In a super-WTF? week, Time magazine lauded global warming doomsayer Greta Thunberg, Sports Illustrated heralded angry lesbian Megan Rapinoe, and Websters fist-pumped transgender pronouns. Here’s another collection of freaks and weirdos who deserve just as much recognition:
Headline of the Week
Man caught with 1,925 yaba pills inside rectum at Dhaka airport
Airport Armed Police Battalion (APBn) has detained a man with 1,925 yaba pills hidden in his rectum in Hazrat Shahjalal International Airport (HSIA).
The detainee, identified as Abul Kashem, 54, was held from outside the airport’s domestic terminal on Monday.
Confirming the matter to Dhaka Tribune, APBn Additional Superintendent of Police Alamgir Hossain said: “The market value of the sized yaba pills is around Tk10 lakh.
“During interrogation Kashem confessed that he landed at the Dhaka airport with the yaba pills hidden in his rectum from Cox’s Bazar around 4pm Monday.”
“The suspect confirmed that he himself bought the yaba pills and was supposed to deliver them to other yaba traders operating in Dhaka’s Fakirapool area.
Yabba dabba do? No, that’s a yabba dabba don’t, Mr. Flintstone.
Fish Dick of the Week
Thousands of ‘penis fish’ appear on California beach
Following a bout of winter storms in northern California, “thousands” of pink, throbbing, phallic creatures wound up pulsating along a beach about 50 miles north of San Francisco…
…these 10in wrigglers are marine worms called fat innkeeper worms, but they are known colloquially as exactly what you’d want to call them: penis fish.
These penile figures typically burrow under the sand, far beneath the feet of beachgoers, but the recent storms brought on some waves that swept away the layers, leaving them exposed.
As seen in the first photo, seagulls enjoy gobbling up these penis fish, as do otters, other fish, sharks and rays. But the penis fish is a human delicacy to some as well.
People eating 10-inch penises in San Francisco is not news.
Dick Trick of the Week
Man stabbed to death by pal after ‘showing him his large penis as party trick’
An “exhibitionist” who would often “expose his penis as a party trick” was murdered by his friend who thought he was being “sexually propositioned”, a court heard.
Paul Lundy, 48, who “believed he was God’s gift to ladies” would regularly show his penis in front of other people because he was “proud of its size.”
But a court heard how Nathan Calder, 28, took exception to his “extroverted” behaviour and stabbed him to death at his home on May 22 this year.
Calder denied murder and claimed he acted in self-defence because the victim had “sexually propositioned and manhandled him”.
However, friends and family told jurors how Mr Lundy was not gay or bisexual and was “just a bit too affectionate when he had a drink.”
The court also heard that Edith Lundy, the victim’s sister, previously told police: “It was a family joke. He was known for touching his privates and messing with himself.
“The habit started as a young lad and he just never grew out of it.
He’s grown out of it now.
Jackass of the Week
NJ construction head stole millions from firms, bought donkeys with cash
A New Jersey construction company honcho embezzled millions of dollars from two businesses — and used part of the dough to buy donkeys, authorities said.
Jonathan Baker, 38, of Green Township — a former chief financial officer at an unnamed building company — allegedly altered bank statements between 2015 and 2018 to fleece two firms out of at least $2 million, according to an indictment filed in New Jersey federal court Thursday.
He used an undisclosed amount of the money to purchase six donkeys, though it’s not said how much he paid or what he did with them, according to court documents.
“Baker misappropriated millions of dollars from the [companies’] bank accounts and used the funds for his personal expenses, including mortgage payments on Baker’s residence, the purchase of a BMW, and the purchase of six donkeys,” US Attorney Craig Carpenito said in a press release.
Baker was charged with five counts of wire fraud and three counts of money laundering, according to the indictment.
Another democratic party donor bites the dust.
Jacked Ass of the Week
Man Pulls 32-Foot Tapeworm Out Of His Anus
Kritsada Ratprachoom had just dropped his kid off at school when he felt the urge to “drop his kids off at the swimming pool”, if you know what I mean. For those of you who don’t know what I mean, that is a British euphemism for defecating.
The 44-year-old headed to a toilet and concluded his business (another British euphemism for doing a poop) when he felt something was wrong. He could still feel something going on back there.
“I had just finished dropping my child off at school and ran some errands when I had to go number two,” he explained…”Afterward, I felt like I wasn’t finished defecating, like something was left. So I got up to see what it was. Turns out there was something sticking out of my bottom.”
The freelance photographer from Udon Thani in northeastern Thailand initially assumed that it might be surgical string from an appendectomy he had had the previous week, but it was far worse than that.
He pulled at it and kept tugging until all of what he estimated to be a 9.7-meter (32-foot) worm came out.
He described the worm as stretchy, and said it shrank back down after being drawn out. After showing his girlfriend, who is a nursing assistant, she informed him it was a tapeworm.
Dude needs to wash his hands and cut his fingernails too.
XXX-Mas of the Week
Proud woman sets up Christmas lights in shape of giant penis on roof
Shelby Gash has turned off her neighbors in a sleepy Kansas street — by shaping Christmas lights into a giant penis on her house.
“Sorry neighbors … I felt the need to make a giant d–k on the roof,” Gash wrote alongside photos on Facebook. “‘Tis the season!”
The 24-year-old jokester was equally blunt with a local TV news crew reporting on complaints from neighbors in Lenexa about her festive phallic display using 60 feet of lights.
“[It’s] a giant glowing d–k,” Gash told WDAF, saying it was a cheeky reaction to how “uptight” her neighborhood has become.
“People think it’s hilarious,” she insisted. “People are stopping in the middle of the night taking photos and laughing. People think it’s so much fun.
Not all her neighbors saw the funny side, however.
“It’s a joke that wears out pretty quick,” Marcelo Vergara told WDAF, saying it was “not in the Christmas spirit,” while his wife, Christi, stressed it wasn’t “appropriate for little kids.”
After staying up for four days, the lights were finally taken down following the barrage of complaints, especially over kids seeing the giant, glowing display.
Gash takes down giant dick.
Discovery of the Week
Ancestor of all vertebrates was a giant mouth with no anus
The ancestor of all vertebrates, including fish, reptiles and humans was a big mouth but apparently had no anus.
The microscopic creature named Saccorhytus, after the sack-like features created by its elliptical body and large mouth, lived 540 million years ago. It was identified from microfossils found in China.
“To the naked eye, the fossils we studied look like tiny black grains, but under the microscope the level of detail is jaw-dropping,” says team member Simon Conway Morris, of the University of Cambridge, in the UK.
Researchers believe it was about a millimetre in size, lived between grains of sand on the sea bed and had a large mouth relative to the rest of its body.
They also think the creature was covered with a thin, relatively flexible skin, had some sort of muscle system which could have made contractile movements and allowed it to move by wriggling.
It probably ate by engulfing food particles, or even other creatures, but scientists were unable to find any evidence .
“If that was the case, then any waste material would simply have been taken out back through the mouth, which from our perspective sounds rather unappealing,” says Conway Morris.
A creature that shits out of its mouth? Congratulations, you’ve just discovered democrats.
Road Trip of the Week
Florida man said he killed his family because they annoyed him
A Florida man accused of killing his wife and four kids complained about constant “nagging, poking and prodding” from his family.
…Michael Jones killed his family then drove around with their bodies in his car.
Investigators believe the family was beaten to death then disposed of in Georgia.
In an interview with the Georgia Bureau of Investigations, Jones described his life was “crashing in on him.”
Jones said his wife Casei “bombarded him with texts” and was verbally abusive.
“It was just building up, building up, building up…. before I knew it it was too much,” Jones said during the interview.
Jones told investigators he was “relieved” to be in police custody.
Stop asking if we are there yet!
Explosion of the Week
Mary Magdalene, known as @xomarym, from Toronto, makes her living posing online, with 144,000 followers on her Instagram profile.
To achieve her unique look, the 24-year-old tried to acquire the “fattest labia in the world” – but this nearly killed her.
She said: “I almost died during the procedure. I had to get two blood transfusions.
“The doctor said I was losing so much blood, and turning very pale. He thought I was going to die.
“I felt nauseous for a whole week, and I thought I was dying and had a bad allergic reaction to my new blood I received from the transfusion.”
She added: “It’s a lot better than it was but I have complications with the fat, so I will need to keep getting vagina injections to even it out.”
“I am worried about one side, because it keeps growing. I think it’s probably from the swelling,” she added.
Despite the complications, her new vagina has inspired her artistic side.
She said: “I have been making paintings with my vagina.
Forget the toe, that’s the whole camel.
Blast of the Week
Joe Rwamirama, 48, from Kampala, Uganda says boffins have launched a study into the chemical properties of his unique trouser toxin.
The odd job man says no one in his home village has ever contracted malaria because his powers knock out insects over a six mile radius.
If true, that would make his fallout zone larger than that of the atomic bomb which destroyed Hiroshima in 1945.
Local barber James Yoweri said: “He is known all over the city as the man who can kill mosquitoes with his farts.
“When Joe is around we all know that mosquitoes will vanish.
“He is respectful of people around him and will only fart when there are mosquitoes around which bring malaria. His farts gets rid of this disease.”
Joe dreams of his marketing his gas and added: “Imagine buying a Raid can with my face on it!”
Somehow malaria seems better than whiffing this guy’s anal vapors.
Sting of the Week
Disney security guard shows up naked to Polk County prostitution sting, deputies say
Rodney Davis wasn’t even wearing socks.
The 56-year-old Disney security guard and husband of 27 years was “buck nekkid,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said, when he walked up to a house to purchase sex from an undercover detective. Davis’s arrest was one of 124 in Operation Santa’s Naughty List, a joint operation lead by Judd’s agency targeting human trafficking and prostitution that ran from Dec. 3 through 8.
He was trying to slip her a Mickey.
Bite of the Week
SPIDER WITH A VENOMOUS BITE THAT ROTS HUMAN FLESH DISCOVERED IN MEXICO
Researchers in Mexico have identified a new species of spider with venom that is capable of rotting human flesh.
A team from the National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM) found the spider, dubbed Loxosceles tenochtitlan, in the Valley of Mexico—a highland plateau in the center of the country where Mexico City is located.
The spider was named after Tenochtitlan, the ancient capital city of the Aztec Empire.
Build the Wall!
WTF? of the Week
Reindeer boobs trend makes raunchy return during Christmas party season
Christmas is right around the corner – which can only mean one thing.
The Reindeer Boobs trend has made a return.
For those who have missed the memo in previous years, the craze involves wearing a cut-out jumper.
The festive sweaters have peek-a-boo holes at the chests, allowing ladies to decorate their bare boobs to look like Rudolph.
Some have done this for winter nights out and Christmas parties – so would you be brave enough to replicate the look?
The Reindeer Boobs craze has been around since 2012.
It was sparked by clothing brand Your Sassy Grandma, which sells plenty of novelty products at Christmastime.
Meanwhile, a bloke showed that the look can work just as good on men.
The tinsel-clad chap proudly put his hands on his hips as he bared his reindeer-covered chest.
He captioned the image: “Easily the best dumb money I’ve ever spent! It’s been a hit.”
Maybe like a hit of acid.
