This week we learned that Joe “Pedo Pete” Biden used an alias to help his crackhead son Hunter launder bribe money. Here’s some other WTFers who may want to assume a different identity:
Headline of the Week
Customs seize donkey genitals at Lagos airport
The Murtala Muhammed Airport Command of the Nigeria Customs Service said it intercepted male donkey genitals and dried shark fins worth N1.23bn at the Lagos Airport en route to China and Hong Kong respectively.
According to a statement on Thursday, the Customs Area Controller in charge of the command, Muhammed Yusuf, disclosed this while showing some of the seized contraband to journalists at the command.
Yusuf explained that the male donkey genitals were harvested from Abakaliki, Ebonyi State, by a Chinese.
He said, “Donkeys are under endangered species and they came from Abakaliki and we begin to wonder why it came from that side. “We have a lot of donkeys in Abakaliki and now that they are endangered species, if these things continue to go out like this, you can imagine the roles they play in the ecosystem. As it is, the Chinese man has been arrested and the investigation is ongoing.”
Sorry, I thought this story was about democrat party transgender human trafficking.
Creeper Of The Week
Naked man arrested after sneaking into Collier County home, masturbating & touching woman
A naked homeless man was arrested after sneaking into a woman’s Collier County home and touching her while he masturbated early Sunday morning.
According to the Collier County Sheriff’s Office (CCSO), deputies responded to a burglary at around 3:55 a.m. A woman told deputies she was lying in bed when a naked man she didn’t know was masturbating by the side of her bed and trying to grab her. The victim told the man to stop touching her and pushed his hand away multiple times. She said he was trying to keep her quiet and not let deputies know he was there. She said her back slider door was open and that the man could’ve shimmied through it or crawled through a doggy door at the side of the home.
When deputies entered the home, a naked man identified as Carlos Lozanos-Lara, 22, ran from the dining room to a bathroom and tried to hide in a bathtub.
A deputy tried to handcuff Lozanos-Lara but he pulled away and ripped them from an officer’s hands, throwing them on the ground. After struggling multiple times to put the handcuffs on the man, the deputy took him to the ground while he continued to resist, CCSO said.
During the scuffle, Lozanos-Lara kicked a deputy and tried biting his arm. He eventually was put into handcuffs and leg shackles. While being taken to the patrol vehicle, he tried to grab a deputy’s Taser from the holster but was unsuccessful.
I wonder if Paul Pelosi knows this dude.
Blowers of the Week
My twin and I blew $200K on boob, butt and vagina surgeries to be Barbies
Hardcore Barbiecore enthusiasts Daisy and Dolly Simpson, 26-year-old twins from the UK, have shelled out over $200,000 to have their boobs ballooned, butts boosted, noses narrowed and vaginas reimagined all in an effort to look less like themselves and more like the perfectly sculpted plastic icon.
“Before we had anything done, we just looked basic,” said Dolly, Stockton-on-Tees, to Caters News. “We didn’t feel as feminine, and it didn’t feel like our looks matched our personalities or styles.”
We much prefer to look like Barbie dolls,” gushed the blond.
Since 2020, the frumps-turned-foxes have undergone scads of plastic surgeries including breast augmentations, labiaplasty, rhinoplasty and a Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL). The towheaded twosome has also altered their looks with Botox, veneers and butt fillers, as well as a slew of additional cosmetic procedures on their lips, chins, cheeks and jaws.
“Before we started having our procedures and surgeries, we were quite insecure about our looks,” Dolly admitted, adding that she and Daisy spent most of their childhood fantasizing about becoming Barbie.
“We’d always loved the look of bright blonde girls, with amazing tans and big boobs who looked like dolls,” she said. “When we were really young we weren’t sure how we’d achieve that because we weren’t aware of surgery.”
“But ever since we were old enough to know about these things, we couldn’t wait to start the process,” raved Dolly.
Barbie doesn’t have a vagina.
Assholer
Stomach-churning video shows bull gore Alejandro Conquero’s rectum
Horrifying video captured the moment a bull thrust one of its horns into Alejandro Conquero’s rectum Monday — sending him skyward while spectators screamed in horror in Cenicientos, Madrid, the Sun reported.
The 28-year-old is seen taunting the bull at the Prieto de la Cal event with a pink and yellow cape for a few seconds before the charging beast rams him twice — once into the air and then to the ground.
It then impales Conquero in his backside and sends him high over its body as fellow fighters rush in to distract the animal.
The mauled matador then gets up and limps off as he checks his penetrated posterior.
Conquero, of Huelva, Andalucia, suffered a “goring in the posterior perianal region which dissects the rectum through the coccyx and could affect the external sphincter of the anus,” a doctor at the ring said, according to the outlet.
The bull tore him a new asshole.
Dropper of the Week
Drone drops feces, eggs to attack homeless
People in New Hampshire are reporting drone attacks on the homeless community, and they say it’s been happening for months.
“The homeless community is very much used to being attacked. This is a whole new level of attack,” said Dam Wright, a homeless advocate.
Eggs, popsicles and even feces are just some of the things Wright says have been dropped near homeless people from a drone.
“We would keep seeing other items dropped from the sky and it’s become a regular thing, especially in areas where homeless people tend to congregate,” he said.
Manchester police confirmed they are aware of the attacks and have opened an investigation.
“This is somebody who is deliberately targeting people with high technology, and sooner or later they’re going to drop something heavy and it’s going to hurt somebody,” Wright said.
Even though the drone drops don’t seem to have hit anyone yet, members of the homeless community say it’s still upsetting.
“It’s certainly disheartening,” Revan Bellino said. “You know, I mean, like a lot of people are just trying to stay alive, let alone deal with extra things.”
Wright says he just hopes police figure out who is operating the drone.
“The people out on the streets really have it bad enough as it is without being under constant attack, let alone high-tech attack,” Wright said. “Whoever has the time, energy and resources to do something like this is really a sick individual.”
It’s a nice idea, but you can’t fight shit with shit.
Pisser of the Week
10-year-old Mississippi boy arrested, jailed for peeing behind mom’s car
Latonya Eason was at an attorney’s office in Senatobia, just south of Memphis, for legal advice Aug. 10 when a cop told her he caught her son Quantavious peeing behind her car, WHBQ reported.
“I was like, ‘Son, why did you do that?’ He said, ‘Mom, my sister said they don’t have a bathroom there,’” Eason told the outlet. “I was like, ‘You knew better, you should have come and asked me if they had a restroom.’”
She said the officer told her Quantavious could get back inside the car and that he would just give a warning, but several other cops then showed up, including a lieutenant who said the boy had to be hauled to jail.
“No, him urinating in the parking lot was not right, but at the same time I handled it like a parent and for one officer to tell my baby to get back in the car like it was OK and to have the other pull up and take him to jail. Like no,” Eason told WHBQ.
“I’m just speechless right now. Why would you arrest a 10-year-old kid,” the irate mom added.
Quantavious said he was scared when the cop swooped in on him.
“I started crying a little bit. They took me down there and got me out of the truck. I didn’t know what was happening,” he told the outlet. “I get scared and start shaking and thinking I am going to jail.”
The boy, who was not cuffed during the ordeal, said he was held in a cell and later turned over to his mom.
He was charged with child in need of services, Eason said.
“That could really traumatize my baby. My baby could get to the point where he won’t want to have an encounter with the police period,” she told the outlet.
In a lengthy statement, Senatobia Police Chief Richard Chandler cited the state’s Youth Court Act, which he said allows law enforcement to file referrals against kids as young as 7 if they are “in need of supervision” or 10 “if they commit acts that would be illegal for an adult.”
“The need to transport children from a scene depends on a variety of factors and the availability of reasonable alternatives. In this situation, an officer personally witnessed a 10-year-old child committing an act in public that would have been illegal for an adult under these circumstances,” he wrote.
The top cop noted that the officer did not see a parent at the scene.
The kid wasn’t arrested for pissing, he was taken because she’s a negligent parent.
Drinkers of the Week
Beer-Drunk Raccoons Terrorize Germany, Chaos Reigns
Drunk raccoons are terrorizing residences in Germany, according to a Tuesday report from the Telegraph that called the drunken animals a “plague” on the country. The already uninhibited animals have been seen breaking into local buildings and fueling up on food and booze — particularly beer — and destroying property.
Homeowners have reported thousands of euros worth of damage to their properties, as well as horrifying instances of raccoons eating their pets and fish. The rising numbers of raccoons wreaking havoc on civilians is leading many residents to become frustrated with the situation.
Raccoons are considered native to North America, and were introduced to Germany in the early 1900s. Known to be clever and highly adaptive, the raccoon population has soared in Germany, not only taking over rural areas but staking their claim in city centers like Berlin. As the invasive species continuously causes serious damage, many are calling for population control efforts, including Germany’s National Hunting Association.
Now the Germans know how the French feel.
Peepers of the Week
Las Vegas man with bizarre eyeglasses tattoo charged with girlfriend’s murder
A Las Vegas man with a heavily tattooed face that includes a bizarre set of inked eyeglasses has been charged with murder after his girlfriend was found shot dead.
James Gina III, 50, was arrested by the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department on Tuesday after police were notified of a “possibly injured person” located in a residence on Golden Arrow Drive around 2:30 p.m.
When they arrived, they found Gina and his girlfriend, who was deceased, the department said in a press release.
Police determined that Gina was a suspect in the case, but did not reveal a motive behind the killing.
He was booked into jail on an open murder involving a deadly weapon and owning/possessing a gun by a prohibited person, open jail records revealed.
The man was being held without bail.
His girlfriend’s cause of death and identity have not been revealed by police, as the Clark County Coroner’s Office was working to determine it.
Gina’s mugshot shows the man has an array of noteworthy tattoos, including bull horns that run from his temples to the top of his head, a pair of thick glasses framing his eyes, and a dark mask-like tattoo that covers the entire lower portion of his face.
The man also has tattoos that run down his neck, as well as the lower portion of his ears.
Are those prescription glasses?
WTF? of the Week
Workers in the Nancy Pelosi Federal Building in San Francisco were ordered to steer clear of the site “for the foreseeable future” as crime in the city continues to skyrocket.
Officials at the US Department of Health and Human Services advised its hundreds of federal employees to work from home indefinitely rather than risk commuting to the downtown tower, which has become a hotspot for street drug deals in recent months.
“In light of the conditions at the (Federal Building) we recommend employees … maximize the use of telework for the foreseeable future,” HHS Assistant Secretary for Administration Cheryl Campbell wrote in an Aug. 4 memo obtained by the San Francisco Chronicle.
Campbell also wrote that the recommendation should be extended to building employees who do not currently use work-from-home options.
The memo was addressed to HHS regional leaders, though it’s not clear whether other federal agencies that call the landmarked building home were also advised to avoid the area.
San Francisco has fallen into an urban decay of abandoned shops, open-air drug use and homeless encampments in recent months, with crime surging, especially in the downtown area.
Neighborhood activists are calling the city the “promised land of milk and fentanyl” in spite of law enforcement attempts to crack down on the rampant use of drugs.
Major retailers have fled the area as it crumbles, including Saks Off 5th, Anthropologie, Coco Republic and Whole Foods Market.
The 18-story tower on the corner of Seventh and Mission streets also houses the office of its namesake, former House Speaker Pelosi (D-Calif.)…
Pelosi, however, has not advised her five employees to work from home, according to the Chronicle.
And Paul Pelosi is still cruising the area looking for “friends.”
