The Week in WTF? strives to bring you the craziest stories of mutilated genitals, anal insertions, dumb criminals, and assorted freaks. Unfortunately, nothing terribly interesting happened this week. Nobody cut off their penis to save the world, shoved an artillery shell up their butt, or ate a human shit sandwich.
Could it be that the world is getting more normal? I hope not because I don’t want to live in that boring world. I’m hoping humanity’s collective insanity is simply down for maintenance and will come roaring back next week. In the meantime, here are the lamest WTF? stories of this disappointing week:
Lame Dick of the Week
Pamela Anderson Claims Tim Allen Flashed His Penis at Her on ‘Home Improvement’ Set, Which He Denies
Pamela Anderson is alleging that Tim Allen flashed his penis at her when she was 23 years old on the set of Home Improvement, a claim which the actor has denied.
In an excerpt from her soon-to-be-released memoir, Love, Pamela, that was obtained by Variety, the actress and model, 55, claims that Allen, 69, made her uncomfortable while they filmed the ABC sitcom back in 1991.
“On the first day of filming, I walked out of my dressing room, and Tim was in the hallway in his robe. He opened his robe and flashed me quickly — completely naked underneath. He said it was only fair, because he had seen me naked,” Anderson wrote, presumably referring to her modeling career for Playboy. “Now we’re even. I laughed uncomfortably.”
In a statement to PEOPLE, which was first given to Variety, Allen denies the claims altogether. “No, it never happened. I would never do such a thing,” he says.
What did she think “Tool Time” meant?
Lame Ball of the Week
Clemson basketball player details wild testicle injury, says they ‘exploded’
Clemson guard Brevin Galloway was admitted into a hospital Thursday night with what the team called an abdominal injury, but it sounds much more painful than that.
After waking up from a nap, Galloway said he felt “the worst pain I’ve ever experienced.”
Galloway went on his Instagram story to give some (maybe too much) detail about his injury.
“This morning, I went to lift, came back, I took a nap. I woke up from my nap, my [testicles] were exploded. Now, I go to the doctor, I have surgery. Three hours later, my [testicles] are reduced to their normal size,” he said with a smirk.
“I don’t know what happened to my [testicles]. I guess they were trying to be like basketballs. But we made it.”
Galloway said he will be back on the court “shortly,” but he will miss at least a week.
Air ball.
Lame Ass of the Week
Coast Guard member accused of biting 3 girls near buttocks in Key West
Police arrested a member of the U.S. Coast Guard at Naval Air Station Key West early Monday morning on multiple felony charges, accusing him of biting three girls near their buttocks during a sleepover.
Petty Officer 3rd Class Craig Hucker faces three charges of felony child abuse and three counts of misdemeanor battery.
The report states a girl who lives with Hucker and two of her friends had a sleepover at Hucker’s home on the installation.
Police wrote that the girls, whose ages weren’t specified, were wrestling and biting each other on a bed when Hucker came into the bedroom.
According to the report, one of the victims told police that Hucker picked one of the girls up and threw her on top of the other girls who were wrestling and encouraged them to continue wrestling and biting each other.
Police said Hucker joined in and began wrestling and biting the three girls two to three times each in the area near their thighs and buttocks, making them feel “uncomfortable.”
None of the girls reported biting him back and one of the girls had a bruise on her leg from the biting, the arresting officer wrote.
According to the report, Hucker also made sexually-charged comments regarding “furries” and also made a comment about one of the girls’ bathing suits after asking her to change out of it.
It sounds like the girls started this one.
Lame Boobs of the Week
I’m a ‘big girl’ with lopsided breasts — I love to show them off in a bikini
A woman named Milla on TikTok is gong viral for flaunting her drastically uneven breasts on the video-sharing platform.
One recent clip with over 3 million views features Milla in a bikini alongside the caption “big girl.”
She happily and shamelessly rocked her green striped swimsuit while inspiring thousands of comments from viewers, many thanking her for “normalizing” her mismatched mammaries.
“As someone with one bigger than the other this makes me feel so happy and not alone,” one person wrote. “You’re gorgeous!”
Added another, “So happy that people are normalizing one bigger than the other as I’ve got the same and I’ve been so insecure for years so thank you!!!”
We’ve reached the point where this qualifies as news.
Lame Shit of the Week
Man accused of defecating in Joe’s Crab Shack arrested after jumping naked into Caloosahatchee
Fort Myers police say the man accused of defecating on the floor of a Joe’s Crab Shack after breaking in has been identified and arrested.
Police say, Nathan Long, 43, was arrested after they responded to reports of a naked man jumping into the Caloosahatchee near West First Street on Tuesday.
Long was found nearby on a derelict boat, and a detective recognized him from the surveillance video of the Joe’s Crab Shack burglary.
In an interview after his arrest, Long admitted to police that he was the man they had been looking for.
Long is facing charges of burglary, petit theft, and property damage.
More like Joe’s Crap Shack.
Lame Thief of the Week
Man stole funeral home van with corpse in back, dumped body on Chicago street
An Illinois man allegedly stole a funeral home van with a corpse inside and then dumped the dead man’s body naked in a Chicago alleyway, according to police and family members.
Deon Howard, 23, who remains at large, stole the vehicle on Saturday from outside of the Collins and Stone Funeral Home in Rockford, according to the Rockford Police Department.
The deceased body of 47-year-old Curtis Brown was in the cargo area of the van, police said.
On Sunday, Chicago police discovered the van in the 1400 block of East 87th Street, but Brown’s body was not inside.
The next day, the body was found in the 8200 block of South Manistee Avenue in Chicago — about 100 miles from the funeral home, according to police.
“They found my baby. He was dumped in an alley butt-naked. He had on no clothes,” Brown’s devastated mother, Cindy Howard, told WGN-TV.
Howard, who lives in Mississippi said her son — a father of 12 — died suddenly of a heart attack last week. She told the news outlet she didn’t even learn he was missing until hours before he was found.
The problem is, it’s really hard to fence a dead naked black guy.
Lame F*ck of the Week
Man charged with bestiality after Instagram videos show him abusing animals, court records show
A man was arrested and is accused of abusing animals after someone reported his disturbing social media posts to police.
Jonathan David Casanova Garcia, 19, is charged with bestiality, a state jail felony.
According to the arrest warrant affidavit, a man reported to San Antonio police that Casanova Garcia made a threat against a bar and had other disturbing posts on his Instagram page.
The affidavit states that as investigators monitored Casanova Garcia’s Instagram page, he posted a story showing himself partially undressed and committing a sex act on a dog.
Casanova Garcia also is alleged to have posted photos of a cat that appeared to have been abused and then killed.
A video showed Casanova Garcia burying the cat in a yard, according to the affidavit.
On his Instagram page, Garcia identified himself by posting a photo of his booking form that included all of his personal identifying information.
That’s not what being a Casanova with the bitches means.
Lame Chicken of the Week
Florida man threatened employees with gun when chicken wings order was late, police say
A Florida man is accused of pulling a gun on restaurant employees when his online order of chicken wings was nearly an hour late, authorities said.
Matthew James Davis, 35, of Naples, was arrested on Wednesday and charged with two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, according to Collier County Sheriff’s Office online booking records.
The sheriff’s office said that Davis threatened employees at a Wingstop restaurant in Naples, WINK-TV reported.
According to an arrest affidavit, Davis placed an online order for chicken wings at 8:39 p.m. on Aug. 27, 2021. The store promised that his order would be ready at 8:58 p.m., but when he arrived at 9:40 p.m. the food was not ready.
The sheriff’s office said that Davis was angry and began pacing in the waiting area. He was not mollified when an employee offered him a free drink while he waited, WBBH-TV reported.
According to the affidavit, Davis reportedly told employees that he was “going to get my strap (gun).”
“They going to see that I’m not playing,” Davis allegedly said.
At that point, Davis left the restaurant and retrieved a gun from his white van.
Employees and witnesses later told authorities that they feared for their lives, according to the affidavit.
After a preliminary investigation, Davis met with sheriff’s detectives on Wednesday. According to the arrest affidavit, Davis told detectives that his outburst occurred several weeks after his mother’s death and that he was “stressed out.” He added that the gun was not loaded, and that he merely intended to “intimidate” the restaurant employees.
But did he ever get his order of wings?
Lame WTF? of the Week
Woman with ‘world’s longest beard’ enjoys ‘wonderful open marriage’ with five lovers
A woman who insists she has the world’s longest long beard said she’s currently living her best life with five lovers.
Jessica D Czerwinski, 37, is also known as ‘Jessa The Bearded Lady’.
She has a 15inch-long beard and is no more than a whisker away from the Guinness Book of World Record title of having the longest facial hair on a living female.
Her current beard is in fact 4-and-a-half inches more than the current known world record holder Vivian Wheeler, as verified on April 8, 2011.
Jessa, a living historian and TV personality from the US, is currently in a polyamorous age-gap relationship with five people and is legally married to one of them, a 71 year-old retired US marine called, Paul who she met in her twenties.
Jessa has known Steve, another member of her poly-tribe for over a decade like Paul. He is a fierce advocate for bikers’ rights in North America and runs a successful motorcycle firm.
‘Grandpa’, a man who chose this name, is another member of her family who has been on and off with the others for 16 years now.
Meanwhile Bunny joined the poly-tribe six years ago. She is a male to female Native American trans woman with neurodivergent problems.
‘Mouse Grey Eagle’ is the fifth member of their group who lives and works in Iowa and is in a long-distance relationship with the group.
Talking about their relationship, she said: “I have a wonderful open marriage with a small group of the best people.
Dishing on things between the sheets, she added: “The sex between us poly-tribe is incredible, but it’s not everything.
I apologize for this and all the other lame WTF? this week, but Freak-o-sphere didn’t give me much to work with.
