Joe Biden’s European Vacation was every bit as WTF? as a Griswold family adventure. Here’s some other WTFers who have equally embarrassed their countries:
Headline of the Week
White snake on the loose in Manitoba neighborhood
Authorities in Manitoba are asking residents to keep an eye out for an estimated 8-foot white snake seen slithering through residential yards.
Breno Martins, who lives in the Fort Rouge area of Winnipeg, said he was mowing his lawn Saturday afternoon when he spotted the snake slithering in the grass alongside his house.
“When I saw it I literally freaked out,” Martins told CBC News. “I don’t know if it’s dangerous. I don’t know if it’s venomous. And I know that we have many pets and kids in the neighborhood.”
Martin and his neighbors attempted to keep an eye on the snake while waiting for Winnipeg Animal Services personnel to arrive, but the reptile disappeared into a neighbor’s bushes before they arrived.
Police said animal services was not able to locate the serpent and warned nearby residents to be aware of an 8-foot-long snake on the loose in the area.
Here I Go Again.
Podiatrist of the Week
Girl, 10, wakes up to find man rubbing penis on feet
The NYPD is investigating a shocking incident involving a man who broke into a girl’s room in Lower Manhattan and rubbed his penis on her feet.
The 10-year-old child was sleeping in her home along Broadway and Bond Street on Saturday at about 1 a.m. when she woke up to the man in her room. After touching her, the suspect fled. The girl was not injured.
Police released a video of the man riding a bicycle in front of 149 Bleecker Street.
The suspect is described by police as dark-skinned, with a medium build and dreadlocks. He was last seen wearing a multi-colored t-shirt, black jeans, white sneakers, and a white mask.
Dark-skinned? Is there perhaps another, more accurate, way to describe this piece of shit?
Magic Wand of the Week
Man’s vanished penis returns, yet to start functioning
A 52-year-old farmer in the Krachi East Municipality of the Oti Region has had his penis returned after it mysteriously vanished, JoyNews has reported
The returned manhood is, however, yet to start functioning.
Narrating the incident, the younger brother of the farmer Issifu Yeliwa said they were at the funeral when a stranger came to them and complained of hunger.
In their bid to serve the stranger some food, he suddenly touched his senior brother’s manhood and shortly after that, the manhood vanished.
Speaking to Adom News, the brother of the farmer who is also a fetish priest said the penis has now returned.
“It has returned but I can’t tell if it will function as it used to or not,” he said laughing.
According to him, although the vanished penis has returned after search and traditional performance he has been given some days to abstain from sex to enable the progress of work.
“He has not been permitted to have sexual intercourse at the moment,” but was optimistic that after the numbers of days given, the penis might start working again as never before.
The suspect at the time, who was identified as Adams Kwasi, was taken to the police station for investigations when all efforts to bring back the manhood failed.
However, the Krachi East Municipality Police commander, DSP Aboagye, said the police hierarchy does not deal with spiritual matters but rescued the suspect from being assaulted.
He filled out a missing penis report.
Rain Stick of the Week
Villagers erect massive penis statue to successfully end devastating drought
Local villagers in Yothaka, in Thailand’s Chachoengsao province, ended a period of drought by building a giant penis sculpture.
The super-sized phallus, or “Palad Khik” in Thai, was erected on Jun 9 in response to farmers’ concerns that there hadn’t been enough rain recently and that water from irrigation canals was too salty and had been damaging crops.
This week local village headman, Chamnan Kenthongdaeng, 52, told a press conference that on June 11, just two days after the giant penis was installed it had started raining, with a shower that lasted some half an hour.
However, local farmers complained that the brief shower hadn’t been long enough to irrigate their fields. Chamnan 52, promised that prayers to the phallus will continue,
He told Pattaya News that erecting a Palad Khik, representing fertility and new growth, was a local tradition going back decades, to the time of his grandparents.
Chamnan said that the giant penis wouldn’t cause any problems with traffic, explaining that it was built on a cul-de-sac.
Headman builds giant penis on cue-de-sac.
Hole of the Week
Botched pothole repair ‘that looks like giant penis’ mocked by locals
Parents have slammed a botched council repair job that left a pot hole near a primary school looking like a ‘giant penis’.
Residents were delighted when Lancashire County Council said it would finally fix the gaping holes littering Devonshire Drive, in Clayton-le-Moors.
But after contractors were called in to fill them in, locals said it was left looking ‘worse than ever’.
Martyn Parry posted a video of the scene near St Mary’s Primary School with the disgruntled comment: ‘My kids could have done a better job.’
One person replied: ‘Absolutely disgusting, worse than ever, I wouldn’t like to put my name to that mess, wonder what that’s cost the tax payers.’
Another wrote: ‘One of them even looks like a giant penis.’
Cllr Noordad Aziz of Hyndburn Borough Council agreed, telling Mr Parry on social media: ‘I will visit the area today as it is not acceptable in my opinion.’
Penises were made for filling holes.
Rocket Man of the Week
Last week, we learned that Dr. Evil cosplayer Jeff Bezos would be leaving for space on a rocket that completes his attempts to fully embody the Austin Powers villain by being shaped like a giant metal penis. The hosts of Australia’s Today morning show were tasked with reporting on this story when it was first announced, and found themselves giggling through the entire segment as images of space dicks were displayed on the green screen behind them.
Though hosts Allison Langdon and Karl Stefanovic only need to make it through a roughly three minute segment without laughing at the unmistakably phallic Blue Origin rocket, they fall apart almost immediately.
“Do you know what they call that?” Stefanovic asks, admiring the image behind him.
“A rocket,” Langdon replies.
“Does that look a little odd to you,” he continues, laughing. “Or is it just me?”
The camera flips to another member of the Today team giggling at his desk then cuts to a correspondent who’s already in stitches over the rocket. Despite the challenges presented by Blue Origin’s imposing visual presence, the crew carry on as best they can, discussing Bezos’ big brotherly adventure. Stefanovic spends most of the segment just looking at a picture of the rocket and silently laughing, really reminding us that a billionaire space race isn’t nearly as interesting as the fact that all of this massive expenditure revolves around a vehicle shaped like a giant cock.
If Kamala Harris had a spacecraft, it would be shaped like a c*nt.
Nut Cracker of the Week
Testicle-eating pacu fish found lurking in European waters
A fish known for eating the testicles of male swimmers has been found in Europe for the first time.
The pacu is a type of piranha with “human-like” teeth, and bombshell reports have claimed that one has been caught by fisherman Einar Lindgreen off the coast of Sweden.
Henrick Carl, from Denmark’s Natural History Museum, told local media: “The pacu is not normally dangerous to people, but it has quite a serious bite.
“There have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea, where some men have had their testicles bitten off.”
He said: “They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth.”
While the reason the pacu strayed into European waters remains unknown, it could be put down to a hankering for some exotic international cuisine.
The thing is going to starve to death with those nutless socialist European beta males.
Bum of the Week
Drunk mum, 29, flashed breasts and bum at policeman before sexually assaulting him
A drunk mum who exposed her breasts and bottom to a police officer before sexually assaulting him and spitting on his colleague during a callout has been spared jail.
Sophie Nicole Cleary, 29, dialled 999 saying she’d been locked out of her home and that she had been sexually assaulted herself at around 6.30am in August last year.
Minshull Street Crown Court heard that when police arrived, she appeared to be under the influence of drink or drugs.
When officers arrived, Cleary did not engage with them, choosing to stay on the phone to a 999 operator for over 40 minutes.
When she did come off the call, she exposed her breasts to the two officers, asking, in reference to their body cameras: “Do you want me to show this to your camera?”
Cleary called the officers ‘b******s’, before dropping her trousers and exposing her backside.
She then pressed her bare buttocks against the officer. She also pressed her knee into the back of one of the officers.
Police swiftly left the house before putting Cleary in a police van and arresting her when she started to kick the doors.
She spat in the face of one of the officers – during a period when Oldham was experiencing high rates of Covid-19, the court heard.
Passing sentence, a judge branded the spitting “disgusting” but heard mitigation that she had been diagnosed with various mental health conditions.
She was charged with ass-alt.
Nip of the Week
Topless ‘breast activists’ ejected from Tampere public sauna
Activists aiming to ‘normalise the nipple’ were asked to leave a public sauna on Friday after refusing to cover their breasts, but they have vowed to continue their fight to change rules and norms on women’s toplessness.
Nudity in the sauna is very common and generally accepted within Finnish society, but some public saunas request that bathers wear swimwear – especially if men and women share the same sauna space.
One such example is the Rauhaniemi public spa in Tampere, and this regulation led to four topless women being asked to leave the sauna at the weekend because their breasts were visible.
The four women are members of the feminist ‘breast activism’ group Cult Cunth, which strives to promote gender equality, among other issues. One stated aim of the group is to ‘normalise the nipple’, which they believe can be achieved by allowing people to see breasts in public, thereby making them a ‘normal and neutral’ body part.
‘Breast activist’ Meri-Maija Näykki told Yle that the four women were in the Rauhaniemi sauna for about 20 minutes before they were asked to leave, after another sauna-goer requested that staff remove them.
“He justified the removal on the grounds that the rules required those over the age of 6 to wear swimwear,” Näykki said. “We didn’t leave, because we were wearing swimsuits. The rules don’t say what a swimsuit should look like. Our genitals were covered and the nipple is not a genital.”
It’s not the nipple, in theory, that’s the problem here.
Rooter of the Week
Factory worker sticks a 1.6ft long eel into his anus believing it could treat his constipation
A factory worker from southeast China put a half-a-metre long eel into his anus in a bid to cure his constipation problem.
49-year-old Mr Liu was rushed to the local hospital after claiming he had a stomach ache last week.
Doctors were shocked when the found the Asian swamp eel in his stomach along with faeces and food residue.
According to a report on Guangdong Television, Liu visited the hospital claiming he had a constipation problem. Doctors diagnosed the man with bowel obstruction and recommended that he stay at the hospital for further treatment.
Liu refused and decided to resort to ancient method of treating constipation by putting an eel into his anus to try and clear the blockage.
However the eel caused a major stomach ache and he was rushed to Guangzhou Dongren Hospital.
Doctors examined Liu’s abdominal area and found a hole in the duodenum area. They were then shocked to find an eel in his intestines.
They removed the half-a-metre (1.64 ft) long Asian swamp eel, weighing about 250g (0.55 lbs), with a head of three to five centimeters (1.18 – 1.97 inch) wide.
Dr Zhao Zhirong, surgeon at the hospital told reporters that the patient didn’t explain the cause of his stomach ache when he was admitted to the hospital.
‘We asked Mr Liu when we spotted the eel in his stomach, he said the eel went into his anus by mistake. But after the surgery, he told us that he actually put an eel inside his anus himself,’ said Dr Zhao.
The eel was found dead when the doctors took it out, but it is unsure whether or not the eel was alive when Liu put it in.
This is how the next pandemic starts.
Lick of the Week
Man, 22, arrested after licking blood off a corpse at a morgue in Homa Bay
Police in Homa Bay have detained a 22-year-old man after he was found licking blood off a corpse that had preserved at a mortuary within the county.
The suspect is said have licked the blood from the body of Clinis Atieno Ojenge 40, an Early Childhood Development Education (ECDE) teacher at Gul Kagembe primary school in Rangwe Sub County who was shot dead by unknown assailants on Tuesday night.
The suspect who hails from Ndhiwa Sub County visited the mortuary and went to the mortuary attendants and followed the right procedure which required someone to view a body after he mentioned the name of a man whose body was in the mortuary he wanted to view.
According to one of the mortuary attendants, they allowed him to enter the morgue alongside the bodaboda rider who ferried him to the mortuary and went straight to view the body they mentioned.
However, when they were returning to the exit door, he spotted the teacher’s body and instead of moving out of the mortuary, he knelt beside the body and began licking blood which was oozing from the teacher’s nose.
The suspect’s action attracted attention of the mortuary attendants who raised alarm to the security officer based at the county Referral Hospital who arrested him and handed him to the police.
Sadly, this is the least gross thing he could have done with the corpse.
Barker of the Week
Man Charged In Bestiality Case
A dog has been taken to a nearby animal shelter and a Magoffin man is behind bars in relation to a bestiality claim in which law enforcement caught the man allegedly sexually abusing the animal.
On Thursday, June 9, Magoffin County Sheriff Department Deputy Tussey responded to a call reporting a man having sex with a dog in Royalton. The caller reported that there was a man allegedly naked and with the animal behind a trailer next door.
When Tussey arrived on scene and walked behind the trailer, he found Willy Wireman, 35, of Royalton, just as the caller described, sitting on the ground naked, holding the dog down and sexually assaulting it, according to the police report.
Tussey ordered Wireman to let the dog go and to get his clothes on. Wireman indicated to Tussey while he was being booked at the sheriff’s office that he planned to continue to have sex with the dog.
Wireman was taken to the Big Sandy Regional Detention Center, where he remains at press time, and facing the charge of sexual crimes against animals, a Class D felony.
The dog has since been taken to the Johnson County Animal Shelter, where it is receiving medical care and being held as evidence in the case.
“I’m gonna f*ck that dog when I get out” is no way to get a bail reduction.
Cold One of the Week
Don’t hand your beer to a cop during a traffic stop
There are things to do during a traffic stop, and things not to do. Handing your open beer to a cop is one of them.
That’s what happened to a man in McLennan County earlier this month when approached by game wardens. The game wardens were patrolling near Lake Waco when they were cut off by the driver of a pickup.
The man then drove on the wrong side of the road before the wardens pulled him over, police said.
When wardens approached the truck, the man was having trouble turning down his music, they said. As he fumbled with the radio, he apparently handed one of the wardens an open beer so he could concentrate.
Wardens had other suspicions that the man was intoxicated after he stumbled out of the car and failed a field sobriety test. But passing the drink probably didn’t help his case.
The man was eventually arrested.
I find that beer actually helps me concentrate.
Mug of the Week
Meth, fentanyl trafficking charges filed after chase in Yadkin County, authorities say
Jonesville man has been arrested on charges on drug trafficking and other charges after he led officers on a chase that ended when he crashed into a creek bank, authorities said Friday.
Patrick Ryan Vestal, 48, is charged with two counts of trafficking methamphetamines, two counts of trafficking fentanyl and other drug-related offenses, the Yadkin County Sheriff’s Office said. He also faces charges of fleeing to elude authorities and reckless driving.
Vestal was being held Friday in the Yadkin County jail with his bond set at $200,000, the sheriff’s office said. He is scheduled to appear in court on June 30.
It’s hard to believe this guy is on meth.
YOLO of the Week
Woman in south Wales saw husband and son killed by buffalo, inquest hears
A woman watched helplessly as her husband and son were killed by a water buffalo on their family farm in south Wales, an inquest heard on Thursday.
Ralph Jump, 57, and his son Peter, 19, were fatally injured by the bull, named Yolo, on the farm, which the family rented for their sustainable business making luxury soap from buffalo milk.
Ralph Jump, known as John, who was also the managing director of a heating company firm, had returned home after a work morning out with his wife, Josephine, on 5 May last year. She was preparing food in the kitchen when their daughter Isabelle, 22, ran in screaming: “Yolo is pushing Dad down the field.” The two women ran out to try to distract the animal.
She said Peter grabbed an iron bar; she did not want him to go into the field but he tried to help his father. Josephine Jump said: “All of a sudden the bull started going for Peter and got him.” The bull also injured Isabelle.
Josephine Jump said her husband had died at the scene, near Usk, and Peter had died at the University Hospital of Wales, in Cardiff.
Armed police officers later arrived and shot the animal.
A police firearms unit arrived at the scene but none of their three weapons was powerful enough to kill the animal, the inquest was told.
Firearms officer Robert Gunney told the hearing: “We called for a specialist rifle from a police station 15 minutes away. While waiting I instructed two PCs with lightweight weapons to shoot at the bull, which was standing over Mr Jump staring at his body. We shot the bull in the head knowing it would not have much of an effect.”
YOLO, the bull, lived up to his name, while Ralph Jump did not.
Stereotype of the Week
Florida Man Arrested After Throwing Knife At Brother “Over Some Chicken”
Florida man is at it again, this time two brothers arguing “over some chicken,” and one of them getting a knife in the leg.
According to a complaint affidavit by the St. Petersburg Police Department, officers responded to a home on 4oth Street South in St. Pete at 9:30 pm on June 14th. Police say that 19-year-old Messiah Harris-Smith, 19, and his brother Josiah disagreed over chicken.
“The defendant and the victim got into an argument over some chicken. The defendant used a kitchen knife and threw it at the victim,” said St. Pete Police in the affidavit.
“The knife stuck in the victims right leg,” said Police. “The victim will need to receive stitches.”
Previously, on January 29 of this year, Messiah Harris-Smith was arrested for striking his mom after a verbal argument escalated. Police say Harris-Smith pushed his mom and yelled, “I’ll F***ing Kill You.”
Harris-Smith was released from Pinellas County Jail on his own recognizance in both cases.
Worst Messiah ever.
Acid Trip of the Week
Man hospitalised after shopkeeper mistakenly sells him acid instead of mineral water in J&K’s Kulgam
A Tehsildar in South Kashmir’s Kulgam district was hospitalised on Wednesday after a shopkeeper mistakenly sold him a bottle of battery acid instead of water.
Official sources told India Today that Tehsildar D H Pora, Niyaz Ahmad Bhat was coming back after destroying poppy cultivation and had asked for a bottle of water to a nearby general store at around 11:00 am today.
“The shopkeeper mistakenly sold him a bottle containing a liquid similar to water, which was battery acid packed in a waste mineral water bottle. The tehsildar drank it, and he felt uneasy, following which he was hospitalised,” said an official.
Niyaz Ahmad told India Today that he was thirsty, and he asked the shopkeeper for a water bottle, but instead, he handed over battery acid.
“I hospitalised myself immediately and also going to Srinagar for further treatment,” he said.
Meanwhile, BMO Damhal Hanjipora, Gulzar Ahmad Dar said that Niyaz Ahmad’s condition was stable and has been discharged.
Meanwhile, station house officer DH Pora, Tanveer Ahmad said that the shopkeeper has been arrested and an FIR number 60/2021 under relevant sections of law has been registered against him.
You’d think a guy involved in illegal drugs would be better at dropping acid.
WTF? of the Week
Naked woman accused of causing disturbance with ax at Knoxville Walmart
Officials with the Knoxville Police Department said a woman was arrested after vandalizing property at a Knoxville Walmart.
According to KPD, officers responded to reports of vandalism at the Walmart on the 8400 block of Walbrook Drive. According to dispatch, the caller said a partially naked woman was allegedly vandalizing Walmart property, throwing items at employees and defecating on herself.
While officers were en route to the Walmart, they received a call that the suspect, identified as Nashea Brown, 35, was reportedly attempting to get an ax out of its packaging.
When officers arrived on the scene they found Brown in an aisle in the sporting goods section. According to police, Brown had the ax in her hand and a knife tucked into her bra.
Police said they gave Brown orders to drop the ax but she reportedly did not comply and refused to drop the weapon.
Officers were able to take Brown into custody after deploying their tasers. Brown was treated by AMR and Knoxville Fire officials on the scene before she was transported to Parkwest Medical Center, police said.
Walmart employees estimated more than $500 worth of property was vandalized by Brown, police reports stated.
Brown is charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and vandalism.
This is why I rarely go to Walmart anymore.
