Biden and the democrats went full-WTF? this week by reimposing mask mandates and moving us closer to a new lockdown. Here’s some WTF? way more deserving of a lockdown than law-abiding Americans, vaccinated or unvaccinated:
Headline of the Week
‘I was sexually assaulted in a women’s prison… by a fellow inmate with male genitalia’
Her sense of shock, and the awful aura of menace that closed in on her, still haunt former prisoner Amy Jones.
Jail should have been a place free from the predators who had sexually assaulted and raped her in her childhood, but the terrifying presence looming over her suggested anything but.
‘The look in her eyes was frightening,’ Amy says, her voice quiet but assertive. ‘She leered at me before lunging forward and grabbing my breasts hard. She squeezed them and I cried out in pain. I was terrified she would rape me.’
The prisoner who sexually assaulted Amy — we cannot legally identify her, so we shall call her J — is a transgender woman, with a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC), and therefore referred to by the female pronoun, but still had male genitalia.
Amy was equally well aware that J still had male genitalia because she often intimidated her and fellow female prisoners at HMP Bronzefield in Ashford, Middlesex, by exposing them.
Moreover, J was serving time for a serious sexual assault on a child and was clearly a danger to other inmates. Yet she had secured a coveted job as a cleaner at the prison gym where Amy also worked. And it was while she was in the gym’s lavatory block that J assaulted her in 2017.
‘What were the officers even thinking, letting her clean toilets in which women would be in a state of undress and alone? Why was there a child sex offender with a penis cleaning the toilets of the gym in a women’s prison?’
Certificates don’t magically changed dudes into chicks.
Invasion of the Week
THE US faces being overrun by strange-looking “penis snakes” that appear to have slithered up from the Amazon.
Caecilians can grow up to 32 inches long and one was found in a Miami canal in November 2019.
DNA analysts think the sighting was the first time the animal was spotted in Florida or the US.
Officials are concerned that the species may have settled in other parts of the country.
The worm-like creatures are native to Colombia and Venezuela but have been found near the basin of the Amazon River…
Caecilians do not have any legs and their name means “blind” in Latin.
But, some species may have tiny eyes tucked away under their skin.
Caecilians use tentacles that help the animal smell food…
Sound the alarm? One dick-snake was found in Miami 2 years ago!
Long of the Week
Meet the men who claim to have the biggest penises in the world
Jonah Falcon’s 13.5in member made him the proud – and envied – owner of the world’s biggest penis.
Jonah said that he first realised he was different as a child, he said: “I was ten. That was the first time I ever measured and I did it for the same reason that all the other boys did it, I was curious.
“All my friends knew that I was large, but they never let me know that they knew, so they were talking about it behind my back.
“I was at a school that was mostly Jewish so I was one of the only uncircumcised boys there – I thought that’s what they were fascinated by.”
Jonah says directors are afraid to cast him because “he’s known for his penis size” and his career has been harmed as a result.
The actor said: “Maybe in the UK or Germany it might help my career but here in Hollywood it’s a negative.
“None of the major networks or studios would hire me.
“I add a bit extra edge that they don’t want.”
If only there were a film industry in which have a giant dong was a plus.
Short of the Week
Who is Ant Smith and does he have the world’s smallest penis?
IT’S a big issue for some men and talking about it is no small matter.
But performance poet Ant Smith has won praise for his bravery after talking about his micro penis and penning a book about it. Here’s the long and short of it…
Ant has previously said that he has spent more than 30 years of his life worrying about the size of his manhood – but it’s not known if his is the world’s smallest.
He said: “Growing up it was a considerable embarrassment to me.
“At about 3.5in it wasn’t so small but seemed so much smaller than everyone else’s.
“I was teased at school and it made me so self-conscious I didn’t have sex until I was 21.
“I would get embarrassed if the condom slipped off as my penis was too small to keep it on.
“It isn’t something you can openly discuss with your friends, even though so many men have a hang-up about it.
“Somehow the size of your penis has become linked to how much of a ‘man’ you are, which is nonsense. My wife assured me my size made no difference.
“I tackled the issue with humour and wrote a poem about my tiny willy called Shorty.”
Guy with micro penis writes poetry to appear more manly.
Jarhead of the Week
A Florida pensioner is expected to spend two years behind bars after he was charged for castrating a man he met on a eunuch fetish website.
Gary Jon Vanryswyk, 76, performed the botched procedure on the 55-year-old male back in August 2019 after they connected on eunuch.com.
The man – who has not been publicly identified – had to be airlifted to Tampa General Hospital’s trauma unit after the three-hour-long operation left him bleeding uncontrollably from the groin.
On Thursday, Vanryswyk pleaded no contest to unlicensed practice of a health care profession resulting in serious bodily injury…
According to charging documents, officers arrived at Van Ryswyk’s home in Sebring on the evening of August 18, 2019 after he dialed 911. He subsequently confessed to having performed ‘a castration on a male subject within the residence’.
Cops found the man with a blood-soaked towel pressed up against his groin and quickly called for medical help.
Cops discovered that one of the property’s bedrooms had been converted into a makeshift operating theater and they located the man’s severed testicles inside of a a pink jar placed atop a bedside table.
If the testicles were in a jar beside the bed, where the hell are his dentures?
Ped of the Week
A serial burglar, repeatedly arrested and released during a one-man crime wave over the past eight months, was busted for a bizarre Greenwich Village assault in which he rubbed his exposed penis against a sleeping 10-year-old girl’s feet, police said Thursday.
Suspect Raymond Wilson, 31, had been arrested 19 times since November before he was taken into custody yet again for the June 12 incident where the child awoke to find the naked man pleasuring himself on her toes, cops said.
He was identified earlier this week through DNA recovered from a stain on the child’s duvet cover and charged with slipping inside the young victim’s home through an unlocked rear door around 1 a.m., police said.
According to authorities, Wilson slipped inside the residence and fled only after the child was awakened by the stranger standing at the foot of her bed.
“The victim felt something slimy on her feet and noticed the defendant was rubbing his penis against her toes,” said Assistant District Attorney Meghan McNulty. “The victim screamed for her parents, but nobody was home except her younger sister, who was sleeping in another room.”
The creepy suspect threw on his clothes and bolted once his victim woke up, leaving behind a cigarette lighter and a camera lens before stealing a bicycle from the building hallway and pedaling off, police said.
Now I understand why podiatrist and pederast are such similar words.
MD of the Week
Syrian doctor charged with crimes against humanity
A Syrian doctor has been charged with crimes against humanity for allegedly torturing people in military hospitals, leading to the death of one individual.
Alla Mousa is accused of torturing 18 people at military hospitals in Homs and Damascus, two cities in Syria, according to a statement from the Federal Prosecutor’s Office in Karlsruhe, Germany, where the doctor moved in 2015 to practice medicine. Mousa was arrested in June 2020.
German prosecutors allege Mousa killed one individual, caused serious physical and mental harm in four of the cases and attempted to make others infertile. He was charged with murder, serious bodily harm, attempted serious bodily harm and dangerous bodily harm.
Specifically, prosecutors claim that Mousa poured alcohol on the genitals of a 14- or 15-year-old boy and then lit the area on fire in the emergency room of a military hospital in Homs. He was also accused of torturing at least nine other prisoners at the Homs hospital by punching them in the face, abdomen or genitals.
In one episode, Mousa allegedly hit a recently arrested patient in the face with a plastic tube, then allegedly kicked him in the head. The individual, who was experiencing an epileptic seizure, reportedly died a few days later after allegedly being administered a tablet by Mousa. His cause of death, however, was never clearly identified, according to prosecutors.
The doctor is also accused of hanging people from the ceiling by their hands and beating them with a plastic stick, dousing someone’s hand with flammable liquids and lighting it on fire, and kicking prisoners.
Experimental treatments or medical jihad?
Explorer of the Week
An OnlyFans creator with 2 vaginas said she’s trying to find a second G-spot
For years, Evelyn neglected her vagina — her left one, that is.
As someone with uterus didelphys, a condition that can cause people to be born with double reproductive organs, Evelyn largely relied on her right vagina for pleasure. That side, she found, provided easier orgasms.
And while she used her left vagina during her eight years as a sex worker to save the right for her personal life, “that was never enjoyable,” said Evelyn, a 31-year-old in Australia who uses a pseudonym to protect her safety. “Sex work is work, you never feel good.”
But recently, the new mom and OnlyFans creator is exploring the left hole as potentially pleasurable. Figuring out what she likes on that side “is sort of like being a virgin again,” she told Insider.
She told Insider she hasn’t found a second G-spot yet. “I’ll keep looking.”
She’s the Christopher Columbus of c*nts.
Hangers of the Week
‘My boobs are so big I burnt them on Nando’s grill but NHS won’t fund reduction’
A woman whose boobs are so big she burnt them on a grill at Nando’s has been denied a breast reduction on the NHS.
Esme ‘Lili’ Clemson, from Wolverhampton, was cleaning up at the fast food restaurant when one of her 32JJ breasts touched the scorching hot grill.
The horrific episode was one of many painful incidents she has suffered as a result of her large bust.
The 20-year-old is still traumatised by some of her experiences at school, where she was always called ‘big boobs’.
To this day she continues to receive creepy comments from men in the street who make remarks about her body.
She told The Mirror: “My boobs are currently 32JJ/K. People my age are normally a 32C.
“I would not wish to give these boobs to my worst enemy. I don’t think people realise how severe this is.
“It’s not a blessing. My boobs are not perky, they sag, they droop, they have stretch marks all around them, they are not attractive or nice to look at.”
Her bust has caused a range of physical issues, including back pain and sluggishness, but her most painful experience was when she was burnt at Nando’s.
She said: “The grill was still hot and I leaned too far forward when cleaning the back and I actually burned one side of my boob as I was leaning over.”
Waitress, there’s a tit in my soup.
Side Effect of the Week
Women are claiming ‘boobs get bigger’ after having Pfizer jab
Women who have had the Pfizer vaccine are reporting an unexpected side effect – claiming their breasts have grown bigger after having the jab.
Pfizer is one of two vaccinations currently being rolled out across Australia in the fight against Covid-19.
Common side effects from Covid-19 vaccines include pain at the injection site, headaches, fatigue, or feeling flu-like symptoms.
But many women have noticed their breasts and lymph nodes had “swollen” after receiving their jabs, dubbing the effect the “Pfizer boob job”.
Social media has exploded with reports from women stating their breasts had “got bigger” – many wondering if they were imagining their symptoms.
“I feel like my boobs got bigger because of Pfizer or am I just hallucinating,” one wrote on Twitter.
“I can confirm from personal experience that pfizer does indeed make ur boobs grow,” another stated on the social media platform.
On TikTok others have shared videos of their breasts after being vaccinated, with a woman in the UK reporting she had gone up two cup sizes, from an A to a C.
Elle Marshall went viral after explaining in a video she was “so confused” by what was happening to her body as she had been an A cup her whole life.
If the J&J jab made your Johnson bigger, there’d be less vaccination hesitancy.
Mug of the Week
Man Accused Of Grabbing Girl’s Buttocks In CT, Police Say
A 49-year-old Western Massachusetts man has been arrested for allegedly grabbing a 13-year-old girl’s buttocks while at a Connecticut business.
Hampden County resident Daniel Perreault, age 49, of Springfield, Massachusetts was arrested by Connecticut State Police on Saturday, July 24, after the girl’s cousin witnessed the event, officials said.
According to state police, troopers were dispatched to Tolland County to Sonny’s Place in Somers for a report of a man who had allegedly inappropriately touched the teen.
The teen told troopers Perreault had grabbed her buttocks while at Sonny’s Place. The victim’s cousin witnessed the incident.
Perreault told troopers he did not recall the incident and he appeared to be intoxicated.
Buttface faces butt-grabbing charges.
Asshole of the Week
Man inserts eel into rectum from anus in hopes to ‘relieve constipation’
A man in Xinghua, East China’s Jiangsu Province, inserted a 20-centimeter-long eel into his rectum from his anus on July 20 in hopes of relieving constipation, but instead almost lost his life after the eel entered his abdomen.
What motivated the man to do so is a “folk remedy” that says an eel can help with bowel movement. But instead of curing the constipation, the eel went from the man’s rectum to the colon and bit through it, entering the abdomen.
He finally went to the hospital after enduring pain on the first day as he was “too shy to see the doctor.” The doctor who gave him the operation said he could have lost his life as the bacteria in the large intestine may cause hemolysis when it reaches his abdominal cavity.
The eel was still alive by the time it was removed during operation.
What do you wanna bet that eel shows up at the Whuan wet market?
Dumpster Fire of the Week
Woman’s burnt corpse mistaken for mannequin, tossed by Canadian authorities
Cops at the scene of a suspicious brush fire in Quebec last week mistook a woman’s burnt body for a mannequin and placed it in a police station dumpster.
Officials in the town of Sherbrooke, just north of Vermont, apologized for the embarrassing mistake Thursday and explained that police and firefighters were somehow duped by a bystander, according to the CBC.
“When they arrived, witnesses declared that someone had lit a silicone mannequin on fire,” Sherbrooke Police Chief Danny McConnell reportedly said.
“After discussions between the two departments, it was agreed that the mannequin would be disposed of in the container at the Sherbrooke police service, which cannot be accessed by members of the public.”
Hours after authorities trashed the victim’s body, her husband filed a missing person report, according to the article.
The woman’s cellphone was then tracked to the scene of the fire, the outlet said.
“A police officer who intervened earlier raised the coincidence insightfully,” McConnell said, adding cops pulled the corpse out of the dumpster and identified it as the body of the missing woman, according to the report.
That’s one trashy woman.
GOAT of the Week
60-year-old man arrested for having sex with goat
A 60-year-old man from Rawang, Malaysia was arrested after having sex with a female goat which eventually died.
The goat’s owner said she heard the animal bleating from its pen, which was located behind her home, around 1:30 p.m. last Tuesday, July 27, as per Malay Mail yesterday, July 28.
When the owner went to check on the goat, she found the man (name withheld) getting up half-naked beside the animal. She recognized him as a local with whom she was acquainted.
“The suspect subsequently escaped. The goat was pronounced dead by the owner when she checked,” police were quoted as saying.
The police’s investigations department located the suspect, who hid among dense shrubbery in a neighboring town. Meanwhile, the goat was sent to the local Veterinary Department’s laboratory for a post-mortem examination.
A complaint was filed against the elderly man at a local police station on Tuesday. He was arrested for bestiality.
Anyone who can f*ck a goat to death truly is the Greatest Of All Time.
Legal Brief of the Week
Anonymous creep ‘rings librarians to masturbate as they read court case details to him’
An anonymous man has been calling around libraries across the US asking for staff to read the ruling of a murder trial as he pleasures himself.
The harassment has been going on for weeks, but with no clues as to who the caller is librarians have been urged to hang up if they are asked about the Brady v. Maryland Supreme Court opinion.
A Facebook post from one of the targets said: “Does anyone remember the guy who used to call libraries asking for John Grisham titles to be read to him out loud?
“I was a victim of that 8+ years ago and I think he just called again. This time he wanted an entire Wikipedia page read to him, so I’m just forewarning everyone that anyone calling for information on Brady vs Maryland should not be taken seriously.”
Several other library staff piled into the comments claiming to have had similar calls, issuing a warning to others that read: “I TALKED TO HIM.
“He is absolutely masturbating while you read the court case. He has hit MULTIPLE libraries ACROSS the country. He’s called my library twice and another local library last week.
“So if you get a blocked number asking you to read Brady v Maryland wiki article while he, “writes it out by hand,” hang up. Log it, tell your managers.”
According to one staff member who answered one of the bizarre calls, the man could be heard moaning: “Oh yeah, give it to me. Give me that exculpatory evidence. Spank those prosecutors!”
With RGB gone, Stephen Breyer has to get creative.
Taco Tuesday of the Week
A Texas man was ordered to federal prison this month, convicted of trying to smuggle crystal meth into the United States using tacos, according to Acting U.S. Attorney Jennifer B. Lowery.
Nicolas Castro Jr., 31, of Laredo, Texas will serve an 87-month sentence followed by five years of supervised release.
On Sept. 8, 2020, Castro attempted to enter the United States at the Gateway to the Americas Bridge in Laredo. Authorities inspected his belongings and a K-9 drew officers’ attention to a plastic bag containing tacos and chips, according to a release. Castro told officers it was his lunch.
Authorities inspected Castro’s belongings and found a plastic bag with tacos and chips. Castro claimed the food was for his lunch. The bag tested positive for meth.
Castro eventually told authorities he knew the tacos contained a kilogram of drugs and said he expected to be paid $1,500 to transport the drugs to Austin, according to the release.
The 5 Dollar Crack Box at Taco Bell is a more affordable option.
Drinker of the Week
We’ve all gone too far on a night out and woken up with regrets.
But one man is likely suffering extreme beer fear after he broke into a family’s house, vomited on their kitchen floor and defecated in their kettle.
Posting on Facebook, an anonymous woman claimed she found the man in her house after accidentally forgetting to lock the door…
“Sunday morning 5am-ish my little girl goes downstairs to watch tv instead of waking us up but immediately comes back upstairs saying there’s a man downstairs talking to himself.
“I thought it was just her imagination, half asleep I told her to go back to bed and I go back to bed. Anyway, go down to make a cup of tea and make breakfast around 7. Turns out there IS a man talking to himself downstairs.”
“We quickly found out he had defecated inside our kettle as well as vomited in the kitchen, “ she added.
What a shit-tea way to start your morning.
WTF? of the Week
Florida Man Arrested, Pleasuring With A Pickle In The Most Peculiar Place
A Florida man was arrested after Deputies found him ‘using’ a pickle outside of a private residence, with nothing on below the waist.
According to investigators, Deputies were dispatched on a suspicious person call when the responding deputy spotted 47-year-old Eric Detiege laying flat on his back, with no pants, or undies, and on a private property in Oldsmar.
In the affidavit, the deputy said that Detiege, “had his penis in one hand and a large uneaten pickle in the other.
Elaborating a bit further, the deputy reported that Detiege was penetrating his rectum with the pickle, while he masturbated.
Detiege pleaded no contest to the exposure charge and was sentenced to the time served in Pinellas County Jail, 92 days, and was ordered to pay fines, fees, and court costs of $550.00.
Peter Pecker piped a pickle is his poop portal.
