This week democrats went full-WTF? by becoming Iran-loving Ayatollah sympathizers to own Trump. Still no articles of impeachment, though. Here’s some WTF? that is way less offensive and anti-American:
Headline of the Week
A mother-of-two’s breast implant fell out of her chest weeks after botched surgery in Turkey.
Angelica Isaksen, from Stockholm, Sweden, forked out £6,000 for her second boob job last June at a cut-price clinic she found on Instagram.
The 27-year-old – desperate to get her body back in shape for bikini competitions – claims she chose the unnamed clinic after seeing celebrities promote it on the social media site.
Ms Isaksen also had a Brazilian butt lift and tummy tuck during her six-day stay in Turkey. She was immediately unhappy with her results.
Within days her right breast had ballooned, turned bright red and was throbbing in pain but the clinic told her the side effects were ‘normal’.
After two weeks, while back home in Sweden, the scar underneath her right breast had began to open up and the implant – covered in brown liquid – was poking out of it.
Ms Isaksen was kept in hospital for five days in Sweden before being sent home to wait for an appointment with a plastic surgeon to remove the implant.
She had to wear a special bra and lie down to stop the implant from falling out.
Gravity is a bitch. Speaking of which…
Fall of the Week
Man busted for killing elderly woman claimed ‘his pants fell’ before alleged sex assault
The man accused of sexually assaulting and killing a 92-year-old woman in Queens claimed to cops that he’d been trying to help the old woman — but then he lost his balance, his belt broke, his pants fell down and his genitals accidentally came in contact with hers, it was revealed in court Friday.
The suspect, 21-year-old Reeaz Khan, told detectives that he found the woman, Maria Fuertes, on the ground near Liberty Avenue and 127th Street in Richmond Hill at about midnight on Monday and tried to help her, a prosecutor said at his arraignment on Friday.
Khan told detectives, “He fell down, his belt broke, his pants fell down and his penis fell near her vagina,” the prosecutor, Joseph Grasso, said in court.
At that point, something came over him, Khan claimed.
“Defendant then stated that he did lift up her skirt and he tried to put his penis inside of her,” the prosecutor added.
Khan allegedly followed Fuertes from Liberty Avenue onto 127th Street, where he came up behind her, threw her to the ground and attacked and sexually assaulted her, police said.
Fuertes lay half-dressed in 32-degree weather for two hours before she was found, conscious but “incoherent,” at around 2 a.m., according to the criminal complaint.
She suffered a broken spine, rib fractures and bruising on her chest and neck, among other injuries, according to court papers.
If cops believe that excuse, they’ll fall for anything.
Popper of the Week
‘Penis Man’ Graffiti Keeps Popping Up in Tempe
Who is “Penis Man” and why has he come?
Tempe residents and city officials don’t know, but he has social media standing at attention after his spray-painted moniker popped up 38 times in various places around the college town in recent weeks.
Crudely scrawled, the graffiti has appeared since late November on Tempe buildings, dumpsters, and other private and public property.
While the city hasn’t made this particular graffiti a priority, “explicit” graffiti is generally seen as a priority and usually gets erased sooner than the 24 to 48 hours it takes for city crews to rub out other types of drawn vandalism.
No new Penis Man graffiti has been discovered since ABC-15’s report last week…
Whether Penis Man has gone flaccid from the media heat can’t yet be determined. But the absence of new tags hasn’t stopped the social media deluge, and the hashtag “#penisman” has continued to appear over the last couple of days.
Mystery solved: Anthony Weiner is attempting a political comeback in Arizona.
Pill Popper of the Week
ABC told ‘Batman’ actor Burt Ward to take pills to shrink penis
For baby boomers and classic TV fans, the name Burt Ward is instantly recognizable as the loyal and extremely excitable Robin on the campy “Batman” series which ran on ABC from 1966-1968. Just this week he happily unveiled a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which he called an “amazing experience.”
The Caped Crusaders costumes were bright and tight-fitting to say the least, so snug that Ward incurred the wrath of the Catholic League of Decency.
“They thought that Robin had a very large bulge for television,” Ward told Page Six, although he promises that it was all him, unlike Adam West who played Batman.
“With Adam they put Turkish towels in his undershorts,” he explained.
The problem grew so tumescent that the studio had Ward see a doctor who prescribed medication “to shrink me up.”
Thankfully Ward quit taking the pills almost immediately.
“I took them for three days and then I decided that they can probably keep me from having children,” he said. “I stopped doing that and I just used my cape to cover it.”
Batman didn’t call him “The Boy Wonder” for nothing.
Gun Slinger of the Week
Florida man tased after slinging penis, profanities at deputies
A man was tased and arrested after cursing at deputies while stark naked.
Charlotte County deputies received several calls and online tips on Saturday about a man screaming at the top of his lungs in his underwear and waking the neighbors. They found Carlos Suarez, 32, standing in the driveway and screaming profanities as they approached.
Suarez kept darting into his home and back out to yell at the deputies. Finally, he walked outside “slinging his genitals,” according to a release from the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office.
Suarez was tased and taken down for exposing himself, breaching the peace and resisting law enforcement officers without violence.
Slinging genitals is not violence?
Vegetable of the Week
A man who got pulled over by the police was diagnosed with cancer on his penis after an officer became suspicious of a ‘large bulge in his pants’.
The 39-year-old man, from West Virginia, went to a hospital after the police officer had picked up on the large growth in his groin.
There, a doctor’s exam revealed he had a ‘large cauliflower-like mass’ covering his penis and the patient revealed it had ruined his sex life.
The gigantic growth was actually a rare type of penile cancer which is considered an STI because it is believed to be caused by HPV.
After extensive surgery and chemotherapy, the man recovered from his illness and doctors managed to keep his penis intact.
Stop and frisk has a happy ending.
Fruit of the Week
Gay Man Murdered and Has Testicles Eaten by Grindr Date
A Michigan man’s body was found mutilated and hanging from the ceiling by its ankles in a rural Shiawassee County, Michigan home near the town of Morrice on December 28th. The man the body belonged to, Kevin Bacon (seriously), went missing the night of Christmas Eve, according to local police.
Authorities say Bacon, a 25-year-old hairstylist, met his killer, Mark Latunski, on Christmas Eve after connecting and chatting with him on the LGBTQ dating app Grindr. When Bacon didn’t show up for Christmas breakfast the next morning his family became concerned and contacted police. His car was found in the parking lot of a Dollar General and, eventually, police were able to track Bacon’s location to Latunski’s home.
It was there that police found Bacon’s dead body hanging from the rafters by its ankles. Latunski, who has a history of mental health issues, admitted to killing Bacon by stabbing him in the back and slitting his throat. He also told police that during the murder he cut off Bacon’s testicles and ate them.
Latunski has been charged with murder and the mutilation of a human body.
He ate some bacon. What’s the big deal? Too bad he didn’t know this guy for a complete breakfast:
Crack of the Week
Man Develops Rare Condition Causing an ‘Eggshell’ to Grow on His Testicle
Doctors in India recently encountered a truly delicate situation when an 80-year-old man came in with blood in his urine and symptoms of a lower urinary tract infection. But his problem turned out to be quite beyond a simple UTI.
A quick examination of the patient’s swollen scrotum revealed that one of his testes was stony hard to the touch. With this finding, the urologists at King George’s Medical University in Lucknow suddenly had a rare medical case in their hands.
A CT scan revealed the man’s right testicle was swimming in fluid – what is referred to in medical parlance as a hydrocele. Only this one had a rather unusual complication. The sac of liquid had developed a thick, eggshell-like layer of calcium.
Snark twofer: 1) I bet that was a hard nut to crack or 2) But which came first: the chicken or the egg?
Beater of the Week
Man in Scotland accused of having sex with fence, minibus while drunk
It appears to be a case of a man getting wood at the sight of a wooden fence.
An elderly couple told a Scottish court this week they were surprised to see a man – who appeared to be drunk – pull his pants down, masturbate and simulate having sex with a fence and the hood of a minibus…
David Bruce, 36, denies he committed an offence of public indecency on May 25.
George Nisbet, 76, told court he was walking his dog that day when the incident occurred and went inside his house.
From an upstairs window, he and his wife Kathleen Nisbet, 63, witnessed the man urinating against a wooden fence.
“He then started rubbing his private parts up and down on the fence. It was as if he was trying to have sex with the fence,” said George Nisbet.
“He threw himself in front of a minibus and started rubbing himself on it like he had been doing with the fence. His trousers fell down and he took a dive on the path of one of the houses.”
Something tells me this wasn’t his first sexual o-fence.
Eater of the Week
Woman addicted to eating baby powder wants others to know ‘they are not alone’
A woman in the U.K. was secretly gorging on baby powder for 10 years before her ex-partner discovered the bizarre habit, which she is now seeking professional help for. Lisa Anderson, who said she has depression and anxiety and has been told she may be suffering from pica, is awaiting a formal diagnosis.
She said her symptoms first started after the birth of her fifth son 15 years ago.
Pica is an eating disorder that involves eating items not typically considered food and that have no nutritional value. Symptoms include persistent eating of these types of substances, which can include dirt, hair, metal, pebbles, ash, clay and others. Risk factors include other mental health disorders such as schizophrenia or autism, as well as iron-deficiency anemia and malnutrition, according to NationalEatingDisorders.org.
Anderson, 44, said she spends around $13 a week keeping up with her habit, which revolves around bottles of Johnson’s baby powder.
“I’ve always had it in the house and would douse myself with it after having a bath or shower,” she told British news agency SWNS. “I’d use it on the kids after giving them a wash no problem. And then one day I remember being in the bathroom and the smell was just overpowering. There was a bit of dust that had come off the top of the bottle. I had this sudden urge to eat it and I just couldn’t fight it. I just licked it off my hand and really enjoyed it. It just hit this spot.”
I wonder if they make a reduced-fat low-calorie baby powder. Also, that’s what I call side-boob.
Beemer of the Week
Woman tried to urinate on officer, attempted to run down man with BMW
Officers responding to the home of Serina Maris Probus’ sister-in-law in Holiday after midnight on Jan. 1 learned the suspect was drunk and attempting to drive away with her 6-month-old baby…
Probus reportedly bit her sister-in-law on the hand when she tried to intervene and then tried to kick out the window of a patrol vehicle, prompting deputies to restrain her. As she was being restrained, she allegedly tried to urinate on the deputies before spitting on one of them, the report indicated.
After being booked on charges including domestic violence and battery on a law enforcement officer, Probus was slapped with an additional charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon in connection with an incident on Oct. 10, 2019.
Probus got into a fight with a man at a bar and later tried to run him over with her BMW, a Pasco County Sheriff’s Office arrest report said. She allegedly accelerated at 15 mph and struck the victim, knocking him onto the hood of her car before braking and sending him flying onto the concrete.
During an interview with deputies, Probus reportedly said that she was high on cocaine and did not remember that evening.
In a message sent to the victim following the incident, Probus allegedly wrote, “Tell Det. Murphy I hit you with the car and ima tell her you deserved it and I would do it all over again if I could.”
No regrets.
Multitasker of the Week
Man High On Meth, Fights Off 15 Police Officers While Masturbating
A man who was allegedly high on meth reportedly fought off more than a dozen police officers while publicly masturbating.
Andrew Frey, 37, apparently made a series of outbursts and then began masturbating in an Oregon restaurant…
Incredibly, police were reportedly unable to subdue Frey with a Taser.
It took 15 officers to finally take him into custody and stop him pleasuring himself.
I can beat your entire police force one-handed!
Multiblaster of the Week
Police: Texas woman assaulted after complaining of boyfriend’s gas
Wichita Falls police say a man accused of choking and head-butting his girlfriend because she complained about the smell of his flatulence has been jailed on an assault charge.
Officers responded to a home Sunday afternoon in Wichita Falls following a report that Christopher Ragsdale had assaulted his girlfriend.
Police say in a probable cause affidavit that the woman said Ragsdale assaulted her after she told him his gas smelled horrible.
Ragsdale remained jailed Wednesday on a complaint of assault family violence.
Is it ironic that he looks like he’s smelling a stinky fart in his mug shot?
WTF? of the Week
A Danish teenager who decided to stop plucking and let her unibrow grow says she’s been flooded with requests from photographers who want to take her picture, and fetishists who want to take her on dates.
Sarah Marie Clarke from Copenhagen, Denmark, used to pluck her eyebrows at least once a week, but in March of 2019, she gave up the tweezers for good.
The 18-year-old soon began posting photos of herself — and her unibrow, in all its glory — and it’s led to men telling her they’d do ‘anything’ to meet her and take her out on a date.
‘My mother has always told me, “You can dye your hair, you can cut your hair, it doesn’t matter, but don’t touch your eyebrows,”‘ she said.
But her friends were skeptical, and boys she dated would discourage her from letting her eyebrows grow.
‘Before I grew it out, I would tell the men I was dating that I wanted to grow it out and they would say, “No, don’t do that because it would make you look weird.” I guess that is what teenage dating is like.’
I get a lot of compliments, but of course there are some people who find it offensive and have the need to tell me how gross or how much of a joke they think I am.
‘Mostly it scares men away, but I think it’s good because that means it scares the bad people away and I can get rid of all the a**holes,’ she said.
Yeah, it’s the men that don’t like the unibrow who are the weirdos, not the ones who want to rub their genitals on it.
