Long-time Def-Con News readers know that I’m kind of the Nostradamus of bullshit in that I often predict liberal stupidity with my sarcasm. Earlier today I joked that liberals would soon say that AR-15s are so powerful they can destroy office buildings and vaporize deer. Hours later and, wouldn’t you know it, Whoopi Goldberg said that AR-15s can “turn people to dust.” I should use these powers to pick lottery numbers.
This morning I wrote about how NPR was claiming that an AR-15 round can decapitate an adult and noted:
A couple of days ago, Joe Biden claimed that a 9mm round can blow a lung clean out of the human body. Looking to one-up the illegitimate president, NPR says that an AR-15 round can decapitate an adult. At this rate by next week, these small caliber rounds will be capable of blowing up an office building.
And:
Most people hunt bigger game with .30 caliber rounds (30-30, .308, 30-06, etc…) which are much bigger and more powerful. If a .223 can decapitate a person, wouldn’t that mean a 30-06 would vaporize a deer?
Okay, I predicted this would be next week and that a 30-06 would be the vaporizer, but I did say liberals were going to escalate the make-believe power of the AR-15 and here’s what Whoopi Goldberg said on The View today:
Some fat black lady with blonde hair, who is supposed to be the “conservative” on The View was trying to explain to Whoopi Goldberg that it’s possible for a mass shooter to use a gun besides an AR-15.
“Even if you remove the AR-15, they can use handguns. Virginia Tech the guy used a handgun,” said the pretend conservative who’s name I can’t be bothered to learn.
“Yes, but you know what, let me tell you, a handgun doesn’t turn people to dust,” said Goldberg angrily.
Clearly Goldberg is saying that AR-15s can turn people to dust, which is absurd. Even crazier, the fake conservative agreed with her and the dimwits in the audience applauded like Whoopi spoke some kind of profound truth.
Goldberg further distanced herself from reality with this gem:
“The issue is that there is an assault weapon out there that people can put their hands on. They can put their hands on it easier than they can get a glass of beer in a bar,” Goldberg said.
This is how you know Whoopi Goldberg has never purchased a firearm or ordered a beer in a bar. There are a lot more steps and checks to get a gun and, seriously, who the f*ck orders a “glass of beer”?
“Pardon me, barkeep, might I have a glass of beer,” said nobody ever. At least not in the past 2 centuries.
I didn’t specifically say that Whoopi Goldberg would claim that AR-15s can turn people to dust but sometimes my powers of prognostication are murky. I did predict that liberals would escalate the power of the AR-15 and did mention vaporization so I’m counting this as a win.
And to celebrate my victory, I’m starting my day drinking early with a tall glass of beer.
Yesterday I did a story on Whoopi Goldberg saying we can keep our Yee-Haw guns so I apologize for doing another one on her today. I think I’m going to institute a policy at DCN that there can be no more than one Whoopi story per month.
