Joe Biden: Vote For Me, I Might Die Soon

Joe Biden’s puzzling campaign strategy is to give people a daily reason to not vote for him. Today’s entry has him admitting that he’s old and will probably die soon. He’s not wrong on that, but why in the hell would anyone cast a vote for a guy who is telling them that chances are he won’t be able to serve out a term as president? Sometimes things seem incredibly dumb but are actually genius. This isn’t one of those things.

Here’s Ancient Joe trying his best to lose all support:

Joe was talking to a smattering of people about his possible VP pick.

“I can think of at least 8 women and at least 4 or 5 people of color that I think are totally qualified to be Vice President of the United States,” said Joe.

You know this is a lie because with deteriorating mental state he can’t think of at least 8 anythings, let alone 8 women. Even if he starts counting the women who’s hair he has sniffed, he gets to 3 and then takes an involuntary nap. Also, he can’t think of 4 or 5 people of color period. He’s got Obama, Corn Pop, and then he draws a blank.

Then, through the fog of Biden’s mind, there was this one moment of clarity:

“Whomever I pick – there’s two things – one, he’s capable of being president because I’m an old guy. No, I’m serious,” said Biden.

This is Biden flat-out saying that he has to pick a VP capable of assuming the presidency because he’s old and probably won’t make it through a 4-year term. He’s appeal to the people in the crowd is: “Vote for me, I might die soon.”

While this seems like a bad way to get support, perhaps Joe is looking for some sympathy votes. He’s hoping enough people will take pity on him at the end of his life and vote him into office kind of like when a football team lets the little kid with cancer score a TD in a real game. Joe Biden is running a Make a Wish Foundation campaign.

Also, did you notice how Biden used the masculine pronoun “he” to describe his ideal VP candidate, right after saying he can think of at least 8 women he’d consider? He’s not considering a woman.

After saying the first true thing in his life, Biden actually stumbled upon his second truth.

“I’m in good shape, knock on wood,” said Biden as he knocked on his own head.

I don’t think Biden is in good shape but I have no problem believing his head is made out of wood. It would have to be a soft word like balsa, but yeah, that’s probably what’s inside his head. At the very least, there’s a pile of sawdust in there.

Joe Biden demonstrates that his mind is gone, that he doesn’t know where the hell he is, and angrily tells people to vote for someone else. Now he’s admitting that he’s too old to be president and would likely die in office. You’d think he would have some kind of a campaign manager that could explain to him the point of campaigning is to give people a reason to vote for him, but that’s clearly not the case.