The biggest WTF? this week was that Trump’s ex-lawyer Micheal Cohen had the balls to go in front of Congress and lie after he’s already been convicted of lying to Congress. Equally WTFish was that democrats were nuts enough to think this rat had any credibility. The Liberal media then WTFed by pretending Cohen wasn’t a total dick for betraying President Trump. For some reason dicks, balls, and nuts related WTF? was a reoccurring theme this week.
Headline of the Week
Man with missing testicle asks mother: ‘Where did it go?’
TWENTY one-year-old Ayo was getting a sexual health check up and was stunned to learn he had just one testicle. He was compelled to call his mother to find out where his missing testicle was after the physician, Dr Naomi, confirmed he had only one.
He then phoned his mother to ask if he had been born with only one testicle, or if he’d ever had surgery in early childhood. More baffling was the fact that even Ayo’s mother had no idea why he had just one testicle.
What a mystery, but I think I have have found a suspect in the case of the missing nut…
Huevos of the Week
Tennessee man accused of dipping testicles in customer’s salsa
Howard Webb, 31, was with a driver for Dinner Delivered, a food delivery service, on Jan. 12 when he allegedly put his testicles in an order of salsa that a customer had ordered from a Mexican restaurant…
Webb, in a video…is seen seemingly putting his testicles in a cup of salsa. Someone else in the vehicle, identified as the delivery driver, is heard giggling and saying: “This is what you get when you give an 89-cents tip for an almost-30-minute drive.”
“Oh, it feels good on my [testicles,]” Webb replies.
This guy was charged with a felony, which is ridiculous. Some people pay good money to taste testicles…
Oysters of the Week
Apparently Testicle-Flavored Beer Exists And We Have Questions
Wynkoop Brewing Co.’s Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout all started as an April Fools joke, until people (apparently?) started actually liking it. Now the brand offers an annual limited release, so it’s gotta have a fanbase. Roasted with barley, seven specialty grains, “steerian” golding hops, and obviously, bull testicles, the beer has a 7.2 ABV and a nice “meaty” flavor. Mmm.
But drinking and driving on this balls flavored beer has additional consequences…
Snowdick of the Week
Tennessee HOA issues $100 fine for what it claimed was a penis-shaped outline in snow
…she was asked to pay a $100 fine after her car let the shape of a supposed penis on on the pavement after a snowstorm.
“Your car, specifically the Honda, left this offensive image on the ground,” she was told in a letter. The snow shape apparently violated a rule against “displaying offensive images or slogans.”
The board claimed to have photographic evidence of the “obscene” pattern.
It must have been one of those Honda Civ-dicks.
Origin Story of the Week
The Backdoor Pathway To Making A Human Penis Started With A Wallaby
How do humans make a penis? Wallabies, of all things, might have helped us flesh out the answer to that question.
This article was really boring and I couldn’t make myself read up to the part about the wallabies, but because I’m 12-years-old headlines with “backdoor” and “penis” in them make me giggle. As does this:
Snowballs of the Week
Scrotal Frostbite Can Affect Bull Fertility
The polar vortex that brought subzero temperatures to much of the nation’s midsection this week has begun to retreat, but the extreme cold’s effects on livestock could linger.
When temperatures drop as low as they did this week — some areas of the Northern Plains saw air temperatures as low as minus 30 degrees Fahrenheit — livestock can be severely affected. Bulls, in particular, can lose fertility either temporarily or permanently due to freeze damage to their reproductive organs.
“Scrotal Frostbite” sounds like a pretty good name for a Norwegian death metal band.
Fake News of the Week
Four boys killed after ‘swallowing poisons they thought were penis growth pills’
Four boys – aged 12 to 14 – have died after swallowing poisons they thought were penis enlargement pills, according to reports.
The boys all ingested phostoxin pellets – a lethal pesticide – after being told the chemical cocktail would expand their manhoods.
The tragic incident happened in Mokoallong, Lesotho, a land-locked kingdom in South Africa.
According to local reports, the boys had allegedly been told that swallowing the pills would cause their penises to grow.
This is why you should never listen t what you hear on CNN, or swallow.
Junk Science of the Week
Why Nobody Can Agree on the Right Way to Measure a Penis
You probably think it’s pretty easy to measure a dick. Whip it out. Grab a ruler. Get it hard. Have a look.
But think for a moment about all the ways you could measure your penis, and you’ll pretty quickly find it’s not as straightforward as it seems. Do you measure from the top or the side of your penis? If your dick is slightly curved, do you use a cloth measuring tape instead of a ruler to account for that? If you have foreskin, do you count that, or just to the end of your glans?
Researchers have been picking at these issues for decades, developing varied measurement tactics. But as fourteen respected urologists reported in an academic review of some of these approaches last year, “little data exists on the best technique to measure penile length.”
The correct way is to lie by measuring in centimeters and bragging in inches.
Indiana Jones of the Week
Archaeologists uncover ancient graffiti penis in England
These Romans were a prickly bunch.
Archaeologists who uncovered graffiti carved by soldiers in 207 AD in a quarry near a section of Hadrian’s Wall in Cumbria, England, came across the unmistakable image of a penis…
The researchers from Newcastle University and Historic England say the phallus served as a sign of good luck during the period.
And now for a bad luck penis…
Exit Strategy of the Week
Indiana man accidentally shoots himself in penis, police say
The incident occurred on Thursday around 6:45 a.m. Police say the man was carrying a 9mm handgun in his waist band – without a holster – when it began to slip. He reached down to adjust the gun and it fired.
The bullet entered just above his penis and exited his scrotum, police said.
Some people destroy scrotums while others build groins…
Beach of the Week
Groups challenging permit for groin project at DeBordieu beach
Two organizations are challenging a permit allowing for the construction of groins on the beach at DeBordieu Colony.
It’s beach. Why not build boobs?
Dick of the Week
A Pinellas County man is facing charges after his arrest Wednesday for standing at an open window and repeatedly masturbating as he watched students walk home from school, according to arrest documents.
The documents allege 30-year-old Gary Singer intentionally looked at the victims as he masturbated, and didn’t stop until they screamed and ran away.
He denied that he was masturbating. He told police he was “adjusting his hernia, while pulling his pants up,” according to the documents.
Adjust it more than once and that’s playing with it, bro.
Limp Bizkit of the Week
Florida man arrested after throwing a cookie at his live-in girlfriend, cops say
According to a police report from the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office, officers responding to a disturbance call made contact with a woman who told them her boyfriend had hit her in the head with a cookie.
A red mark could be seen on the woman’s forehead by her hairline, said the report, which added that the victim said she was hit with a “hard piece.”
I did it all for the nookie, So you can take that cookie, And Stick it up your…
WTF? of the Week
The Latest Sign of the Apocalypse Is Glittery Dog Testicles
The fall of every empire sees a precursor of ridiculous excess. Rome had sexual depravity; Marie Antoinette had cake (and sexual depravity); and now we, the United States in Decline, have glitter dog balls…
And liberals say that Trump and global warming will be our undoing.
