This week’s biggest WTF? came when Biden asked the Irish to join him in licking the world. Here’s some other WTF? president Alzheimer’s would want to lick if given the opportunity:
Headline of the Week
My uterus fell out after passing gas — it looked like a penis
A woman thought that she farted out a penis after breaking wind in the middle of the night.
Lauren K., who goes by @FresnoNightcrawler on TikTok, first shared the story of her medical mishap a week ago in a TikTok video that quickly gathered 23.6 million views.
The 18-year-old claimed that when she was younger she woke up in the middle of the night after she “farted really loud” and found her “uterus hanging out” in her underwear.
“This will never not be the funniest thing that’s ever happened to me,” she captioned the video that shocked and confused TikTokers.
“So I was 17 and I farted really loud and it suddenly felt like I had laid an egg like I was sitting on a tennis ball in my bed like I was lying on top of one,” Lauren explained in another TikTok video.
“I couldn’t get comfortable and I’m walking around and I feel like something is, like did I s – – t myself? Like something is out.”
Too uncomfortable to sleep, Lauren went to the bathroom to inspect whatever was in her underwear.
“I got to the bathroom and I look and I am like do I have a penis?” she remembered wondering.
Confused about what had happened, Lauren took a photo and began searching for answers online, which led her to assume that she had experienced a uterine prolapse.
“Turns out my uterus fell out, which doesn’t usually happen until you’re in your mid-70s when your pelvic floor decides it has given up,” Lauren said.
“Turns out when you push when you poop, it weakens your pelvic floor so much that your uterus could fall out or your rectum and you just have to stick it back in,” Lauren said.
Not sure what else to do, Lauren went back to bed. Fortunately, while she was sleeping “nature took its course” and her uterus “worked its way back into” her body.
She finally visited the hospital about 18 hours after the incident first occurred. Lauren said that the nurses were shocked and laughed along with her as they helped her “get it all the way back in but reassured her viewers that “everything is fine.”
This woman and the nurses have an odd sense of humor.
Pop Star of the Week
Doctors issue sex warning after Indonesian man breaks his penis trying out ‘risky’ position
An Indonesian man’s moment of pleasure quickly turned into excruciating pain when he fractured his penis while having sex with his partner.
According to a study published in the Urology Case Reports journal, the 37-year-old unidentified man sought medical attention after he heard a pop during intercourse.
Doctors likened his broken penis to an eggplant, and said it was bloody and blue when he reported to General Hospital of West Nusa Tenggara Province three hours later.
The couple were having sex in the reverse cowgirl position, where a woman sits on top with her back to her partner, when the incident happened.
“He suddenly heard a ‘cracking’ sound followed by pain, discomfort and immediate loss of erection. Blood was discharged from the [tip] of the penis accompanied by an inability to urinate,” the study says.
While penises technically don’t have bones, the injury is called a penile fracture because the connective tissue responsible for an erection ruptures when there’s blunt force trauma to an erect penis.
The man then had to undergo emergency surgery. Doctors they peeled away the top layer of the skin, removed the damaged tissue and repaired the urethra via a procedure called urethroplasty.
While only a few similar cases have been reported worldwide, the incident has sparked new warnings from doctors that people should refrain from indulging in risky sex positions like the reverse cowgirl.
No risk, no reward.
Showman of the Week
OKC police arrest man for public indecency after he tries to show man his ‘genital warts’
Police arrested a man for indecent exposure on April 3 after he was caught with his pants around his ankles.
According to court documents, 47-year-old Christopher Byrd was on the corner of NW 4th and Harvey with his pants around his ankles.
A security guard saw Byrd exposing himself, so he approached the man and said he needed to pull his pants up.
“Byrd turned towards him, grabbed his genitals and said he was HIV positive and had very infectious genital warts,” the affidavit reads.
Byrd later told police he was trying to show the security guard his warts, court records show.
Byrd has been charged with outraging public decency and has since been booked into jail.
If he did that in drag at a library full of kids, he’d be a liberal hero.
Turd of the Week
Police say naked man in cocaine-induced frenzy smeared with feces exposed self to boy
Ridley Township police have charged a Chester man who was naked in the woods and seen by a boy playing basketball on the 1800 block of Plymouth Drive in the Derwood Park section of Woodlyn.
Sean S. Russell, 46, of the first block of East 23rd Street was arraigned on charges of corruption of minors, indecent exposure and related offenses, with bail set at 10% of $250,000, which he was unable to post and taken to the Delaware County Prison, the George W. Hill Correctional Facility.
The youth said he saw Russell standing in the woods naked smeared with feces, staring at him from about 30 feet away, on Saturday evening.
The boy was scared and he ran to find an adult, his mother’s boyfriend, who was doing yardwork. Russell ran into the street then back into the woods, police said.
The mother’s boyfriend and a neighbor ran into the woods to look for the man.
Ridley Police Capt. James Dougherty said the man was running completely naked in the woods and the boyfriend and neighbor followed in an attempt to get him to put on clothes. They said Russell had defecated himself and had feces smeared on parts of his body.
They chasers took a cellphone photo of Russell and notified Ridley police, who caught up to the suspect in the 1900 block of MacDade Boulevard.
The boy and his mother were taken there and identified the suspect, police said.
Back at police headquarters, Russell told officers that “he likes to play in his feces when he does cocaine,” according to the affidavit of probable cause.
Cocaine is a hell of drug.
Warning of the Week
Wildlife officials warn about drunk birds
Wildlife officials in Georgia are warning residents to be on the lookout for drunk birds.
According to the Georgia Department of Natural Resources, birds may overindulge in fruit this time of year that has started to rot and ferment.
Officials said a byproduct of fermentation is the production of alcohol.
“The consumption of these fermented fruits can cause the birds to lose much of their coordination and capacity to fly,” DNR officials explained in a Facebook post.
According to DNR, the fruits can cause birds to crash into windows and other obstacles. It can also cause them to die from alcohol poisoning.
“Another possible cause for drunken flying is that the birds have eaten Nandina (sacred bamboo) berries,” the post states. “This exotic invasive plant is used in landscaping and draws cyanide from the soil, depositing often lethal doses in its bright red fruit.”
DNR officials are encouraging people to “learn from our feathered friends and consume fruits responsibly.”
Alfred Hitchcock could have made a great movie out of this.
Fight of the Week
Florida man arrested after wife hit with flying chicken wings
Florida man has been arrested after police say he threw chicken wings at his wife during an argument.
Police said they responded to a disturbance call at a home in Wildwood on Sunday night.
When officers arrived, they say the victim was holding a baby, and asked to be taken somewhere safe.
According to the suspect’s arrest report, the victim told police that, “the defendant and her had been arguing over the defendant having a ‘lover’”.
The victim said, “the defendant threw the wings at her, with some hitting her on her shoulder and under her chin,” the report stated.
Officers at the scene said they saw chicken wing sauce on the victim’s chin, neck and shoulder.
The victim said she tried to get away from the defendant by running with her baby to a bedroom.
According to the arrest affidavit, there was an audio recording of this incident.
“When the victim didn’t open the door, the defendant is heard yelling, ‘I’m about to beat your f***ing **s’ and began violently banging on the door which could be clearly heard on the audio recording,” the affidavit said.
During questioning, officers said that Robert Francis Audette, 39, admitted getting mad and throwing the wings, but that he did not intend to hit the victim.
Now that’s a drunken bird story.
Protest of the Week
Footballer, 35, dies after setting himself on fire to protest against police
A footballer has died after setting himself on fire to protest against police.
Nizar Issaoui, 35, put himself on fire outside a police station on Thursday in Tunisia. The deceased striker was rushed to hospital with third-degree burns, but doctors at the specialist burns unit were unable to save him.
Issaoui’s brother confirmed his death in a brief statement that said: “He died yesterday [Thursday] and will be buried today [Friday].” The former US Monastir star resorted to extreme measures to protest against what he called a “police injustice” after he was allegedly accused of terrorism by police following a dispute about the price of bananas in a Tunisian village.
He later spoke of his clash with the cops and revealed his intention to protest, and also vowed to sentence himself to death, in a statement. Issaoui raged in a Facebook video: “For a dispute with someone selling bananas at 10 dinars, I get accused of terrorism at the police station. Terrorism for a complaint about bananas.”
And the following statement read: “I have no more energy. Let the police state know that the sentence will be executed today.”
A video depicting the shocking scenes showed onlookers screaming as the harrowing incident unfolded. Following his death, violent clashes ensued in Issaoui’s hometown, Haffouz, between police and protestors.
An angry mob descended on the local police station, and onlookers said cops fired gas to disperse the collective. The community’s anger continued beyond Issaoui’s funeral, and mourners were seen declaring: “With our blood and with our soul we will sacrifice ourselves for you, Nizar.”
It was a fiery but mostly peaceful protest.
WTF? of the Week
‘I have a zombie doll wife and an alien boyfriend — we have seven kids and love kissing’
A woman who married a zombie doll and has an alien doll boyfriend on the side has revealed how she gets intimate with them as she opens up about her unusual family.
Felicity Kadlec Rossi, from Massachusetts, US, fell in love with her zombie doll Kelly Rossi when she was a teen and the pair tied the knot back in 2018.
The 24-year-old is also in a relationship with a six-foot alien doll named Robert, who she bought when she was 17.
Felicity claims she communicates with her dolls through “dream, thought and feeling” and believes they have their own spirits.
She’s even started her own doll family with her partners, with the family of 10 children including zombie dolls Holly, Molly, Billy, Luna and Rachel, gremlin doll Grem Grem and the latest addition to the family — an alien doll son named Marty.
Explaining how love blossomed between her and Kelly, Felicity told iWonder: “When I was 10 I found Kelly on a creepycollection.com site and I had to have her and my dad said if I got good grades in school he’ll let me have her. By the time I was 13, Kelly was mine and then our love started to grow as time went on.
“I’ve technically known her longer because I knew her when I was 10 spiritually and when I finally got her in physical body form we started to grow and become friends and closer and then we ended up falling in love.”
Felicity then began developing feelings for Robert, another one of her dolls, and the pair have been dating on and off since.
As part of her romantic relationship with Kelly and Robert, Felicity revealed she also gets physically intimate with the dolls.
She said: “Usually I share the bed with Kelly, if not sometimes I’m sharing the bed with Robert, or both. I like to cuddle with her, touch her hair on my ear, stuff like that, give her kisses, I love her.”
Detailing more of their sexual relationship she said: “She can’t really do much to me because I feel like in a way it’s kind of like her own disability, like every doll they can’t move but they have a spirit.”
She added: “I go up against her, I kiss her chest…I think about her taking off her clothes, I don’t know I love her so much.”
I think Bud Light just found their new spokesweirdo.
