This week we learned that Joe Biden, who son Hunter calls “The Big Guy’ in corruption-implicating e-mails, has a bit of a cocaine habit. He has to be careful or he’ll end up being a big f*ck-up like his son and end up doing some big WTF? like this:
Big Headline of the Week
Seaworld’s deadliest killer whale gnawed on penis of victim until it fell off
In one of the most horrifying attacks to take place at SeaWorld, a killer whale bit off a swimmer’s penis and held him underwater until he drowned.
The victim, Daniel Dukes, crept past the security and entered Tilikum’s tank at the Floria Theme Park with tragic consequences.
Reports claimed that Daniel had waited until the park had closed before stripping down to his trunks. He was found mauled the next morning.
An autopsy revealed that the 27-year-old had his scrotum gnawed off by Tilikum after being dragged down and held underwater by the powerful beast.
Yet another tragic Floria Man story.
Big Dick of the Week
Granny’s dying wish: Giant penis on her tombstone
A great-grandmother had a singular request for her grave: a 5½-foot-tall, nearly 600-pound penis statue.
Catarina Orduña Pérez’s family erected the monument in “recognition of her love and joy for life,” according to Vice.
“She wanted to break the paradigm of everything Mexican, where things are sometimes hidden because of not having an open mind,” her grandson Álvaro Mota Limón told the outlet.
“She was always very avant-garde, very forward-thinking about things.”
Orduña Pérez, who died at the age of 99 on Jan. 20, 2021, was known in her small town of Misantla as Doña Cata for her fascination with penises.
Their family knew the matriarch wanted a penis statue on her tombstone for years, but didn’t take her request seriously until she approached death. After she died, Mota Limón said that the family talked about it and “decided to make her dream come true.”
You gotta dream big.
Big Balls of the Week
Bellevue man accused of offering $5,000 bounty to cut off stepson’s testicles
A 42-year-old Bellevue man was arrested on suspicion of making terroristic threats after he was accused of putting a $5,000 bounty on his stepson. The man told police he wanted someone to cut off the stepson’s testicles.
Omaha police officers were called to a meatpacking company near 36th and J Streets about 9:15 p.m. Monday to investigate a report of threats. A 27-year-old Bellevue man showed officers a screenshot of his stepfather’s Facebook post offering a $5,000 bounty on him.
Police learned that a Douglas County judge had issued the stepson a protection order against the stepfather earlier that day. The protection order said the stepfather had come to the stepson’s workplace at least twice and threatened him over issues that he was having with his wife, the stepson’s mother.
Officers found the stepfather about 10 p.m. Monday. The man told police that had posted the offer and that he wanted someone to “chop off” his stepson’s testicles because he could not do it himself.
That’s the same reason why I hired someone to install a tankless water heater.
Big Liar of the Week
Half-naked man with police hat covering his genitals is ‘not an officer’
Police say a picture of a half-naked man with a hat covering his genitals is ‘not an officer’. The picture, which emerged on dating app Tinder has been widely shared.
The photograph, showing the man wearing only a stab-proof vest while using a police hat to cover his genitals, first emerged in May 2020 and has been re-shared on Twitter this week. Merseyside Police said it investigated the image at the time and concluded that the man was using its kit, but was not a police employee.
The force said on Tuesday: “We are aware of an image circulating on social media showing a partially clothed man with police equipment. The image was reported to the Professional Standards Department at Merseyside Police in May 2020 when it appeared on social media after it had been shared on a dating app.
“Following an investigation it was established that the man pictured was not – and has never been – a police officer or a member of police staff. The man was wearing police equipment belonging to a serving Merseyside Police officer in the photograph.
So if a dude with no pants tries to cuff you, run!
Big Pussy of the Week
Model caught with drug-filled condom in vagina says she’s ‘celeb like Paris Hilton’
An OnlyFans model who tried to smuggle cocaine into a music festival using a condom inside her vagina has bragged about now being a celebrity.
Grace Athanatos, 24 – who goes by Grace Evelyn online – pleaded guilty to supplying drugs (less than a commercial quantity) but avoided jail, instead being handed a 12-month conditional behaviour bond.
Grace was busted by drug detection dogs attempting to get the illicit package into Marlo Music Festival at Sydney Olympic Park, Australia, on May 14.
She took to social media on Friday (July 29) to say that she is in her “Paris Hilton era” following a deluge of media requests.
In other posts she shared articles written about her story, revelling in her newfound fame.
She was also forced to apologise for posting a meme of US conspiracy theorist Alex Jones with the caption: “I’m gonna be honest… I’m kind of ret*rded.”
She’s retarded and puts dirty things in her vagina so she’s exactly like Paris Hilton.
Big Boobs of the Week
Unofficial Study Finds Comic Book Breasts Have Grown 300% Since 1940s
Depictions of breasts in comic books have changed over time, according to a recent study by PriceCharting.com. The website found that breast sizes of woman characters have increased 300% from the 1940s to the present day.
The website, which tracks prices of video games, trading cards, comics, and more, looked at the covers of Wonder Woman, Catwoman, and Red Sonja over the decades and measured how breast width, height, and cleavage size were depicted for each. It also found the characters’ hip-to-waist ratios declined by 15%.
PriceCharting cautioned that its study has not been statistically verified, and that employees conducted it in their spare time. Next, it plans on studying the change in men’s body dimensions on comic book covers over time.
She’s not Wonder Woman if you have to wonder where her boobs are.
Big Asshole of the Week
Lynchburg officer performed anal cavity search in public, violating man
A Lynchburg police officer violated a man during a traffic stop by conducting an anal cavity search in which the officer used his hand to search the man’s buttocks on the side of the road, according to a recently filed lawsuit.
The Lynchburg Police Dept. says that officer is still working for them and not on leave, despite the lawsuit claiming the search broke police protocol and Virginia law and was an abuse of power that amounted to sexual assault.
A person caught the July 2020 traffic stop on Facebook Live. In the video, given to ABC13 by the plaintiff’s attorney, it appears the officer puts his hand down the man’s pants while the man is in handcuffs. In the video, you hear a person behind the camera saying “they searched him, didn’t find [expletive]. They violated him. Put his fingers up his butt and didn’t find [expletive].”
I bet the officer did indeed find shit up the man’s butt.
Big Shit of the Week
Great white shark leaves ‘poonado’ in diver’s face
If you’re already afraid of the ocean, this footage of a great white shark in Australia will scare the crap out of you.
In a clip for “Mega Predators of Oz” — which was shown on the Discovery Channel on Monday night as part of its “Shark Week” viewing — a diver is left with a face full of feces straight from a great white shark.
In the 3-second clip, the shark swims near the divers, letting out a great big poo.
In the special, Dr. Charlie Huveneers and his team of biologists were trying to get a sample of the giant shark’s feces. The scientists wanted to help track how a great white could have been responsible for a half-eaten mako shark found in South Australia.
Getting shit on for science.
Big Turd of the Week
Intoxicated woman tries to enter stranger’s car, defecates on sidewalk
An intoxicated woman was taken to Southwest General Health Center in Middleburg Heights at about 9:30 p.m. July 12 after she tried to enter a stranger’s car outside Shell, 5918 Smith.
Someone at Roses discount store, 5837 Smith, called police and said the woman, wearing a pink dress, was acting strangely. The woman said her friend was a freak. Then she started crying and lay down on the sidewalk.
By the time police arrived, the woman had walked southbound across Snow Road. They spotted her outside the Shell station, where she tried to enter the stranger’s car. As she did, the stranger told the woman she was not welcome in his vehicle.
As police approached the woman, she walked into Shell. She demanded to use the cell phone of a Shell worker. The worker told her to leave, but she refused to do so until he let her use his phone.
Police placed the woman in handcuffs and led her outside. She lowered herself to the ground and defecated on the sidewalk. Police called for backup.
The woman refused to identify herself. She shouted racial slurs. Police found her Social Security card in her purse.
When paramedics arrived, the woman started spitting, so police placed a “spit hood” over her head. At the hospital, she was sedated.
Calling all cars. We have a dookie in progress.
Big Daddy of the Week
Father and daughter charged with incest after having sex with each other nearly 90 times
A father and his daughter are charged with incest after authorities say they had sex with each other 88 times.
According to police, on Monday, June 28, 2022, an officer interviewed Jessica Offenberger, 29, of Rainelle, about a trespassing complaint. The officer then asked Ms. Offenberger about information he had received about her and her biological father, John Long, having sex. Ms. Offenberger stated that she and her father started having sex in November of 2019.
Offenberger stated that they had sex approximately ten times in 2019, 50 times in 2020, 25 times in 2021, and three times in 2022. She stated that her father would give her money to buy drugs before having sex. She said most sexual occurrences were in a camper located at Mr. Long’s residence in Lilly Gove, and a few other incidents occurred on backroads in the Bellburn/Quinwood areas of Greenbrier County. Ms. Offenberger stated that she was aware Mr. Long was her biological father and that she was never forced to have sex, and that every incident was consensual.
When police interviewed Mr. Long, he told the same story and said he knew he was having sex with his biological daughter. He said he nor his daughter were ever forced to have sex.
TMI. This is one of those things that if you don’t tell the police, they would never know.
Big Shooter of the Week
Elderly man shoots dead ‘flasher’ who masturbated in front of naked woman
A suspected flasher was allegedly shot dead by a nudist with a rifle after pleasuring himself in front of a naked woman on a naturist beach. The 46-year-old was shot dead on Saturday morning, July 23 on La Mama beach in Lyon, France, following a fight with a 76-year-old male. According to Le Parisien, the victim had been ‘insulting and threatening’ beachgoers before ‘masturbating in front of a woman.’
The 76-year-old, who has not been named, allegedly demanded the pair continue their fight elsewhere, but the 46-year-old man refused. He was shot at least three times, including once in the chest, after arguing with the elderly nudist. Despite paramedics’ best attempts, French police said the 46-year-old man was declared dead on the spot. Police cycling nearby is believed to have heard the gunshots and rushed to the scene before closing the beach to visitors. Approximately 100 guests were on the beach at the time, which was promptly roped off so that forensic work could be done.
Why did he have a rifle at a nude beach? Why did he shoot a dead flasher? So many questions.
Big Dog of the Week
A twisted pervert videoed young girls underwater with a secret spy camera hidden in the crotch of his board shorts and filmed himself in grotesque sex acts with a dog.
Depraved Kelvin Paul Lowe, 51, also had a huge stockpile of vile child abuse images on his computer when shocked detectives raided his home in Caboolture, Queensland.
Lowe denied he was a paedophile in Brisbane’s District Court on Thursday but was branded creepy and disgusting by Judge Brad Farr.
The court heard how warped Lowe hid a tiny camera in his swimming shorts to film underage girls at Caboolture public pool in March 2020, reported the Courier Mail.
‘He had a keyhole waterproof camera he discreted (sic) down his pants, the lens of which was protruding from his boardshorts which allowed him to film underwater,’ Crown Prosecutor Zachary Kaplan told the court.
Lowe got young girls to perform for him in the pool, including getting one girl, 9, to do handstands and backflips for him as he secretly filmed her for 30 minutes.
He also blew bubbles at her genital area and got her to swim through his legs and then swam through hers while still filming, the court heard.
At one stage her swimsuit bottoms became wedged and he pulled them back into place.
Horrified officers found a huge stash of child exploitation material (CEM) and shock videos of Lowe’s sex acts with a dog, including footage of the pet being forced to pleasure him in different ways.
Further details of the home-made bestiality footage are too foul to publish.
Did he put a wig on a dog to make it sexier? Also, is he a zombie? So many questions.
Big Bird of the Week
Drunk driver tries to flee jeep crash, gets detained by nearby emu
It’s important to study history in order to, as the saying goes, ensure we’re not doomed to repeat it. For example: In the 1930s, Australian troops fought—and lost—a war against emus, described as being capable of “[facing] machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks.”
Apparently ignorant of the birds’ incredible martial skills, a single, unarmed drunk guy in England decided on Monday that he could face off against an emu after fleeing a crashed car. He did not win his fight.
As The Washington Post explains, a chef named Dean Wade spotted the drunk driver on Monday while working at Malmesbury, England’s Old Bell Hotel. Wade heard the driver’s jeep “screeching” from outside just before the vehicle flew out of control and “[smashed] into the front of an empty shop.” A passenger fled the jeep and Wade saw the driver preparing to run, too, but noted that he was unable to move very quickly since he was “’swaying’ and ‘staggering’ all over the place.”
The chef chased the drunk driver through the town “for 15 to 20 minutes” until they both ended up at an animal sanctuary that is home to a huge emu and its babies. Wade, who knows that birds can be pretty dangerous when their offspring are nearby, told the driver not to enter the enclosure. The other man responded: “I can fight emus” and then entered anyway only to be immediately attacked by the bird.
“It was stabbing his body all over,” Wade told The Washington Post. The chef said the emu’s beak beating “[caused] the man to curse and unsuccessfully attempt to ‘kung-fu-kick’ the animal away.”
Stymied by the mighty bird, the driver tried to run again after his unsuccessful kung-fu demonstration and was soon arrested after Wade got a police car’s attention. While the shop hit by the jeep was badly damaged, the others involved in the chase were left with only “minor injury,” and the emus, which can apparently withstand Australian machine gun fire, were unsurprisingly unharmed.
I fought bird and the bird won.
Big WTF? of the Week
Sick video of Russian troops ‘castrating’ Ukrainian prisoner of war with boxcutter
This is the sickening moment Russian troops filmed themselves “castrating” a Ukrainian prisoner of war.
The horrifying video, which was initially shared on a pro-Russian Telegram page, showed a group of men in Russian camouflage, which featured a “Z” patch, pinning down a man who appears to be a captured Ukrainian soldier.
One of them use a box-cutting knife and appears to remove his genitals in front of the camera.
It is unclear exactly when or where the footage was taken, but some of the Russian soldiers who appear in it were filmed on the frontlines in Donbas back in June.
The clip was then widely shared on social media and Ukrainian MP Inna Sovsun tweeted her response: “Russia has to pay for it.
“Give Ukraine the weapons we need to stop this nightmare once and for all. The world can’t pretend like this isn’t happening.”
According to The Times, Aric Toler, a researcher from the investigative journalism group Bellingcat, said the video was likely genuine.
He pointed to Russian state media and said they showed some of the same Russian soldiers in the city of Severdonetsk back in June – shortly after it was captured from Ukraine.
Online viewers are now attempting to identify the soldier seen doing the castration, and believe he may have come from a Chechen unit that ultimately falls under the command of Putin crony Ramzan Kadyrov.
Others have suggested the camouflage he is wearing is from a Rosgvardia unit – Russian national guard that report directly to Putin.
In reality it’s the dickless Russians who have no balls.
