Trump likes his steaks well-done. Gasp! He eats pizza with a knife and fork. Horror! He likes ketchup on that well-done steak! Oh, the humanity! We’ve seen our President attacked about all kinds of trivial issues like these, but this one might top them all. Because he can’t find anything legitimate to complain about Donald Trump’s attendance at George Bush’s funeral, a writer at The Root has decided to attack his posture.
OK, bitch. Let’s play that game.
Y’all’s Triflin’-Ass President Can’t Even Sit Up Straight During a Funeral
by Damon Young
Look at this shiftless and triflin’ fuck. Sitting in the front row of a funeral, with the world’s attention on him—hundreds of millions of eyes, perhaps—and he looks like a 6th grader whose parents dragged him to Les Miserables on ice. He’s the leader of the free world (shit), and he couldn’t even bother to sit up straight, this jive-ass bitch.
You mean the same picture in which our sucked-up ex-dictator Obama is letting his narrow shoulders fall forward, his eyes clearly reflecting he’d rather be anywhere else (most likely a bath house), while his amazonian wife catches a few z’s? Then we get Bill staring at the program to figure out how much longer it will last so he can go home and turn on the Playboy Channel, while his shrew wife looks shrewish as ever and is probably replaying in her mind all the times Bill cheated on her and thinking, “God, why do I have to sit next to him?” I mean that’s one angry face she’s making there.
Maybe Mr. Young has never had a job interview but one of the things they teach you is to lean forward because it that you are interested in what the person speaking has to say. The same thing applies here. According to body language, President Trump the only one paying attention.
And, if you think I chose a particularly unflattering image of Donald Trump to express my point, you wouldn’t be wrong. You also wouldn’t be right. It is unflattering, but there is nothing particularly unflattering about it. All pictures of him today suck equally, just as all pictures do, generally. He also sat, for several minutes, with his arms crossed, as if he was shielding himself from Hillary Clinton’s telekinesis. There’s also footage where this shithead seems to be sleep. I know corporal punishment is bad, but if there were ever a snot in need of an open-hand smack from an auntie, it’s this analog motherfucker.
I’ve already mentioned that Michelle appears to be sleeping above. Now here’s a picture of Obama with arms crossed, perhaps shielding himself from being groped by pervy Uncle Joe Biden who could be lurking anywhere, while Michelle, who’s posture has turned into that of a boiled shrimp, looks like she wishes she could swap out those uncomfortable woman clothes and back into a more appropriate t-shirt and jeans.
Perhaps I’d consider being more kind if Trump were dealing with an illness or ailment that left him unable to not sit and look like a Garbage Pail Kid. But according to his doctor (heh), his health is “astonishingly excellent.” It’s not health that he lacks, it’s couth. He is couth deficient. Couth repellent. Couth avoidant. Couth impaired. Couth meager. Couth weak.
Ah, couth. It means “cultured, refined, and well mannered.” And here Mr. Young, has declared himself Ms. Manners and an expert on all things “couth” after spewing such such cultured phrases as, “Y’all’s Triflin’-Ass President,” “triflin’ fuck,” “jive-ass bitch,” “shithead,” and the always exquisite “motherfucker.”
He is also president.
And he is also YOUR President. Sucks to be you.
