This week’s major WTF? is that liberals came to the sudden realization that Joe Biden is terrible. It’s as if his 50 years of accomplishing nothing and lying wasn’t a clue that he’d be ineffectual and break all his campaign promises. Here’s some other WTF? that will blow liberals minds:
Headline of the Week
Mythical hobbit ‘sighting’ after ‘little hairy man’ jumps onto naturalist’s roof
A ‘little hairy man’ was heard calling out to a pal before jumping on the roof of a family home, a biologist claims.
Wildlife expert and lecturer Gary Opit believes his daughter came face to face with a gibbon-like creature on December 20 last year in Nimbin, New South Wales, Australia.
But as an expert in zoology, Gary dismissed the sighting as any known ape because they do not live in the area.
Gary said: “Our daughter and her partner when staying with us over Christmas saw a Nimbinjee or little hairy man jump up onto our roof at 2am and from their description was exactly like a gibbon in all respects.
“Of course there are no gibbons here and there have never been nocturnal and terrestrial gibbons known. They said that there were two of them calling quietly to one another. We have an audio recording of the calls and a coloured illustration of what they saw.”
Gary who hosts a weekly radio show, says whatever climbed onto his house last year could have been the same creature he heard in Koonyam Range bushland in June 1996.
He said: “Twice at dusk I heard within 100 metres of the house a loud and powerful call – “ruuff” – of an animal that I could not identify. I did not observe the animal but was fortunate enough to hear what I believe was its territorial call.”
“Approximately 50 metres away near a dry creek bed, in eucalypt forest, a series of some 90-loud bark-like calls rent the air.
“In the same locality, I have had an animal approach to within a few metres of me through dense vegetation cracking two sticks together over several minutes, even as my dog barked at it and then it silently disappeared.
“Could these be evidence of a Hobbit living in my locality?”
So, not gibbons but Hobbits, says the zoology expert.
Fish Dick of the Week
Bizarre ‘sea penis’ gets a rise out of social media
An Australian freediver has social media in sophomoric stitches after sharing a pic of a bizarre penis-shaped creature on Facebook.
“It seems to bring a lot of happiness,” wrote Josie Jones, 48, above a photo of the oceanic phallus, which she encountered on the sea floor off Rye Front Beach in Victoria, Jam Press reported.
Not quite sure what to make of the sea penis, the oceanic explorer shared a pic of it to a local marine research Facebook group Tuesday.
Biologists were quick to point out that the marine “manhood” is in fact, a priapulida — a type of unsegmented worm that resides at the bottom of the ocean, Earth Life reported.
Named after Priapos — the Greek god of male generative power — the priapulan’s resemblance to a phallus becomes all the more evident given its penchant for discharging its eggs and sperm into the sea, according to Encyclopedia.com.
It’s a fish stick that makes it’s own tartar sauce.
Duck Dick of the Week
4-Yr-Old Penis Chopped Off By ‘Quack’ Doctor During Circumcision
A four-year-old boy, Dehnyuwah Wheagon, is suffering from unprofessional circumcision which led to his penis being almost totally chopped off by a community “doctor” identified Solomon Goffa in District #4, Grand Bassa County.
According to reports, the penis of little Degyuwah Wheagon was allegedly cut off by the doctor when he carried out the circumcision.
Theophilus George, uncle of the child, told this newspaper that the incident occurred three weeks ago and that they didn’t notice it until they took the boy to the hospital.
“Solomon Goffa circumcised the boy three weeks ago; but the boy kept feeling pain and crying so we took him to the hospital for checkup because Solomon Goffa couldn’t be seen around.”
He explained further that when the boy was rushed to the Liberian Government Hospital in Buchanan, doctors told them that Goffa wrongfully circumcised the boy by cutting off his penis.
“When the doctors at the Liberia Government Hospital informed us that our son’s penis was cut off, we complained Solomon Goffa to the police,” George added.
The Women and Children Protection Division of the Liberian National Police has arrested and sent to prison Solomon Goffa and another person who according to reports aided him in the process.
There are pictures that go along with this story that I couldn’t bring myself to include. You’re welcome.
Dick Head of the Week
Florida man pleads guilty, sentenced to 20 years after cutting off wife’s lover’s penis
A Gilchrist County man pleads guilty to cutting off another man’s genitals with a pair of scissors, while children were in the other room.
Alex Bonilla was sentenced to 20 years in prison, plus 10 years probation, after being found guilty of kidnapping and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
In 2019, several days after Bonilla found his wife cheating on him with the victim, the 49-year-old went to the victim’s home in Bell with a gun, forced him to into a chair, before cutting off his penis. Gilchrist County Deputies say Bonilla then ran to his home with the victim’s penis in his possession.
According to court records, responding deputies surrounded Bonilla’s home while one drove the victim to a local hospital.
Two children were in the home at the time, but charges of child abuse related to the trauma of the event were dropped.
Bonilla has also been charged more than $251,023 in restitution.
Who came up with the pricing on unwanted dick removal compensation?
Dick Weed of the Week
A MAN frantically phoned emergency services after cutting off his own penis with a folding razor while high on cannabis.
After receiving the late-night call, cops and paramedics rushed to the 47-year-old’s flat in Mainz, Germany.
He was treated at the scene after slicing off his own penis before being transferred to hospital.
The man had to undergo emergency surgery following the unfortunate incident.
During an inspection of the apartment, police found his severed member.
Next to it was an amount of marijuana, which he had been smoking before making the emergency call shortly before midnight on Monday.
According to a spokeswoman from the Mainz Police Department, the man used a folding razor to cut off his penis.
He was under the influence of cannabis at the time, she added.
It is not known whether doctors have been able to reattach his penis.
Just say nein to drugs.
Battle Dick of the Week
Battle Ground man accused of asking teen to remove rubber band from his penis
Terry Grant Jackson watched porn late Sept. 13, and when his penis became erect, he put a rubber band around it, according to a probable cause affidavit filed with charges.
The affidavit does not explain why Jackson put a rubber band around his penis, but it notes that the rubber band became stuck.
Jackson went to a teenager who was in the house and asked the girl to remove the rubber band, according to prosecutors.
She refused, prosecutors said.
Jackson said he’d remove the rubber band himself, according to the affidavit that was filed with the charge of attempted child seduction.
Since Jackson, 38, of Battle Ground, has felony convictions in 2007, 2008 and 2014, prosecutors charged him with a sentence-enhancing charge of habitual offender.
At least he was wearing protection.
Embattled Dick of the Week
Florida man, naked, shaking his penis at people, shot
A Florida man is in critical condition after he brought the wrong weapon to a gunfight and was shot while naked and carrying a Bible.
According to police, the shooting happened outside the Sunshine Garden Apartments at 6840 Pembroke Road, just southeast of North Perry Airport in Pembroke Pines.
Police responded to the apartment complex after multiple people called 911 to report a naked man running around.
Police said he was knocking on doors, while naked, and when someone would answer, the man would ask, “Do you want some of this?” Witnesses said the man would then point to his penis while shaking it at them.
While officers were en-route to the scene, another caller reported that the man had been shot.
Upon arrival, police found the man on the road bleeding profusely suffering from multiple gunshot wounds. He was transported to a local hospital with life-threatening injuries.
The shooter later called 911 and turned himself in.
It was unclear where on his body the man was shot.
He got a pretty clear answer to his question.
Nutcracker of the Week
Assault suspect puts squeeze on boyfriend
Wichita Falls Police were sent to a reported assault Thursday night at an address on Joline Street. The victim told officers he and his ex-girlfriend, Lisa Morgan, had been in an altercation.
The man said Morgan grabbed his testicles and squeezed them while he was standing in the living room. He said he tried to calm Morgan down, but she was throwing metal paintings and other objects. The victim was limping and said it hurt to walk. He told the police he was in pain but said “he’d would be okay.”
The victim was very sweaty and his pants were wrinkled where Morgan had grabbed him.
The victim seemed very nervous and shaken up and said he just wanted Morgan out of his house. The officer noted that the victim and Morgan live in the same house and have been together for about nine months.
They arrested Morgan and charged her with Assault Causing Bodily Injury-Family Violence.
His main squeeze, who is nuts, squeezed his nuts.
Nut Jacker of the Week
Arima man shot in legs, scrotum
An Arima man is being treated for gunshot wounds he received on Saturday afternoon.
Police said they received reports of a shooting at Darwill Gardens, Arima, at around 3.16 pm and went to the area.
Officers got to the scene and saw a brown Nissan Versa driving away. On stopping the car, they saw the wounded man in the backseat.
The driver, a passerby, told police he was taking the man to the hospital.
The police escorted the car to the Arima Health Facility where the man was treated and transferred to another hospital.
Investigators said the man was shot twice in the scrotum, twice in his right leg and once in the left inner thigh.
He was last listed in unstable condition.
With a 5-shot group in his crotch, someone really wanted to take out this guy’s junk.
Threesome of the Week
Metro Police found 39-year-old Terrance Carter wearing only boxers and fondling his genitals with both hands at the Club-Hotel Nashville Tuesday evening, where he told a “bizarre and winding story about having two separate women he was with at the hotel”. Hotel staff reports he had been walking the hallways while nearly naked for several hours.
Metro Nashville Police officers responded to the Club-Hotel Nashville just before 7 p.m. Tuesday, to a report of a man walking the hallway in his boxers while fondling himself. The hotel staff reported to police the man had been just walking the hallway playing with himself for ‘several hours’.
Officers made contact with the man, identified as Terrance Carter, age 39, and noted he was only wearing boxer shorts, and had both hands inside his boxers, and was fondling his genitals. Officers ordered him to remove his hands from his genitals, which he did for the moment but remained ‘agitated and fidgety’ throughout the entire encounter.
Terrance Carter stated to officers that he knew the individual in room 339 as ‘Cara’, then restated that a different female was in 339 and Cara was in room 337. Hotel staff found both rooms to be unoccupied and unrented. He detailed to officers a ‘bizarre and winding story’ which claimed he was with two different women at the hotel but struggled to identify why he had ended up in his boxers roaming the hallways for hours while fondling his penis and testicles. Officers smelled marijuana, however, Carter denied any substance use despite showing several signs of impairment.
Cops suspect he was smoking weed but actually he was under the influence of rubbing alcohol.
Twosome of the Week
A young woman who has two vaginas has decided to raise awareness of the rare condition to help other teenagers.
Andreea, who doesn’t wish to share her surname, 26, was told during a check-up when she was 14, that she had a very rare condition called uterus didelphys – which means she has two vaginas and two wombs.
‘I knew a sexual health check up would include a slightly uncomfortable examination, but I was in such a lot of pain, it hurt so badly I had to ask the doctor to stop,’ explained Andreaa.
The gynaecologist then discovered that he could not insert the speculum because Andreea has cartilage dividing the entrance to her vagina, effectively splitting it into two.
Andreea remembers: ‘He was quite shocked. He said it was very rare but not something to worry about at my age.’
A scan shortly after found that Andreea has two vaginas and two wombs. Both uterus function, but Andreea has since been told that one has lower chances of reproduction.
Her condition doesn’t cause her pain day to day, however she does face a double whammy of monthly period pains.
Andreea said: ‘I do suffer very bad period cramps, I can be doubled over and unable to move some months. I guess that comes with having an extra uterus.’
Today Andreea is confident in her body and said her condition makes no difference to her sex life.
She should be in one of those Double-Mint Gum commercials.
A-Hole of the Week
China reportedly gave American diplomats anal COVID-19 tests
The Chinese government has used anal swabs to test US diplomats for COVID-19 – but Beijing insisted to Washington that the butt checks were made “in error,” according to a report.
“The State Department never agreed to this kind of testing and protested directly to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs when we learned that some staff were subject to it,” a State Department rep told VICE World News on Wednesday.
Washington complained that the rather invasive procedure was undignified, according to the report.
The State spokesperson said Beijing had assured Washington that the tests were given “in error” — and that diplomats were exempt from the test, which was required for incoming travelers in some parts of China.
China’s National Health Commission said in an online post that in some cases, the deadly bug can be more easily detected in anal samples than in throat and nasal samples.
According to the commission’s instructions, the samples are collected by inserting a cotton swab about one to two inches into the rectum.
A traveler from Australia to China who was tested with anal swabs in September told VICE World News the procedure felt like having diarrhea.
Same thing happens when you eat Kung Pao chicken.
O-Hole of the Week
Several weapons seized along “O” Street
During a traffic stop along “O” Street, an officer with the Lincoln Police Department (LPD) seized several weapons.
Thursday morning, around 10, the LPD officer saw a red 2012 Chevy Chrysler with no plates driving near 27th and “O” Streets.
Pulling them over, the driver was identified as 30-year-old Claytavius Wiley. The officer noted a strong odor of marijuana coming from inside the car, which prompted him to search the vehicle.
A loaded handgun was found stashed in the center console. When the officer went to place Wiley in custody, he ran.
Chasing him down, other LPD officers came to assist and eventually took Wiley into custody.
Continuing with the car search, LPD found several Nebraska in transit papers, marijuana scattered throughout, prescription pills not prescribed to Wiley, a stun gun, brass knuckles, and some ammo.
A 2012 Chevy Chrysler?
Beater of the Week
Maryland teacher’s aide seen masturbating during Zoom lesson with kids
A teacher’s aide in Maryland masturbated during a Zoom call with eighth-graders — but insists he thought the online lesson had ended.
Marc Schack, an assistant for special education students at Shady Grove Middle School in Gaithersburg, told the Bethesda Magazine Wednesday he was unaware his self-love session had been captured on the virtual call until being interviewed.
“I thought I was logged out when class was over,” Schack told the bimonthly mag. “I had no clue that Zoom was still on. Why would I do that? That’s my job. I had no clue that Zoom was on. I mean, that’s just crazy behavior.”
A 13-second clip — later posted on social media – shows Schack gaze at his screen before standing up, taking a few steps away and beginning to pleasure himself, according to the report.
Schack’s name appeared on the screen as the host of the Zoom call. Seconds later, another name appeared, replacing him as the moderator.
The 21-year employee for Montgomery County Public Schools – who also runs Pirate Magic, a business that throws “pirate parties” for youngsters while he portrays a character named “Captain Silly Bones” – said he has since been placed on administrative leave.
But he insisted his actions were “just a mistake.”
“I’m only human,” he continued. “It was my bad.”
He now goes by the name “Captain Silly Boner.”
Beating of the Week
Security guard kills colleague for vomiting, urinating in room, held
A 37-year-old security guard of a private company, who allegedly killed one of his colleagues on February 11, was arrested by police on Friday.
According to the police, the accused- Bhanusingh Tomar and the deceased- Vinodbhai Patil, 48, stayed in the same room, provided by their company. On February 11, Patil was found dead in his room, but there were no injury marks on his body.
Suresh Mengade, deputy commissioner of police (zone 1) said, “initially, we registered an accidental death case and sent the body for postmortem. Another employee of that company later told us that he had seen Tomar fighting with the deceased the previous night. We were investigating the case, but did not arrest Tomar due to lack of concrete evidence.”
“On Friday, we received the postmortem reports and it said the deceased had internal injuries on this chest. We then summoned Tomar and during interrogating he confessed that he had hit the deceased with his boots on his chest. Asked about the reason, he said that the deceased would urinate and vomit inside the room after getting drunk and hence they got into a scuffle on the night of February 10,” he said.
Pissed off man kicks the shit out of piss-drunk roommate for pissing in the room.
How Not To of the Week
Jersey City Officer Went To AC To Have Sex With Young Girls Found On Incest App
A Jersey City police officer drove to Atlantic City expecting to have sex with two girls – ages 8 and 10 — for $200, state authorities charged.
Stephen Wilson, 34, of Bayonne was carrying condoms and $500 in cash when State Police and federal Homeland Security agents arrested him in a parking lot of the city known as “The World’s Playground,” state Attorney General Gurbir S. Grewal said.
Wilson had agreed to bring the condoms to a meeting there with adults who Grewal said “offered him access to the girls” after they connected on an incest app.
He was charged with conspiracy to commit human trafficking, attempted aggravated sexual assault and child endangerment before being sent to the Atlantic County Jail to await a first appearance in Central Judicial Processing Court in Mays Landing.
Why is there an incest app?
How To of the Week
Married couple had ‘no clue’ they needed to have sex to have a baby – & needed LESSONS from a nurse
A MARRIED couple had no idea they had to have sex to have a baby and just thought children “came along”, a nurse has revealed.
Rachael Hearson, 59, has worked as a midwife, health visitor and nurse for more than 40 years.
And now she is sharing some of her bizarre encounters while visiting family homes in her new book Handle With Care: Confessions of an NHS Health Visitor.
Rachael revealed how she was forced to teach the husband and wife about the logistics of sex after realising they had no idea about their own biology.
Previously speaking to the Mirror she explained: “They had been married for some years but children ‘hadn’t come along.’
“The GP deduced they didn’t know how to make babies, and it was my job to ensure they did!’
“They genuinely thought babies arrived as a result of simply ‘being married’ and had no clue. Teaching someone about sex is quite a responsibility. But within a couple of visits, the pair couldn’t keep their hands off each other.”
It’s like putting together something from Ikea: Insert peg D into slot V and apply glue.
Ax Grinder of the Week
Florida Man Makes Ghostly Guitar From His Metal Head Uncle’s Skeleton Or Did He?
There’s a guy in Tampa who claims he built a guitar using the remains of his dead uncle.
The Florida man goes by the name Prince Midnight and he’s a self-described metal-musician influencer, whose real name may be Yaago Anax.
Well, this Prince Midnight apparently created a fully-functioning electric guitar using the bones of his long-dead uncle including the ribcage, backbone and pelvic bones.
Prince Midnight said his uncle Filip died in a car crash in the 90’s in Greece. He was only 28 years old. The body was originally donated to a local college but returned to the family two decades later.
Since his uncle was a metal head, according to Anax, he thought turning the remains into a ghoulish guitar was a fitting tribute.
He calls the guitar the Filip Skelecaster.
However, after getting plenty of media attention regarding the unique musical instrument, the Tampa Bay Times is now questioning the validity of Prince Midnight’s story stating he looks quite similar to another Florida-based prankster known as Odilon Ozare.
Ozare already has two Guinness World Records, one for tallest hat and one for longest nail extension.
Plus he holds the world record for most stupid names.
Knife Fighter of the Week
Indian rooster kills owner with cockfight blade
A rooster fitted with a knife for an illegal cockfight in southern India has killed its owner, sparking a manhunt for the organisers of the event, police said Saturday.
The bird had a knife attached to its leg ready to take on an opponent when it inflicted serious injuries to the man’s groin as it tried to escape, officers said.
The victim died from loss of blood before he could reach a hospital in the Karimnagar district of Telangana state earlier this week, local police officer B. Jeevan told AFP.
The man was among 16 people organising the cockfight in the village of Lothunur when the freak accident took place, Jeevan said.
The rooster was briefly held at the local police station before it was sent to a poultry farm.
Cock stabs cock.
WTF? of the Week
Leaked OnlyFans video shows Brazilian pop star Anitta ‘getting anus tattooed’
These screenshots from a leaked OnlyFans video show popular Brazilian singer Anitta apparently getting her anus tattooed.
People were amused and gobsmacked in equal measure by the recent leak, which, according to the 27-year-old star, actually has quite a backstory.
Anitta, whose 2018 duet “Downtown” with Colombian singer J Balvin has 545 million views on YouTube, said the video is actually quite old – but revealed the tattoo regularly needs touching up.
The singer, whose real name is Larissa de Macedo Machado, joked that since the video the tattoo has needed redoing as she warned anyone else thinking of getting similarly inked.
She said: “Actually, the video is so old that I’ve since had to touch it up. So, for those of you planning to get tattooed in these places, know that it fades. You have to keep touching it up.”
The Rio de Janeiro native, who frequently sings in Spanish and English in addition to her native Portuguese, added: “But if you want to know the whole story, you have to pay.”
Think she meant to say “hole story.”
