This week Joe Biden pretended to kill the leader of al Qaeda to distract from his disastrous White House occupation. Here’s some other hard-to-believe WTF? to keep your mind off of the impending Joepocalypse:
Headline of the Week
‘Alien pancakes’ among ‘exotic materials’ left on Earth by crashed UFO visitors
In their new book Alien Artifacts: Incredible Evidence of Exotic Material From UFO Encounters, authors Sean Casteel & Tim R. Swartz claim that there is a wealth of material that has been left behind by alien visitors over the decades, including some largely disappointing alien pancakes.
The Alien Artifacts book describes one truly strange extraterrestrial experience.
Wisconsin farmer Joe Simonton saw what he described as a metallic “flying saucer” land outside his house on April 18, 1961.
Inside the craft, Simonton said, was a group of “little men” about five feet tall, “dark-haired, dark-eyed, dark skin” wearing black or navy blue sweaters and helmets.
One of them – who appeared to be some sort of “chef” – communicated to Simonton that he wanted some water.
When Simonton brought back a jug of water he saw one of the “aliens” use it to make pancakes on a smooth, square grill-like surface.
In hopes of starting a conversation with his mysterious visitors, Simonton asked for a pancake.
The UFO pilot handed Simonton four of the pancakes, which he described as “hot and greasy”.
“If that was their food, God help ‘em,” joked Simonton later. “Because I took a bite of one of ‘em and it tasted like a piece of cardboard. And, if that’s what they lived on, no wonder they’re small.”
Intergalactic House of Pancakes.
Runner of the Week
Italian decathlete’s penis kept popping out of shorts during race
An Italian decathlete was faced with a dilemma during a 400-meter race at the 2022 World Athletics U20 Championships in Cali, Colombia on Thursday – whether to compete with his genitalia out or cover up.
Alberto Nonino began the race strong, separating himself from the pack and entering the first bend in a good position to secure the race victory. Things quickly went awry once the 18-year-old began experiencing noticeable discomfort.
Cameras captured Nonino adjusting and looking down at his shorts, only to realize he had accidentally exposed himself to the thousands of fans in attendance and at home. The Italian continued to compete in the race, though was severely hampered by having to use his hands to shield his private part throughout.
The issue continued to plague Nonino as he ran down the back straight and through the final bends. He slowed down at the final straight in order to cover up for good, thus accepting last place in the contest. Not to be overlooked, however, was Nonino’s ability to overtake two competitors earlier on in the race, despite having to readjust his bottoms all the while.
He went balls out and still lost.
Jogger of the Week
Utica police search for witnesses after suspected serial flasher charged with indecent exposure
A man is accused of deliberately exposing his genitals and masturbating at people on trails in Macomb County. Now, police have arrested him. Police believe there are more victims and they are hoping they’ll come forward.
The trail in Utica is usually a very quiet, peaceful place. But in May, a woman was jogging when a man passed her, turned around, picked up his pace to match her and then began masturbating while running after her. The woman ran to the Utica Police Department but when officers ran out the man was already gone.
Two months later another woman was on the trail. She said she called 911 when she somebody suspicious hiding in the woods.
This time, Sgt. Vince Ranelli found the suspect. He confessed to being on the trail two months prior but said he had to go to the bathroom really bad.
The suspect is William Benjamin Brown, 32, who has had multiple contact with police for similar allegations. He has been accused at least six different times since 2015 in Utica, Sterling Heights and Shelby Township.
Brown has been charged with aggravated indecent exposure by a sexually deviant person. Because of the repeat offenses he is facing up to life in prison.
See, it is possible to run with your dick in your hand. Also, life in prison? Nice one.
Mini of the Week
Perverted Scots dad sent vile messages about his ‘micro’ penis to decoy child
A Scots dad sent sick messages about his “micro” penis to a decoy teen before being snared by three separate paedophile hunter groups.
Allan McCormick believed he was chatting online with a 12-year-old girl when he messaged her about his “tiny little thing”.
The twisted 52-year-old sent videos of himself masturbating to two other ‘girls’ he thought were 12 and 13.
Married father-of-two McCormick sent one of them a clip of himself urinating in a toilet.
But all of the ‘youngsters’ were actually adults from groups who trap predators targeting children on the internet.
The groups banded together to trick McCormick into a meeting in Glasgow city centre to expose him during a Facebook livestream.
Fiscal depute Ross Price said an adult from Groom Resisters Scotland set up a fake account on the Waplog communication app. The bio for ‘Maddy’ said: “I’m 12 from Scotland.”
Mr Price said Maddy received a message under the name ‘Allan M’ from the accused which featured a topless profile photo of him.
McCormick wrote to her: “You’re stunning. Out of my league unless you like an older virgin man with a tiny little thing.”
The court heard Maddy told him she was 12 and from Aberdeen.
McCormick replied: “I’m older and a virgin. I only have a little d**k.”
After Maddy told him she didn’t know what that was, he said: “A penis.”
McCormick then asked for her email address so he could send photos and “you can laugh at me and my tiny micro little thing”.
The court heard McCormick asked the fake youngster for explicit photos and a video of her naked.
He was released due to a lack of evidence.
Twister of the Week
Ottumwa Man Grabbed Victim’s Genitals During Altercation
An Ottumwa man faces multiple charges after police say he attacked another man on Saturday.
33-year-old Jay McIntosh has been charged with willful injury (Class C felony), second-degree burglary (Class D felony), and interference with official acts (simple misdemeanor).
On July 30th, court records say McIntosh approached an occupied vehicle on North Ward Street and reached at the victim through an occupied window, and attempted to strike him. The victim was able to roll up the window of his car to avoid being hit.
According to Ottumwa police, McIntosh put his hands around the victim in an attempt to choke him. Soon after, McIntosh grabbed and twisted the victim’s genitals. The victim later told officers he believed McIntosh was trying to forcibly detach his genitals from his body.
McIntosh was told by law enforcement that he was being detained. McIntosh allegedly became belligerent and refused to follow the officers’ orders and was placed under arrest. Court documents say McIntosh repeatedly pulled his arm away from the officers that were attempting to take him into custody.
If I’m reading this correctly, he was charged with burglary for attempting to steal the dude’s nuts.
Deuce of the Week
Man discovers wife has two genitals on wedding night, seeks help
A man who simply identified himself as Kwabena has come out in shock, pain and disappointment after discovering, on his wedding night, that his wife has two reproductive organs.
Kwabena made this confession on a live TV Programme – Confession on TV3 Ghana.
He says that due to his religious background and beliefs, they both decided to avoid being intimate all through their 3 years of courting.
“She started giving me excuses, saying she wasn’t ready. I pushed myself on her, and as I was about to penetrate, I felt something hard. I discovered that my wife has a penis.”
When probed further by the show host, Kwabena admitted, to the bewilderment of members of the audience present, that his wife has both a penis and a vagina.
A Google search shows that this condition is known as Hermaphroditism.
It is a condition in which there is a discrepancy between the external and internal sexual and genital organs. Put simply, it is the condition of having both male and female reproduction organs.
Though this condition is very rare, it is said to be caused by the excessive exposure of the female fetus to make hormones in the womb.
I bet the look on his face was priceless.
Boob Job of the Week
Bar advertises for staff with ‘double D breasts’ and ‘great smile’ in sexist job post
A bar’s advert looking for staff with ‘double D breasts’ and a ‘great smile’ has sparked outrage on social media.
The job ad, which appeared in the window of Stumpers Bar & Cafe, read: “Wanted: Part-time bar staff. Apply within. Must have double D breasts.”
It added that applicants needed ‘a great smile and a good attitude’.
The cafe, located in the sleepy New Zealand town of Hokitika, added that ‘men can apply also’.
A photo of the job ad appeared on social media, with reactions ranging from outrage to amusement – while others saw it as a challenge.
One mum with young daughters was damning: “I will assume that ‘good attitude’ means willing to use great smile at all times in response to sexist comments and general groping?”
“Perhaps ‘D’ refers to their grade on the respect for women exam?” another person asked on social media.
Finally, a place for dudes with double-Ds.
Ass Shot of the Week
Man shoots himself in buttocks with stolen handgun
A man who reportedly smoked marijuana all day and had an odor of an alcoholic beverage shot himself in the buttocks with a stolen .45 caliber handgun near Public Square on Monday.
William Delanor Stokes, 45, of East Union Street, Wilkes-Barre, was discovered bleeding for his buttocks when he confronted officers detaining his friend on East Union Street at about 5 p.m., according to court records.
Stokes and two men were loitering in the parking lot when they were asked to leave by a security officer for Blue Cross. Stokes and companions left but returned later to the parking lot where they engaged in an argument with each other.
Police said one of the men reached into his waistband when a gunshot was heard resulting in Stokes and the two men running away toward East Union Street.
Police said they found a spent .45-cal slug, blood and a piece of denim in the parking lot.
As officers searched the area, a man was spotted laying in a distressed position on a bench on East Union Street.
Officers approached the man who had an overpowering odor of burnt marijuana and an alcoholic beverage.
As officers were detaining the man for public drunkenness, Stokes emerged yelling, “Why are you arresting him?” the complaint says.
Police said Stokes was standing on East Union Street impeding traffic and had an odor of alcohol and burnt marijuana.
During a pat down search, officers noticed Stokes was bleeding from his buttocks and had a hole in his denim jeans, consistent with the piece of denim found in the parking lot, the complaint says.
Police in the complaint say the three men were drinking and smoking marijuana all day and were in the parking lot at 19 N. Main St., where a firearm Stokes concealed in his waistband discharged. After the shooting, Stokes and the three men fled to Stokes’ apartment at 22 E. Union St. where police recovered Colt .45-cal handgun that was reported stolen to Wilkes-Barre police in November 2015, according to the complaint.
This master criminal managed to tear himself a new asshole.
Privilege of the Week
Woman shows cops ‘white privilege’ card instead of license in Alaska traffic stop
A woman pulled over during a traffic stop in Alaska last month showed cops her “white privilege” card instead of her driver’s license.
The local police department on Thursday said the two officers violated department policy when they let her go without a citation, the Anchorage Daily News reported.
Mimi Israelah said she was pulled over for weaving in the early morning hours on July 9 after having returned to Anchorage on an early flight from California, where she had attended a Trump rally in a now-deleted Facebook post.
She said she couldn’t find her driver’s license, but as she flipped through the cards in her wallet, she spotted her “white privilege” card.
Israelah, who describes herself as Pinay, a woman of Filipino ethnicity, in her Twitter bio, handed the novelty card — which reads “White Privilege Card Trumps Everything” to one of the officers and asked if it was okay.
“He laughed and called his partner. It’s their first time to see a White Privileged [sic] card,” she said in the Facebook post.
One officer can be heard calling the card “hilarious” in a video reportedly shot by Israelah and reposted to Twitter.
The officers, identified as Nicholas Bowe and Charles Worland, let Israelah go without issuing her a citation for driving without a license.
Anchorage Police Deputy Chief Sean Case said many people felt the interaction was inappropriate.
“We recognize that,” he said.
One of those people was Celeste Hodge Growden, president of the Alaska Black Caucus.
She questioned if the officers decided against issuing a citation due to the novelty card.
“Is it because the white privilege card was effective?” she asked.
Anchorage Police investigated the incident and placed Worland and Brown on administrative leave during the 11-day probe, Case said.
The internal investigation determined that the two officers violated department policy, but police wouldn’t say which policy was violated and if the officers face any repercussions.
It’s racist for white officers to let an Asian woman off according to the one black person in Alaska.
Hot Stuff of the Week
Man dies after falling into vat of hot porridge in grisly accident
A man died last month from horrific burns he sustained after falling into a giant pot of porridge in India, as seen in a graphic video.
The victim, named Muthuswamy, had reportedly been in charge of overseeing the preparation of porridge for an upcoming festival.
However, things went south on July 29 after he suffered an unfortunate spill. In the clip of the incident, which took place in Tamil Nadu, the event organizer can be seen walking along a row of porridge vats when he suddenly staggers backward after seemingly losing his balance.
The unsteady soul then attempts to brace himself against one of the cauldrons, only to topple backward into the scalding stew with a splash.
Upon witnessing the freak accident, bystanders rush in to try and extricate Muthuswamy but to no avail. After what seems like an eternity in the pot, the poor fellow is finally retrieved by a team of Samaritans after which he was subsequently rushed to the Rajaji Government Hospital.
I’ve said this before, Indian food is gross.
Bowser of the Week
Florida pair arrested for filming sexual acts with their dog
A Florida woman was arrested Tuesday for allegedly committing sexual acts with her dog while her ex-boyfriend, who was also arrested, recorded on video, police said.
Christina Calello, 36, “willingly engaged in sexual activity with the dog on multiple occasions” over the course of roughly eight years, according to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Department.
Her ex-lover, 39-year-old Geoffrey Springer, of Largo, allegedly recorded the encounters and put them on a hard drive.
The dog, which had no visible injuries, was taken to an animal hospital by deputies for a routine examination.
The nature of the sexual acts was not disclosed by police.
The pair were taken to the Pinellas County Jail and charged with sexual activity involving animals.
Calello, a New Jersey native living in Safety Harbor, posted a $5,000 bond and was released, county jail records show. Calello was also arrested and charged with domestic battery in May.
She quite the dog herself, isn’t she?
Stank of the Week
World’s smelliest man hasn’t washed for 22 years but no one mocks him for one reason
An Indian man can claim to be the smelliest man in the world after boycotting baths for 22 years and amazingly nobody has that much of a problem with it.
Dharamdev Ram, 40, has lived in the Baikunthpur village of the Manjha, India for many generations and wasn’t always so dirty.
But one fateful day 22 years ago, he decided to take a stand against the evils of the world and began his protest.
Ever since he has refused to bathe until crimes against women, land disputes, and the killing of innocent animals stop.
His remarkable resolve has never wavered even after the death of his son and wife, and more remarkably still he has not had any illnesses related to his pledge.
And he is different than everyone else in India how?
Mug of the Week
Florida man attempts sexual act, stabs victim after fight
A Florida man was arrested in Key West after he stabbed another man after attempting to perform a sexual act.
The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office said Steven Santana, 70, of Big Coppitt Key invited the victim to sleep overnight in his camper following an evening of drinking and smoking marijuana. The two had just met that night.
The victim agreed to sleep in the rear of the camper, while Santana slept towards the front on a couch. However, around 1:30am, the victim awoke to Santana naked and trying to perform a sexual act on him.
The two began to fight and at one point, Santana grabbed what appeared to be a knife and cut the victim several times before he was able to get out of the camper.
Deputies arrived on the scene where Santana was arrested and taken to jail. He is being charged with aggravated assault
Don’t get into a van with someone who looks like that.
WTF? of the Week
Mum felt sickening pop as ‘huge parasite slithered from beneath her eyelid’
A mum has relived the horror of feeling a sickening popping sensation while a “parasite” slithered from her eyelid.
Louise Edwards, from Liverpool, says she felt like she was in an alien movie as the “parasite with legs” emerged from her eye.
The 34-year-old woke up on July 22 to find what looked like a spot on her right eye and, initially thought she had been bitten by some sort of bug.
Throughout the rest of the day, she noticed the spot was getting bigger, to the point where the swelling was causing her eye to close.
The following day she went to St Paul’s Eye Hospital in Royal Liverpool Hospital to get it checked over.
“They (St Paul’s) tried to squeeze it and gave me antibiotics and sent me home. The next day I couldn’t even see because my eye had closed over.
“I have really bad eyesight and the eye with the spot was my good eye.
“I couldn’t see a thing so went back.”
Louise explained how it was the “worst pain she had ever felt” and she could feel the pain in her teeth, head, and eyes, but was told her to keep up with the antibiotics.
She said she followed a neighbour’s advice, who suggested she used boiling water to draw whatever it was to the top.
“I felt this popping sensation and as I squeezed it this thing started coming out,” she said.
“I shouted my dad to come and have a look and he said it was some sort of parasite with legs.”
Louise went straight back to St Paul’s Eye Hospital with the “parasite”, once she arrived she showed nurses a picture.
Louise added: “One of the nurses laughed and said it looked like something out of an alien movie.
“I felt like I was in an alien movie.”
Louise now has an appointment booked in with her GP and hopes to find out more about what it was that came out of her eyelid.
After sharing images on Facebook, a number of people said it could be a botfly.
Game over, man!
