With the SCOTUS striking down NY’s concealed carry law and overturning Roe v. Wade, for the first time in a long time, all the WTF? is kicking liberals in the clam. Here’s some other WTF? that’s just as funny but slightly less political:
Headline of the Week
Black Mercer County analyst cleaned up boss’ fecal, treated worse than White workers
Tyrone Ebron, a Black assistant program analyst for Mercer County, claimed in a recently filed lawsuit that he faced harsh treatment from superiors, was passed up for promotions and stripped of job duties because he complained to county brass about race discrimination.
In one instance, he claimed to have scrubbed up human feces from a hallway at county facilities after his boss soiled himself at work, then left the mess for others to deal with while leaving work for the day.
The complaint pointed to Feb. 25, 2021, when Ebron retrieved Lysol Wipes for his boss Golomb at the Mercer County Fire Academy after the chief apparently soiled himself at work.
While returning to the bathroom with the wipes, Ebron saw “mounds of human excrement” in the hallway, the suit outlined.
The analyst slid the Lysol Wipes to his boss under the stall, notified maintenance workers about the mess and advised colleagues to avoid the “contaminated” area, which had an “overpowering stench,” the suit said.
He claimed that Golomb had him retrieve his vape pen from his office then left for the day, without cleaning up after himself.
It was the second time this happened since 2020, so Ebron urged Golomb to work remotely until his “defecation issue was under control,” the lawsuit outlined.
When Golomb returned to work a few days later, he acted as if nothing happened, which caused Ebron a “great deal of anxiety” because he knew he’d be responsible for cleaning up future hazmat-like spills, the suit says.
Not everything is racism, bro. Sometimes you just have a shitty boss.
Shoplifter of the Week
Woman wanted, allegedly stuffed CVS merchandise under breasts
The Richmond County Sheriff’s Office is requesting the public’s help in locating two people wanted for questioning.
According to an incident report, the man and woman pictured went into the CVS on Wrightsboro Road and stole merchandise.
Authorities say security footage shows the woman walked down isles grabbing items off of shelves and stuffing them under her breast that were hanging out of her shirt.
They say the man was also stealing, but it wasn’t caught on camera.
She stole 2 cases of beer, 4 gallons of ice cream, and 12 rolls of toilet paper.
Revolt of the Week
A sex offender who defecated in his hands and tried grabbing a teenager on a footpath has been banned from exposing his buttocks.
Marcus Dalby, of Ashford, could now be jailed if he flouts the unusual ruling made at Canterbury Crown Court.
It is the latest order handed to the 27-year-old who has recently embarked on a campaign of “revolting and terrifying” crimes.
Dalby’s latest victim, 18, was walking home from Ashford International Station when, in disbelief, she witnessed him expose himself and defecate.
He then tried grabbing his victim about three times, including around the throat, as she screamed, fended him off and fled.
Handing down a five-month prison sentence, Judge Weekes told Dalby: “You approached her and pulled down your trousers to at least your knee area and defecated in your hands.
“Having engaged in that revolting behaviour you then approached her with excrement on your hands and tried to make contact with her neck area.
Last year, Dalby was handed a Sexual Harm Prevention Order (SHPO) after being deemed a public risk for a previous sexual offence.
It came after he was convicted of performing a sex act on his porch in front of a schoolchild.
When a witness caught the flasher in the act he ran inside his Ashford home shouting “it wasn’t me it was my twin brother.”
Subsequently, a judge handed Dalby a two-year community order and SHPO, it was designed to protect the public and help rehabilitate Dalby.
The order prevented him “from being naked in public.”
But the ruling’s wording failed to prohibit Dalby from exposing his buttocks, his barrister Gordon Ross successfully argued during the trial.
So unless you’re whacking it on your front porch, public nudity is legal in England?
Eff-Bomb of the Week
Judge Sentences Former Effingham Co. Jailer To 50 Years In Prison
A superior court judge sentenced a former jailer with the Effingham County Sheriff’s Office Thursday in a case involving three inmates who accused the jail officer of unwanted sexual contact.
Investigators with the Effingham County Sheriff’s Office arrested Ever David Jandres, now 40, in March 2019 on charges stemming from sexual contact with an individual in custody. The Sheriff’s Office said ‘enough evidence’ was collected to make the arrest for ‘sexual assault by a law enforcement agency employee who engages in sexual contact with an individual in custody.’
In December 2019, a grand jury indicted Jandres on three counts of Sexual Assault by an Inmate or Person in Custody based on:
- Touching the breasts and vagina of Inmate #1 with his hands on some unknown date between December 1, 2018 and February 25, 2019;
- Touching the breasts, vagina, and buttocks of Inmate #2 with his hands on some unknown date between January 15, 2019 and February 25, 2019;
- Touching the breasts and vagina of Inmate #3 with “his hands and/or mouth” on some unknown date between December 15, 2018 and February 14, 2019, and for kissing the same inmate on the mouth.
On June 9, 2022, Jandres entere an open-ended plea of ‘Guilty’ on all three counts. Two weeks later, on June 23, Judge Peed sentenced Jandres to ‘50 years to serve.’
Judge Peed of Effingham County? Is this a real story?
Shiitake of the Week
Woman in Japan charged for mixing human feces into school lunch
A 20-year-old employee at a public school in Okazaki, Aichi Prefecture, has been arrested and charged with fraudulent obstruction of business on June 13 for mixing human feces into a side dish of the school lunch.
The mixture of human excrement into the school lunch was discovered on Oct. 8, 2021, when the school principal taste-tested the day’s meal in advance. He reportedly noticed the dish’s peculiar odor and discoloration. The principal canceled the lunch and submitted the food to the public health center for examination.
The test results confirmed that the food contained E. coli bacteria. While the dish was made in a separate central facility, it was reported that no other schools had any trace of E. coli bacteria in their food.
It remains unclear what the woman’s motives were or how she was able to mix the feces into the food.
When the incident circulated online, many were surprised by the intervention of the principal in tasting the school lunch before anyone else.
While it is not practiced in all schools, it is apparently customary for principals to eat lunch about 30 minutes before the whole school. The practice is meant to check whether the quality and flavor of the food is acceptable to be served as an act of formality.
It’s still better than those lunches Michelle Obama made kids eat.
Whizz of the Week
Caught on camera: Man urinates on pride flag sign in Norton, Massachusetts
Norton police confirm they are investigating a report of vandalism to a pride flag sign in the Massachusetts town, which one resident believes was a hateful, homophobic act.
Val Cabral said they recently installed a large, wooden sign of a rainbow flag held up by metal stakes at the end of their driveway after two smaller pride flag signs were recently stolen from their property.
According to Cabral, a surveillance camera captured footage of a man stopping by the large pride flag and urinating on it.
Cabral said they were initially unsure if it was an act of hate, but now believe it was after further reviewing the surveillance footage.
“You know, I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt and thought: ‘Maybe he was just walking home and didn’t realize what he was doing,'” Cabral said. “But he clearly moves and, like, gets on his tip-toes to try to get it onto the sign itself.”
Norton police said they are unsure at this time if the man in the video was intentionally urinating on the pride flag sign. Police did note that they are trying to find that man to ask him some questions about the incident.
Yellow is a color of the rainbow, you f*cking crybaby.
Double-Tap of the Week
Elephant tramples woman to death, then attacks her corpse at funeral
A 70-year-old woman in India was trampled to death by an elephant — and her corpse was then bizarrely attacked by the same beast at her funeral, according to a report.
Police said Maya Murmu had been fetching water from a well in the eastern Indian state of Odisha on Thursday when an elephant came barreling toward her, according to the Print India. The tusked pachyderm had apparently escaped from the Dalma Wildlife Sanctuary, which is located in a neighboring state.
The elephant trampled the woman, who ultimately died of her injuries at a nearby hospital, police told the outlet Saturday.
Murmu’s family was then performing her last rites before lighting a funeral pyre when the elephant allegedly returned and grabbed her body.
The animal threw the corpse in the air and then ran away, the local outlet reported.
Apparently, the family was able to continue the ceremony, and the elephant did not return.
The family admits it was a mistake to invite the elephant to the funeral.
Groomer of the Week
Randy gorillas perform oral sex in front of kids at zoo – but animal lovers defend them
Animal lovers have blasted parents who shamed two gorillas for enjoying oral sex in front of bewildered kids at a zoo.
The sex-mad apes put on a racy show at Bronx Zoo, New York City, and left parents red-faced as they instructed their children to turn away.
A steamy video showed the pair as they gathered in a sweet embrace before the male gorilla pushed his primate down towards his genital area.
The shocked visitor who filmed the clip could be heard in the background as he squealed “Oh no! Oh my God!” before he turned to his child and said: “Don’t look!”
But animal enthusiasts compared the frisky scene to the “discovery channel”. They said it should have been a “great teaching moment for the children.”
First CRT, then LGBT grooming, and now this.
Cut of the Week
On Monday, June 20, 2022, some military personnel reportedly shot dead 17-year-old Yusuf Umar, a fuel attendant at AYM Shafa filling station in Minna, Niger State. The manager of the filling station, Sa’ad Umar, and a brother of the deceased, Mohammed, speak to AISHA WAKASO about the tragic incident
What happened in your petrol station on Monday, June 20, 2022 that led to the death of one of your attendants?
On Monday afternoon, I was in my office when a staff member came to inform me that some air force personnel had come to refill their Hilux vehicle and since I am the one who usually attends to them personally for accounting purpose, I came out to attend to them.
When I got outside, I saw some men in mufti sitting down and a local manicurist was about to start cutting one of the people’s nails. I objected to that and requested that they move away from the pumps to avoid fire outbreak since manicurists usually use lighters to burn their tools, as a way of sterilising them. But immediately, the man in mufti, who was trying to get his nails cut, asked me if I knew who they were and I said I didn’t care to know at that point; I was only concerned about the safety guidelines of my workplace.
When the man insisted that he must have his nails cut in the filling station, I instructed the manicurist to leave, but the men to him to stay, so an argument started. One of their colleagues in uniform called me. I asked him if the men in mufti were with them and he said they were together.
The next thing was that one of them slapped me, shouting, “Who are you to be talking to my oga like that?”
Then another one slapped and kicked me. I fell and they descended on me, beating me. I started shouting, demanding why they were harassing me. The place became rowdy. Amid the confusion, one of them rushed to the Hilux van and brought out a knife, while another one got a cutlass.
As people were trying to intervene, I was trying to run into my office when I heard two gunshots and I saw Yusuf on the ground in a pool of his blood with a cutlass cut in his hand.
They (the air force personnel) drove off immediately. We carried Yusuf and started rushing him to the hospital but he died before we could make it to the hospital.
In other shocking news, Niger has an air force.
Call of the Week
Drunk man responds to 911 call in stolen patrol car, police say
A Colorado man is facing a slew of charges after he broke into a police station while intoxicated, stole a patrol car, led police on a pursuit, crashed and pulled a knife on deputies before he was taken into custody, reported KDVR. Yet what really stands out is that the man responded to a 911 call in the stolen patrol car, police said.
The chaotic incident began just before 3:30 a.m. Monday when Jeremiah James Taylor, 33, broke into a Park County Sheriff substation and stole a marked cruiser, according to KDVR. While in the cruiser, Taylor heard a domestic violence call come in on the radio. The 911 callers later told police that Taylor arrived at their home, apparently intoxicated, and asked, “Where’s the old man that’s going to shoot someone?” Taylor also identified himself as a Park County deputy, the sheriff’s office said.
When real deputies arrived to answer the call, Taylor sped off, police told KDVR.
Deputies caught up with Taylor about two hours later and initiated a high-speed pursuit when Taylor refused to pull over. Taylor eventually crashed and ran into the woods armed with a knife, the report said. Deputies chased him down and used a TASER to bring Taylor into custody.
At least one shot was fired; it’s unclear if Taylor was hit, but he was hospitalized with self-inflicted knife wounds, according to KDVR. No deputies were injured.
He does however appear to have deescalated the domestic violence situation.
Ass-Tronaut of the Week
International Space Station smells awful because astronauts fart more in space
The International Space Station smells “like a barbecue that has gone wrong” because astronauts in orbit fart more.
Tim Peake, 50, who spent 186 days on the station in 2016, made the rotten revelation while being quizzed over his adventures by an eight-year-old on the Dirty Mother Pukka podcast.
He was asked: “What’s it like to burp in space when you’ve got your helmet on?’’
The astronaut replied: “That’s a great question, but do you know you don’t actually burp in space?
“So when you eat food your body is still digesting your food and producing the gas but those bubbles of gas don’t rise up.
“So there’s only really one way that they do come out…’’
Tim also said the International Space Station smelled “really unusual”.
“It’s a little bit like a barbecue that’s gone wrong. Burnt meat, scorched, metallic smell – almost like static electricity when you take your jumper off and you’ve got those static sparks,” he said.
In space, no one can hear you fart.
WTF? Yeah of the Week
Ukrainian goat leaves dozens of Russian soldiers injured – after setting off a booby trap
A Ukrainian goat has left dozens of Russian soldiers injured – after setting off a booby trap.
The troops were laying a tripwire around a hospital when the goat wandered towards it.
They had placed grenades around the edge of the building with the trap being used as a “circular defence”. But the creature, which had escaped from a nearby farm, triggered it with its “chaotic movements”.
The munitions exploded in a chain reaction, leaving at least 40 soldiers hurt. Ukraine’s Chief Intelligence Directorate said: “As a result of the goat’s ‘chaotic’ movements, the animal ‘disposed of’ several grenades.”
The directorate added that “as a result of a chain reaction”, Mad Vlad’s soldiers “sustained injuries of varying degrees of severity” in the village of Kinski Rozdory in Zaporizhia Oblast, south-east Ukraine.
Although it is not clear if the beast survived, it is now being called the “Goat of Kyiv” online.
Greatest Of All Time!
WTF? of the Week
Pensioner charged with murdering hubby and burning his naked body on their back patio
A pensioner has been charged with allegedly killing her husband of 30 years and burning his naked body on the back patio of their home.
Cops discovered the charred remains of Carmen Henderson, an 84-year-old former deputy sheriff, at an address in Susquehanna, Pennsylvania after Evelyn Zigerelli-Henderson, 66, called 911.
She told the late-night emergency operator her spouse had set himself alight with a cigar.
But officers grew suspicious of Zigerelli-Henderson, an ex-local politician, after noticing that the body was in an advanced state of decomposition, indicating it had been there for some time.
She also kept changing her story as to what had happened, having initially claimed her husband had committed suicide.
In addition , the dispatcher who handled her earlier call described her as “hesitant to answer questions” and noted there being “something very off with her.”
Officers also noticed that there’d been a difference of four hours between when Zigerelli-Henderson said she’d heard her husband scream in pain and the time she decided to phone 911.
According to the report, the widow – who’s listed as the sole beneficiary of her husband’s £10k life insurance policy – “eventually settled” on a story in which, at around one o’clock in the morning, she’d seen him sitting in a fold-up camping chair.
He was said to have been screaming because his lower trouser leg was on fire, reports The Mail.
Investigators also apparently discerned a financial motive for the incident, the couple having been in debt to the tune of roughly $40,000, an amount which Zigerelli-Henderson blamed on her love of lavish vacation homes, day spas, and other “self-indulgent activities.”
She now faces charges of criminal homicide, aggravated arson, and arson resulting in danger of death or bodily injury due to the inconsistencies in her story.
Clearly the woman with the scruffy beard has spent tons money on lavish spa treatments.
