Democrats, big tech, and especially the liberal media went to great lengths this week to protect Joe Biden. Rather than being WTF?, that’s just business as usual. Here however is some stuff that was a little more unexpected:
Headline of the Week
Man Denies Sexually Abusing Gozo Horse, Says He Was Drunk And Trying To Find His Phone
A man charged with animal cruelty after being caught with his pants down in a Gozitan stable has denied any wrongdoing, insisting he was drunk and had gone to find his phone in the premises.
22-year-old Nigerian Robert Omo was also accused of damaging the farmer’s Xewkija property – but he couldn’t be charged with bestiality because it is not illegal in Malta.
The incident surfaced on 1st October after the farmer caught Ono chasing his horse with his pants down, beating his mane and striking the horse with the rim of a tyre.
The man eventually escaped but this time he only got as far as the LIDL supermarket in Rabat before police arrested him.
A similar case involving sheep in St Julian’s last month prompted calls for the criminalisation of bestiality and Animal Rights Minister Anton Refalo called for the introduction of harsher bestiality laws.
Lawyer Etienne Savona has warned that this legal lacuna means Malta risks becoming a global hotspot for tourists who want to have sex with animals.
Look out Maltese Falcon.
Asian Headlines of the Week
Trump takes trade war aim at Vietnam’s dong
Jason Wang Craves Spicy Nuggets and Roast Duck
Hot Dog of the Week
Dog ‘steals’ its owner’s penis and runs away
A resident of Scotland went through an awkward situation with her dog. Paula Ramsay, 27, couldn’t believe it when she saw her dog running around the garden with a rubber penis in her mouth.
According to the newspaper The Sun, the woman won a friend’s sex toy. “He was running around in my garden with that in his mouth, and he didn’t want to go back. I live in front of a main avenue. Excellent, ”she wrote in the publication.
Now that’s a wiener dog.
Guaca Mole of the Week
Female Moles Grow Testicles to Fight Through Their Brutal Underground Existence
If any animal understands the horrors of trench warfare, it has to be the mole. Faced with an enemy, there’s no time for pleasantries. No place to hide. Aggression is all that matters.
To help them fight in this brutal world, evolution has granted the female mole a generous dose of ‘roid rage’ by tacking some testicles onto her ovaries – resulting in a unique bit of anatomy called an ovotestis.
Just like a more typical mammalian ovary, ovotestes nurture and release eggs for fertilisation. They also happen to have a lump of testicular tissue stuck to one side.
Female moles have more balls than the entire liberal media.
Popeye of the Week
Man loses eye, several injured by LAPD projectiles during Lakers celebration
One man’s eye “exploded” and another lost eight teeth during the riotous celebration of the LA Lakers NBA championship Sunday, with police now under fire for their aggressive response to the unrest outside the Staples Center, according to a report.
The injuries were among several reported due to the Los Angeles Police Department’s continued use of “hard-foam” projectiles to quell riots, a controversial tactic that critics say has left demonstrators with bloodied eyes, head wounds and damaged testicles…
On Sunday, at least three people were hospitalized with head wounds, including 25-year-old Manuel Barrientos, a part-time photographer who lost eight teeth and part of his lip when he was shot in the mouth…
Another man, a 34-year-old who declined to be identified, told the paper he “was completely blindsided” when the hard-foam bullet slammed him in the face, leaving a gash across his right cheek and a fractured bone around his right eye.
William Gonzalez, 22, was among the most severely injured in the post-title tumult when his eye socket was shattered and his tear duct ripped apart, likely costing him his right eye.
Man now regrets saying he’d give his right eye if the Lakers won the championship.
Ass of the Week
Dogs bite senior citizen on buttocks
Gladstone Leslie said on Saturday morning, he was fishing in the Wag Water River when he saw a boy heading in his direction with three dogs.
“He pass mi with them and go a little further, and him a throw sticks in the water and dem go fi dem and carry dem back. Afterwards him start come over to where mi deh and mi say, ‘Yute, don’t come over here suh with dem dog deh’, but him still come cross and a say dem nah trouble mi,” he said.
Leslie said that mere seconds after, two of the dogs rushed towards him.
“So mi start try defend mi self and a move from them back way. The other dog attack mi back way so mi had to turn around, and by the time mi turn around, the next two grab mi on mi buttocks. The only alternative I had was to jump in the water, and dem jump in with mi and mi start swim away from them but them couldn’t catch up to mi because dogs swim slow,” he said.
Leslie said he reported the matter to the Annotto Bay police after which he sought medical attention.
“When mi reach the hospital and get the injections, mi all faint way after mi get them. Mi in talks with one a the owners of the dogs, and yuh done know, mi is an ordinary Jamaican, so mi tell her to just give mi a ting (money), and she say she not going to give me so I can go ahead and sue her. So mi going to just go by the courts tomorrow (today) and do what needs to be done,” he said.
Apparently these dogs bit Jar Jar Binks on the ass. Okiday.
Iron Man of the Week
Sex attacker held hot curling iron against girlfriend’s genitals
DeQuarn Bell, 25, will faces life in prison after he confessed in court on Wednesday to the September 2019 assault in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Bell forced his victim to stay in her apartment by taking her cellphone and car keys, then assaulted her with an electric hair iron, pressing it on several parts of her body including her face and genitals.
She described the brutal attack to police and said that Bell ‘repeatedly burned her with a hot curling iron, all over her body, including her face, neck, chest, armpit, back and leg,’ court documents said.
A medical examination stated that the victim showed ‘redness and scarring’ to genitalia ‘consistent with being burned with a curling iron.’
She was eventually able to escape on foot after the assault and managed to call the police, authorities said.
Police searched Bell’s home after the gaining a search warrant, and they discovered a curling iron there, documents said.
That’s literally the only way this guy will ever get some hot snatch.
Booger Picker of the Week
Mauston police sergeant charged after shooting person while off-duty and drunk
A Mauston Police Department sergeant was charged with a felony Monday in Monroe County Circuit Court after he was accused of shooting another person in August while off-duty and drunk.
Michael P. Sturek, 39, Mauston, faces charges of second-degree recklessly endangering safety, possession of a firearm while intoxicated and endangering safety by use of a dangerous weapon.
The charges stem from an incident early Aug. 26. According to the complaint, the victim was drinking with Sturek the night before and the two ended up looking at Sturek’s guns, which were locked in a gun safe.
Sturek told investigators he had about 12 beers throughout the night into the morning before pulling out a Walters P22 pistol and stepping outside, according to the complaint. He then shot the gun, hitting the other man in the groin area.
Sturek, a firearms instructor, said he did not know how the gun went off, saying he didn’t have his “booger picker on the bang switch,” meaning his finger on the trigger, according to the complaint. He told investigators he had released the magazine and left it in the magazine well, holding it with his pinky finger, then racked the slide back to clear the weapon. He pulled back the slide a second time when the gun went off, according to the complaint.
If convicted, Sturek faces a maximum 11 and a half years in prison.
It could be worse, that’s less than a year per beer.
Money Pit of the Week
Airplane passenger in India packed with kilos of gold in anus
It involved no less than 972 grams of gold, in the form of three bars and a smaller piece of gold. Aviation police tweeted photos of the gold find, which is worth around 55,000 euros.
The smuggler had arrived in the city of Kerala on a GoAir flight from Dubai. He was searched after arrival because he stood out. That could be because he was a bit weird…
Another man on the same flight was caught with 1.47 kilograms of gold. It is unknown how he had hidden it. The aviation police in India more often find gold smugglers.
One day after these finds, nearly 400 grams were found in a passenger’s underpants. Yesterday, aviation police found another 550 grams of gold in a toy oven and dollhouse.
The new Austin Powers movie lacks imagination.
Gaslighting of the Week
Man charged with assault after farting in Uber
A UK man has been charged with assault after allegedly farting in an Uber and attacking the driver for protesting…
he odiferous incident reportedly occurred last year when Kingswood’s James Mallett, 35, let it rip in the back of the ride while on the way to a local nightclub with three other people. This was the “final straw” for the Uber driver, named Aleksander Bonchev…
Prosecutor James Scutt said Bonchev told Mallett “to leave the vehicle,” whereupon the flatulent fare offered to fight the driver and struck him in the head. Bonchev reportedly responded in defense by punching the Mallett in the face, knocking him to the ground.
At that point, a young lady who was with Mallett reportedly persuaded him to leave. Police encountered the unruly passenger a little while later sporting a “cut on his bottom lip,” according to Scutt, who added that he was “plainly intoxicated.”
Scutt told the court that Mallett was abusive to police.
Fortunately the gass-enger admitted to assault occasioning actual harm on November 30, which landed him a six month-jail term, a $650 fine and 120 hours of community service.
AAA will help you fix a flat, but they drawn the line on fixing flatulence.
Rug Burn of the Week
Florida woman battered boyfriend who refused to perform sex acts
A Florida woman was arrested early Sunday morning after allegedly battering her 69-year-old boyfriend after he refused to perform oral sex on her.
The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Department was called to a home in Largo, just west of Tampa, around 3 a.m. on Sunday following a disturbance between Katanya Jordan, 46, and her longtime boyfriend…
The victim claimed that the two had been arguing about Jordan smoking crack when she began yelling at him and demanding he perform oral sex. When he refused, she began “hitting and scratching him,” giving him “several small lacerations” which appeared to have been “caused by fingernails.”
Pinellas County investigators spoke to a witness who corroborated the victim’s account of the altercation.
Jordan fled the house before police arrived and was found after a short search with the help of a K-9 unit. After she was apprehended, Jordan did not deny doing anything but claimed her boyfriend had choked her and she had acted in self defense.
What’s the difference between this woman’s pussy and a bowling ball? You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
Honey Pot of the Week
A California man who put his semen in a female co-worker’s water bottle, a jar of honey and on her computer’s keyboard, has been jailed for two and a half years.
Stevens Millancastro, 30, was convicted in September of assault and battery for sexual purposes. He was sentenced to serve time in jail on Tuesday.
Millancastro was obsessed with his co-worker and stared at her incessantly after she turned him down for a date, prosecutors said.
Authorities said the woman reported the issue to her boss, who spoke to Millancastro. But he didn’t stop his unwanted behavior.
The woman then filed a formal human resources complaint, which led to Millancastro using his semen to get back at her.
Millancastro placed semen several times in her half-full water bottle, which she noticed as a cloudy substance, in a jar of honey she used for tea and on her computer keyboard, prosecutors said.
Authorities said the woman noticed a ‘milky white substance’ in her water bottle on several occasions.
The wholesale business then set up surveillance cameras to face the victim’s desk and after one of the incidents, she and her boss looked over the footage.
In the video, Millancastro was seen smearing the semen on her keyboard and mouse…
Investigators later confirmed that it was his semen in her water bottle and honey. The victim consumed the honey for a period of time not knowing it contained Millancastro’s semen
According to the attorney, Millancastro was afraid he might lose a promotion or his job.
Nothing says job security like tricking coworkers into eating your jizz.
Censorship of the Week
Facebook Bans Onion Ad For Apparently Looking Too Much Like Boobs
A Canadian onion brand has just felt the wrath of the tech giant who has banned its online ad after a harmless photograph of some onions was deemed as “overtly sexual”.
Last week, the Gaze Seed Company posted an Facebook for its Walla Walla onions.
However. the company quickly received a cease and desist letter from Facebook. A company spokesperson said: “So we just got notified by Facebook that the photo used for our Walla Walla Onion seed is ‘overtly sexual’ and therefore cannot be advertised to be sold on their platform.”
According to a Facebook spokesperson, the ad was picked up by an algorithm that mistook the onions for breasts and was used to keep nudity off the platform.
Gaze Seed Company’s Jackson McLean told CBC his request to advertise the onions was turned down by Facebook for “breaching guidelines”.
I have seen boobs that brought a tear to my eye, but those ain’t them.
WTF? of the Week
Anastasia Pokreshchuk, 30, from Kiev, Ukraine, got her first fillers when she was 26 and hasn’t stopped injecting her face since.
She has now spent more than $2,000 just on cheek fillers – and doesn’t plan to stop anytime soon.
Anastasia said: “You may think that they are too big but I think that they’re a little bit small, I need to refresh them again soon.”
Anastasia said she has lost count of how many facial procedures she has had.
She has had fillers in her lips, cheeks and in the corners of her mouth, botox in her forehead, as well as having her jaw and chin reshaped.
After injecting herself with cheek fillers Anastasia said she “fell in love” with the way they made her look.
“I was like a grey mouse. My nose was too big. And now I have big cheeks and big lips it looks OK.”
Most people would have just gone for a nose job.
