Democrats pushed their narrative that Republicans are the enemy by falsely accusing them of attacks, threats, and murder this week. That would be pretty WTF? except that it came from democrats and they specialize in being full of sh*t. Here’s some WTF? that was a little more unexpected:
Headline of the Week
‘Brown diamonds’: ex-Japan soccer star using athletes’ feces to improve people’s health
Keita Suzuki, 39, is a retired professional soccer player who represented Japan and played a key role in the J-League team Urawa Red Diamonds. Now he heads AuB, a company which uses human stool samples to research intestinal bacteria.
The Mainichi Shimbun sat down with Suzuki to find out about his trip to the Middle East that spurred his career change, the difficulties he had managing cash flow for his new operation, and how he’s strived in the business of feces, which he describes as “more valuable than diamonds.”
“When I look back at my lifestyle through working at home, I see that I’ve been going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. When I get up I do some activities. When my feces comes out in a sort of banana shape I think I’ve passed a good stool, and today was also a healthy day,” he said.
Suzuki said, “I want to inform people of lifestyles that are fit for them by examining the intestinal conditions of athletes. When people want to do what they want, and to challenge themselves, I think it’s important whatever age you are to have a body you can move. I’d like it if we could make a contribution to that. At present, feces are getting attention as ‘brown diamonds.'”
This banana-to-diamonds comparison smells like a load of shit.
Snow Job of the Week
Giant snow penis appears in Swedish town
A three-metre high snow penis appeared at a roundabout just outside Borås after heavy snowfall on Tuesday, causing both giggles and safety concerns.
The roundabout where someone took the opportunity to build the huge creation, is located at the exit from highway 40 towards Dalsjöfors and Äspered.
According to motorist Perra Larsson, it has become something of a tradition for such a snow sculpture to appear at the roundabout.
“This is the fifth year it has been there. And I think it’s a fun thing,” Perra Larsson told the newspaper Borås Tidning.
But as it stands in the middle of a roundabout, the snow penis poses a safety risk, according to the Swedish Transport Administration.
“There must be no signs or artistic expressions that disturb the traffic environment and safety. If we find so during inspections, we remove it. It often ends up in a warehouse with one of our subcontractors” Sofia Lindahl, press communicator at the Swedish Transport Administration told Göteborgs-Posten.
It takes a lot of Swedish meatballs to build a snow dick like that.
Pisser of the Week
Medical students claim they were forced to “urinate in seats” during exam
FINAL year medical students have claimed they were forced to “urinate in their seats” during their doctoral exam after being threatened with disqualification.
The Doctors’ Association UK (DAUK) has now stepped in to represent students following a string of complaints to The UK Foundation Programme (UKFPO) over their handling of virtual exams.
Anonymous medical student shared the shocking treatment of final year medical students on Twitter on Thursday, captioned with: “Final year UK med student here. Going public with some experiences of a compulsory online exam.
The anonymous medical student wrote: “Another student’s exam was revoked after he tried to contact the proctor numerous times to request to use the toilet, he was ignored, and then did so anyway to avoid wetting himself.
“Multiple other students in this position did not have their exams revoked because they chose to urinate in their seats. I can’t imagine how demeaning and humiliating this must be.”
Were they trying to earn a “Pee-hd”? ‘Cause that would explain a lot.
Moobs of the Week
Bob Leak, 25, who is non-binary, is crowd funding for surgery on their 36M chest after being diagnosed with degenerative scoliosis.
The condition, which causes Bob’s spine to twist to one side of their back, became so unbearable that it caused them to pass out from the pain.
But despite the crippling pain, Bob, from Liverpool, was unable to get breast surgery on the NHS, and so set up a GoFundMe page to pay for it themself.
Pleading with strangers to donate, Bob writes on their GoFundMe page: “I currently suffer from countless medical problems associated with the size of my breasts, ranging from severe back issues and scoliosis, which give me such searing pains that I black out and am unable to move from the floor.
“I also experience heat rashes that give me incredible amounts of discomfort and make the summer months especially intolerable.”
The NHS clerk also revealed that they suffer unwanted sexual attention because of the size of their breasts through their YouTube channel.
Speaking to the Metro they explain: “My analytics show that the majority of my views come from a site called “titsintops” that’s just people leaving overly sexual comments about any videos with my chest in frame.
“Several of my videos have been reposted on porn sites despite them just being me performing poetry for example.”
They are hoping to raise a grand total of £7,000 in order to front the cost of the deposit for a consultation as well as the surgery.
Bob should simply identify as someone with smaller boobs. That’s how biology works according to liberals.
Kung-Flu of the Week
China uses anal swabs to test for COVID-19
Chinese authorities have used coronavirus tests that rely on anal swabs as the country reports an uptick in COVID-19 cases.
The tests are typically reserved by health care professionals for high-risk cases, such as those in quarantine sites, according to multiple reports citing state-run channel CCTV.
However, the method was also used in a group of schoolchildren and teachers in Beijing last week, according to multiple reports.
…travelers arriving in Beijing have also been asked to use anal swabs. One woman, who was not identified by name, was asked to use an anal swab in a mandatory hotel quarantine in Beijing…
The test can involve inserting a swab about one to two inches into the rectum to gather a sample.
China keeps finding new ways to stick it up the ass of the world.
Main Squeeze of the Week
Monica Lewinsky, the former White House intern who infamously had an affair with then-President Bill Clinton, once grabbed his genitals in a crowd and bent over to flash her thong at him, according to a memoir written by Linda Tripp, Lewinsky’s former colleague in the Pentagon’s public affairs office.
Lewinsky was 23 years old when she confided in Tripp about her affair with Clinton. Lewinsky, now 47, had a sexual relationship with President Clinton from 1995 to 1997. Tripp’s memoir ‘A Basket of Deplorables: What I Saw Inside the Clinton White House,’ was published by Post Hill Press last month after her death in April 2020. New York Post recently published an excerpt of the memoir which detailed Clinton’s August 1996 birthday party at Radio City Music Hall, which was attended by Lewinsky and where she squeezed the former president’s private parts.
“She would gush that she had maneuvered into a position to grab his genitals with no one being the wiser, delighted to have given ‘the Big He’ a little love massage,” Tripp wrote about Lewinsky. Tripp claimed that Lewinsky told her in November of that year: “You absolutely won’t believe this, but I squeezed his balls right in the middle of throngs of people! This was quickly followed by a recitation of the celebrities there (‘I’ll bet none of them got to squeeze his balls!’) and catty remarks about [First Lady] Hillary [Clinton], who from that moment on was referred to disdainfully only as ‘the Ba Ba.’”
“Ba Ba and the Balls” sounds like an awesome buddy cop flick show from the 90’s.
Flasher/Slasher of the Week
Newton Aycliffe man flashed his genitals at teenage girls
A MAN who flashed his genitals at two teenage girls and threatened to “slash them up” has appeared at court.
Liam John Anthony Hewitt was “extremely intoxicated” in Darlington on November 4 last year when he exposed himself and threatened the teenagers, Newton Aycliffe Magistrates’ Court heard.
Ian Martin, prosecuting, said the 27-year-old had been drinking for several hours before spotting the girls and shouting abuse and eventually dropping his shorts.
He added: “The defendant shouted at the girls, calling them ‘fat f*****g c***s’ and ‘bus w*****s’, before going on to drop his shorts and expose himself to them.
“He then threatened to ‘slash them up’ as they got into a car to leave.”
Warren Ridley, mitigating, said his client was so drunk that fell over when he tried to pull his shorts back up.
District Judge Tim Capstick said: “You scared the life out of these two young girls. I have read the impact statements and one of them was scared because of your threat to slash her up and the other because of you exposing yourself.”
What the bloody hell is a “bus w*****s?”
Outfielder of the Week
A St. George man is facing felony lewdness and failing to register as a sex offender after he was found lying naked in a field in Washington City on Monday morning. He was transported and admitted into the hospital with hypothermia and more than two days later was booked into jail.
The incident began Monday when officers responded to a report of a suspicious vehicle in the area of Sandia Road in Washington Fields. The callers also told emergency dispatch that the car looked out of place and several doors were left open on the vehicle, according to charging documents filed with the court.
Officers arrived and found a green passenger car. A registration check came back showing the car was registered to a 52-year-old St. George resident David Nicholas King. Officers also discovered that King was a felon with an active warrant for failing to register as a sex offender.
Inside of the car officers noticed a pair of men’s sandals and clothing on the floor and the car keys on the passenger seat.
While searching the area, officers were flagged down by a farmer near east 2000 South who reported he was making the rounds to feed his cows when he came upon a man “lying on the ground completely naked” in one of his fields.
The farmer went on to tell police that the suspect “was just watching him and it freaked him out,” the officer noted in the report.
Washington City Police Chief Jason Williams told St. George News when officers arrived at the field they saw the nude man lying on his back covering his genitals with his hands.
King turned on his side as soon as they approached. Officers then noticed a blue substance around the man’s mouth. When they attempted to help King to his feet he was unable to stand. They also noted the suspect was “conscious but not making any sense,” and was acting as if he “was in another dimension,” as he began looking around quickly and appeared as if he was frightened by something, even though there was nothing there, the officer wrote.
Meanwhile, officers continued working the scene; and while canvassing the area where the vehicle was found abandoned, Williams said, they were approached by several residents who reported seeing the suspect go through a number of backyards naked, with one report stating he was seen peering in the window of one of the homes.
Later, officers received surveillance footage from one of the residents who did not witness the incident but found it later while going through the doorbell camera footage.
The man was still nude when the surveillance footage captured him following a resident who entered the home and shut the door, which Williams said was fortunate for the homeowner who had automatic deadbolt locks that activated as soon as the door closed.
The suspect continued towards the home and then masturbated on the front porch in view of the camera and then left.
Unfortunately, St. George has no statute against raping a field.
Zipper of the Week
Unzipping pants, holding minor’s hand not ‘sexual assault’: Bombay HC
The Bombay High Court (Nagpur Bench) has ruled that “unzipping pants or holding a minor’s hand” does not amount to ‘sexual assault’ under the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act, 2012.
This came on the original complaint filed by a woman who came to her home one afternoon and found the accused with his pants unzipped flashing his private parts as he held the hand of her 5-year-old daughter and asked her to come to bed with him.
When she saw this, she hurled abuses at him after which he released her daughter, who later informed her that the accused wanted her to get into bed and sleep with him.
The verdict by Justice Pushpa V. Ganediwala came in a criminal appeal against the conviction and imprisonment of one year and five-year jail plus fines under different laws, awarded to the 50-year-old man for molesting the 5-year-old girl, by the Special Judge of Special POCSO Court, Gadchiroli, in October 2020.
While considering these aspects, the high court referred to the definition of ‘sexual assault’ under Sec. 7 of POCSO Act: “Whoever with sexual intent touches vagina, penis, anus or breast of the child or makes the child touch the vagina, penis, anus or breast of such person or any other person or does any other act with sexual intent which involves physical contact without penetration is said to commit sexual assault.”
Justice Ganediwala observed: “The acts of ‘holding the hands of the prosecutrix’, or ‘opened zip of the pant’ as has been allegedly witnessed by the (witness), in the opinion of this court, does not fit in the definition of ‘sexual assault’.”
No blood, no foul.
Bug Eyes of the Week
Pensacola couple kept kids in home covered in feces and crawling with bugs
A Pensacola couple is accused of keeping children in a home where there was feces on the floors of most of the rooms, surfaces were crawling with bugs and the refrigerator had nothing to eat or drink, expect bottles of beer.
Donald Cox Jr., 45, and Catherin Cox, 42, of Pensacola, were arrested Monday and each charged with four counts of child neglect. They were booked into the Escambia County Jail with $10,000 bonds, and both remained in custody as of Tuesday.
An investigation into the couple began after a child who lived in the home opened a backpack at school and a witness saw bugs come scuttling out.
A short time later, an agent from the Florida Department of Children and Families responded to the couple’s home in 600 block of Citrus Street in Pensacola to determine if the residence was suitable for children.
An ECSO deputy escorted the DCF agent into the building.
“I immediately smelled the odor of feces, along with other unpleasant smells,” the deputy later wrote in her report. “I observed feces on the floor of the living room, along with most other rooms of the home.
During the inspection, Donald Cox repeatedly said DCF was “in the wrong,” the deputy noted in her report.
“Both Catherin Cox and Donald Cox Jr. appeared to not see any issue with the living conditions,” the deputy wrote.
Of course he didn’t see any issue with his place, his googley eyes were looking at the house next door that isn’t covered in shit.
Sucker of the Week
The thief, 24, allegedly forced a staff member at the station to hand over cash from the till during a terrifying burglary in Bratislava, Slovakia in the early hours of Wednesday.
The male shop assistant then fled to the back office after allegedly being punched in the face by the ruthless robber.
According to the TASR news agency, citing a police source, a mystery woman entered the petrol station via a back door willing to help staff stall the criminal.
The female – who is not believed to be an employee – reportedly performed an oral sex act on the 24-year-old thief in a bid to stop him fleeing.
A staff member on the premises had already called the police who arrived to discover the woman and the robber lying naked on the floor, reports say.
Bratislava police spokesperson Michal Szeiff told TASR: “In one of the rooms, the officers saw the man receiving sexual services from the young woman.”
According to local media, the woman told police when they arrived: “Take him, I can’t anymore.”
Just another day at the “Suck ‘N Pump” gas station.
Lethal Weapon of the Week
Australian man reportedly attacks sex shop worker with used vibrator
An Australian man threw his used vibrator at the manager of an adult store after complaining it got too hot during use…
Father of three Benjamin Thomas Pellicaan, 29, had gone to the store in Queensland to demand that the X-rated toy be checked after it got “extremely hot” after “only 10 minutes of use,”
But when the manager called him back and said the sex toy was working just fine, Pellicaan flew into a rage — calling her a “c—” and threatening to “sort her out,” local reports said.
“He said he would take a replacement from the shelf and she would not be able to stop him,” prosecutor Stipe Drinovac told Maroochydore District Court.
The manager and store owner prepared for the expected confrontation by removing all the vibrators from the shelves…
When Pellicaan arrived, he yelled, “Where are the other toys?” before throwing a sex toy at a shelf.
The manager then handed him his original purchase, repeating that they had found nothing wrong with it.
But the sexually frustrated man flung the device in her direction and it bounced off a cabinet, hitting her in the leg, the court heard.
She then pushed a police panic button, which sent Pellicaan into further rage, though he eventually left the store.
When cops showed up at his home to arrest him, he verbally abused a female officer, according to the report.
When a douchebag is really a dildo.
Quote of the Week
‘Depraved’ man who had sex with pet chickens has jail term reduced
A “depraved” man who had sex with his pet chickens while his wife filmed him has had his jail term reduced on appeal.
Footage of Rehan Baig having sex with the birds – which died as a result – was found on computer equipment seized from his home in Shepherd Street, Bradford, West Yorkshire, along with indecent images of children.
Baig, 37, was jailed for three years at Bradford Crown Court in October last year after admitting a string of offences including having intercourse with an animal, possessing extreme pornographic images and making indecent photographs of children.
His sentence was cut to two years and four months at the Court of Appeal in London on Friday after two senior judges concluded the original term was too long.
He f*cked chickens to death. Why is “depraved” in quotes?
WTF? of the Week
Man filmed masturbating hours after allegedly raping, killing student
A man accused of raping and murdering a British university student was back stalking other women within hours — and pleasuring himself in public, a court has heard.
Married dad-of-two Pawel Relowicz, 26, was caught on CCTV footage in the early hours of Feb. 1, 2019, performing the solo sex act outside a takeaway restaurant in Hull, a city in East Yorkshire, England, prosecutor Richard Wright told Sheffield Crown Court on Wednesday…
It was just two hours after he claimed he had consensual sex with philosophy student Libby Squire, 21.
Squire’s body was discovered in a river almost two months later.
The prosecutor suggested that sex with the Hull University student “wasn’t enough” and he was “back out again looking for other women to masturbate at.”
“This is correct,” Relowicz admitted in court, although denied he had been targeting another woman who was filmed walking past at the time, according to the local outlet.
It was not clear how Squire had been killed, but a swab taken from her body matched Relowicz’s DNA profile, the court heard.
Relowicz previously pleaded guilty to nine offenses including voyeurism, outraging public decency and burglary, including masturbating at women in the street and breaking into houses to steal underwear and sex toys…
When police arrested him for Squire’s abduction, they found two masks and a holdall containing stolen vibrators and underwear in his car…
Relowicz admitted the earlier crimes, telling the court that he has a “problem” and a “fetish.”
Rape and murder only count as fetishes if your name is Bill Clinton.
