The biggest WTF? this week is a complete lack of WTF? With not much going on and with everyone on lockdown, here’s some film an TV suggestions for you to stream to pass the time until the zombie apocalypse is over:
Road Warrior of the Week
Man has penis bitten in roadside attack
The penis of a man has been bitten in a roadside attack at Oyoko in the New Juaben North Municipality of the Eastern region.
The victim, Eric Kwadwo, has suffered deep cuts on his penis.
Starr News has gathered on April 6, 2020, the victim- Eric Kwadwo, was returning from town and met an 11-year-old son of the suspect at the roadside peeling sugar cane.
The boy pleaded the victim to assist him in peeling his sugar cane but suddenly the suspect-Atta Kwaku appeared at the scene furious and angrily queried the victim why he was standing with his son around 8:00pm.
According to the victim, to avoid an altercation, he decided to walk away from the scene but the suspect followed him casting aspersions, then violently pushed him to the ground which he fell facedown resulting in injuries below the nostrils, on the face and on the right hand.
Suspect not satisfied pounced on him grabbed and bit his penis resulting in a deep cut.
African Kung-fu is terrifying.
Smallville of the Week
Archers fan event gatecrashed by man ‘with small penis’ pleasuring himself
A video chat for fans of BBC Radio 4 drama The Archers had to abandoned after a man with a “small penis” started pleasuring himself and it was trolled with obscenities such as Nazi swastikas and porn.
The podcast on the Zoom app was set up to cheer up fans of the popular series about farmers during coronavirus lockdown.
But according to host Roifield Brown, after “four minutes of sedate” conversation involving between 30 and 50 fans, the chat was gatecrashed by the creepy man and other trolls.
The chaos was witnessed by Terry Malloy, who plays Mike Tucker, in the series, who had been answering fans’ questions before all hell broke loose.
Brown told The BBC : “A gentleman who was at least 60 decided to pleasure himself in front of the massed ranks of Dumteedumers on Zoom.
“The horrible gentleman with the small penis will not be joining us again.
“It was harrowing. We had four minutes of sedate conversation then three minutes of absolute chaos.”
He went on to say, “Archers fans have grey hair and purple rinses”, and they “weren’t expecting to see a man w**king at them”.
Nothing livens up sedate conversation like tiny wanking.
The Mask of the Week
Social worker urges safe distancing with face mask covered in penises
If you can see the peen, we need more space between.
As people everywhere continue the practice of social distancing, clinical social worker and therapist Mindy Vincent is doing her part to “cock block” coronavirus. In a viral post made Thursday, Vincent unveiled what she is calling #ProjectPenisMask, an initiative designed to politely (and hilariously) remind strangers when they’ve gotten a bit too close.
“When someone tells me my mask has penises on it, I kindly let them know this is how I determine they are too close,” Vincent said. “Kindly, back the fuck up.”
Following up in a vlog posted Friday, Vincent shared that she had originally purchased the penis masks for herself and her coworkers as a means of safely continuing their work at the Utah Harm Reduction Coalition — a nonprofit serving vulnerable populations affected by substance abuse where Vincent serves as executive director.
Ordering the masks from a manufacturer in China, Vincent thought it would be a fun way to maintain the health of her, her staff, and the people they serve. Plus, these were the ones set to reach the United States the fastest.
Dick face!
Brady Bunch of the Week
Tom Brady reveals his testicle grew to the size of ‘an orange’ after early-career injury
Tom Brady shared a lot of stories in a two-hour interview with Howard Stern Wednesday morning, and one tale included the time his testicle grew to the size of an orange.
The topic was brought up because Stern was discussing Brady taking big hits in games. He recalled one particular hit that left Brady’s testicle “three times the normal size.” While Brady didn’t confirm the “three times” part, he did say an injury once left him with an enlarged testicle.
“I thought when I got hit something happened. It ended up being a hernia in the game where the abdominal wall split open,” Brady told Stern. “And then, I don’t know all the details, but the testicles were like — literally one side was like, I would say like an orange. And then the other side was normal. And I was like, ‘Something’s wrong here.’
“The guy who was our backup quarterback, Matt Cassel, would draw pictures of me with like one huge testicle on one side and leave it in my locker every day. He’d [call me] purple ball. That s— hurt. That was a really tough injury.”
Brady got a purple orange when his sack got sacked.
Guns of Navarone of the Week
A Harvey Road man allegedly shot his neighbor in the buttocks with a pellet gun Wednesday because he was tired of seeing him urinating off the front porch, according to a Glynn County Police report.
The victim acknowledged he was seeking relief on the front porch of the residence he was staying at around 7:50 a.m., the report said.
The neighbor allegedly told police he shot the man with a Crossman 760 Pumpmaster pellet gun.
Police arrested Shelton A. Dukes, 55, and charged him with aggravated assault, according to the police report. He remained Thursday in the Glynn County Detention Center, jail records show.
County EMS workers treated the victim on the scene for a pellet welt that drew blood on his “right hip/buttocks area,” according to the police report.
The victim’s sister called police to report the shooting at the home in the western Glynn County neighborhood off U.S.341. She said her brother resides periodically at the residence.
The victim met police on the porch and “pulled his shorts down a bit on the right side” to show where he had been hit with the pellet, the report said.
“The neighbor had been warned not to shoot the pellet gun with the kids running around,” police noted in the report. For his part, Dukes allegedly warned the man to quit relieving himself off the front porch because he of his two young granddaughters at his home, according to the report.
The victim explained to police there is only one bathroom at the residence where he is staying, which is occupied by two adults and two children, as well as himself on occasion, the report said.
Taking one in the ass from a “Pumpmaster” could have been worse.
Airplane! of the Week
Aer Lingus Passenger Files Lawsuit After Being Dragged Out Of Toilet
A woman is taking Irish carrier Aer Lingus to court, seeking damages after the airline’s crew allegedly pulled her out of the lavatory before take-off. The incident took place on an April 2018 flight. Filed in US court last week, the plaintiff, a woman by the name of Mary Oshana, claims that Aer Lingus staff“acted unreasonably, carelessly, and negligently”.
The entire incident took place on April 26th, 2018 at Chicago O’Hare International Airport with the Aer Lingus flight due to depart for Dublin.
Oshana claims to have suffered injuries and embarrassment as a result of the incident in which she was pulled out of the lavatory. As she was being dragged back to her seat, Oshana claims that her pants were still below her knees, her buttocks and genitalia exposed to seated passengers along the way. The plaintiff also claims to have suffered injuries to her hip during the incident.
…Oshana’s flight had taxied from the departure gate and had remained stopped on the tarmac for approximately 30 minutes before taxiing on towards the runway for take-off. It was at this time that Oshana left her seat for the lavatory.
Court filings go on to say that about 20 seconds after entering the toilet, pulling her pants down and seating herself, she heard one or more persons banging on the door. She was being told to return to her seat. Oshana responded to the demand by saying “in just a minute”.
It was 20 seconds after this that two Aer Lingus flight attendants “broke through the lavatory door, grabbed the plaintiff under her arms, dragged her to her seat while her pants were below her knees, and threw her with great force into the arm rest and seat”.
Court documents also claim that she saw and heard male passengers seated behind her pointing and laughing at her.
Cunning Aer Lingus passengers expect genitalia on flights.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit? of the Week
Man accused of pointing gun at a waving Easter Bunny
A man brandished a gun and threatened a person playing the Easter Bunny who was waving to motorists from an interstate overpass in Ohio, authorities said.
A 49-year-old man was arrested Wednesday afternoon in Middlebourne… He was given a breath-alcohol test at an Ohio State Highway Patrol post but was taken to a medical facility when jail officials refused to book him because of an elevated temperature, leading to concerns he might be infected with the coronavirus.
Guernsey County Sgt. Jason Best on Friday said the man could face charges of aggravated menacing and improper handling of a firearm in a vehicle.
Deputies found the suspect and another man sitting inside a camouflage-painted pickup truck parked at the edge of a field shortly after receiving a call about the Easter Bunny threat over Interstate 70.
A .22-caliber handgun and an open 12-pack of beer were seized as evidence. Deputies said the man slurred his words and smelled of alcohol.
What part of “Easter is cancelled” did you not understand?
Rocketeer of the Week
Projectile pooper pleads guilty for not staying home
One person has been convicted in Haywood for failing to follow the county’s stay-at-home directive.
Dominca Dearing, 41, of Beachwood Ohio, pleaded guilty to two counts of violating the order, which states that anyone coming in from out of town must quarantine for 14 days. She also pleaded guilty to two counts of larceny.
Dearing was arrested April 4 after shoplifting from Walmart for the second day in a row.
According to the Waynesville Police Department incident reports, on April 3, Dearing took “several items” out of the store without paying. While she wasn’t caught that day, officers were given a photo of her, and when she came back to the store the next day and shoplifted again, they were ready to make the arrest.
According to the incident report, Dearing had been apprehended by loss prevention workers within the store. In the arrest report, the loss prevention employee noted that “once in the loss prevention office, the female proceeded to defecate on the floor ‘because she could not hold it.’”
The report notes that when “Ms. Brown” learned she was being placed under arrest, she stood up and started “screaming in an unidentified language.”
“She then proceeded to pull the dress she was wearing up, exposing her body underneath and again started projectile defacating all over the office,” the report reads. “[The officer] backed up into the corner in the office to avoid the flying feces and called for backup. The female continued to hold her dress up and kept yelling and screaming at everyone around. After she put her dress down, she kept saying that she had the Coronavirus and wanted treatment.”
After putting Dearing in cuffs, she became combative and tried to pull away from officers before again defacating at the entrance of the Walmart.
That is some crazy shit.
Frozen of the Week
People are putting ice cubes in their vaginas to “keep it tight” in bizarre TikTok trend
We were warned to stop putting ice lollies in our vaginas during the UK heatwave last year, but obviously some of us didn’t listen. Apparently, lockdown boredom has really tipped some ladies over the edge because people on TikTok have now resorted to, erm, putting ice cubes in their vaginas. Yep, a quick search on TikTok of “ice cube” or “ice cube challenge” will bring up countless clips of people actually doing this.
According to TikTok science, inserting an ice cube in your vagina has a number of benefits. It can make your vagina tighter, freeze off warts like some sort of at-home cryotherapy treatment and even cure depression and anxiety. It is also said to actually just feel quite nice.
So, what actually does happen when you put an ice cube up there? Well, Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, a gynaecologist, is out here dispelling the ice cube challenge myths on the platform.
In a video, she said: “I think ice cubes are great… for drinks and smoothies, that sort of thing. Let’s just stop and think before we do crazy stuff.”
Dr Lincoln went into further detail about why we definitely should not be taking part in the challenge in an interview with Buzzfeed. She said: “The concern is you think of that kid in A Christmas Story who stuck his tongue to the flagpole. It can stick to the delicate skin of the vagina. It can cause an ice burn, and once the ice cube is actually removed, it can cause injury.”
What happens if you get triple-dog dared to do it?
I Remember Mama of the Week
This smart toilet recognizes your butt and analyzes poo for diseases
Going to the bathroom could end up relieving your health anxieties as well as your bladder. Researchers have created a smart toilet that can analyze feces and urine for various diseases and some forms of cancer. The experimental toilet can also identify users by both their unique fingerprints, and even their anal prints. Yes, those exist.
The researchers from Stanford University published their findings in a new study in Nature Biomedical Engineering science journal on Monday. Twenty-one participants tested the smart toilet over the course of several months.
“The smart toilet is the perfect way to harness a source of data that’s typically ignored, and the user doesn’t have to do anything differently,” lead study researcher Sanjiv Gambhir said in a statement.
The toilet used for the study was actually a basic toilet with high-tech motion-sensing tools attached inside the bowl. The toilet records video of the user’s urine and feces which is then processed by algorithms that can determine urine stream time and volume, as well as a stool sample’s viscosity.
The experimental toilet also uses uranalysis strips to measure the urine’s white blood cell count and detect levels of proteins that best determine if the user is healthy or suffering from bladder infections, cancers, diabetes or possible kidney failure.
The collected toilet data is stored in a cloud-based system for doctors to access later.
How can something smart be this dumb?
