The democrats once again are going back to the Russian collusion nonsense, which is probably more business as usual than WTF? Michael Bloomberg demonstrated the easiest way to flush $500 million down the toilet but is a gazillionaire so it’s no big deal to him and definitely not WTF? Luckily there were some other folks who take their WTF? seriously or we wouldn’t have a column this week:
Headline of the Week
Social networks reveal dating in blue tits
Winter associations predict social and extra-pair mating patterns in blue tits. Researchers of the Max Planck Institutes for Ornithology in Seewiesen and for Animal Behavior in Radolfzell show in their new study that blue tits that often foraged together during winter were more likely to end up as breeding pairs or as extra-pair partners, whereby bonds between future breeding partners seem to establish earlier in winter than those between future extra-pair partners.
What does this have to do with Facebook or Avatar porn? Also, them birds is woefully misnamed.
Jihadi Dick of the Week
Man accused of beating girlfriend’s son, injuring his penis
A South Florida man was arrested last week after he beat his girlfriend’s 4-year-old son and injured the boy’s penis, authorities said.
According to an arrest report, Mohammad Mahmoud Shaar, 26, of Coconut Creek, dropped off his girlfriend at her workplace in Oakland Park Feb. 13 before taking her son to a babysitter’s home.
The boy became increasingly upset as his mother was getting out of the car, the report stated.
Broward Sheriff’s Office deputies said the babysitter’s home was only 1.6 miles away from the mother’s place of work, but Shaar took 20 minutes to get there.
The babysitter told deputies the child was crying hysterically and shaking when he arrived, but Shaar left immediately without giving her any explanation about what happened.
She said the boy told her “Mo did it to him,” the arrest report stated.
According to the arrest report, the babysitter took video and photos of the child’s injuries, which included red marks on his face, neck, ears and back.
She then called the boy’s mother, who went to her home with another woman to see the injuries for herself.
The mother and the other woman returned to work as the babysitter took the boy to a church function, authorities said.
The babysitter noticed bruising and a cut on the boy’s penis when he went to the bathroom at the event, the report stated.
“Mo did it,” authorities said the boy told his babysitter.
Authorities said the boy was interviewed by detectives and demonstrated how he was hit in a slapping motion by his mother’s boyfriend.
“The victim also stated that the defendant pulled his penis and with a clenched jaw and tight fist, exhibited the way in which he was forcibly grabbed in the penile region,” the report stated.
The boy said he was cut on his genitals by the suspect’s nails, authorities said.
Mo beatings, Mo problems.
Ball Dick of the Week
French Soccer Player Suspended Five Years for Biting Opponent’s Penis
An amateur soccer player in France has been suspended for five years for biting an opponent’s penis during a fight on the pitch.
The incident occurred during a game in November between SC Terville and AS Soetrich, two clubs in the eastern region of Lorraine, separated by just a 10-minute drive. When two players began fighting, the unidentified victim (a Terville player) stepped in to break it up, according to local news site Lorraine Actu. That’s when the Soetrich player bit the Terville player on the penis.
The victim was forced to go to the emergency room, where he received a dozen stitches to close the wound and was deemed unfit to work for four days.
The matter was referred to the disciplinary arm of the local soccer governing body, which ruled this week that the Soetrich player be suspended for five years. His club was also fined €200.
It should be a law that you get one day off per stitch in your dick. Speaking of which…
Dick Ball of the Week
@zach_mcwhorterThat one time the pole went through my nuts… 18 stitches! #fail #polevault #athletics #trackandfield #ouch
A college athlete has been caught on film during the horrific moment his pole vault hit his testicles.
Zach McWhorter, who attends Brigham Young University, was undergoing his usual pole vault training.
But sadly for the 21-year-old, things didn’t quite go according to plan.
He approached the mat with speed and intensity (so far so good), planted the pole into the slot and launched himself into the air (everything is going swimmingly). However, as he twisted his body to get over the bar, his pole moved into a spot where no pole should go.
As Zach started his descent, the pole caught dramatically on his testicles, causing an almighty injury that would make most men shudder.
The pole ripped through his goddamn testicles.
Have a moment to take all that in and then brace yourself for some more spine-tingling information.
“I could see right into my scrotum,” he [said].
Worse game of peek-a-boo ever!
Erector Set of the Week
Dad stuck with permanent erection after penis op when 1.5 tons of glass fell on his lap
James Scott, 57, developed the embarrassing problem following a major accident at work four years ago – when 1.5 tons of glass fell on his pelvis.
The former glazier, from Balornock, in Glasgow, suffered four injuries to his groin area, fractured a bone at the bottom of his spine, had lacerations on both legs and suffered a blocked urethra (the tube you pee through).
James was forced to have major surgery to repair his penis problem two years ago.
However, the op left him with further complications and struggling to get an erection.
He had more surgery in an attempt to fix that issue, which involved inserting metal rods into his penis.
James was told his pecker would be sore for up to eight weeks but he is now plagued with a permanent erection.
Now he says he feels like a prisoner in his own home – because he can’t put trousers on and suffers from crippling pain.
He told the Daily Record: “I’ve now got a permanent erection and I’m in agony.
“I can’t bear anything to touch it. I can’t even wear clothes. It’s a nightmare.”
He says he can no longer have his nine-year-old daughter round to visit, and he claims medics are refusing to visit him at home to help sort out his painful problem.
James says staff at the surgery that his GP was off on holiday and there wasn’t another male doctor available to send out.
“Surely male and female doctors assess patients of the opposite sex daily,” he said.
No, they can’t and don’t call me Shirley.
Amber Alert of the Week
Amber Heard Accused Of ‘Defecating’ On Johnny Depp’s Bed, Left Actor With ‘Egg-Shaped’ Swelling
Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s messy divorce story continues to make headlines weeks after the audiotapes of them fighting were leaked online.
Now, the “Pirates of the Caribbean” star submitted an official declaration to the federal court of Fairfax County, Virginia, where Depp shared more details regarding his abusive relationship with Heard.
Depp recounted the time when the “Aquaman” star reportedly became physically and emotionally abusive towards him after he arrived late at her birthday party. Depp claimed that he informed his ex-wife that he won’t be able to make it on time because of an important meeting.
However, Heard was obviously upset that Depp wasn’t there to kick off her celebrations. According to Depp, the actress repeatedly punched him on his face, leaving an egg-shaped swelling under his right eye.
The “Edward Scissorhands” star also talked about the time when Heard or one of her friends defecated on Depp’s bed. The actor said that the incident happened right before they left for Coachella.
Kevin Murphy, the former couple’s estate manager, spoke to Heard about the incident and was told that it was just a “harmless prank.” However, Depp evidently took offense from the incident.
Celebrities are so much better than us, aren’t they?
Mutha of the Week
Macomb County mom accused of pouring urine over disabled daughter
A Harrison Township mother is facing criminal charges after Macomb County authorities said she poured a bottle of urine over her disabled adult daughter and slid a knife across the back of her neck.
The woman is also accused of assaulting another adult daughter and a granddaughter with a knife and a pencil.
Angela Lenora Gay, 56, was charged with assault with a dangerous weapon, a felony, and three counts of domestic violence, all misdemeanors, in the incident last week at her apartment, according to the Macomb County Prosecutor’s Office.
Police were called to Gay’s apartment at Metro Towers for a disturbance involving a knife. They said a woman told them that during an argument her mother tried to stab her with a pencil, then bit her hand, according to the release.
The daughter also said she found her sister, who uses a wheelchair, covered in urine and her mother standing over with her a knife.
That daughter said her mother took a full container of urine from their mentally-handicapped uncle and threw it all over her, calling her a “crippled b****,” according to the prosecutor’s office release. She told police her mother slid a knife against the back of her neck, causing a small — but visible — cut.
She was obviously pissed about something.
Sommelier of the Week
Some studies suggest drinking a glass of red wine every day could be good for our health – but how about a glass of urine?
Harry Matadeen, from Farnborough, Hampshire, claims he feels better than ever after he started drinking his own pee every day – and he even moisturises with it, hailing its anti-ageing properties.
The 32-year-old health coach first began the practice four years ago, after reading about its alleged benefits.
He now drinks 200ml of his aged urine – which can be a few weeks to a month old – topped up with fresh pee on a daily basis.
And although he struggled at first with the taste, Harry now loves the flavour of his aged urine.
Harry also massages it into his skin in the morning and insists that it’s the ultimate anti-aging product.
He says he feels healthier, happier and smarter than ever before, claiming that drinking aged urine cured his depression, and he now regularly gets mistaken for a man in his twenties.
‘Aged Urine therapy is the art and science of collecting and storing one’s own urine in a bottle, allowing it to ferment by itself in a natural process, and then using that “aged” urine as medicine to heal you, either through drinking it, massaging it into blood through the skin, or even in other ways like in an enema, an aged urine enema!,’ he explained.
The downside is, you smell like stale piss.
Dog Wash of the Week
Anderson man charged with bestiality after video posted on Facebook
A woman told police she gave a man a female pit bull on Christmas Eve, but returned two days later to take the dog back after she learned the dog was being used in alleged sex acts.
Jerry Morgan III, 58, of Anderson, is charged with Level 6 felony bestiality and Class A misdemeanor invasion of privacy for violating a no-contact order.
Anderson Police Department Detective Norman Rayford was contacted by Kathleen Dates on Dec. 26 about the dog she had given Morgan, according to an affidavit by Rayford.
Dates said she received two different videos of him with the dog engaged in sexual acts. The videos were filmed by Morgan’s girlfriend, Catrece Peel, and posted to Facebook.
The pit bull’s behavior was “very off and all she wanted to do was sleep,” which was uncharacteristic, Dates told Rayford.
According to the affidavit, Rayford found the videos on Facebook where he watched Morgan with the dog and Peel’s voice could be heard in the background.
When questioned about the videos, Morgan reportedly told Rayford that Peel videoed the incident, but he “had washed up the dog and was only drying the dog off” and “he was doing nothing wrong.”
If drying off the dog looks like rape, you’re doing it wrong.
Shooter of the Week
Clermont County woman mistakes bug bite for gunshot wound, police say
Two separate reports of shots fired in the Village of Bethel Tuesday were determined to be false, officials said.
The first incident occurred at Skyline Chili located at 553 W. Plane St., according to police. A man called police at approximately 4:30 p.m., stating four people in a white sedan in the Skyline parking lot had rolled down a window and shot at him.
An investigation ensued. Police later determined the man was “suffering some type of psychotic episode,” according to the release. He was transported to Clermont Mercy hospital for treatment.
Another shots fired call came in at approximately 10:13 p.m., this time from a woman. She told dispatchers she had been shot in the shoulder.
When police arrived at the 300 block of E. Osborne Street they determined the woman had not been shot, but stung or bitten by some type of insect. The woman was treated by a Bethel-Tate Fire EMS crew, the release states.
When will those cowards in Congress, beholden to the Insect Lobby, do something about the epidemic of bug violence in this country?
Gingerbread Man of the Week
East Hartford man spat on officer during arrest
An East Hartford man, who police said spat on an officer during his arrest last Friday, is facing charges.
South Windsor police arrested 26-year-old Shawn Congdon last Friday after he was stopped for speeding.
During the traffic stop, police discovered Congdon was wanted on an active arrest warrant for failure to appear.
While transporting Congdon following his arrest, police said Congdon purposely spat on the arresting officer and failed to cooperate during the booking process.
He was charged with second-degree failure to appear, interfering with an officer, and assault on a public safety officer.
Stop making that goofy face? What goofy face?
Tater Tot of the Week
Don’t treat your piles by shoving frozen potatoes up your bum
Doctors are imploring embarrassed piles sufferers to stay away from bizarre online ‘treatments’ – including popping pieces of frozen potato up their bum.
Those struggling with haemorrhoids are being urged to swerve spud suppositories and instead stay hydrated, enjoy a fibre-rich diet and visit a GP if things don’t improve.
Experts warn there is no medical evidence to back up the ‘old wives’ tales’, one of which involves inserting frozen French-fry sized potato slices into the anus for 30 seconds at a time for three to five days.
Haemorrhoids, also known as piles, are swollen or bulging veins in the anus. It’s estimated that around one in 20 Brits will experience them at least once in their life.
Dr Diana Gall, from online doctor and prescription service Doctor-4-U, said: ‘Piles can be an irritating condition and sufferers are sometimes too embarrassed to get professional help, turning to old wives’ tales instead.
‘There is no medical evidence that putting frozen potatoes inside the anus can help cure piles, so I would urge caution to anyone thinking of doing it.
Why do people need to be reminded not to shove things up their ass?
Lactater Tot of the Week
Women’s Breasts ‘Ooze’ Different Milk For Male And Female Children, Says Sadhguru
This week has been one filled with spiritual ‘gurus’ saying extremely bizarre things about women and their bodies. The latest entry in this list is Jaggi Vasudev, aka Sadhguru.
What did he say? “If a woman delivers a male child, the quality of the milk that she produces is in a certain way. If she delivers a female child the quality of the milk is totally different,” said the spiritual guru and founder of Isha Foundation. “If she delivers twins, one male and one female, one breast will ‘ooze’ a certain type of milk, another breast will ooze another kind of milk. This is the level of intelligence invested in this body.”
Smart boobs?
WTF? and TDS of the Week
‘Monkey police’ armed with catapults to protect Trump against Taj Mahal attack
Concerns that the US president could be overrun by a wild troop of hungry macaques have prompted India to deploy a specialist squad of anti-monkey cops
A special squad of monkey police armed with catapults will form a ring of steel around US President Donald Trump when he visits the Taj Mahal next week.
The picturesque 17th century mausoleum is home to some 600 rhesus macaques who are notorious for terrorising visiting tourists.
The fearless monkeys will grab any food they see and have scratched and bitten visitors in an attempt to get snacks.
In one case, a small baby was killed by a monkey.
Speaking to India Today, one local resident said: ”The terror of the monkeys is so pervasive that women and children are scared of going up on the roof of their houses, which have almost been taken over by monkeys.”
He added: “If such a large troop of monkeys attacks Donald Trump’s entourage, it will be a disaster.”
Brij Bhushan, head of the Taj Mahal security, said that the monkeys had learned to fear the specialist anti-monkey squad.
He said: “The monkeys get frightened by just seeing us brandishing slingshots and run away,” he told Reuters.
Anti-monkey cops and Donald Trump? Liberals will be outraged at the racism of this.
