills him: Police
The vice commander of the Girardville American Legion post was arrested Monday and charged with shooting and killing another man earlier in the day.
Michael F. Grady, 36, of 604 Hobart St., was arrested by Butler Township police Patrolman Shawn Butler and charged with shooting and killing Steven Joshua Molina around 4 a.m. inside Grady’s home, where the two and others were drinking.
Police said the shooting happened around 4 a.m. as Grady; Molina; Grady’s wife, Jennifer; Charles Hutnick III; and David E. Thomas III were at the residence.
Hutnick said that Molina asked to see Michael Grady’s shotgun, prompting Grady to go to the gun safe and retrieve the weapon. According to police, Hutnick said Michael Grady returned to the room holding the weapon “in a safe manner” at a 45-degree angle facing Molina and that as Grady approached the sofa, the weapon was moved to a parallel angle, discharged and hit Molina in the neck.
Butler said Michael Grady was taken into custody and was interviewed at the Butler Township police station, where he reported being at the Girardville American Legion, arriving around 3 p.m. Sunday and leaving at closing time around 12:30 a.m. Monday after consuming about 10 beers.
10 beers plus 12 gauges equals 25 to life.
Handjob of the Week
Volunteers polish giant’s erection by hand
The world famous Cerne Abbas Giant in Dorset is 180ft tall and will be re-chalked by hand by dozens of volunteers over the next two weeks.
It has been a feature of the area since the 17th century and is in need of a gentle polish and tickle to restore it – including the 36ft erect penis.
Since its last refresh in 2008, the weather has taken its toll and weeds have encroached on the Giant, blurring its previously sharp chalky outline.
Tonnes of the white stuff extracted from a nearby quarry will be tightly packed in by hand to the existing 1,509ft outline of the figure to ensure it remains visible for miles around.
After the hand-polishing, they extracted tons more white stuff.
Chop of the Week
Dad left starstruck after Queen legend Freddie Mercury appears in his pork chop
A Queen fan was left starstruck after spotting front man Freddie Mercury in his PORK CHOP.
Derek Simms, 47, had popped his £3.49 cut of meat into a pan only to find the rock legend suddenly appear as it cooked.
The dad-of-two had been cooking dinner for him and his wife Donna, 46, as a bank holiday treat at their home in Blackpool.
In awe of his dinner resembling the late superstar, who passed away in 1991, Derek took some photos before tucking in.
“Before I served up I called over my wife and she clocked it straight away.
“We looked at it for a minute of two but we were both hungry so I ended up eating it.
I would not put that thing in my mouth for obvious reasons.
WTF? of the Week
Children develop ‘werewolf syndrome’ after taking dodgy meds in Costa del Sol
At least 16 children have developed “werewolf syndrome” after taking dodgy medication while in the Costa Del Sol.
Kids in the area have developed hypertrichosis, which leads to hair growing all over their bodies.
It is believed they have got the condition after taking a medication gained with minoxidil, a remedy for alopecia.
Spanish medics at the Agency of Medicines and Health Products have ordered several batches of the medication to be taken out of circulation.
The babies were given tainted omeprazole, used to treat acid reflux and indigestion, as part of a formula.
Why not shave?
