Just last week, Joe Biden became Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies by bragging that he spent “a billion a trillion 700 million dollah a billion dollars.” Today in Pennsylvania, he launched the sequel “Brandon Sours: The Guy Who Shagged Us” by bragging that he spent “a billion 200 a trillion 200 billion dollars.” He followed this up by saluting the Invisible Man and once again getting lost on stage.
When it was announced last week that Joe Biden would be campaigning for slacker stroke guy John Fetterman, I thought it would be the greatest thing anyone has ever seen. Unfortunately, Fetterman chose not to speak but Biden more than made up it with his braindead antics.
Things kicked off with Biden’s mic getting cut less than a minute into his speech. When it came back he said, “Whah tell you what, I knew he’d come here and do this.”
It’s unclear who he was talking about but I think he probably meant Donald Trump. Whatever the case, it was unfunny.
Things got more confusing when Biden tried to endorse Fetterman and couldn’t remember his name.
“Lieutenant governor, I was saying something nice about you ih jeh that’s why it went out and uh but I’m saying we’re going to try like the devil to keep you from having to lee, not having to, deciding to leave I wish you didn’t,” said Biden.
John Fetterman is the lieutenant governor of Pennsylvania and is running for the U.S. Senate. Is Biden saying he doesn’t want Fetterman to leave his current position? In other words, Biden doesn’t want Fetterman to win a Senate seat?
Who knows, but right after that, Biden seemed to think Fetterman’s former illegal alien wife, Giselle, was the one running for the Senate.
“Giselle, you’re gonna be a great uh, a great lady in the Senate,” said Biden.
Because of Fetterman’s stroke-related brain damage, some people might think that Biden just accidentally let the cat out of the bag and admitted that his wife is the real candidate. I tend to think that Joe Biden’s brain has dried up like a dog turd in the hot afternoon son and he really has no idea who any of these people are.
Then came the Dr. Evil impersonation.
“I signed in the law a once in a generation investment in roads, highways, bridges, railroads, ports, airports, and so much more. Over a billion 200 trillion 200 billion dollars,” Biden said.
Last week it was “a billion a trillion 700 million dollah a billion dollars” and now it’s “Over a billion 200 trillion 200 billion dollars.” I’m not sure which one is more, but clearly Biden’s numbers don’t match up. For the record, the infrastructure bill he’s talking about was $1.2 trillion.
“It’s called the bipartisan inaverstruction law,” added Biden.
No, it’s really not.
After rambling on about how much he likes bridges, Biden finally concluded his boring and incoherent speech. First, he looked down at the podium like he’s never seen a podium before. Then he looked around, confused by what he was supposed to do next. Luckily, he spotted the Invisible Man and gave him a salute. No really, he was facing to the back and there was literally nobody there.
After saluting the Invisible Man, Biden shrugged his shoulders and exchanged words. Apparently the Invisible Man did not return the salute and that’s bad protocol, even for figments of Joe’s imagination.
Finally, like he does every time he gives a speech, Biden got lost on the stage. He started left, then turned right, and panic set in. Eventually he pointed in a direction and someone must have  given him the go-ahead because he hustled off the stage like he was in trouble.
How is Joe Biden a real person? Better question: how is he in charge of the most powerful country in the world?
