The Week In WTF? 4/29/23

After completely destroying this country with his WTF? administration, Joe Biden proved he has no shame by asking American for another disastrous 4 years. Here’s some other WTFers with absolutely no shame:

Headline of the Week

Sunderland man ‘watched porn as he masturbated over captured seagull’

A man has admitted performing a sex act while kneeling over a captured seagull and watching pornography on his mobile phone.

David Lee, 40, from Roker Avenue, Sunderland, admitted causing unnecessary suffering to the bird at 1am last August 17.

Gulls on the roof of South Tyneside Magistrates’ Court could be heard calling out as the bench watched CCTV of the “bizarre” incident, which happened in a back street of Gladstone Street, Sunderland.

Lesley Burgess, prosecuting, told the court Lee chased one bird before picking up a smaller gull – and was caught on CCTV looking at his phone while holding the bird between his legs and masturbating.

Once he had finished, he pulled up his pants and gave the bird a “little kick”, the court heard.

Lee was arrested at a nearby takeaway and told police he picked up the gull because he thought it was hurt and was looking on his phone to find out what he should do.

But instead of searching for a vet’s phone number, as he claimed to have done, police checks revealed Lee had actually been looking at porn sites, the court was told.

The charge against Lee initially said he put his penis in the bird’s beak, but that detail was changed to say he “took a wild bird and undertook a sexual act, thereby unnecessary suffering was caused”.

And he was jamming out to Flock of Seagulls “I Ran” while f*cking the bird.

Mall Rat of the Week

Man is arrested after trying to sell severed penis to shoppers at South African mall

A man accused of trying to sell a severed human penis at a mall in South Africa has been arrested after horrified shoppers turned on him.

The 32-year-old suspect was grabbed by outraged mall visitors when he reportedly took out the body part and offered it up for sale.

Shoppers held the man until police arrived at the Fingoland Mall, in the town of Butterworth, in the Eastern Cape Province, on April 20.

The suspect, who has not been named, has been charged with the unlawful possession of human tissue.

He made his first appearance before a judge at the Butterworth Magistrates’ Court on April 24.

Police spokesman Majola Nkohli said: ‘It is believed that he was looking for a buyer in Butterworth.

‘Preliminary investigations have revealed that the private parts were removed from a 68-year-old man in OR Tambo District.’

Lt Mene said: ‘This is a despicable and cruel act. The actions of the suspect are inhumane, and justice must take its course.’

The victim, who has not been named, is reportedly in hospital.

Worst mall kiosk ever.

Par of the Week

Boy loses testicle while bending over to pick up ball in freak accident

A 16-year-old Utah boy met with the freakiest of accidents after one of his testicles retracted inside him while he was trying to pick a golf ball.

A case study detailing the teen’s scrotal mishap was published recently in the journal “Urology Case Reports.”

According to the wince-worthy account, the young man had felt an “acute” pain in his groin while “leaning over to retrieve a golf ball” from the green.

When the teen inspected his nether regions, he was horrified to discover that his left testicle was not in its usual spot.

Alarmed over the shocking disappearance, the aghast golfer reported to a Salt Lake City hospital, where he reported feeling “ongoing mild abdominal pain with persistent nausea.”

Doctors administered painkillers to the patient and attempted to discover what happened to his family jewel.

A subsequent CT scan revealed that the ball was fortunately intact, but had traveled way off course.

The wayward testicle had ended up in the canal running from his scrotum, nearly into his abdomen, in a condition known as “testicular ascent.”

In the case of the Utah teen, he had a condition known as patent processus vaginalis that he’d been suffering from since he was in the womb.

In the normal fetal cycle, the testes begin to develop inside the abdomen before descending into place, after which the genital incubation chamber seals up, the Daily Mail reported.

Occasionally this pocket doesn’t close, forming a highway between this region and the scrotum.

When the golfer bent down to pick up his ball, the errant testicle could’ve theoretically boomeranged back into place. However, medics were skeptical that this is how he scored his accidental hole-in-one.

Thankfully, surgeons were able to guide it back into the scrotum using tiny surgical instruments — a process that was hindered by the “testis size.”

After retrieving his ball from the ruff, doctors sealed up the vaginalis. They then anchored the teste in place with a suture to prevent any future ascensions.

Golf is nuts.

Pronouns of the Week

HIGH SCHOOL BRAWL BREAKS OUT AFTER TRANSGENDER STUDENT FLASHES, SPITS ON FEMALES IN LOCKER ROOM

A fight broke out at a high school in Riverside, Calif., involving a transgender student and a female.

In the video, a male who identifies as transgender is seen taking swings at the much-smaller female and shoving her to the ground.

Parents at Martin Luther King High School told Fox 11 the transgender student has a history of “erratic and uncomfortable behavior.”

They said the biological male has access to the girls’ bathrooms and locker rooms.

“He’s [in the] girls’ locker room, using girls’ restrooms,” MLK student Aiden Vermeir said. “He spit on my friends that are girls, females. He shows his genitals in the locker room.”

And according to Riverside Police, this isn’t the first time the transgender student has been involved in an altercation.

This is what democrats want for our children.

Blackhawk Down of the Week

Woman has bullet removed from clitoris in ‘first’ injury of its kind

A woman in Somalia had to undergo emergency surgery after getting shot accidentally in the clitoris while relaxing at home.

A report detailing her accidental piercing was published recently in the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports.

“To the best of our knowledge, this is the first wayward bullet injury penetrating the vulvar area [the outer part of the female genitals] with a retained bullet in the clitoris,” study authors wrote.

According to the study, the 24-year-old unnamed patient had been relaxing at home, when all of a sudden, a stray bullet came through her ceiling and struck her in the nether regions.

The alarmed woman reported to the Erdoğan Hospital in Mogadishu, where a CT scan revealed that the errant lead pellet had lodged itself inside her clitoris. As far as the study authors knew, this was the first case of its kind.

“We thought it to be rare and interesting,” they wrote of the unfortunate body shot, which thankfully struck her at a low velocity or her health could’ve been in jeopardy.

Surgeons placed the patient under local anesthesia and removed the projectile from her private parts.

Thankfully, she didn’t suffer any complications following the lead-ectomy, and was discharged the following day in “in good condition.”

At a follow-up appointment a month later, doctors determined that the woman was still in good health.

Shot through the clit, and you’re to blame. You give love a bad name. Bad name.

Fruit of the Week

Hungry elephant flings woman into air after being taunted with banana

A woman was flung to the side by an annoyed elephant after she teased the behemoth with a banana — and wouldn’t give it up.

Footage from the startling incident — which took place in an unidentified area in India — shows the unnamed woman holding up a piece of fruit in front of the mammal’s face as it tried to bite down.

The smiling soon-to-be victim took the banana away at the last second as the elephant drew near, prompting swift backlash from the large animal.

In a matter of 14 seconds, the elephant went from curious to cross, as it swung its tusks and trunk into the unsuspecting woman and launched her backward into the air.

“You can’t fool an elephant even though he is tamed,” tweeted Susanta Nanda, who works with the Indian Forest Service, in a post on Thursday. “They are one of the most intelligent animals to be in captivity.”

Some Twitter users were concerned about the woman’s well-being, while others condemned her for being a “fool.”

“Hope she survived the attack,” one person wrote.

“Scary,” another said. “Never ever disrespect any creature and intrude their rightful space.”

“That surely did hurt. Fool,” chided someone else.

“She deserved what she got,” argued one user.

Elephants are astoundingly intelligent creatures, as past footage has shown them peeling bananas with their trunks, but have also wreaked havoc on tourists and residents alike.

There have been past reports of elephants trampling people to death, charging at others and flipping over cars.

F*ck around and find out.

Locker of the Week

Parents are locking daughters’ graves in Pakistan to avoid rape

This is being done as a desperate bid to ensure the sanctity of dead bodies in case some randy monsters cherry-pick them to satiate their lust.

Parents in Pakistan are locking the graves of their daughters with padlocks to protect them from being raped, as necrophilia case is on the rise once again. The issue has been highlighted by some social media users, including activists and authors on social media.

One such user named Harris Sultan, an Ex-Muslim Atheist activist and the author of the book “The Curse of God, why I left Islam” blamed hardline Islamist ideology for such depraved acts.
“Pakistan has created such a horny, sexually frustrated society that people are now putting padlocks on the graves of their daughters to prevent them from getting raped. When you link the burqa with rape, it follows you to the grave,” Sultan tweeted on Wednesday.

Another Twitter user Sajid Yousaf Shah wrote: “The social environment created by #Pakistan has given rise to a sexually charged and repressed society, where some people have resorted to locking their daughter’s graves to protect them from sexual violence. Such a connection between rape and an individual’s clothing only leads to a path filled with grief and despair.”

The most terrifying example of necrophilia ever documented in Pakistan occurred in 2011, when a gravekeeper named Muhammad Rizwan from north Nazimabad, Karachi, was detained after admitting to raping 48 female corpses, news agency ANI reported.

Islam is a fascinating religion.

Pecker of the Week

Florida woman fatally shot parrot during drunken fight with husband, cops say

A middle-aged Florida woman has been accused of gunning down her parrot during a drunken fight with her husband.

Cops who busted Suzanne Mulalley, 61, in her Largo home Sunday say she and her 66-year-old husband, Steven, were both “intoxicated,” police records show.

Mulalley “shot and killed [her] African grey bird using a .380 Glock inside [their] home,” the responding officer wrote in a police report.

“Both victim and defendant walked outside and pushed other,” the arrest affidavit said, detailing how the accused parrot killer also sprayed her husband with water.

Mulalley was charged with misdemeanor domestic battery and “denied committing this crime,” according to the affidavit.

She did not appear to face charges for shooting the parrot.

However, a stipulation for her release was “no contact [with] animals” or firearms, the document showed.

Her husband was also charged with domestic battery after a witness saw him pushing his wife, records show.

The accused bird shooter was charged with resisting arrest in February when cops responded to reports that a “firearm was discharged in the backyard during a verbal altercation.”

That’s not how you flip someone the bird.

WTF? of the Week

‘Demonic’ Florida man murders, dismembers Uber Eats driver for ‘no reason’

“Demonic” MS-13 gang member Oscar Solis murdered and dismembered a Florida Uber Eats driver for “no reason,” officials said at a press conference Tuesday.

“This was a horrific crime of passion,” Pasco County Sheriff Chris Nocco told reporters. “What he did is demonic, but at the same time, we couldn’t answer the question why.”

“This person killed him for no reason.”

Randall Cooke, 59, vanished April 19 after sending his wife a text that said he was completing his last delivery near their home in the city of Holiday, north of Tampa. She never heard from him again.

She reported him missing, and Uber Eats provided authorities with his last known location on Moog Road.

Detectives visited the home April 21 and spoke to the suspect’s roommate, who provided video surveillance that showed Cooke approaching the door at 6:55 p.m. on April 19; there was no immediate answer, then the feed cuts out, Nocco said.

Solis was seen carrying trash bags outside the house the day after Cooke disappeared, and investigators were given permission to search the contents.

“What we found inside of some of those trash bags was human remains,” Nocco said.

Solis, who has a lengthy rap sheet, was initially arrested for failure to register as a felon in violation of his parole in Indiana.

Detectives believe Solis pulled the victim into his home and attempted to rob him, then killed him and attempted to conceal his remains, according to an arrest affidavit.

Investigators found blood, Cooke’s wedding band and his car keys inside the home. Solis, who was already locked up on the parole violation, was arrested again for felony murder and robbery.

“You’re talking about a very violent individual that Indiana released and sent down to Florida,” said Nocco, rattling off a list of Solis’ previous crimes, including battery, burglary, assault and possession of stolen auto parts.

This is what democrats want for our communities.