This week’s biggest WTF? was the White House claiming Joe Biden has secured the border. Here’s some other WTF? that defies reality:
Headline of the Week
UP man bites his neighbour’s genitals in fight over goats
A 28-year-old man bit a portion of his 31-year-old neighbour’s private parts after the latter’s goats strayed into his compound and damaged some of his belongings in Roza area of UP’s Shahjahanpur on Sunday night.
The goat owner sustained injuries and four stitches had to be put in place. Both men filed complaints at Roza police station. The victim was admitted to a medical college in Shahjahanpur city, where his condition is reported as stable.
The victim, who doesn’t want to be named, told TOI, “I had a quarrel with my neighbour Gangaram Singh because of my goats. He pushed me to the ground and bit my private parts due to which I lost my consciousness.
Indian Kung-fu is brutal.
Dick of the Week
Patient died ‘in agony’ during botched penis enlargement undertaken by fake surgeon
A caterer pretended to be a cosmetic surgeon and carried out a botched penis enlargement procedure, causing his patient to die in agony.
Torben K, 46, of Solingen, Germany, injected silicone oil into the patient’s penis and scrotum in an attempt to carry out the procedure.
The unidentified 32-year-old patient died from sepsis seven months after the invasive treatment in July 2019.
During a court hearing, it was found that the fake doctor had no medical credentials and advertised his penis enhancement services online.
He allegedly carried out these treatments at his Solingen home.
According to the victim’s sister, who is 29, her brother had misgivings about the process at first, but Torben K persuaded him to go ahead with it.
However, instead of getting the anticipated expansion, the victim developed breathing problems shortly after returning home following the operation.
According to the Mirror, the man visited several hospitals, but later died of blood poisoning, as well as liver and kidney failure. Prosecutors said he spent months in agony in a specialist intensive care unit and he died in February 2020.
Meanwhile, investigations showed that the restaurant worker had also treated a second man with the same life-threatening injections in March this year.
On Monday, judges in Wuppertal district court jailed Torban K for five years after he was found guilty of causing death by grievous bodily harm.
Hopefully he washed his hands before going back to the restaurant.
Nut of the Week
Teen accused of biting Necto employee’s testicles after being denied entrance
A teen was taken into custody in Ann Arbor Saturday (Aug. 26) after he reportedly bit a nightclub employee’s testicles.
According to authorities, Gino Hearn, a 19-year-old from Detroit, reportedly punched a Necto employee in the face after he was denied entrance just before midnight. When police placed the man in handcuffs, he reportedly resisted and caused injuries to a police officer’s fingers.
Police said two employees were bitten by the man, including a 20-year-old who was taken to the hospital for treatment. The employee reportedly told police the suspect grabbed his testicles and bit them.
Hearn was charged Monday (Aug. 28) with one count of resist/assault police officer causing injury, two counts of resist/assault police officer, one count of aggravated assault and two counts of simple assault. He was given a $25,000 cash bond.
Sometimes you feel like a nut…
Assholes of the Week
Party poopers: Hospitalizations for foreign objects in rectums on the rise
Nearly 4,000 people are hospitalized with foreign objects in their rectum each year, according to a new study published last month in The American Journal of Emergency Medicine — with many of the stuck items sexual objects.
Researchers at the University of Rochester in New York were stumped by the “little epidemiologic information on this condition,” so they decided to analyze emergency reports from 2012 to 2021.
The study — said to be the first “nationally representative data” on rectal foreign bodies in the US — found 38,948 emergency department visits based on 885 cases in this time period among party poopers older than 15.
Researchers scoured the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System for injuries involving the “pubic region” or “lower trunk,” with “an accompanying diagnosis of foreign body, puncture, or laceration.”
The system keeps a record of injuries related to consumer products, according to the US Department of Health and Human Services.
Of these reported cases, the average age of the patient visiting the emergency room was 43 years old.
Nearly 78% of the patients were male, and 40% of these patients required hospitalization.
Over half of the foreign bodies were sexual objects, which could be items like vibrators, anal beads or other toys.
Balls and marbles, as well as drugs, were associated with a lower rate of hospitalization.
Researchers also found an increase in hospital visits for rectal foreign items over the time span they studied, rising from 1.2 per 100,000 persons in 2012 to 1.9 in 2021.
Yet another thing on the rise since Biden stole the White House.
Smear Campaign of the Week
ROME MAN STALKS ELDERLY WOMAN AFTER SMEARING FECES ON HER FACE
Christopher Alan Brooks, 50 of Rome, was arrested this week after reports said he ignored a court order to stay away from an elderly woman when he used a telephone to contact her.
Brooks is charged with aggravated stalking.
Brooks was arrested in February 2022 for rubbing feces over her face.
ROME MAN JAILED AFTER SMEARING FECES OVER WOMAN’S FACE
Christopher Alan Brooks, 48 of Rome, was arrested this week after reports said he smeared his feces over an elderly woman’s face.
Reports said that Brooks proceeded to grab and shake the woman while placing her in fear of her safety.
Police added that when they arrived on the scene Brooks refused to comply with commands while pulling away from them.
Brooks is charged with simple battery, simple assault, exploitation and intimidation of the elderly, obstruction, and reckless conduct.
Is that Al Franken?
Mug of the Week
Christian County man arrested on charges of rape
A Christian County man has been arrested following an investigation by the Christian County Sheriff’s Office.
On Thursday, August 24, detectives completed an investigation involving Rafe J. Kuzins of Oak Grove.
Throughout the interview process, it was concluded that Kuzins had sexual intercourse with a female victim without her consent.
Kuzins was arrested on multiple charges including criminal abuse and rape.
He was taken to the Christian County Detention Center on a $1,000,000 bond.
The asshole accused of incest has a name that is one letter away from being “Rape Cousins.”
Udder Disgrace of the Week
Man caught having sex with cow after triggering alarm placed by farmer
A British man snuck into a farm in the middle of the night and had sex with a cow – but was discovered when he triggered an alarm placed by the animal’s wary owner, the Mirror reported.
A DNA sample proved Liam Brown, 25, had intercourse with the animal in Burton, near Dorset, on June 12, 2022, according to the outlet.
On Aug. 25, the sicko sobbed at Poole Magistrates Court when he pleaded guilty to sexual penetration with a living animal and causing unnecessary suffering to a protected animal.
“The defendant was found by members of the farming family who had concerns regarding the welfare of the young livestock in question and set up alarms in the area,” prosecutor Charles Nightingale said.
“On the night in question they were alerted by alarms and equipment they had set up with the result that the defendant was found,” he said. “Subsequently, samples were taken from the animal confirming the intercourse in question.”
Brown had been known to the farmers since he was a child because some of his relatives had been employed there, according to the report.
“The family who own the farm want him nowhere near it,” Nightingale said.
He could have beat the charges if he said he identifies as a bull. Speaking of which…
Bullshit of the Week
Massive bull called Howdy Doody seen riding shotgun in modified car
A shocking video has captured the moment a bloke was seen driving down a highway in the US with a massive bull as his passenger.
The man, who has since been identified as Lee Meyer, from Neligh, Nebraska was seen driving around with a Watusi bull named Howdy Doody riding shotgun.
The bizarre sight sparked calls to the Norfolk Police Division at around 10am on August 30, as the vehicle travelled eastbound on route 275.
Lee had altered his vehicle by cutting half of the roof off to make room for his companion.
On the side of the car he had attached a sign saying: Nebraska’s Big Rodeo Parade – Best Entry’.
When the car was pulled over by cops, Howdy Doody appeared nervous, spraying poo all over the back windows.
Police Captain Chad Reiman said: “The officers received a call referencing a car driving into town that had a cow in it.
“They thought that it was going to be a calf, something small or something that would actually fit inside the vehicle.”
However, when officers got there, they say that had of the roof and windshield has been removed to transport the huge beast.
“As a result, the officers performed a traffic stop and addressed some traffic violations that were occurring with that particular situation,” Reiman said.
“The officer wrote him some warnings. There were some citable issues with that situation.
“The officer chose to write him a warning and ask him to take the animal back home and leave the city.”
Meyer and Howdy Doody are on their way back home and no one was hurt, News Channel Nebraska reports.
I’ve had a few bullshit tickets in my time as well.
What the Yuck of the Week
Live wriggling worm pulled from patient’s brain as neurosurgeon left ‘feeling sick’
A neurosurgeon was left “feeling sick” after they plucked a live wriggling worm from a woman’s brain.
Surgeon Hari Priya Bandi was performing a biopsy through a hole in the 64-year-old woman’s brain.
They launched the surgery after the elderly woman began experiencing unexplainable symptoms.
The last thing the doctor expected to pull out an eight-centimetre parasite using forceps.
The shocking discovery happened at Canberra Hospital last year, the medical facility is a teaching hospital located in Garran, Canberra, Australia.
Speaking to local media, Bandi said: “I just thought: What is that? It doesn’t make any sense. But it’s alive and moving.”
“It continued to move with vigour. We all felt a bit sick,” Bandi added of her operating team.
The creature was the larva of an Australian native roundworm not previously known to be a human parasite, named Ophidascaris robertsi.
The worms are commonly found in carpet pythons.
The worms’ eggs are commonly shed in snake droppings which are eaten by small mammals.
The life cycle continues as other snakes eat the mammals.
The woman lives near a carpet python habitat and forages for native vegetation called warrigal greens to cook.
While she had no direct contact with snakes, scientists hypothesize that she consumed the eggs from the vegetation or her contaminated hands.
They shouldn’t have to tell people not to eat snake shit.
WTF? of the Week
Two people have been arrested in connection with an alleged murder scheme after a mother in Florida attempted to hire a hitman through a parody website to kill her 3-year-old son, RadarOnline.com has learned.
As Front Page Detectives reported, 18-year-old Jazmin Paez allegedly used the parody website rentahitman.com to request the murder.
The website owner, Robert Innes, said he receives multiple requests like this a day, but he found Paez’s request to be very specific, WTVJ reported.
Paez reportedly sent photographs of her son and specific locations of where he would be, which prompted Innes to call police.
On July 18, Paez allegedly contacted the website and stated she wanted her son killed by July 20, WFOR reported.
Investigators were able to trace the IP address of the computer used to make the request and went to the physical address associated with it, officials said.
Once at the location, detectives spoke with the child’s grandmother, who identified the toddler, WFOR reported.
Detectives then posed as a hired hitman and communicated with Paez, who agreed to pay $3,000 for the murder, authorities said.
On Aug. 28., Gamaliel Soza, 18, was arrested and is accused of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder and unlawful use of a communications device, NBC News reported.
Authorities said Soza had been texting with Paez about the alleged plot. In one text, Soza said, “The kid is the problem. I hope you see that all I ever wanted, was to free you. I told you about the kid. You won’t do anything.”
In another alleged text exchange, police said Soza wrote: “You do it, and I’ll think about coming back.”
Paez was arrested and charged with soliciting murder and unlawful use of a communications device.
She was given a $15,000 bond, which she posted, and a judge ordered her to stay away from her child.
That face is a problem too. She looks like a cartoon character who got punched in the jaw.
