The biggest WTF? this week is how unreliable our web host is. Here’s some WTF? you can count on:
Headline of the Week
Jerry Anus found with meth while on pre-trial release for three cases
While on felony release for three separate cases, a man by the name of Jerry Anus was allegedly in possession of methamphetamine.
Anus, also known as Jerry Hans and Jerry Anis, was charged in the Superior Court of Guam after officers followed a car that had veered to the right with its headlights turned off, charging documents state.
The officer then confirmed the license plates on the car belonged to a different vehicle before making a pull over.
Anus first identified himself as “Harry Anus” but later gave his real name to the officer after not having a driver’s license, documents state.
Further research revealed Anus had outstanding bench warrants for two 2018 felony cases and one 2019 felony case. His conditions of release included not possessing illegal controlled substances and obeying all laws.
After his arrest, Anus’s shoulder pouch was searched and a clear glass pipe with methamphetamine residue was found. A plastic resealable baggie containing trace amounts of methamphetamine also was found, the complaint stated.
Anus was charged with possession of a schedule II controlled substance as a third-degree felony with three notices of commission of a felony while on felony release, and operating a motor vehicle without a valid operator’s license as a violation.
Surprisingly, no sodomy on his rap sheet.
Double Barrel of the Week
Boy born with two penises has the larger one chopped off by doctors
A boy who was born with two penises had to have one removed – but doctors chose to take the larger one.
The youngster, from Brazil, is one in a million baby boys to be born with a duplicated penis.
Doctors in São Paulo said to date only 100 men with the condition, called diphallia, have been reported in medical literature.
They describe their own case report in the Journal of Pediatric Urology of a boy who had two penises that lay side by side.
He had “complete” diphallia, as opposed to having only an “accessory” penis or stump.
The unnamed patient was two years old by the time he had surgery for reasons that were not explained.
Observing that the left penis was larger, the team of doctors had planned to save this one and get rid of the smaller, right member.
Both penises, although differing in size, were visibly similar and working.
The mom said that both penises had the ability to become erect.
But examinations showed each penis had only one of two corpora cavernosa – spongy columns of tissues that fill with blood and cause the penis to harden.
Medics discovered that the boy could only urinate from the smaller penis, confirmed by the mother.
The urethra of the larger one was too narrow for urine to pass through…
Therefore, a decision was made on “functionality and not on size” – meaning the larger penis had to go.
Surgeons removed the left penis entirely…
Unfortunately, he drew the shortest straw.
Nut of the Week
Thai man’s testicles burst after fight with water buffalo
A buffalo breeder in Buriram province, northeast Thailand, has been rushed to hospital this morning with ‘burst testicles’ after one of his water buffaloes attacked him. The man tried to break up a fight between 2 of his buffaloes when one rammed into him leaving him with torn testicles, a wounded thigh and a bruised chest. He was found lying on the floor in a pool of blood 30 metres away from the buffalo pen and was rushed to hospital for treatment.
The 40 year old buffalo breeder – who has requested for his full name to be withheld – bought the 2 year old male buffalo just 1 week ago and named it Pao. He put Pao in the same pen as Khluay, another male buffalo of the same age. But Pao and Khluay didn’t “eat the same noodles” (a Thai idiom which means they didn’t get along with each other).
The buffalo breeder said he has raised Khluay since he was 6 months old. He said Khluay has always been a kind-hearted water buffalo. But there was something about Pao that Khluay didn’t like. The man tried to make the 2 buffalo befriend each other by tying them up to eat grass near each other, but they kept fighting.
The buffalo breeder brought the 2 together again this morning in an attempt to repair their relationship, but another fight broke out between Pao and Khluay. Khluay, who has never been aggressive towards his owner before, rammed into him causing him critical injuries.
Kung Pao Testicles?
Natural of the Week
Woman shamed for ‘distracting’ breasts at dinner: ‘Prejudice against big naturals’
A restaurant-goer had some nasty comments to get off her chest.
Adrienne Airhart was celebrating her birthday when a woman at the table next to her started shaming her for her breast size, she shared in a now-viral tweet.
The Los Angeles-based podcaster said she was told her chest was “distracting” before the woman got up and moved tables.
“Tonight at my birthday dinner I took off my shawl and the lady at the next table said, ‘Well those are distracting’ and moved tables. Still got it!” Airhart tweeted.
She clarified that the incident was “prejudice against big naturals.”
Airhart, who is in her 30s, shared a video of her blowing out her birthday candle and wrote, “This was me last night. I’m not even that hot the lady was just a hater.”
Distractions aren’t always a bad thing.
Pisser of the Week
MEGADETH’S DAVE MUSTAINE ADMITS TO URINATING ON THE WHITE HOUSE BATHROOM FLOOR
Dave Mustaine of Megadeth has recently admitted to urinating on the bathroom floor of the White House, and this wasn’t a case of bad aim – it was with full intent.
At a Megadeth gig in Tucson, Arizona last Sunday (April 10) the frontman spent some time giving a very meaningful speech down the mic to the fans, which included his shameless admission of peeing on the bathroom floor of the White House, and the best part? He says he absolutely had to do it.
He then went on to make the confession, adding, “When I went up to the White House, I was so proud to be able to go up there and say, ‘fuck you – you think we’re stupid? We are not stupid.’ By the way, when I went into the White House, I went into the royal – whatever the fuck it’s called – White House bathroom, and I peed on the floor. I had to… I had to.”
He left a pee Mustaine on the floor.
The Other Pisser of the Week
Man savaged by five crocodiles after falling into danger pool while going for a wee
A man was mauled by five crocodiles before managing to escape with his life after he slipped and fell into a dangerous croc pool while going for a wee.
The crocodile farm caretaker Sou Sothea, 37, was walking to relieve himself on a crocodile farm in Kampong Tayong village, in Puok, Cambodia on April 17.
He had been enjoying some beers with family members but parted ways as the evening came to a close.
Sothea went to sleep in a hammock by the crocodile pool as usual but woke at around 1am needing to go to the toilet.
But when he was crossing a bridge over the pool, he slipped and fell in and was bitten by five of the nearly 50 crocodiles that are under his care.
A local heard his cries for help and alerted his family members, who rushed to the pool, using sticks to beat off the crocodiles.
Police officers arrived on the scene, where they found Sothea covered in bruises and crocodile bites, including bites to his head.
Initially, he was taken to a hospital in Siem Reap. but due to the nature of his injuries, he was transferred to Calmette Hospital, in Phnom Penh.
There, he received emergency treatment and remains there in a serious but stable condition.
Crocs get pissed off when they get pissed on.
Whacker of the Week
Police come 40 minutes after public masturbator does
A man in Long Beach, California, sat in a chair in front of a hair salon during business hours and masturbated as he looked through the window.
It took police 40 minutes to arrive, by which time the man had vacated the premises.
When the hair salon owner posted the video to social media, a nail salon responded and said the same man was spotted masturbating and looking through the nail salon window, too.
Long Beach police said they would have more information soon.
His Internet connection must be out.
Neigh Sayer of the Week
Man previously arrested for sexually assaulting horse arrested for bestiality
A man who was arrested several times for sexual encounters with horses was arrested on Wednesday for bestiality.
Cirilo Castillo was arrested by Special Rangers TC the Southwest Cattle Raiser Association on a charge of bestiality, according to Hidalgo County Public Records.
According to authorities with the SW Cattle Raiser Association, the victim’s, who lived in a rural area between San Juan and Alamo noticed that someone was leaving wooden benches and chairs in their horse stalls. They then installed a surveillance camera to monitor the situation, and because they had a pregnant mare that was scheduled to give birth.
In late March, one of the victim’s was looking at the surveillance camera and whey noticed someone laying on the floor of the stalls. The victim then went to the stall and saw an individual standing on a chair towards the rear of the pregnant horse and he began fumbling with his pants before fleeing.
Authorities said that the suspect was wearing a mask but through an investigation were able to identify the man as Castillo.
ValleyCentral reported in 2013 that Castillo plead guilty after having sex with a horse named “India” on video.
In 2015, he was arrested after being accused of trying to have sex with a horse again, this time sustaining a leg injury after being kicked by the horse. He told authorities he was hit by a car and crawled to the barn for shelter.
What’s that saying about getting back on the horse that bucked you?
Mug of the Week
West Virginia man confuses meth for vehicle registration during traffic stop
A West Virginia man was arrested and charged after allegedly handing officers a bag of suspected meth instead of his vehicle registration during a traffic stop.
Officers with the Bridgeport Police Department pulled over Roy Porter, 57, Sunday for suspected improper registration, according to WBOY 12 News. After handing over what he apparently believed to be his registration, a bag containing “pieces of a crystal-like substance” fell out, according to officers.
The officers brought in a drug-sniffing dog to search around the vehicle. Porter was carrying approximately four grams of meth, while passenger Jared Mayle, had almost 220 grams of meth, according to the officers.
Both men were arrested and taken to Bridgeport Police Department for processing. They were later taken to North Central Regional Jail.
That’s a guy who never heard the rule: Don’t get high on your own supply.
Inker of the Week
Mum with multiple tattoos wants more and will continue to get inked ‘until 80’
Melissa Sloan, 45, is already covered from head-to-toe in colourful ink, but that won’t stop her from getting more.
She first started using her body as a canvas from the age of 20, and since then she’s amassed dozens of striking tatts.
The mum-of-seven has love hearts all over her face, a tattoo of London gangsters the Kray twins on her leg and some on her back.
She said: “There’s always drama. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the supermarket, or whatever, people look at me.”
Talking about people’s reactions, she added: “Some are really nice and complimentary about my tattoos.
“But others ask why I got so many, or look at me and question why I would do it to myself.
“I went to a fair the other day and that was a challenge. Loads of people were staring at me as if I’m some sort of celebrity superstar.”
But Melissa doesn’t care about the haters, all that matters is how much her children like her tattoos.
She continued: “I have seven kids, most of them have grown up now, but they think they’re fantastic.
“My mum always said to me: ‘you’ve got to be yourself’. That’s what I’m doing.”
More like oinked up, amirite?
Nope of the Week
ESTHER MARTINEZ OFFERED TO CARRY OUT SEX SCENES FROM “BRIDGERTON” FOR MNPD OFFICER TO LET HER GO
After crashing her car, 32-year-old Esther Martinez explained to Officer Growneweg that she had just come from watching the show Bridgerton while drinking heavily, to celebrate graduating from rehab earlier in the day, celebrating two months of sober-living housing.
She was drinking tequila, straight from the bottle, per her own account, along with prescription pills.
As it was being explained she was being arrested and charged with DUI, she proceeded to make continued and progressive sexual comments, which she says came from acting out scenes from the Bridgerton show, toward the officer.
She talked about showing her breasts to maybe dissuade the DUI charge, even offering sex or oral sex in the back of the patrol car in exchange for a total release from custody. She told the officer the show had made her horny like this.
Esther Martinez was booked into the Metro Nashville Jail on April 18th, charged with driving under the influence (DUI), resisting arrest, and assault of a first responder/offensive contact.
And yet, Esther’s horniness had the complete opposite effect on the officer.
Stick Figure of the Week
Teen with ‘longest legs in world’ joins OnlyFans after Guinness World Records triumph
A double record-holding teenager with the longest female legs in the world has joined launched her own OnlyFans account.
Maci Currin, 19, has almost two million followers on TikTok but she is now taking her exclusive content to the popular subscription site synonymous with raunchy snaps.
At 6ft 10 Maci also has the Guinness World Record for owning the longest teenage legs, says she is “idolised” online and is flooded with date offers but still suffers abuse on social media.
Ignoring the vicious trolls, Maci has defiantly joined OnlyFans to spread a message of body positivity but insists “nudity isn’t promised”.
Adoring fans must fork out almost £27 per month to see the content Maci from Cedar Park in Texas, US, considers too racy for the likes of TikTok and Instagram.
The aspiring model’s reason for signing up to OnlyFans at the beginning of the year stems from a determination to show people come in all shapes and sizes and can be equally as attractive as anybody else.
She told The Sun US: “I just want to prove that tall girls like myself can be as conventionally attractive as anyone else.
I prefer women in 3D.
Cop of the Week
Indiana deputy attacked by squirrel receives special award
Sunshine, blossoming flowers, and the re-emergence of wildlife after winter are all considered joys of spring, but for one Harrison County Indiana Sheriff’s officer, spring may not be such a delight after all.
A squirrel attacked Deputy David Wheatley in Seven Oaks trailer park, clinging to Wheatley’s back as Wheatley flailed around, clearly caught off guard.
The entire incident was caught on camera and shared to Sheriff Nick Smith’s Facebook page.
Wheatley was commended for his courage and dedication and awarded a trophy, which was shaped like a squirrel. It came with a martial arts certificate for “squirrel taekwondo.”
The squirrel is still on the run and investigators have not yet decided if he will be criminally charged.
Good thing it wasn’t a black squirrel or this guy would have been fired.
WTF? of the Week
American men’s penises are only the 59th biggest in the world
American men’s penises are only the 59th biggest in the world, a study reveals.
The average length of 5.35 inches is shorter than their Haitian, French, and Aussie counterparts.
The poll, of 86 nations, revealed that French men’s genitals are 6.20 inches in length, while Australia ranks 43rd at 5.69.
Men in Haiti have an average penis size of 6.30 inches when erect, according to the data.
Ecuadorian men apparently have the biggest penises, at an average of 6.95 inches, while the smallest can be found in Cambodia at just 3.95 inches long when erect.
Men in the US narrowly beat those in the UK as the average size recorded was 5.17 inches.
Online pharmacy From Mars analyzed Google data from 86 countries to come up with the findings.
Pharmacist and spokesman Navin Khosla said: “Most men have wondered at some time or other if their penis is big enough.
“Penis size can have a massive impact on confidence and self-image.”
How do we barely beat Japan? I blame dickless liberals for bringing our average down.
