This week Bud Light, Nike, and Jack Daniels went full-WTF? by going balls-deep in the promotion of transgender grooming. Here’s some WTF? that is far less offensive:
Headline of the Week
Skinny-dipping Florida man covered in grease, blood and peppermint oil arrested for burglary
A naked burglar covered in wheel-bearing grease, peppermint oil and his own blood was caught jumping in a stranger’s pool and on their trampoline in the middle of the night Friday.
Blake Tokman, 34, was likely under the influence of unknown substances as he carried out his wet and wild, middle-of-the-night shenanigans, Volusia County Sheriffs said.
Dramatic body camera footage shows the naked man taking off and jumping into an in-ground pool of a DeBary, Florida home when deputies arrived for a burglary in progress call around 2 a.m.
“I got one running going westbound behind the fence, he’s naked,” the officer can be heard saying.
Tokman leaped out of the pool and plopped face-first onto the trampoline as the cop charged toward him.
The man, lying in a starfish position, appeared unconcerned when the deputy threatened to Tase him.
It took multiple officers to handcuff the nude man, who was bleeding heavily from his head and repeatedly shouted “What’s your name?” each time they ordered him to stop resisting.
“Be careful, he’s slippery,” one of the officers said. “What’s all over you, man? … It smells like toothpaste … I don’t want to see what’s on me.”
The homeowner came outside to tell officers he did not recognize the bleeding skinny dipper.
“A lifeguard is what I am!” Tokman replied.
“You’re lucky you’re not dead, homie,” the homeowner quipped.
Tokman allegedly broke into two homes before cops found him enjoying the stranger’s pool.
It ultimately took four deputies — one of whom was kicked hard enough by the nude man to sustain a laceration — to get Tokman into custody and three medical professionals to secure him on a stretcher for evaluation.
Police discovered he was covered in “wheel-bearing grease, peppermint oil, and blood,” which resulted from injuries he caused himself.
It doesn’t explain the grease and peppermint oil, though.
Nut of the Week
I killed wife for squeezing my testicles, Mombasa man tells court
A suspect arraigned in Mombasa on Tuesday, April 4 confessed to killing his wife.
Evans Katuti said a fight between him and his spouse ensued on February 26, 2023 at their home in Migadini, Changamwe after he found her in bed with another man.
Katuti said during the confrontation, his wife “painfully” squeezed his testicles.
“I went home at around 11pm after watching the Carabao Cup final between Manchester United and Newcastle United. I had watched the match in a bar near my house. Upon arriving home, I was shocked to find my wife, Anna Kambua, with another man in our matrimonial bed,” Katuti told Mombasa Chief Magistrate Martha Mutuku.
“My wife grabbed my testicles and squeezed them painfully. In reflex reaction, I reached out for a kitchen knife and stabbed her twice in the abdomen,” Katuti told the court.
Katuti would later inform his relatives about what he had done. His kinsmen advised him to surrender to the nearest police station, court documents revealed.
Heeding his family’s advice, Katuti turned himself in at Mtito Andei Police Station in Makueni County.
What was the other dude during this marital spat?
Package of the Week
Right Whales’ Testicles Weigh A Ton, Literally
It takes balls to contemplate the sheer enormity of the North Atlantic right whale’s gargantuan gonads. Weighing in at around 450–500 kilograms (992–1,100 pounds) each when fully grown, the combined weight of their testicles is about the same as Volkswagen Beetle.
North Atlantic right whales (Eubalaena glacialis) have the largest testicles in the animal kingdom, which might have you questioning why you’ve never seen them. After all, if there was a photo doing the rounds on the internet of a whale with two polar bears for testicles hanging from its midsection, wouldn’t you remember it?
Well, your memory is serving you correctly, because the right whale’s testicles are concealed within its body. As cetaceans, these whales are mammals – but unlike their terrestrial relatives, having the testicles hanging out simply wouldn’t do from a temperature perspective.
Right whales’ testicles might be hidden from view, but they’re a force to be reckoned with, capable of producing 4.5 liters (1.2 US gallons) of sperm. It’s thought that producing so much is a means of “flushing out” the competition, so to speak. Female right whales will copulate with multiple mates, giving males the motivation to get rid of any competitor sperm.
It appears as if the sperm whale was misnamed. Also, female right whales are whores.
Ladies Man of the Week
Oakland man charged with firing shots after women asked him to stop publicly displaying genitals
Prosecutors have charged a man with firing shots into the air at an Oakland homeless camp, allegedly after two women told him to put his genitals back into his trousers and go away.
The suspect, a 22-year-old Oakland resident, has been charged with four felonies, including negligently shooting a gun and carrying a gun without a serial number in public. He was also arrested on suspicion of possessing a controlled substance and is being held in lieu of $50,000 bail.
Police say that at around 10:45 p.m. on March 28, the man approached two women at a camp at 45th Avenue and Bond Street, asked to have sex with them and then began exposing himself. When they told him “no” and asked him to leave, he allegedly produced a pistol and fired at least three to five shots.
Two women alleged that the man aimed the gun at them, while a third eyewitness told police that he fired into the air, authorities say.
Officers responding to a gunfire detection alert saw the man riding away from the encampment on a scooter, observed the pistol tucked in his waistband and arrested him without incident.
That doesn’t even seem like a crime in California.
Frenemy of the Week
Man chops off friend’s genitals after drunken brawl at Odisha beach
A 32-year-old man allegedly chopped off his friend’s genitals after a drunken brawl at a beach in Odisha’s Kendrapara district on Sunday, police said.
Bhagabat Das, 30, and his friend Akshya Rout were drinking at the Pentha beach in the Rajnagar police station area when a fight broke out between them. As the situation escalated, Rout allegedly chopped off Das’s genitals with a sharp-edged weapon, police said.
Rout then fled the spot, they said.
The two friends had hired an auto-rickshaw to go to the beach. Police said they have detained the driver of the auto-rickshaw as they search for Rout, who is on the run.
Das was first taken to the Community Health Center (CHC) in Rajnagar, but later shifted to the SCB Medical College and Hospital in Cuttack as his condition deteriorated, police said.
A case under IPC section 307 (attempt to murder) was registered, they said.
Maybe he was helping his friend identify as a woman.
Find of the Week
Gynecologist reveals most shocking thing he’s found in a vagina
A gynecologist in Honduras was flabbergasted to discover a cockroach lurking inside a patient’s vagina.
“She said she had something unusual in her vagina,” Dr. Marco Cálix, an ob-gyn based in Tegucigalpa, told Jam Press about the unlikely infestation.
The gyno is somewhat of a “doc star” in the online gynecology community, frequently documenting his most unusual or shocking cases for his over 386,000 followers on TikTok, where his posts have amassed 1.2 million likes.
However, a recent appointment took things to a “whole other level,” Dr. Cálix said.
The doc described how the unnamed patient, who hailed from a rural part of the country, arrived at his clinic “extremely restless, agitated and sweaty.”
She explained how she’d had trouble sleeping due to something “extremely strange” in her vagina.
A subsequent inspection revealed the shocking culprit behind the woman’s discomfort. “When I introduced the speculum, I could see that it was an insect,” said the aghast gynecologist. “In fact, I had to take out something like a cockroach.”
This marked a first for the seasoned doctor, who had previously discovered everything from condoms to sex toys inside female reproductive organs.
It’s yet unclear how the cucaracha — which was reportedly dead before he removed it — managed to end up down under.
I would think that’s a common thing to find in a Honduran vag.
Rotor-Rooter of the Week
UP Man Reaches Hospital Claiming Snake Entered His Body While Defecating; Here’s What Doctors Say
A man made a shocking claim that a snake entered his body through his private part in Uttar Pradesh.
The incident came to the fore when the man, Mahendra, reached a Hardoi hospital in the middle of the night complaining of stomach pain. He told doctors that he was defecating in the open when the snake entered his body, India Today reported.
The medical staff at the hospital did not find any snake or object inside Mahendra’s body after a careful examination. However, Mahendra’s family was hell-bent on the snake claim and requested the administration to transfer him to another hospital.
According to one of the doctors who attended Mahendra, Dr Sher Singh said the patient appeared to be under the influence of drugs.
The doctor said it is normal for people to experience stomach pain after drug use.
Mahendra was discharged the next morning after doctors did not find any abnormalities in his CT scan.
Maybe it was an asp.
Thug of the Week
Gangster granny, 78, with history of bank robberies back behind bars after latest heist
A 78-year-old woman was caught trying to rob a bank yesterday afternoon – and it wasn’t her first time.
Bonnie Gooch from Missouri, US attempted to rob Goppert Financial Bank in Pleasant Hill yesterday (April 6).
And according to the New York Post, the gangster gran has a long history of bank jobs.
Bonnie was charged with stealing or attempted stealing from a financial institution, according to Pleasant Hill Police.
In that robbery she handed a note to bank tellers, police said.
Staff gave police a description of her vehicle, and a few hundred yards from the bank Bonnie was pulled over.
They found her behind the wheel and evidence inside the car that linked her to the bank robbery.
Pleasant Hill Police Chief Thomas Wright told Kansas City’s FOX 4 News : “Obviously it was a tense situation.
“But when the hands of an elderly woman come out of the car and that is who is driving the suspect vehicle, it’s a little shocking.”
Gooch was taken into custody without incident.
The pensioner has been accused of bank robberies in the past, according to the location station.
In 2020, Gooch was arrested in Lee’s Summit for a different bank theft and was later convicted.
At the time, her son said his mother “was off her rocker” and had left the house “angry, saying she was going to rob a bank,” according to court documents.
Her sentence was suspended and she was released on supervised probation, which ended in November 2021.
Back in 1977, Bonnie was also found guilty of robbing a Californian bank.
The publication added that she was charged by Cass County prosecutors on Thursday for her latest offence, who set bail at $25,000 cash bond, according to cops.
She’s not very good at this.
WTF? of the Week
Mississippi woman accused of having sex with German shepherd seen on video with THREE separate dogs
A Mississippi teenager accused of having sex with a German shepherd has been pictured with the dogs days before her arrest.
Denise Frazier, 19, was snapped with the dog after crashing her car in Myrick, Mississippi last Sunday – days before she was arrested over a clip of the alleged bestiality.
Cops have also since revealed that the alleged dog sex clip was shot outside a Baptist church in Frazier’s hometown.
She was allegedly caught on a video that had spread around via Snapchat depicting having sex with the male canine in a local church parking lot, it is claimed. She could face up to ten years in prison.
The investigation has revealed further disturbing details about Frazier’s dalliances with dogs, which she initially claimed she was forced to do but police say there is no evidence of that being the case.
A total of three dogs were seen on the bestiality clip, but it’s unclear if Frazier is accused of abusing the others.
Screenshots of iCloud-shared shots from the videos showed these being filmed from February 23 through 28.
Carter’s investigation led him to suspect that Frazier was doing this willfully with three separate dogs.
‘In my 17 years in law enforcement, this is one of the most disturbing cases that I’ve ever investigated,’ said Sergeant JD Carter of the Jones County Sheriff’s Department.
‘JCSD is in possession of several videos that are so graphic that we are not at liberty to release them or even discuss the particular content,’ he added. ‘The investigation into this case is far from over.’
The dogs were seized from the residence she was arrested at and taken to a local animal hospital.
One of the dogs is a German shepherd that Frazier referred to as a ‘service dog.’
That’s the sickest joke I’ve ever heard.
