This week Joe Biden labeled half the country as fascist threats to our republic and declared war on all conservative Americans, which is the most WTF? possible. Here’s some other WTF? that has declared war on commonsense and common decency:
Headline of the Week
Woman ‘being molested by a ghost’ finally gets attacker in court
A woman who thought she was being molested in her sleep by a ghost discovered her landlord had been creeping into her bedroom at night.
The Singapore woman was living in public housing from the Housing and Development Board (HDB) when lshe became aware of a “phantom” touching and kissing her as she slept.
Speaking to a Singapore court she said was touched on her chest and in her crotch but that she could only see a “dark shadow” at the time.
CCTV later revealed that it was her landlord, 38, rather than something from the paranormal realm.
He was arrested and pleaded not guilty to two counts of indecent assault.
In her testimony, she said she and her boyfriend had taken on the rent of the flat in May of last year and in June the landlord allegedly threw them a boozy party to welcome them in.
She said she felt a bit drunk and decided to take herself off to bed via the shower but was woken up that night by being kissed on the mouth while she was fondled all over.
She initially thought it was her boyfriend but turning round could only see the “dark shadow” and while her boyfriend was bald this ‘ghost’ had a thicker head of hair.
The woman alleged the whole thing lasted for around 10 minutes before her boyfriend returned to the room after having a shower.
Taking the possibility of ghosts seriously they didn’t call the police right away and instead installed a camera and stopped sleeping naked.
A second party on August 14 of that year was thrown by the landlord – again it was boozy and again the woman went to bed before her boyfriend.
Footage captured at 12.56am showed her sitting on the bed before a hand reaches around the door and turns off the light. The camera switches to night vision.
The landlord can be seen entering the room and touching her but she was seemingly not completely asleep and woke up.
Busted, the landlord was recorded saying: “Your boyfriend is taking a shower. Are you okay?” Before leaving.
Seriously?
Bust of the Week
Teens Busted Committing Penis Related Crimes
This is more of a vandalism and burglary related crime and not something to get anyone on any of those really bad offender lists!Two Florida teens were arrested after a police K-9 tracked them from the scene of the crime. The teens allegedly broke into a construction site, went into a home being built and spray painted pictures of penises inside.
Police arrived on the scene and the victim reported seeing the teens leaving the site. That’s when they brought in the K-9 and tracked them and found one of the teens a little ways away from the scene of the crime.
The teen confessed to crime when questioned. One of the teens faces charges of burglary and criminal mischief. While the other is being charged with burglary.
What are you in for? Penis stuff.
Seer of the Week
Fortune teller denies exposing genitals in public
A MID WALES man who was allegedly caught with his genitals out while sitting on a bench was remanded in custody after appearing in court.
Solomon Gaughan, 48, was said to have been caught with his genitals exposed while sitting on a bench on August 28.
Gaughan claimed he had no recollection of his behaviour on the day in question due to drinking a bottle of alcohol he found.
Prosecution at Haverfordwest Magistrates’ Court said CCTV footage showed a man lying on a bench with a family and two children walking nearby, and when Gaughan sat up his penis was exposed. He was then approached by police officers.
Described as a well-known fortune teller and busker, Gaughan has no fixed abode, living in a tent in Aberystwyth, and a history of failing to surrender to custody.
If only he could have foreseen these events, he could have avoided them.
Nut of the Week
Chillicothe Man Arrested for Putting Genitals on Homeowners Glass Door
A man was arrested and transported to the local jail after several offenses including exposing himself to a homeowner.
According to the Chillicothe police report on 8/30/22 Police were called to the area of 5th street where when they arrived they found a man who was only wearing a green hoodie with his shirt and boxers on the ground, pressing his genitals against a glass door of a home. The man was identified as Matthew Johnson
According to the report the homeowner had told Johnson to leave several times and Johnson said that he owned the property and then didn’t speak to the actual homeowner again.
Police reported that they had just got another call just 20 minutes ago on 6th street where a homeowner reported him trespassing and they were currently investigating that crime when this one occurred.
Matthew Johnson was transported to Ross County sheriff’s office and was charged with Criminal trespassing and public indecency, more charges could be pending. Johnson was told that he was barred from the residence.
That’s not how you buy a house, dude.
Fail of the Week
Serena Smith, 23, spent $50K on surgery to look like Marilyn Monroe
A self-confessed Barbie Girl has revealed how she has racked up an eye-watering $50K on plastic surgery in just six years in a bit to look like a Golden Age beauty.
Reality TV star and musician, Serena Smith, 23, from California, has been having surgical procedures since she was just a teenager to alter her look and emulate the appearance of Golden-age Hollywood beauties such Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Anna Nicole Smith.
She first went under the knife in December 2016, at just 18 years of age, when she had a boob job costing over $7,500, going from an A to DD.
From here, the gateway to the world of plastic surgery had been opened, and Serena has since had a rhinoplasty costing $11K to acquire a glamorous “Hollywood nose”, and regularly undergoes less invasive procedures such as Botox and fillers in her lips.
Recently, Serena took the plunge and decided to have a Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL) and chose a reputable surgeon in North America to carry out the procedure, leaving her happy with the results.
“Anything that helps me lead a happier, more confident life is worth it to me, and like they say, pain is beauty,” she said.
Serena takes this motto literally and is excitedly anticipating her next procedure – a second breast augmentation to increase the size of her chest, which surely will not be her last.
“I will never stop having surgery. Once I complete everything I would like to do and I am satisfied I will be happy and content, but once you start to age it’s all about maintenance and keeping that youthful look.”
Does she have any idea what Marilyn Monroe looked like?
Assassin of the Week
Woman is dragged underwater and nearly drowned by a SEA TURTLE that clamped its jaws on her buttocks
Lidia Bazarova, 64, was just 10ft from shore when a giant loggerhead turtle that weighs as much as a cow sank its sharp beak into her backside.
The Russian woman, who needed hospital treatment for the terrifying attack at Antalya beach resort Güzeolaba, said: ‘I was really close to shore – some 3 or 4 metres – when I just turned onto my back.
‘Then something grabbed my backside.
‘I didn’t know what it was that suddenly grabbed me.’
The large turtle tried to drag her under the water, she said.
‘I was beating about the water with my arms, I was drowning.
‘The creature let me go only to grab me with an even stronger bite.
‘I don’t know how long it lasted.’
‘Luckily a rescuer man saw me.
‘He rushed to me and started to yell at [the creature].
‘I guess it switched attention to the rescuer.’
Freed from the huge sea turtle’s grasp she made for the beach in a state of deep shock, and the rescuer then battled the beast eventually scaring it away.
That turtle likes big butts and he cannot lie.
Skid Mark of the Week
Woman claims she found a poo stain on clothing ordered online: ‘There is the evidence’
Ordering clothes online is always a risk, but one woman was horrified when an ASOS order came with a suspicious and smelly stain on a “new” pair of shorts.
Journalist Suzanne Baum was horrified when her son’s ASOS order arrived, immediately noticing it had a brown-colored stain on the rear of the item. In an Instagram post, she claimed it “looked and smelled like poo” and left them both “retching.”
“Dear @asos as a hugely loyal customer for years I have always encouraged my older kids to use your website & spend their money wisely!” she wrote, saying her 21-year-old son opened the order for shorts and immediately smelled feces.
“There is the evidence on his order!” she wrote. “Utterly gobsmacked/retching/in shock! You have no customer service anymore & the virtual online robot is useless — hence the fact I’ve had to try & reach out to someone on here!”
That’s why they call ’em dung-arees.
Whiz of the Week
Woman Pulls Down Her Shorts And Starts Urinating On MRT In Singapore
A woman was spotted urinating on an MRT in Singapore at midnight on Monday, 29 August
The incident was spotted by AsiaOne at 12.35am on a North-South line train headed towards Jurong East MRT station.
The woman, who was believed to be in her 20s, seemed to be intoxicated at the time. She was seen lying flat across three train seats.
As the train was travelling between Choa Chu Kang and Bukit Gombak MRT stations, the woman took a trip down three cabins and left one of her bags behind.
When she arrived at the third cabin, she pulled down her shorts and started urinating
AsiaOne reported that the woman’s discharge was seen flowing down on the cabin floor towards the front of the train.
AsiaOne noted that the woman was seen without a face mask when she coughed violently.
While wearing face masks in Singapore has become optional beginning Monday, it is still mandatory for people to wear face masks while on public transport and in health facilities, reported CNA.
Her not wearing a mask isn’t the the biggest issue here.
Hot Dog of the Week
‘Depraved’ man, 52, filmed pet poodle performing sex acts on woman
A 52-year-old father who filmed his pet dog performing sex acts on a woman and uploaded them to a bestiality website claimed they were ‘consenting adults’.
Robert Hurley, from Chellaston, Derby, was heard on the footage inciting and encouraging the poodle to engage in various sex acts with the woman, magistrates heard.
Hurley was arrested and charged after police investigating a domestic incident seized his phone and other electronic devices from his house in January 2021.
On the phone there were 25 videos and three images in which Hurley was identified along with a woman and the dog engaged in a sex act.
Southern Derbyshire Magistrates’ Court heard that after he was charged, Hurley told probation officers it was simply “two consenting adults” engaged in the behaviour.
Ben Payne, prosecuting, said: “It was a poodle and the dog was being incited to engage in various sexual acts with the female by the defendant. There was also evidence of him uploading videos to a bestiality website which is an aggravating feature.”
He’s 52? I guess bestiality ages the hell out of a man.
Head of the Week
Man stuns doctors after developing swollen head after day at beach
A man in Turkey stunned medical teams when his head randomly began swelling to a concerning degree after spending time on the beach in the city of Zonguldak on Aug. 23, CEN reported.
On the third day, Caner Arik, 33 — an Istanbul call-center worker on vacation by the Black Sea in the country’s northern region — spotted the swelling and distortion of his facial features and rushed to seek medical attention.
His scalp was suffering from an extremely rare condition — one rarely seen beyond a person’s feet or hands — called heat edema, according to doctors at Zonguldak Bülent Ecevit University Health Application and Research Centre.
“We have never encountered such a case before,” said Emergency Medicine Specialist Dr. Abdullah Cuneyt Hocagil. “After excluding the causes of localized edema in the body, we decided that the swelling on the forehead of the patient was a ‘heat edema’ . . . we started treatment for this.”
In standard cases, heat edemas usually come from a buildup of fluids into the hands and legs by way of downward gravity. They are caused by expanded blood vessels brought on by high temperatures, according to the University of Michigan.
A hot day at the beach — at a time Dr. Hocagil said the nation was experiencing severe humidity — serves as a shining example of the perfect conditions to manifest heat edema.
The doctor also came up with a rational explanation as to why Arik contracted the heat edema.
“This happened when our patient was lying by the sea, while he was wearing a hat that would prevent circulation,” Dr. Hocagil said.
If it was caused by the sun, why does his head look like a moon?
Ass of the Week
‘I fart in the cheese aisle in posh supermarkets – it confuses snooty people’
Everyone has their own little joys in life – some like to knit while others may like a cheeky tipple on a Friday night.
But this model, Amie, likes to fart in supermarkets – specifically posh ones and down the cheese aisle.
Baffled by her antics? Well, she does have her reasoning.
Known as Plastic Amie on TikTok, the brunette often posts her everyday shenanigans for her 360,000 followers to see.
And, her recent trip to the supermarket has certainly raised a few eyebrows.
In the clip that has racked up over a million views, the plastic surgery enthusiast made her rather smelly confession.
“I like farting in the cheese section of posh supermarkets,” she admitted.
Amie likes trumping to give the more ‘snooty’ public amongst us a sniff of her scent while they confuse it for freshly sliced produce.
“Just to hear the snooty people talk about how amazing the fresh cheese smells”, she confessed. “Inspirational, always.”
According to Amie, some have even complimented her smell.
She said: “Someone once said they could smell the fresh scent of French countryside, I was so flattered.”
I’m more baffled by that busted face.
Mug of the Week
Florida man arrested for dumping dead animals at a Parkland memorial
A school shooting-obsessed Florida man with bizarre skeleton-like facial tattoos was busted for dumping dead animals at a memorial for victims of the Parkland massacre, authorities said Friday.
Robert Mondragon, 29 — whose ink mimics that of a mass shooter from the TV show “American Horror Story” — allegedly left a mutilated duck in the memorial garden at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School on July 20, officials told Fox News.
Mondragon — who also sports a wild, Flock of Seagulls-style mullet in his creepy mugshot — allegedly then returned to dump a dead raccoon and possum at the shrine, the station reported.
When Mondragon was pulled over on July 31 for illegally tinting the windows of his white Nissan, the officer allegedly saw bird feathers and blood splattered across the passenger side floorboard, police said.
“Mondragon told the deputy he had the dead bird in his car because he likes ‘the metal and blood smell that emit from the dead animal,’” according to a police report.
An investigation later revealed Mondragon allegedly posing with the dead animals on his phone, along with footage of his car near the memorial.
Mondragon was arrested on three counts of disfiguring a monument and held without bond, according to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office.
Mondragon or Moon Bat? Also, I like his two giant rabbit teeth.
Deal of the Week
‘Certified pre-owned’ sex dolls for sale with ‘cavity tears’ and ‘dimpled breasts’
A kinky sex doll website has garnered attention after it advertised “certified pre-owned sex dolls” for sale.
Galmato Heaven boasts an array of sex doll-related goods besides selling the second-hand plastic playthings, including a sex doll spa and even a custom dildo-making service.
Although some of the dolls are good as new, a few of them have been left with some wear and tear from zealous previous owners.
The description of one doll reads: “Quinn is ready for a good time.
“She’s not uptight at all, literally. The original owner ordered the upper body joints in the arms and neck to be very loose.
“The arms do not currently hold any pose and the neck is also loose.”
One doll, described as a “talkative beauty” with an AI head was put up for sale at $7,000 (around £6,000) – but there are a few small catches.
“This talkative beauty is looking for a new place to call home.
“She’s in great, but not perfect, shape. The head is in perfect functioning condition, but the body has a few small defects.
“There is some mild dimpling in the left breast.”
Nope.
Italian Stallion of the Week
Sylvester Stallone’s ‘cryogenically frozen body’ discovered in Australia
Sylvester Stallone’s cryogenically-preserved body has been found in an Australian antique shop. Sort of.
The 1993 blockbuster Demolition Man featured Stallone as a 20th Century super cop preserved in ice until 2032, when he’s unfrozen to help capture Wesley Snipes’s master criminal Simon Phoenix.
The two freshly-thawed adversaries duke it out in the politically-correct utopia of San Angeles, causing the epic amounts of property damage that earned Stallone’s character – LAPD Sergeant John Spartan – the nickname “Demolition Man”.
Rather than freeze the real Hollywood superstar, director Marco Brambila commissioned a life-sized replica of Stallone which is used in the movie’s critical cryo-freeze sequences.
And now, almost 30 years after the film was made, the freeze-dried Stallone has resurfaced in an unlikely spot.
An antiques store called Katoomba Vintage Emporium has somehow acquired the one-of-a-kind prop and is selling it for six thousand Australian Dollars (around £3,500).
It’s cheaper than the used sex dolls but still, nope.
F*ckers of the Week
Carjackers interrupt couple having sex, leave them naked in the streets
Security video shows the shocking moment an amorous couple having sex in their sedan were busted by three thieves.
The incident occurred Aug. 17 in an unidentified city in Brazil, with the surveillance footage subsequently shared to Twitter.
Night-vision video shows the three thieves approaching the white vehicle, parked on a quiet suburban street.
The trio violently pry open three of the car’s doors in an attempt to jump in and make a quick getaway — but are startled by the not-so-autoerotic activities going on inside.
The lusty lovers were completely naked, splayed out across the backseat and partway through their steamy sex session.
However, the brazen carjackers didn’t let romance thwart their thievery, with one of the robbers pulling the pair out of the car and pushing them onto the road.
They were left standing stark naked in the street, before the thieves threw their clothing onto the road, jumped into the vehicle and sped off into the night.
The lovebirds were subsequently seen sheepishly putting their clothes back on, appearing stunned by what had just occurred.
Getting jacked while getting jacked? Getting f*cked while getting f*cked?
WTF? of the Week
Miramar man molested 4 children; victim says he also committed sex act on bird
A Miramar man is accused of sexually assaulting four children who were being babysat by his mother in Miami Gardens, according to a police report.
According to the report, the investigation dates back to May 8, when three of the victims told their older brother and father that 26-year-old Angel Giovanny Nazario sexually assaulted them in 2016 and 2017. Police said the fourth victim came forward during the course of the investigation.
The victims, now aged 11, 12, 13 and 17, told police that Nazario would expose himself and have them masturbate him.
The now-11-year-old victim told authorities that Nazario tried to take his clothes off, entered the bathroom as the victim showered and that Nazario “committed a sexual act on a bird,” the report states.
Nazario has not been criminally charged for the bestiality allegation.
Nazario is also accused of having one victim record him as he masturbated and would give the victim video games in return.
On Thursday, Nazario and his parents went to Miami Gardens police headquarters to surrender to authorities, detectives wrote.
“Due to (Nazario’s) disability, his legal counsel invoked his constitutional rights, therefore no statement was obtained,” police said.
Nazario faces four counts of lewd and lascivious molestation of a child under 12, a first-degree felony charge.
What kind of sex act can be performed on a bird?
