It has long been the position at Def-Con News that liberals are the worst people on the planet because they are self-loathing miserable bastards who want to make everyone as unhappy as they are. This was based on astute observations but now there’s science to back it up. And not “liberal science” that says clothing determines gender or that abortions save lives but actual data-driven science.
The New York Times reports on a social survey with results that are undeniable:
The richest data available to social scientists is the University of Chicago’s General Social Survey, a survey of Americans conducted since 1972. This widely used resource is considered the scholarly gold standard for understanding social phenomena. The numbers on happiness from the survey are surprisingly consistent. Every other year for four decades, roughly a third of Americans have said they’re “very happy,” and about half report being “pretty happy.” Only about 10 to 15 percent typically say they’re “not too happy.” Psychologists have used sophisticated techniques to verify these responses, and such survey results have proved accurate.
And here are some of the accurate results now:
Political junkies might be interested to learn that conservative women are particularly blissful: about 40 percent say they are very happy. That makes them slightly happier than conservative men and significantly happier than liberal women. The unhappiest of all are liberal men; only about a fifth consider themselves very happy.
So roughly 80% of liberal men are unhappy? That’s the least shocking piece of data ever uncovered. That should have actually read: four fifths of liberal men are unhappy and one fifth of them are lying.
The formula for determining happiness explains why liberal men are so miserable:
After 40 years of research, they attribute happiness to three major sources: genes, events and values.
Genes: Liberals tend to couple together, as they would never be with someone who doesn’t share their insane points of view, which results in a breeding phenomena known as “shit in, shit out.” Beat male sperm and milquetoast eggs do not make happy dynamic babies.
Events: Since liberals are alway “on,” bitching about crazy thing and being personally offended by broad social trends, nobody wants to be around them. This means they don’t have any normal friends and don’t get invited to do normal fun things. The major events in a liberal’s life are things of anger and disappointment like “die-ins” and boycotts.
Values: It’s simple. Liberals don’t them.
With this study, we can now understand why liberals hate America so much. Take a look at the Declaration of Independence to get a better idea:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Liberal truths are not facts, but what they say they are.
The only thing self-evident to liberals is that everyone else is wrong.
They don’t believe “men” are a thing.
“Equal” to liberals are policies that punish their enemies.
“Endowed” sounds sexist to liberals.
They don’t believe in a Creator.
“Unalienable” sounds like a racial slur to liberals.
Rights? F*ck off.
Liberals have no Life…
…think Liberty is forcing others to think like them…
…and therefore cannot pursue happiness because they are miserable bastards.
The founding principles of the United States of America are like Kryptonite to liberals and that’s why they work to destroy this country.
