This week we found out that Kamala Harris is a big phony and Joe Biden likes little kids, neither of which qualifies as WTF? Here’s some slightly more surprising WTF? for you:
Headline of the Week
The fart and the furious: Tattoo artist set ablaze during butt tattoo ‘gas leak’
Getting a tattoo touch-up should be as easy as 1,2,3 but things took a dramatic turn for this British plus-size model. What she thought would be a simple touch-up to her vintage buttock tattoo, ended in both her and the tattoo artist visiting the emergency room after a “gassy” incident.
Tracey Munter visited Good Tattoo Emporium in Rotherham, England, in 2016 to have the finishing touches applied to a representation of the famous chariot race scene from the 1959 film Ben Hur directed by William Wyler. Tracey had gotten the tattoo on her buttocks.
Tattoo artist Jason Burns described Tracey’s tattoo as “a big job in more ways than one”.
“It’s delicate, close-up work,” he said.
Things took an unexpected turn when Tracey let out a tiny fart and it unexpectedly met Jason’s cigarette. Jason narrated the incident creatively with some classic English humour.
“Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston’s whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what’s happening, there’s a flame shooting from her arse to my fag (cigarette) and my beard’s gone up like an Aussie bush fire.”
Jason rushed to the sink to put out the flames while 23-year-old Tracey fanned her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames also set fire to Tracey’s thong.
“I didn’t even realise she was wearing one. You’d need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I’d have been none the wiser,” said Jason.
Both Tracey and Jason had to be rushed to the Rotherham District Hospital where they were treated for minor burns and shock. They both blamed each other for the incident.
“I’m furious. I’ve got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow’s not there anymore. I don’t know about Ben Hur; Gone With The Wind‘s more like it. You don’t just let rip in someone’s face like that. It’s dangerous,” said Jason.
Tracey said she was still in agony about the incident and said Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney Poitier now.
She should have gotten the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles tattooed instead.
Tuber of the Week
Man put penis in tube to see if enlargement had worked – it had and he got stuck
They say be careful what you wish for, and one man in Thailand knows this all too well after getting his penis trapped in a tube following an enlargement procedure.
The man in his 20s rammed his manhood into a one-inch wide grey PVC used in kitchen sinks while pleasuring himself at home in Bangkok.
He had recently paid for penis enlargement injections and wanted to test if they had worked.
Indeed they had – so much so that the man’s penis got stuck and began to rapidly swell.
The man was forced to call medics to help him out of the sticky situation.
But when they arrived at his apartment on October 13 they said they could not cut away the pipe.
The medics took him to a hospital were they called in a team that specialises in similar incidents…
Volunteer firemen used pliers, a circular cutter and a tube of lubricating gel to begin freeing the man’s shaft.
It took more than 20 minutes as the penis was so tightly stuck inside the narrow tube.
The rescuers had to insert a protective sheet in between the pipe and the penis to keep the pliers from cutting into the man’s flesh.
He told medics that before the bizarre sex act he had recently undergone a controversial penis enlargement procedure with filler injected into his glands.
The man, who has not been named, is said to have told them he ‘wouldn’t have had this problem’ if he hadn’t had the enlargement injections.
‘I’m annoyed because I spent a lot of money on that, and now I’ll have to pay for the medical bills as well,’ he said.
Once again, the Sinkf*cker’s diabolical plan was foiled by Batman.
The Other Tuber of the Week
‘Potato penis’ statue erected to honour local area’s elongated spuds sparks ridicule in Cyprus
A phallic-looking statue erected to honour the potato produce of a Cypriot village has drawn ridicule on social media.
The suspicious spud was installed on Wednesday in the village of Xylofagou near Ayia Napa in Cyprus.
Xylofagou is among a group of villages known as the Kokkinochoria, or Red Villages, which are famous for growing vegetables, particularly potatoes, in red soil.
The statue was put up to celebrate the villages ahead of an upcoming Potato Festival.
It has been named ‘The Big Potato’ and stands next to the local Olympos Xylofagou stadium, according to the Cyprus Mail.
Social media users have mocked the unfinished statue, saying it looks more like a certain male appendage or a sex toy then a spud.
It doesn’t look like a dick or a potato but it does kind of resemble a giant turd.
Nut of the Week
Don’t Touch My Genitals When I Die, PastorNg’ang’a Warns Young Female Nurses
Pastor James Ng’ang’a of Neno Evangelism has warned young female nurses against touching his private parts when he dies.
In a viral video shared on social media, the controversial televangelist says the health workers should keep their hands off his genitals.
Ng’ang’a, who was addressing his congregation, said he cannot imagine young female nurses analyzing his naked body and ridiculing him while lying dead.
“When I die, I believe my God. These young female nurses will not touch my private parts. I will die even on the road, you cannot touch my private parts saying, ‘hebu njoo uone Ngang’a’…,” he said.
The man of the cloth further told his congregants that as a servant of God, he cannot die in an accident, which would require a postmortem to be conducted.
“I am very sure, there is no way I will die in an accident or anything that will have me go through a postmortem. That is where most people’s private parts are analyzed,” he noted.
But the nurses can touch his genitals while he’s still alive. In fact, he encourages it.
Licker of the Week
Scots charity shop boss licked customer’s hand and asked to see his genitals
A Scots charity shop boss has been found guilty of sexually assaulting a vulnerable customer by licking his hand and saying ‘let’s see your wi**y’.
Peter Martini-Yates worked as a manager at the Debra store in Dunfermline, Fife, when he made the sordid remarks between March and October in 2019.
The 55-year-old, who called himself ‘Aunty Peter’, came to know the young man after he regularly visited the store along with his girlfriend.
A trial at Dunfermline Sheriff Court was told how Martini-Yates called the 18-year-old a “p****-fart” on one occasion.
The witness, who has learning difficulties, said he did not know what the word meant until he asked his dad.
The now 20-year-old said matters came to a head when Martini-Yates tried to lick his hand.
He then said: “Let’s see your wi**y”. When the customer was leaving, the manager said: “No sex then?”
Asked how he felt afterwards, the man said: “It was playing with my dignity. I was embarrassed to tell my partner and my family.”
Peter Martini-Yates was found guilty after a trial at Dunfermline Sheriff Court
A jury also found Martini-Yates guilty of showing a porn video to a second young man before masturbating in front of the volunteer.
Aunty Peter is almost as creepy as Uncle Joe.
Cruncher of the Week
Woman admits putting Crunchie in vagina after sex tip – but it doesn’t end well
Many people keep an eye out for sex tips to spice up their love life.
However, things didn’t end up well for one woman who tried a rather unique suggestion.
Some people use chocolate in the bedroom, however it’s usually in the form of melted body paint that they lick off.
But one lady admitted that she put a Cadbury Crunchie bar in her vagina after seeing the sex tip in a magazine.
According to the woman, the magazine promised that the honeycomb in the chocolate bar which “fizzle”, no doubt to give a pleasurable sensation.
However, she said it didn’t work out quite like that.
The anonymous woman made the confession to popular Twitter account Fesshole, which encourages social media users to send in their deepest and darkest secrets.
She wrote: “Early 00s lads mags used to include ‘tried and tested’ sex tips. Which is how I ended up with a Crunchie up my foof.
“Yes, the chocolate layer melted but the inside didn’t fizzle as promised. And I got a bonus yeast infection for my troubles.”
If only she had someone to glaze that chocolate bundt cake she made in her vag.
Smother of the Week
Mum with 34JJ breasts couldn’t breastfeed her daughter ‘for fear she’d suffocate her’
A mum with size 34JJ breasts has revealed that she couldn’t breastfeed her daughter for fear her breasts might suffocate her baby.
Elizabeth Catlin, 32, from Swadlincote, Derbyshire, says that since the age of 10 her breasts “haven’t stopped growing.”
But, their size has had a huge impact on her life, including stopping her from breastfeeding her daughter Willow, now two, because of fears they might have suffocated her.
The stay at home mother is now a 34JJ in cup size and desperate for breast reduction surgery because she hates her chest so much.
“Obviously my boobs grew even bigger during my pregnancy,” she explains.
“I really wanted to breastfeed my daughter because I thought it would be an amazing way to bond, but they were just too big.
“My breasts covered Willow’s whole face and she would have just suffocated underneath them.
“It was really upsetting because it was something I’d really wanted to try.”
Catlin says her breasts also impact other aspects of parenting her daughter.
“I have to carry her [Willow] above my boobs as I can’t carry her on my hips because my boobs are in the way,” she explains.
“I can’t even hug her properly, she has to be above my boobs in order to hug me back.”
Everything is boobs on her.
Mug of the Week
West Long Branch Man Indicted for Videotaping Himself Masturbating in Park
A Monmouth County grand jury has returned a three-count indictment against a West Long Branch man accused of being in possession of cocaine, having child sexual abuse files stored on a drive connected with his email address, and videotaping himself while masturbating in a local park, Acting Monmouth County Prosecutor Lori Linskey announced Friday.
Michael K. Russo, 51, is charged with third-degree Endangering the Welfare of a Child via Possession of Child Sexual Abuse Material, third-degree Possession of a Controlled Dangerous Substance, and fourth-degree Lewdness.
Russo was among more than a dozen people arrested since April as the result of a series of investigations led by the Monmouth County Prosecutor’s Office Computer Crimes Unit and the Monmouth County Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force. In this case, the investigation, initiated by a referral from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), revealed that Russo had uploaded several dozen digital files constituting child sexual abuse material to his Google Drive over the span of about nine months in 2019.
Additional evidence recovered during the course of the investigation served as the basis for the two additional charges; according to the evidence, Russo allegedly exposed himself while at a public park in Asbury Park on or around July 25, 2019.
The picture checks out.
Truant of the Week
Jailed Lorena teen charged with bestiality
A Lorena High School senior jailed last month after police said he threatened a “Columbine-style” attack on the school faces an additional felony charge of bestiality after officers found videos on his phone.
Lorena Police Chief Tom Dickson said after his officers arrested Daniel Dakota Weber, 17, Sept. 24 on the third-degree felony terroristic threat charge, they got a search warrant to examine Weber’s cellphone.
The phone contained several videos showing a medium-size, mixed-breed dog having sex with Weber, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. The acts occurred at the New Road Inn, 4000 South Interstate 35, where Weber’s parents live, the affidavit states.
Lorena police arrested Weber after Lorena school officials notified them Weber threatened attacks on the school through the social media site Instagram, officials reported last month.
In the threat, Weber said he and his friends were going to enter the high school and open fire on people before planting C4 bombs across the campus, according to an arrest affidavit. Weber also threatened to open fire on law enforcement if they were called to the scene, records state.
He said no weapons or explosives were found at the time of Weber’s arrest. During an interview with officers, Weber said he sent the threat because he did not want to go to school and was hoping classes would be canceled, police reported.
Weber remains jailed under bonds totaling $15,000.
At the time, it sounded like a solid plan.
Jockey of the Week
Trail Camera Caught Man’s Illicit Horseplay
Suspecting that someone had entered a barn on her property without permission, a Florida Woman set up a trail camera that subsequently recorded a laborer having repeated sexual contact with a horse housed in the structure, police report.
Homeowner Catherine Engel told police that last month she installed the trail camera inside the four-stall Vero Beach barn where her horses are kept after discovering ligature marks around one horse’s neck. She also recalled finding bungee cords and ropes around the neck of a miniature horse “even though she never placed any on it.”
The camera, cops say, captured Santiago Victoria, 57, entering the barn late at night and invading a stall occupied by a horse name Mariah. During three separate encounters, Victoria “gets behind the horse in a sexual manner,” according to an arrest affidavit.
The Indian River Sheriff’s Office affidavit provides a graphic account of Victoria’s alleged illicit conduct inside the barn.
Engel identified Victoria as the suspect, telling cops that he worked for a welding company that parks vehicles on the same property where the barn is situated.
When cops Friday confronted Victoria at his residence, he reportedly “admitted to having sexual intercourse with the horse,” but could not remember how many times. Investigators say Victoria also acknowledged that he did not have permission to be inside the barn.
Seen above, Victoria was arrested on three felony burglary charges. He was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $75,000 bond.
Horsey McHorsef*cker.
Blast of the Week
Nurse sues NHS claiming ‘hypnosis’ at hospital was ‘making her fart against her will’
A former nurse has unsuccessfully sued the NHS, claiming that she was subject to ‘hypnotic experiments’ at work which made her ‘fart against her will’.
Xandra Samson, who worked at Ealing Hospital in London, was sacked in December 2019 after refusing psychiatric help. She then sued London North West University Healthcare NHS Trust for unfair dismissal and disability discrimination.
She claimed at a recent employment tribunal that bosses were trying to “control” employees, making the workplace hot and poorly ventilated to allow their consciousnesses to be altered.
At the time of her sacking, Samson contacted the National Hypnotherapy Society in an attempt to back up her allegations.
She added that she was the target of a little-known hypnotic practice called the “ideomotor phenomenon” which allegedly forces people into unconscious behaviours.
She said at the tribunal: “I would like to report an observed pattern of likely inappropriate use of hypnosis/ideomotor phenomenon in my NHS workplace.
“I am a healthy individual and do not have any past medical history but recently I have had various symptoms including headaches, breathing difficulty (a feeling of getting choked), and gastrointestinal disturbance (borborygmus, spasms, flatulence).
“It becomes extremely bothersome and a distraction at work. It also involves a feeling of being attacked in various parts of the body including that of one’s private part, which I feel is very inappropriate.
Before her sacking, two separate doctors had deemed Samson unfit for work.
She lost this recent case at the Watford Employment Tribunal Centre.
Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
Cataclysm of the Week
Soldier pleads guilty to storming animal shelter in SWAT gear looking for his cat
An ex-soldier has pleaded guilty to storming an animal shelter in a full SWAT suit – including a fake gun – in search of his lost cat.
In January, Tony Wittman, 45, called the Lost Dog’s Home in Melbourne, Australia, looking for his cat.
A member of staff told him that they had found his pet, but that he would have to make an appointment to collect the cat the following morning as they were about to close, ABC reports.
The father-of-three was impatient however and took matters into his own hands later that night, when he forced his way into the shelter, while dressed in full military-style SWAT clothing and carrying an imitation firearm.
He then confronted a female employee and threatened her: “If you do as I say and listen to me, I won’t shoot you.”
The woman pleaded with Wittman not to harm her, telling him she was the mother of a young child, to which he replied: “Don’t try anything or I’ll shoot you.
The ex-soldier then proceeded to interrogate the staff member about where the cats were, before tying her hands behind her back and telling her: “I’m going to close this door, if I see you, I’ll shoot you.”
The 45-year-old then fled the scene before the woman called her boss who proceeded to alert the authorities, with the whole incident captured on the shelter’s security cameras.
In a bizarre twist, Wittman then returned to the shelter the next morning as per his appointment, to collect his cat.
Dudes will do anything for a little pussy.
Bullet Sponge of the Week
Driver shot before crashing into pole early Tuesday
Des Moines police said a driver was injured in a shooting early Tuesday morning that ended with a crash into a pole.
The incident happened sometime before 3 a.m. at 39th Street and Urbandale Avenue.
According to police, the driver was shot by an unknown person. He then crashed his car into a pole after the incident. Police said he suffered non-life-threatening injuries. A passenger inside the car was not injured, police said.
Officers found both of them walking near the crashed car when they arrived. Police told KCCI the driver who was shot was also shot by an unknown person in July near Prospect Park.
Maybe it’s you, bro.
WTF? of the Week
The Swiss Mini Gun – World’s Smallest Working Revolver
The Swiss Mini Gun holds the Guinness World Record for the smallest functioning revolver in the world. It measures 5.5 cm long, 3.5 cm tall and 1 cm wide, weighing only 19.8g. It’s so easy to conceal that countries like the United States and the United Kingdom have made the Swiss Mini Gun illegal to import. But while its reduced size may be unusual, this tiny firearm has all the same features as a normal-sized double-action revolver. Its manufacturing was only possible by employing techniques used in the Swiss watchmaking and jewelry industries.
The common C1ST stainless steel model of the Swiss Mini Gun comes with a stylish leather holder, 24 live and 24 blank cartridges, and a cleaning set. The holster features a keyring that can be clipped to a belt loop, like an accessory. The price listed on the Swiss Mini Gun website is 6,300 Swiss francs ($6,820) for exportation exempt of Swiss VAT.
Although the Swiss Mini Gun works like a normal-sized firearm, there has been a lot of speculation regarding its firepower. Because the US and the UK have banned its importation, there have been rumors going around that the tiny revolver could be used to kill or at least seriously wound people. That is unlikely, according to the manufacturer.
“We would like to take this opportunity to inform journalists who are interested in writing articles about our product that the power of most airguns or BB guns, which are in many countries freely on sale, can exceed over 10 times the power of our ammunition,” the Swiss Mini Gun website reads. “The power of the Swiss Mini Gun Cal. 2.34m/m ammunition is just less than 1 joule.”
Ballistic expert Steven Howard once told Business Insider that the world’s smallest revolver could theoretically be used to kill someone, but only “if your shot is absolutely perfect” and you hit the “thinnest part of the skull at point range and under perfect conditions.”
But being this is a 2.34mm Magnum, the least powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your eyelash clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do you, punk?
