Joe Biden’s mind is gone, jobs are gone, freedom is gone, and are country is going, soon to be gone. Luckily some thing are still here including Def-Con News, our weekly WTF? column, and the sheer insanity within. Try to pretend like everything doesn’t suck as you enjoy this week’s WTF?
Headline of the Week
Orgy involving at least 81 people raided by police in France for breaking covid rules
French police shut down a warehouse orgy with at least 81 participants on the outskirts of Paris because it breached coronavirus regulations.
Locals alerted police to a party taking place in Collegien, around 20 miles from the centre of Paris, on Friday night.
Officers arrived on the scene at around 9pm and found 11 people in the car park, who they fined €135 for breaking France’s coronavirus curfew, which restricts movement from 6pm to 6am.
At 11pm, officers were granted legal permission to enter the warehouse where a large number of people were engaged in an orgy.
Local magistrates sitting in an emergency session authorised police to confiscate sound systems and light installations, along with alcohol, in the raid.
A total of 81 people were handed fines for breaking the curfew and three people thought to be involved in organising the “libertine party” were taken in for questioning.
“The event was in breach of the curfew, and there were also problems with masks and social distancing,” an investigator said.
“Those involved in the libertine party cooperated with the police, and there was no resistance to the police.”
What a polite bunch of f*ckers.
Stranger Things of the Week
Stranger In A Penis Costume Flops Around The Streets Of Melbourne
In Australia, there is no city or town that doesn’t have at least one odd thing about it from the weirdest animals chilling in homes to just crazy things on the streets, and Melbourne is no exception.
But when people in Footscray might have been on their way to work one day they might not have been prepared for what they were about to encounter.
A video posted to Brown Cardigan shows a person dressed up on the road dancing in a huge penis costume.
Before it fires its load all over, the person in the costume is seen jumping around.
The video does not go long enough to show what the penis is doing next and whether after climaxing it goes floppy or gets to have another round down the street.
It looks like it’s pretty hard to walk around in the costume from the first run-through.
Stranger danger! Stranger danger!
And to prove everything doesn’t totally suck, we found the video:
View this post on Instagram
Bucket List of the Week
St Thomas teen sentenced to prison after severing boy’s penis
The St Thomas teen who was arrested and charged for severing the penis of a six-year-old boy has been sentenced to three years and seven months behind bars.
The convict, who was 16 years old at the time of the offence in August 2019 was sentenced in the St Thomas Parish Court Thursday.
He had earlier pleaded guilty.
The teen’s attorney Tamika Harris begged for leniency.
On the evening of August 2, 2019, the father of the six-year-old boy became concerned after not seeing his son for a while.
He made enquiries and was told that his son was last seen in the company of the teenager.
The father then went to the teen’s home in search of his son and stumbled upon the unconscious six-year-old lying in bushes, with cuts, bruises, and stab wounds.
His penis had also been dismembered.
The young boy was rushed to the Princess Margaret Hospital in Morant Bay and later transferred to the Bustamante Hospital for Children in St Andrew.
The severed penis was later found in a bucket of water and attempts to reattach it was unsuccessful.
In the US, teens like video games and complaining about everything. In Jamaica, they castrate children.
Vag of the Week
A self-proclaimed holistic sex expert has come under fire for a music video called ‘Kung Fu Vagina,’ which rhapsodizes about jade eggs while embracing Asian stereotypes and yellowface.
Kim Anami debuted the video on social media this week to promote her ‘Vaginal Kung Fu Salon’ online course, proudly posting the clip of herself wearing stereotypical Asian costumes while singing a re-imagined version of the 1974 song ‘Kung Fu Fighting.’
But the promotional campaign quickly went awry when social media users accused her of being racist, dressing in yellowface, and mixing up Asian cultures, all while slamming the video as ‘highly offensive.’
Anami has since deleted the video from Instagram and YouTube, but her tweet promoting it is still up.
Again, things don’t totally suck because here is the video:
View this post on Instagram
Epic Fail of the Week
Queensland woman died in custody after bag of meth found in vagina ‘failed’
The death in custody of a Queensland woman after a clipseal bag containing meth “failed” in her vagina has led to recommended changes to the way prisoners are treated.
Mother-of-three Cindy Leigh Miller, 44, died hours after being taken into custody in the Ipswich Watch House on April 21, 2018.
Miller, who had a history of drug offences and was also jailed for the manslaughter of a violent partner in 2007, was pulled over by police about 5.30pm when officers found she had two outstanding warrants.
She was arrested, before police found used syringes in her bag.
Arresting officers reported she displayed no “overt” signs she was affected by drugs, although she admitted to drinking alcohol in the past 24 hours.
Miller was taken to the watch house but was unresponsive when officers checked on her in her cell at 1.35am.
Paramedics attempted to resuscitate her but she could not be revived.
An autopsy determined Miller died from “mixed drug toxicity” after a lethal combination of illicit and prescription drugs were found in her system.
During the procedure, a “clipseal bag containing a small crystalline ‘rock’” was removed from her vagina.
The substance was analysed and found to be 5mg of pure methylamphetamine.
A forensic examination revealed it was “logical” Miller had deliberately ingested the drug while in custody or the clipseal bag discovered in her vagina failed and it was “absorbed that way”.
I feel like there will be an awesome Ziploc sandwich bag commercial to come from this tragedy.
Keeping Up of the Week
Mother-of-three Lyubov Laufer, 45, says her life has been ruined by the traumatic £3,900 surgery in Novosibirsk, central Russia.
She claims she asked Russian plastic surgeon Tatyana Romanovskaya to remove breast implants after seven years due to inflammation.
Yet, minutes before the lipofilling treatment – in which the patient’s own fat is used improve the breast shape – she claims she was told the medic’s colleague Rustam Kurmanbaev would perform the surgery instead.
And despite crying when she was told about the change in surgeon, she agreed to go ahead with the procedure in which any excess fat would be injected into her bum.
Speaking of the impact of the surgery, she said: “I have lost everything – my job and my family as I cannot sleep in the same room as my husband.”
The procedure lasted five hours and she woke in “excruciating pain” and requiring oxygen as she suffered “convulsions”.
She said: “I felt horror when I saw my breasts and huge fear in my soul about how I would live with it. Everything froze in me.
“And forgive me Kim Kardashian, but I woke up with my buttocks a terrifying size that I had not asked for.
“Even in my worst dream, I could not dream of a Kardashian-like bum on my slender body.”
She claims two litres of fat had been taken from different places in her body and was mostly injected into her buttocks.
Back in Moscow, doctors were shocked at the damage to her body with “holes and tunnels” under her scarred skin.
“My husband is afraid to hug me,” she said.
I hear Kanye West is now single.
Meal of the Week
Woman Allegedly Killed Her Boyfriend Then Served His Genitals In A Meal To His Friends
In Morocco, a woman was accused of murdering her partner and then cooking up a particular part of his body to serve his friends.
The 30-year-old is accused of assaulting her boyfriend after he revealed that someone else wanted to marry him.
The police said that the woman was enraged after she discovered the same, as they had been together for seven years and she was contemplating a future with him.
The 30-year-old fried his genitals and prepared meat in a traditional meal known as a Machboos after reportedly murdering the man who was 10 years younger than her. The dish is widely popular in Bahrain, according to 7News, and is similar to Indian biryani with rice and meat, usually chicken.
The woman allegedly served the meal near her home in the United Arab Emirates to the victim’s construction worker friends.
Penis or no penis, Indian food is just gross.
Kick of the Week
German doctor with ‘cocaine-laced genitals’ jailed after lover poisoned to death
A top doctor in Germany has been jailed for causing the death of his lover – after he secretly sprinkled cocaine on his genitals, leading her to suffer a fatal overdose.
Dr Andreas David Niederbichler, 45, was jailed for nine years for aggravated rape and bodily harm leading to death after making his blonde lover, identified only as Yvonne M., 38, take cocaine by putting it on his private parts.
She was not his only victim, as the court in Magdeburg, in the German state of Saxony-Anhalt, heard that Dr Niederbichler put cocaine on his foreskin before having vaginal, anal and oral sex with three other women between September 2015 and February 2018.
He met Yvonne on a dating website and the court heard that while sex was consensual, the oral sex where she ended up with the cocaine in her mouth was not.
After taking part in the sex act, Yvonne became short of breath and soon collapsed.
An autopsy revealed that she had died from a cocaine overdose.
Breaking his silence to local newspaper Bild, Niederbichler claimed Yvonne was a willing participant in the act that saw him jailed.
He told the newspaper: “Yes, there were drugs, but I didn’t give them any drugs without them knowing about it. I was looking for a kick, and they were taking part as well.”
I thought “coke dick” was something entirely different. I also thought a “murder boner” was something else.
Dear Def-Con News – Weekly Advice Column
Q: Why Do I Get Cramps After I Masturbate?
Wait 15 minutes until after you’ve eaten – DCN
Q: Does Drinking Apple Juice ‘Make Your PP Bigger’?
I drink a gallon of the stuff every day so, no – DCN
Q: What happened to 2020’s viral ‘Penis Man’?
He now identifies as 2021’s Viral Vagina Woman – DCN
Q: Do Testicles Have Taste Buds?
Mine have ear buds so they can listen to “Big Balls’ by AC/DC – DCN
Q: What is a vagina supposed to look like?
The box a penis comes in – DCN
Q: What do genital warts look like?
The box a penis shouldn’t come in – DCN
Tall, medium build, dark complexion, considered armed and dangerous – DCN
Q: What Does It Mean If You Have Watery Cervical Mucus?
It’s probably just a blown gasket – DCN
Q: Does Kelly Dodd’s vagina smell like tuna?
Technically, tuna smells like Kelly Dodd’s vagina – DCN
Q: How Long Should You Pump for Breast Milk?
Until your arms get tired – DCN
Not if you exercise your 2nd Amendment right of armed self-defense – DCN
Wings for the Super Bowl, anyone?
That would be cool but the Detroit Red Wings play hockey, not football – DCN
Probe of the Week
Buttocks grabbing incident lands prisoner in hospital
An altercation between two inmates over the touching of buttocks has resulted in one of them being hospitalized with stab wounds.
The victim, Alvin Jones called “Hotskull” is currently serving a 45-year sentence for murder.
According to reports from prison officials, during the course of Sunday night, Jones was accused of grabbing the buttocks of another prisoner and the two got into a fight at the Camp Street jail.
Early this morning, the two men got into another fight and it was then that Jones was stabbed with an improvised weapon.
He was rushed to the hospital with his stab injuries and has been admitted as a patient under guard.
The Acting Director of Prisons has indicated that the matter is still under probe.
The director is probing the Hotskull buttocks incident.
Spooner of the Week
Pair appeal conviction for trying to put spoon up friend’s bottom, filming it
Two people who filmed themselves try to put a plastic spoon up their sleeping friend’s anus are appealing their convictions and sentences for indecent assault.
The offending, passed off by the pair as a prank among friends, happened following a drunken night out in 2019 while the victim was asleep in the back of a car.
According to a summary of facts, the victim had consumed an unknown amount of alcohol and cannabis during the night and was “severely intoxicated”.
As he lay unconscious in the back seat of his friend’s vehicle, the 28-year-old male offender began filming with his phone, and called out to check if the victim was awake.
When no response came, the 21-year-old female offender leaned over from the front seat and tried to put the plastic spoon into the victim’s anus.
She continued trying to insert the spoon as the pair laughed and joked, before eventually removing it.
She then put a scoop of soft serve ice cream down the back of the victim’s pants, at which point he woke up and asked what they were doing, the summary said.
The offenders then suggested he have a spoonful of his ice cream, and he passed out again.
The woman was charged with indecent assault, while the man was charged with inciting indecent assault.
Withe friends like that, who needs enemas?
Mug of the Week
4 charged with abuse of corpse after body found in vehicle Jan. 23
Four people have been charged with failing to report a death and abusing a corpse in Greene County after a man was found dead in a vehicle.
The charges stem from an investigation that began after Andrew Davenport, 32, of Greeneville, was found dead inside a vehicle along the Highway 70 Bypass on January 23.
The Greene County Sheriff’s Office, Greeneville Police Department and Tennessee Bureau of Investigation began investigating Davenport’s death and discovered he had been at a home on Old Knoxville Highway before his death.
“Further investigation revealed that Jennifer Clark, Patricia ‘PJ’ Graham, Terrance Clark, and Justin Tollett failed to report his death and transported his body to the location where it was discovered by Greeneville Police,” the release states.
Is that guy the suspect or the corpse? The news wasn’t real clear on that point.
Joke of the Week
Man shot, killed in Hermitage after ‘prank robbery’ for YouTube video went wrong
A man was shot and killed Friday night in the parking lot of a Hermitage business after a robbery “prank” for a YouTube channel went wrong, according to Metro Nashville police.
The homicide unit is investigating a claim of self-defense in the shooting, MNPD stated in a Saturday news release.
Timothy Wilks, 20, was shot and killed in the parking lot of Urban Air Trampoline and Adventure Park around 9:20 p.m. When officers arrived at the scene around five minutes later, 23-year-old David Starnes Jr. admitted to shooting Wilks.
Investigators were told that Wilks and a friend approached a group of people, including Starnes, with butcher knives while participating in a “prank” robbery for a YouTube video.
Starnes, who told officers he was unaware of the prank, said he shot Wilks in defense of himself and others, according to the release.
If more pranks ended up like this, there would be less stupid prank shows. And because things do still suck, we couldn’t find the video.
Florida Man of the Week All Time
Florida man arrested, jailed for calling 911 four times for a ride home
A man with a tattoo of Florida in the middle of his forehead was arrested for misusing the 9-1-1 system.
The Pasco County Sheriff’s office says Matthew Leatham called 9-1-1 four times on Sunday to ask for a ride home.
At one point, he claimed he called the wrong number, but later called back.
He also admitted to drinking a bit.
Records show a deputy met up with Leatham and offered to call him a taxi.
But Leatham said he didn’t have money for one.
He was then arrested for calling 9-1-1 when there wasn’t an emergency.
Leatham was also found with marijuana during a search.
Every other man in Florida should just stop trying.
Advice of the Week
Jennifer Lawrence injured on the set of movie ‘Don’t Look Up’
Jennifer Lawrence was injured while shooting her new film “Don’t Look Up” when glass dramatically exploded on the set and hit the star in the face, multiple sources told Page Six. Production was halted for the day after the accident on Friday, sources said.
“An explosion was set up for a stunt in which glass shatters,” a source said. “It was a stunt in which the glass was supposed to shatter — but it injured her.”
We hear that Lawrence, 30, was hurt when the glass scarily hit her near the eye. But sources further told us that the mega-star is expected to be OK.
In other words, she probably shouldn’t have looked up?
Contestant of the Week
Man with one leg pummeled during Bronx bus beatdown
A one-legged man was pummeled by two passengers on a Bronx bus, new video released by police shows.
The 50-year-old victim was sitting at the front of a Bx30 bus at East Gun Hill Road and White Plains Road in Olinville around 7:45 p.m. Jan. 15 when a man bumped into him, cops said.
The victim told the passenger he should say “excuse me,” according to police.
That set off the stranger, who punched the victim in the face…
The victim fought back — and the two men traded blows and grabbed each other by their jackets…
Then a second man stepped in and started punching the victim…
The suspects, who police said appeared to be intoxicated, got off the bus at Boston Road and Bruner Avenue.
The victim was treated on scene for pain and swelling to his face, and later sought medical attention at Montefiore Medical Center, cops said.
In case you were wondering how a one-legged man would do in an ass-kicking contest, the answer is: poorly.
WTF? of the Week
Three dead in ‘murder-suicide’ after snow shoveling dispute in Pennsylvania
A dispute over shoveling snow turned deadly when a man fatally shot his two neighbors before taking his own life in Pennsylvania, authorities said.
Jeffrey Spaide, 47, shot dead his across-the-street neighbors, James Goy, 50, and his wife, Lisa, 48, as they were clearing snow Monday morning in Plains Township…
“Apparently there’s been an ongoing dispute between neighbors, some of which involved a dispute about snow disposal and removal,” Luzerne County First Assistant District Attorney Sam Sanguedolce said.
“They’re across the street from each other, and when they would remove snow they would throw it across the street at the other person’s property.”
“If you step out of here, I’ll knock your a– out,” James can be heard saying to Spaide.
“I’ll make your life a living hell living here, d–khead,” James can be heard shouting, to which Spaide responds, “What? … F–k you, you f–king scum.”
Lisa can be heard adding, “You’re the f–king scumbag. You don’t know how to talk to somebody.”
“That’s right … You’re a p—y, p—y, p—y,” her husband continues while flipping off the man.
Spaide is shown walking down his driveway toward the couple, who is goading him into a contfrontation.
When they realize he has a gun, James urges him to put it down.
Spaide then opens fire, hitting James first and then Lisa. As James runs towards his home, the gunman shoots his wife two more times.
“Call the cops,” James shouts before the decorated former Navy specialist chases and shoots him again.
After slaughtering the couple, Spaide went back inside his home and grabbed an AR-15-style rifle, authorities said.
“He retrieved the rifle and shot them again,” Plains Township police Sgt. Michael Smith told the paper.
While other people rush to the wounded couple’s aide, Spaide returned with a larger rifle and barked, “You should have kept your f–king mouth [shut],” before shooting Lisa again.
Police said Spaide then went back inside his home and used a third rifle to kill himself.
This is a strong contender for WTF? of the Year, which says a lot since Joe Biden was inaugurated President of the United States in 2021.
