The whistleblower’s lawyer has been planning the sloppy coup attempt since days after President Trump’s inauguration. Here’s some other WTF? plans that didn’t quite work out:
Headline of the Week
Wife beheaded by husband spent life helping women in crisis
The 42-year-old Harlem mom found slashed to death with her five-year-old daughter — in their own home and at the hands of the vengeful husband who’d threatened to kill them both if she tried to divorce him — devoted her life to helping women and girls driven from their homes by war and disaster.
Tragic mom Jennifer Schlecht, 42, was mourned Thursday by her colleagues at Family Planning 2020, a group that advocates for reproductive healthcare for women and girls throughout Africa and Southeast Asia.
Her husband Yonathan Tedla, 46, used a silver hunting knife with a four- to five-inch blade to slash her throat with such force that she was decapitated, police said Thursday.
Tedla then turned the knife on the couple’s daughter, Abaynesh, slitting her throat before hanging himself from the girl’s bedroom door with a length of rope, sources said.
“Jennifer Schlecht devoted her entire career to ensuring that women and girls in crisis situations have access to the best medical care possible including family planning and other reproductive health care,” the statement read.
Those who can’t do, teach.
Dick of the Week
A man was bitten on the groin by a saltwater crocodile off the coast of the Northern Territory after he stepped on the reptile while wading through shallow water.
Elston Lami Lami was hunting through murky water near Minjilang on Croker Island at 12.30pm on Saturday when he stepped on what he thought was a submerged log.
The 42-year-old quickly realised what he was standing on – and the reptile stayed still beneath his foot.
After waiting for around 15 seconds, the crocodile aggressively flipped Mr Lami Lami and bit him on his upper right leg.
When he come up, when he flipped me and I looked at his eye, he had that crocodile tears on it. Like… you’re mine. You’re my lunch,’ Mr Lami Lami [said].
He freed himself after kicking the animal with his other leg, before the crocodile attacked again, biting him on the groin.
Mr Lami Lami repeatedly punched the crocodile during his terrifying ordeal, before his barking dogs and a shouting relative managed to distract the crocodile so he could escape.
After the attack, Mr Lami Lami endured a half hour walk back to his car before he was treated at Minjilang Community Health Centre.
Crocodile Dong-Dee?
Dick of Death of the Week
Woman suffers near fatal reaction after sex with husband
A couple’s sexual intercourse nearly ended in tragedy after the woman had an anaphylactic reaction to a medication her husband was taking, which she was exposed to through his semen. According to the case report, published in the American Journal of Medicine, shortly after they had finished having sex the 46-year-old woman began complaining of dizziness, diarrhea and itchiness on her hands and feet.
About an hour or two later, she was brought to the emergency room where it was determined that she was exposed to penicillin through her husband’s semen.
“Her husband had been undergoing treatment for infective endocarditis at home with parenteral nafcillin,” according to the case report. “Of importance, she reported a penicillin allergy, having developed urticarial as a child after exposure to the antibiotic. She had not been exposed to penicillin since then.”
She was administered antibiotics while at the hospital, and 24 hours later her symptoms resolved. She was discharged with an epinephrine pen, and “instructed to abstain from sexual intercourse with her husband until at least one week following his completion of antibiotics, given the high likelihood of recurrence of her symptoms following coitus.”
I thought the Murder Boner was an urban legend. This guy literally f*cked the sh*t out of his wife.
Tool of the Week
Florida man has screwdriver surgically removed from rectum
A Florida man’s mysterious abdominal pain was the least of his doctors’ concerns after they discovered an 8-inch screwdriver in his rectum.
The unnamed 46-year-old man had suffered a near-fatal punctured bowel, resulting in septic shock that sent him to ER, according to the case report…
It took a CT scan to find out what was responsible for his symptoms, including pain through his abdomen and pelvis, his doctors from the Kendall Regional Medical Center in Miami wrote.
Sepsis had decayed part of the man’s buttocks, which had to be removed to eliminate the source of the infection.
After X-rays revealed the foreign object, the man was immediately administered antibiotics and rushed to the operating room where doctors attempted to remove the screwdriver without surgery. But hardened human waste made retrieval impossible, so surgeons were forced to cut into the man’s abdominal cavity. There they discovered that the metal tip had perforated his large intestine and dug itself into the buttock muscle.
With his rectum disabled, surgery was performed to direct waste into a bag outside of his body, though doctors said in their report that an “ostomy reversal” had been scheduled.
Doctors at Kendall Regional did not report on the man’s explanation for inserting a screwdriver into his behind, but in their report, Dr. Shaban wrote, “The most common reason, by far, for anal foreign body insertion is sexual pleasure.”
He went on to suggest other possible reasons, such as “drug concealment, assault, ‘accidental,’ psychiatric reasons [or] to alleviate diarrhea or constipation.”
When all you have is a screwdriver, every problem looks like a screw.
Cock of the Week
Drunk Driver Caught Driving Around With A Chicken On His Shoulder
OAK CREEK, WI — Police in Oak Creek say a drunk driver was arrested after he was seen driving around with a live chicken on his shoulder.
According to Oak Creek police call logs, a motorist called police at just after 11 a.m. on Nov. 3 to report a reckless driver…
The woman called police, saying that she saw a man behind the wheel of a gray Nissan. She told police the man was driving between 20 and 30 miles per hour, swerving all over the road — all the while with a bird on his shoulder.
When police found the driver, they found the 42-year-old Milwaukee man, and the chicken he was driving with.
According to police call logs, the man was cited for his third drunken driving offense, and driving with an open liquor container.
The Milwaukee Area Domestic Animal Control Commission was contacted to pick up the chicken.
Only one open container? Arizona Man can beat that:
Dad of the Week
Avondale dad driving drunk with toddler in car had 24 open containers, police say
An Avondale dad is facing charges after allegedly driving drunk with his toddler son in the back seat. Police say Joshua Mykel Edwards had about 24 open containers of alcohol in his vehicle.
Police arrested Edwards Monday night in the area of McDowell Road and 107th Avenue. According to court documents, he was driving about 81 mph; the posted speed limit is 55 mph. The arresting officer said they saw Edwards’ Jeep Wrangler “follow a semitruck too closely and make rapid lane changes ….”
The arresting officer said Edwards, 31, admitted to “drinking a beer earlier that day” and agreed to take a field sobriety test. According to the probable cause for arrest statement, the officer described Edwards’ performance as “poor.” The officer also noted several other signs of intoxication and possible impairment. In addition, he blew a 0.159 and a 0.153 on a preliminary breath test, police said.
That’s not the only evidence against Edwards, according to the probable cause for arrest statement. The officer who stopped him said he found “approximately two dozen open containers of beer and mini liquor bottles on the passenger seat and floor board.”
Edwards’ 20-month-old son was in the backseat of the Wrangler, police say. The toddler’s mother picked him up. Police also contacted the Department of Child Safety.
In all fairness, the baby drank some of those beers.
Balls of the Week
17-Year-Old Carries On Playing After Rogue Ball Fractures Both His Testicles
A teenager from Massachusetts was left with fractured testicles after a ball hit him in the groin during a lacrosse game.
The 17-year-old had reportedly not been been wearing a protective guard when the ball struck his scrotum at high speed, rupturing both his testicles.
Immediately after the incident, the injured teen suffered ‘significant scrotal pain’ and was subsequently removed from the game. However, following a brief rest, he was able to return.
Following an ultrasound, medics found the teen’s blood flow to be normal, but noted that fluid had pooled around both testicles, meaning treatment was required.
The teenager was given a variety of options, which included surgery to drain the fluid. However, wanting to avoid surgery, he was instead admitted for overnight observation followed by a repeat ultrasound.
The next day, the second ultrasound revealed blood had continued to collected around his testes, meaning treatment know as ‘scrotal exploration’ would be necessary.
I believe ancient Greek philosopher Test-a-clese was the first scrotal explore.
Ass of the Week
After experiencing two months of anal itching and bleeding, a 32-year-old mother visited a medical clinic for a workup. A colonoscopy revealed that she had a 1-centimeter pinworm living — and laying eggs — in her butt, according to a report in the New England Journal of Medicine.
The woman’s 5-year-old daughter had the condition too, which was eventually traced to the child’s school, where a number of the girls’ classmates got the same diagnosis.
As the name suggests. pinworms are small, thin, pin-shaped worms about the size of a staple, which can live in a person’s colon and anus.
When an infected person scratches their anus due to an inflammatory response, the eggs cling to their fingers and easily spread from there. Someone can accidentally swallow or breathe in the eggs through contaminated food or beverages. They can also ingest the eggs by putting their fingers in their mouths after touching infected surfaces. Children are known to pick up the infection from playing in sandboxes, too.
After taking up residence in a person’s body, female worms exit through the butt while the infected person is asleep, and deposit their eggs on the surrounding skin.
Somehow ass worms aren’t nearly the most horrifying parasite. Just ask this guy:
Head of the Week
Tapeworm ate away man’s brain for 15 years before its finally found
Surgeons have extracted a five-inch tapeworm from a man’s brain in “risky” surgery after he began to suffer blackouts and fits.
The dangerous procedure was performed at the Guangdong Sanjiu Brain Hospital in Guangzhou, China.
The patient, Wang Lei, first experienced a mysterious numbness down his left side in 2007.
The symptoms worsened as time wore on, and Mr Wang saw several specialists. he was eventually diagnosed with a brain tumour but despite treatment his health continued to decline.
In 2018, doctors realised that the problem was a tapeworm – and worked out that it had been living in the patient’s brain for 15 years.
However, they advised Mr Wang to undergo non-surgical treatment because the parasite was in a part of his brain that was considered to be too risky to operate on.
Unfortunately, the tapeworm continued to thrive in Mr. Wang’s head and appeared to be eating part of his brain so he recently underwent an operation at the Guangdong Sanjiu Brain Hospital to remove it.
Following the two-hour procedure, medics removed a Sparganum mansoni parasite – a tapeworm that is commonly found in the intestines of cats and dogs, but only rarely in humans.
Doctor Gu told local media: “The surgery was risky. The live tapeworm was moving in his brain and we had to remove all of it otherwise the leftover part could grow again.
It’s hard to believe a story involving Mr. Wang and Dr. Gu had nothing to do with a penis worm.
Family Separation of the Week
Cockroach family found living inside man’s ear canal
A man in China complaining about a pain inside his ear was found to have cockroaches living inside his head, according to a report.
After waking up to what he described as “sharp pain,” the man, who has been identified as 24-year-old “Mr. Lv,” had his family members shine a flashlight into his right ear to see what the cause was. That’s when the family first saw what appeared to be a large cockroach inside his ear canal.
The man visited Dr. Zhong Yijin, an ear nose and throat specialist at Sanhe Hospital, who found “more than 10 cockroach babies inside,” along with the larger “mother.” Yijin told AsiaWire, “they were already running around,” inside his ear.
“He said his ear hurt a lot, like something was scratching or crawling inside,” Yijin told AsiaWire. “It caused a lot of discomfort.”
Yijin removed the baby cockroaches and the “mother” cockroach one by one using a pair of tweezers, according to the report. The man suffered minor injuries to his ear canal and was discharged the same day.
The man had a habit of leaving unfinished food near his bed, which could have attracted the cockroaches, according to the hospital.
Now that’s an eerie canal.
Selfie of the Week
Docs remove giant ‘pumpkin’-shaped tumour from woman’s stomach – after months of agony
Kavita Kalam went to the hospital after putting up with immense pain in her abdomen for the last seven months.
The 38-year-old told doctors at Acharya Vinoba Bhave Hospital in Wardha, India, she had lost her husband a few years ago and couldn’t afford medical treatment.
It was only when she started getting breathing problems that she was brought to the hospital with the help of villagers who pooled £55.
Medics said that when she got to the hospital she had a huge lump in her stomach, bigger than a “pregnancy bump”.
They carried out tests on the mum-of-one and found an ovarian cyst that had grown to 106cm and weighed a whopping 40lbs.
Dr Arpita Jaiswal Singam, professor gynaecologist, said: “This is the biggest cyst I have operated on.
“It was so large that it took up 95 per cent of the patient’s abdomen with an abdominal circumference of 106cm.”
The doctors said the surgery was challenging due to the size of cyst and it was difficult to remove without spilling the fluid contents in the abdominal cavity.
The doctors took out the cyst by taking an incision of 2cm above the pubic bone to the belly button.
Dr Abhishek said: “It was difficult to remove such large cyst through limited space.”
Now that’s a pumpkin carving contest.
2020 Update of the Week
Smell that? Experts say poo odor is likely coming from farmlands up north
FOX4 Wednesday night asking why it smells so bad outside.
Some thought they had maybe stepped in something not so pleasant.
The National Weather Service said Wednesday evening’s cold front that quickly moved into the metro has a shallow mixing layer that’s trapping everything into this shallow part of the atmosphere.
“The front moved quickly from Iowa to KC with strong winds which transported in an ‘agriculture’ smell from farms north of here,” NWS told FOX4’s Joe Lauria.
It’s certainly leaving quite a strong odor throughout the area.
No, that bullshit smell coming from Iowa is because the democrats are there campaigning.
WTF? of the Week
Teacher accused of sex with student 46 years her junior found dead
A 63-year-old high school teacher accused of having sex with a 17-year-old student was found dead alongside her hubby in their North Carolina home, authorities said.
Emma Neil Ogle and her husband Michael died from gunshot wounds Wednesday at their Huntersville home in the wake of her sex scandal at Garnier High School…
Police said a relative called 911 to report that Ogle was armed and barricaded inside the residence with her husband.
Officers arrived to the scene to discover her husband dead inside from a gunshot wound, according to the report.
The teacher died shortly after her husband, though the circumstances surrounding her death are unclear…
Ogle’s death comes after she was arrested last Thursday on charges she had sex with a student 46 years her junior.
It’s “Hot for Teacher” not “Hot Flashes.”
