A scrawny wanna-be tough guy with a baby face, a man bun, and armed with a bag of dog excrement and a lighter went seeking revenge on a woman threw him out of the house he was apparently staying at on Christmas Eve. Everyone has heard of this old chestnut, laying a bag of poop on someone’s doorstep, setting the bag on fire, knocking on the door so they out and stomp on it. Oh, how diabolically clever it must seem to the mind of a juvenile delinquent. A few of you might have even attempted it, and that’s OK . . . if you we’re like ten years old maybe. But this fecal fiend was 18 and now he faces some serious charges.
DECEMBER 26–A crappy Christmas Eve prank landed a Pennsylvania man in jail on arson and other criminal charges, according to police.
Nice man bun, queerdo.
Firefighters and cops were dispatched Monday at 3 AM following a report that a “bag of dog poop was lit on fire on a porch” in Shippensburg, a borough about 40 miles southwest of Harrisburg.
A female tenant told police she was awoken when other residents spotted the fire and began “yelling to call 911 and to get out of the house.” The fire was quickly extinguished and there was no damage to the residence.
There was no word whether or not the woman put out said fire with her foot.
Asked who might have set the bag of feces on fire, the tenant fingered Dylan Printz, 18, “due to them having a falling out that night and she told him he could not stay or be there anymore.”
I can’t imagine why. I mean look at what a fine upstanding young man he is and the lovely law-abiding people he associates with.
The desperate desperado Printz getting high with a little help from his friends.
Police subsequently located Printz, who reportedly copped to starting the fire. Seen above, Printz said that he “grabbed a brown paper bag from a Chinese food order” and filled it with dog poop. He then “put the bag of feces on the porch and lit it on fire with a Bic lighter.”
Printz, cops reported, said he set the fire to “get back at the people who lived there due to an earlier fight.”
Shippensburg cops arrested Printz on two felony counts–arson and risking catastrophe. He was also hit with misdemeanor reckless endangerment charges.
The teen–whose Facebook page lists his nickname as “Spyder”–is free on $20,000 bail and is scheduled for a January 7 pretrial hearing. Printz is pictured below in a photo from his Facebook page.
Spyder.
Spyder? It is to laugh. I’m reminded of the scene in the classic movie, “Gran Torino” where one of the sawed off little Asian gangsters informs his cousin that he goes by the moniker Spider now and she mocks him for it. Click here if you’re not familiar with it:
Yeah, Spyder. You look like a real tough customer, with your pencil neck, pasty complexion, and soft pretty eyes. You have to wonder why Spyder bailed out of jail? I mean he needed a place to stay, right? He could stay rent free in jail! A badass like Spyder could run the place, right?
Riiiiiight.
Best guess is the little punk got scared and called mommy to get his scrawny ass out of there as soon as he was allowed to use a phone.
Have fun at your trial, Spyder. You mad poop bomber you. I hope that this flaming little turd gets at least a little more jail time, not because what he did was particularly heinous, but rather because it was so ridiculously retarded.
