Democrats have a commie and gay Alfred E. Newman as their frontrunners to take out President Trump. The only thing not WTF? week was the predictable collapse of Joe Biden’s campaign. Here’s some other stuff people should have seen coming.
Headline of the Week
ROME MAN ARRESTED AFTER SHOWING PENIS AT WISHY WASHY
Richard David Whittington, 22 of Rome, was arrested at the Wishy Washy on Shorter Avenue after he allegedly showed his penis and began to stroke in in public.
Reports said that an employee of the Wishy Washy witnessed the act.
Whittington is charged with public indecency.
WTF? is a Wishy Washy? Also, WTF? is going on in Rome?
Hot Pants of the Week
ROME MAN ARRESTED AFTER INJURING WOMAN’S BUTTOCKS
Timmothy Wayne Smith, 43 of Rome, was arrested this week after he allegedly used a “hot pan” to burn a woman on the buttocks.
Reports added that the incident occurred at a home on Cross Creek Drive.
Smith is charged with simple battery.
Oh, I thought that said “Cross Cheek Drive” which would have made sense but never mind.
Erection of the Week
Icelandic Penis Museum Growing, Moving To New Location
The Icelandic Phallological Museum, better known as the Penis Museum, will move from its current location on Laugavegur 116 to Hafnartorg, MBL reports.
An alert reporter noticed that the property at Laugavegur 116 was being put up for sale. Concerned that this may mean the closure of the penis museum, he called the curator, Hjörtur Gísli Sigurðsson.
Hjörtur provided assurances that not only was the museum going to live on; it is also moving to a new location.
At some point next month, the Icelandic Phallological Museum will be located in the basement of the H&M currently at Hafnartorg, and will be “almost three times bigger” in terms of square meterage, Hjörtur explained. He added that there will be new additions to the museum, including a café.
This penis museum is a grower and a shower.
Seal of Disproval of the Week
Sick husband, 36, ‘tried to seal wife’s vagina with superglue after suspecting her of cheating’
AN EVIL husband in Kenya allegedly super-glued his wife’s vagina as he suspected her of having multiple affairs.
Concerned neighbours found the woman in excruciating pain as her sealed private parts meant she couldn’t pee, say reports.
The Daily Star in Kenya said that Dennis Mumo, 36, allegedly found text messages and nude photos on his wife’s mobile.
A casual labourer who usually worked away from home, Mumo was apparently told that his wife had reportedly been bringing other men to their house in a small village in Kitui.
Mumo became outraged and reportedly told his wife he was “shocked to find that my [partner] of 10 years has been cheating on me with many men.
“I am really disappointed.”
Helped by a neighbour – who later fled the scene – the pair tied up his wife and he covered her vagina with superglue, it’s alleged.
Other neighbours then turned up to try and “lynch” Mumo, the Star adds.
But cops arrested him, and he was remanded in custody.
His injured wife was rushed to hospital for surgery.
She was in excruciating pain before the operation, as she was unable to go to the toilet…
The man reportedly confessed to inflicting appalling revenge upon his wife, and told officers that he had sealed her private parts to save their marriage.
The only thing stronger than the bonds of marriage is a Super Glued Vag.
Boob of the Week
Former Tolton high school coach sexually abuses female driver on ride to Hooters
Brooks Travis, a Columbia Chiropractor and former assistant wrestling coach at Father Tolton Regional Catholic High School was charged with second-degree sexual abuse Tuesday, accused of grabbing a female driver’s breasts multiple times without her consent during a ride to Hooters.
A court document said a woman was contacted to pick up two individuals from a Columbia address, including Travis, who allegedly got into the front passenger seat.
The document said Travis began making sexual statements toward the female driver such as, “he was going to kiss her and was going to conduct oral sex on her.” According to the document, the driver told police Travis tried to touch her breasts multiple times and swatted his hands away. She said Brooks was successful while she was driving.
The document said Travis, “grabbed the victim’s breasts multiple times without her consent and after being told to stop while they traveled on US 63 Connector and again at Woodland Springs Court.”
She said Travis appeared to be intoxicated and that she had to physically swat his hands away to stop unwanted touching.
The document said the woman, “was scared and believed it would escalate to a rape and she began to try and change the subject with Brooks” while on their way to Hooters.
Documents say the woman reported Travis touching himself from outside his clothing. The document said once they arrived at Hooters, Travis “took out his ATM card, handed it to her and stated he would pay her to have sex with him.”
The victim allegedly told police she gave the card back to Travis and told him, “it wasn’t going to happen.” The document says Travis attempted to grab her breasts again before exiting her vehicle and walking into the restaurant.
Just imagine what he would have done to her if they were going to Wahoo’s Fish Taco.
Ass of the Week
Man burns five-year-old son’s buttocks, mouth over fish
Men of the Ogun State Police Command have arrested a father, Idowu Sikiru, for burning the buttocks and mouth of his five-year- old son, Segun Sikiru, for allegedly stealing a piece of cooked fish.
The father allegedly used a hot aluminium plate to burn the buttocks and mouth of the child.
“Preliminary investigation revealed that the suspect accused the boy of stealing a piece of cooked fish and he put an aluminum plate on fire. When the plate was red hot, he forcefully sat the boy on it, thereby giving the victim serious burns on his buttocks.
“He equally used the plate to burn the victim’s fingers and mouth. The victim has been rushed to hospital for medical attention.”
There’s something fishy about this story.
Turd of the Week
Worker has to pull out 50lbs of dung from constipated elephant’s rear
An elephant keeper faced the unpleasant task of extracting 50lbs of dung from a constipated jumbo’s bottom in Thailand.
The 60-year-old elephant, Boon Peng, was suffering abdominal pains and struggling to walk at his enclosure in Chiang Mai.
Vets arrived and found Boon Peng was constipated, partly because he had been eating fresh grass that was not part of his diet.
The animal’s keeper, Kiettisak Kaweakn, donned a pair of full-length plastic gloves to reach inside the elephant’s rectum and scoop out the vast chunks of excrement.
The keeper, also known as a mahout, even demonstrated the size of the problem by posing next to the lump which was larger than his own head.
It’s a shitty job and he works for peanuts.
Double Foot-Long of the Week
Dead cats, 2 feet of human feces found in Long Island home
Dozens of cats both living and dead were found in a home on Long Island, along with two feet of human feces in the bathtub.
Nassau County police and Hazmat teams responded to the scene after a neighbor reported the situation to police, and the woman who lives in the home was taken to the hospital Tuesday.
Authorities say they found two deceased cats and at least 11 live ones, and they believe others are hiding in the home.
The smell and the filth, according to detectives, was overpowering.
Authorities have not identified the homeowner and charges were not announced.
2 feet of human feces? They don’t call it “Long” Island for nothing.
Vampire of the Week
Man accused of drinking blood and urine at health clinic
A man is accused of a bizarre crime involving vials of blood and urine taken from an east Shelby County health clinic.
The vials were found empty just after 8 p.m. on July 3, 2019, when deputies arrived at Mid-South Urgent Care in a shopping center of Houston Levee and Macon. Someone had tried to pry open the back door.
Deputies said they spotted a man in a striped, blue t-shirt and black cap and arrested him.
Court documents state that man, Kevin Giles, had a “small clear baggie” in his pocket “which appeared to be cocaine.”
Documents went on to state he had “1 urine sample tube that appeared to be empty and 1 blood sample tube that appeared to still have fluids inside.”
Deputies said they started searching the area and found several more empty tubes of urine and blood.
Employees told WREG those tubes of urine and blood were taken from patients that day and had been in the lock-box out back, so a lab could come get them.
They said the camera there captured Giles breaking into the box and taking the tubes out. They said he then drank the blood and urine.
That doesn’t sound very healthy to me.
Bucket List of the Week
Arguing couple throw buckets of feces and urine at each other
Wichita Falls police arrested Matthew Vasquez, 39, after he allegedly threw a bucket of feces and urine at a woman.
According to the probable cause report, shortly after 5 p.m., Thursday, officers responded to the 3700 block of Hudson for a disturbance.
When the officer arrived, according to the report, the officers found the suspect, later identified as Vasquez, standing by the curb and the victim sitting on the porch of their trailer.
Vasquez, according to the report, said he was defending himself from the victim that was throwing feces at him and slapped him several times.
Vasquez, the report stated, began throwing the victim’s things outside of the trailer and shoved the victim out as well.
The victim, according to the affidavit, tried to go back in to get the remains of her belongings, when Vasquez shoved her and threw a bucket of feces and urine at her and her belongings.
The victim, according to the report, threw the bucket back at Vasquez, where he then shoved her to the ground and dropped his knee on her jaw.
The officers noticed that the victim’s jaw was misaligned and that she had blood in her mouth and on her face, the report noted.
Never bring piss to a shit fight.
Little Drummer Boy of the Week
Pahrump group arrested in child sex abuse, bestiality investigation
A group from Pahrump were arrested mid-January in a child sexual abuse investigation, according to the Nye County Sheriff’s Office.
On Jan. 17, deputies, detectives and the Department of Family Services went to a home in Pahrump as part of the investigation. At the home, four people were arrested.
NSCO said it was reported the children were given alcohol to make them sick and they were being sexually abused by all of the suspects on multiple occassions. Victims were able to describe in detail the numerous incidents involving all suspects. Some of the reports included acts of bestiality, NCSO said in a video press release.
Come they told me, Pahrump pum pum pum.
Disarming of the Week
‘Lucky to be living:’ Woman’s arm re-attached after alleged machete attack
A Fayetteville man is accused of cutting off his girlfriend’s arm with a machete, according to court documents.
Police officers were called to the 1700 block of Railroad Street just after 6 a.m. Tuesday on reports that a woman’s arm had been cut off, according to the records.
Melissa Norris, 54, told police that she was in the living room she shared with boyfriend Ryan Alexander Tyndall, 27. When she asked Tyndall for her Xanax, he told her it was in the bedroom. She said that when she walked into the bedroom, she felt a sharp pain in her arm and saw that her arm had been cut, according to court records.
Norris ran to the home of Tyndall’s father nearby where he called 911.
The senior Tyndall helped Norris to stop the bleeding before medics arrived.
While officers were on the scene, Ryan Tyndall drove up in the Norris’ car and was taken into custody, officials said. He was charged with attempted first-degree murder and assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill inflicting serious injury.
Norris was airlifted to Duke Medical Center, where she underwent emergency surgery.
“They did put the arm back on. Yes they did,” said her father, Gary Jackson.
That’s one way to sever a relationship.
Ghosting of the Week
Man to have ‘threesome with two ghosts’ for kinky Valentine’s Day ‘paranormal sex’
A man who claims to be in a relationship with a ghost has opened up about the couple’s incredible plans for Valentine’s Day.
Gary DeNoia, who described his “amazing” sex life with Lisa, a spectre, has told Daily Star Online all about his exciting plans for the most romantic day of the year.
The US man, from New Jersey, previously spoke about spending Christmas with his ghoulish partner.
But now since the joyful season is over, there’s more in store for Gary and his girlfriend Lisa, who he says he’s been with for over two years.
Speaking exclusively to Daily Star Online, the 35-year-old, who works in the hotel industry, has now told us what their plans are for Valentine’s Day – and it sounds very kinky.
The pair are planning to Netflix and chill – before having a threesome.
Gary said: “We both think that going out on Valentine’s Day is overpriced and overrated. We have a tradition. The night we make popcorn and ice cream sundaes.”
“Then we watch our favourite movie, which ironically is Ghost. I know… we’re so corny. We can’t help it. Afterwards we make love on a bed of roses. The roses stay on the bed when we go to sleep, so we wake up to the smell of flowers.
“This year we’re getting kinky. We’re going to have our first threesome. Lisa has recently befriended a female spirit and I thought it would be fun to bring her over and spice things up.
“I’ve never had one before. Not even with two living women. I’m a little nervous, so needless to say there will be a lot of wine involved to loosen me up.”
Who thinks he ever had even one living woman before?
Necklace of the Week
Man arrested in Tampa Chipotle voyeurism case works at youth skating facility
Deputies arrested a man Wednesday who was caught on video allegedly using his cell phone to take a picture or video underneath the clothing of a teenager in January.
Security camera video from a Chipotle restaurant appears to show 48-year-old Michael Benson bend over and place his cell phone under the skirt of a woman in front of him in line.
The sheriff’s office released the video and tipsters soon identified Benson as the man in the video.
Deputies arrested him at Xtra Ice, where he lists himself as manager. However, no one at Xtra Ice could confirm Benson’s employment there.
He is being charged with one count of voyeurism, which is a third-degree felony.
Once in jail he became known as “Neckless Cage.”
WTF? of the Week
‘No girl is safe’: The mothers ironing their daughters’ breasts
Ogoja, Nigeria – For most children, their birthday is a time of celebration. But that was not the case for Mirabel when she turned 10.
For Mirabel, a Cameroonian refugee living in Nigeria, turning 10 marked the start of gruelling daily torture – having her breasts ironed with hot stones by her mother.
Every morning, a neighbour from the refugee community where she lives in Ogoja, in Nigeria’s southeastern Cross River State, holds her legs firmly in place while her mother takes a burning hot pestle straight from the fire and presses it against her daughter’s chest in an attempt to flatten her breasts.
The procedure can be repeated for months, or even years, and is intended to either stop young girls developing breasts or to flatten them once they have.
“It feels like they are placing real fire on my breasts,” Mirabel says. “I have been in pain since the first day.”
Her mother, Angela, says the pain and discomfort her daughter is enduring worries her less than the reports she has heard of teenage girls being sexually harassed or exploited by men. She is determined to focus her efforts on making her daughter less desirable to men.
“I just don’t want her to become a target of boys around her,” says Angela. “I’m aware that many boys here like to chase after little girls.”
How much less desirable could these uggos be?
