Sorry cruciverbalists, the crossword creating app I use to make puzzles has crapped out and I got nothing for you this week. If you are addicted to my puzzles, and why wouldn’t you be, here are the top 5 classic Def-Con News crosswords:
Since redoing a crossword puzzle is like re-reading a mystery novel, I’ll give you a little something more to go on. As you know, I’m highly suggestible and I watched the movie Cocaine Bear last night, so my planned puzzle was going to be something about animals attacking. That’s probably what it will be next week if the crossword creator gets its shit together, but in the meantime: watch this f*cking movie!
Rarely does a film move me on as many levels as Cocaine Bear did. It’s over-the-top absurd, sufficiently gory, and absolutely hilarious. Allegedly based on a true story, though taking many liberties, the movie is about a bear who gets in to some cocaine dumped by a drug smuggler, who then goes on a zonked-out-of-her-mind rampage. It’s as awesome as that sounds.
The movie is also Ray Liotta’s final appearance before his tragic death last year, and he is amazing as ever. Even the CGI bear is great, and much better than the one that sodomized Leonardo DiCaprio in the Academy Award winning film, The Revenant. Maybe it’s easier to render coked-up bears than rapey ones, I don’t know.
Too often now days, movies and TV shows that would otherwise be good are ruined by wokeness. If you notice, suddenly there are gay Hobbits, black Little Mermaids, and everyone couple on a show is mixed-race same-sex with a tans child. There are black characters in Cocaine Bear, but it’s not forced to meet a diversity quota, and actually O’Shea Jackson Jr., Ice Cube’s son, is great as the drug gang’s muscle. Weirdly, the movie was directed by actress Elizabeth Banks, who is a repugnant Hollywood liberal douche, but she kept all of that crap out of the final cut.
Best of all, the movie is only about an hour an half long. I’ve reached my limit of sitting through 3 hours-plus of bloated bullshit, trying to seem deep and important. Cocaine Bear drivers exactly what the title would indicate: a jacked-up bear ripping people to shreds.
