This week nobody WTFed more than Virginia Governor Ralph Northam. Not only did the democrat endorse infanticide with post-birth abortions, his college yearbook showed he likes to play racist dress-up. It’s impossible to top that, but here are some of the milder WTF? moments of the week:
Headline of the Week
Man who dated a cockroach for a year and had sex dreams about it says humans aren’t as attractive
But ‘the one’ for Japanese man Yuta Shinohara was a cockroach. And because he wanted her to ‘live forever’ within him, Yuta decided to eat his lover.
Yuma explained…how he bought the cockroach – lovingly named Lisa – from Africa and even had sex dreams about her.
But don’t worry, he didn’t attempt to do the deed in real life as, you know, ‘the size doesn’t fit’
Asian guy? Yeah, I bet the size did fit.
Quote of the Week
“That’s when officers “observed that Nickels was not wearing any pants.”
Austin police arrested a semi-nude woman who was pleasuring herself at two street-level patios…
The woman, 26-year-old Dovie Nickels, has been charged with indecent exposure…
When an officer approached, she stopped moving her arms under the table and placed them on top of it…
Officers said she continued to masturbate even after she was handcuffed and placed in the back seat of a patrol vehicle.
The employee told police that he saw her “holding a silver object” to her genitals “with her legs straight up in the air, spread open” and that he “could hear Nickels making moaning noises,” according to the affidavit. He told police she yelled at him to get back when he tried to approach her. The employee said she was masturbating on the patio “for approximately 7 or 8 minutes” before heading to the Second Bar across the street.
She may not be a cunning linguist, but she’s definitely a master debater.
Florida Woman of the Week
Woman lived with boyfriend’s dismembered remains until she couldn’t take the smell anymore
Deputies say a Sumter County woman killed her boyfriend, cut his body into pieces, then lived with his remains in an RV at a Brevard County campground until she could no longer deal with the smell.
Has she ever heard of Febreze?
Kentucky Woman of the Week
Three Indiana fugitives arrested in Kentucky
Darrell and Pamela Brazee are both wanted on federal drug charges of methamphetamine possession. Darrell is also facing a felony nuisance charge. Tosha Brazee has a felony fraud charge.
¡Eye, caramba!
Plea Deal of the Week
Homeless man pleads to breaking into Columbus funeral home, raping corpse
A homeless man who broke into a funeral home and raped a corpse in 2015 pleaded guilty Monday in Muscogee Superior Court.
Prosecutors said Domonique Cordero Smith left DNA evidence and was caught on camera committing the offense.
He broke into what was then Hill Watson Peoples Funeral Service at 2919 Hamilton Road and had anal sex with a female corpse on Feb. 9, 2015
At least he’s not homeless anymore, so there’s that.
Homophobe of the Week
A prominent men’s rights activist is now saying it’s gay for guys to like women’s bums
Men’s rights activist RooshV – real name Daryush Valizadeh – claims that he ‘says no to the back hole’, and won’t put his ‘benis’ near somewhere with ‘doo-doo’ – because apparently having anal sex with a woman is ‘gross’ and has some sort of bearing on his sexuality.
I wonder if this guy knows the homeless anal corpse rapist or this guy:
Crackhead of the Week
Man charged with thrusting face into buttocks of women in North Carolina
A man faces charges after thrusting his face into the buttocks of multiple women in Kernersville, North Carolina, police reported.
Stefan Ryan Shuford was arrested on multiple counts of assault on a female and sexual battery, according to a press release from Kernersville police.
He’s accused of sneaking up behind women and thrusting his face into their buttocks and licking their buttocks.
Just say no to crack.
Boobs of the Week
Dick of the Week
AN enormous drawing of a penis has appeared on the playing field of a Scottish school – big enough to be seen from space.
Mackie Academy’s massive member was spotted recently in a satellite image on Google maps.
Police say Groundskeeper Willie is a person of interest.
Asshole of the Week
You can now stay in a hotel that’s shaped like a bum hole
Aptly named CasAnus, the building is shaped like the human digestive system and has transformed the colon portion of the structure to become a fully functioning room, with basic amenities for a comfortable stay.
…tourists can spend the night in the anus-shaped room
I bet the service stinks at this shithole.
Pee Pee of the Week
New Mexico woman says she keeps getting pee-covered bologna from stranger
A New Mexico woman is literally experiencing a “bunch of bologna” as a stranger has been leaving pieces of the sandwich ingredient on her doorstep. Sharisha Morrison said that an unknown man has been, since Jan. 1, repeatedly delivering the “deli meat mystery” to her home in southeast Albuquerque.
“He’ll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob right here, and then walk away,” Morrison told KOB-TV. “That’s all he does, every single time.”
The woman said the delivery comes in a plastic shopping bag, and typically contains a few pieces of bologna and a few pieces of bread. At first, Morrison thought that someone might just be leaving her food as part of an act of kindness, but when she smelled the delivery, she learned that was not the case.
“It smelled like urine,” she told the news station. “I just want him to stop, I really do. … Also, like I don’t want anything more to be in there, like is it gonna be feces next time instead of urine?”
Urine a lot of trouble, mister.
Poo Poo of the Week
A Russian girl was left ‘defecating through her vagina’ for three years after Russian doctors failed to realise she had been born without an anus.
Medics were given an official reprimand after repeated examinations of Varya Galtsev failed to diagnose the condition which should have been noticed at birth.
At least they were reprimanded.
WTF? of the Week
Husband arrested after wife found dead
A Searles man reportedly told authorities he gave his ailing wife methamphetamine and they had a “death party” before she died.
The husband said he did not get his wife medical help because she did not want to die in a nursing home…
Duane Johnson told authorities he and his wife had a “death party” for the final days of her life. They had been “rocking out” to their favorite song: Quiet Riot’s “Metal Health.” They took methamphetamine and she stopped taking her medications, he said.
The man said his wife couldn’t eat or drink so he said he used snow to wet her mouth. He said she had convulsions but she wouldn’t let him call for help, so he held her to keep her from hurting herself. He said they had sex fewer than two hours before she died and she stopped convulsing and was more at peace.
After she died, he said he washed her and wrapped her in linen “like the Bible told me to do.”
Duane Johnson came out naked, yelled that his wife was dead, and ran back inside. The deputy found him in a bathtub and he said he was trying to cleanse little white and black “things” from his skin.
Rock on, you crazy mother*cker. Get it? Because his name is Duane Johnson and…never mind.
