President Trump has offended immigrants rights groups by calling members of the violent street gang MS-13 “animals.” He has angered feminist groups by calling Hillary Clinton a “nasty woman.” Entire continents are furious with him for reportedly calling their countries “shitholes.” Trump telling it like it is has managed to melt just about every snowflake in the world, but nothing compares to the latest faux outrage. Witches, yes witches, are triggered because the President constantly refers to the Mueller investigation as a “witch hunt.” Even worse, these witches say it’s giving them PTSD.
The Daily Beast reports on this vitally important story:
It may, on the surface, seem like a harmless way to trivialize special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russia’s interference in the 2016 presidential campaign.
But to the actual community of witches, President Donald Trump’s constant invocation of a “witch hunt” is deeply problematic and, frankly, a bit hurtful.
DB managed to score a coveted interview with witch author Kitty Randall, who uses the name “Amber K.” in the witch world for some reason. According to Randall Trump using the term “witch hunt” causes “traumatic emotional imprint” to modern-day witches. Presumably this is the witch equivalent of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
…for those who practice witchcraft, the president’s words bring up a painful period in history, when men and women were accused of being witches and murdered, both in the American colonies and in Europe.
“To have him compare his situation to the worst period in our history is just infuriating,” said Randall.
Also interviewed was witch (warlock?) David Salisbury from some sort of coven called Firefly House. According to him, Trump’s use of “witch hunt” is “disgraceful” and added that many in the witch community are mad at thePpresident.
The witches interviewed by The Daily Beast said that “witch hunt” is the same thing as a racial slur, which is just as dumb as it sounds. According to the witches it qualifies as a racial slur because, in their estimation, the President demonizes and marginalizes minority communities so anything he says is bigoted and derogatory.
While the evidence that “witch hunt” is a racial slur is pretty thin, Randall says she can at least prove that President Trump is not the victim of one.
“If Mueller’s investigation were truly a ‘witch hunt,’ then Donald Trump would be hanging naked from chains in a cold barn somewhere, being tortured into admitting his pact with Satan, before being burned at the stake. Instead he’s golfing at Mar-a-Lago,” said Randall.
Plus…
“Trump is safe from any ‘witch hunt’ because no self-respecting coven would have him,” added Randall.
Trump will obviously be crushed that he is unwanted by the witch community.
The Daily Beast points out that other witch groups have cast spells on President Trump, but Randall is simply demanding that Trump stop comparing himself to, “victims of anti-witch persecutions.”
“I don’t think we need to attack Trump with spells. He’s in the middle of a process of self-destruction,” Randall said.
This is already pretty funny, but The Daily Beast’s reporting makes it truly hilarious. Check out these lines that were printed without a hint of sarcasm or parody:
Witches are not a constituency with which politicians normally concern themselves.
The White House did not respond to a request for comment.
Did the Daily Beast actually reach out to the White House for a comment on a story about witches being upset with the President’s witch hunt rhetoric? If so, they have established a new low for Trump Derangement Syndrome based pseudo-journalism.
We have now reached the point in the liberal temper tantrum over Donald Trump that even when he uses common words and phrases it causes a tearful meltdown. With two more years left in his current term and an almost guaranteed reelection in 2020, it seems unlikely the left is going to survive Trump’s presidency. Maybe these witches could cast a spell to help liberals relax and stop being personally offended by the will of the American people.
