If everything is racist like the left claims, then it stands to reason that chess is racist because it’s part of everything. Apparently in the rules of chess, the “white” player always gets the first move. This couldn’t be any more cut and dry, I just wonder why it’s taken liberals so long to get around to this glaring example of systemic racism.
ABC in Australia recently posed the question, “Is chess racist?” They came to the conclusion that “yes” it is racist because the player with the white pieces gets the first move. They tried to get a chess expert to come on air and explain this racism, but for some reason no chess experts took the invitation. It’s almost like chess masters think this is really stupid or something.
Liberals are kind of slow to getting around to everything that’s racist, which is everything, and I’m getting sick of them dragging their asses on this important work so I’ve looked at a bunch of other games, activities, and sports to see if they are also racist.
GAMES
Checkers – Black and red pieces try to eliminate each other in an effort to be crowned. Totally racist and representative of imperialism and genocide of indigenous people.
Monopoly – AKA Gentrification: The Game. Owning property, developing property, and charging rent are all very racist.
Tribal Pursuit – A culturally biased test of knowledge. Super racist.
Candyland – Black people have a higher rate of obesity and diabetes so this too is racist.
ACTIVITES
Pool/billiards – A white ball controls all of the colored balls and the game is won when the white ball sinks the black ball. Totally racist.
Bowling – A black ball knocks over white pins with red necks. Not racist and I don’t know why more black people don’t bowl.
Darts – A scaled down version of spear-chucking. Definitely racist.
Ping-Pong – Colored rackets knock the crap out of a white ball. Not racist and I don’t know why more black people don’t play ping-pong.
SPORTS
Baseball – Brown or black bats knock the crap out of a white ball. Not racist and now you know why so many brown and black people play baseball.
Football – The point is to sneak a brown ball across the goal line, AKA border, which is a metaphor for illegal immigration. Split decision: being on offense in football is not racist but playing defense is because it’s like being the border patrol.
Hockey – A black puck is slapped around with sticks. Thoroughly racist. Also because it’s primarily played by white people.
Basketball – An orange ball is tossed through a red hoop with a white net. Conclusion: it’s unclear what the racial overtones are here, but since orangeness is associated with Trump, it could be racist. However, the sport is played primarily by black people and the orange ball gets blocked, dunked, and bounced. Perhaps the Congressional Black Caucus should conduct hearing to find out if this sport is racist.
Hopefully I’ve saved liberals some time in freaking out over these “racist” activities and they can move on to more important things like the white supremacist origins of velcro. Everything is a lot of stuff and they have t get moving on this outrage.
