The biggest WTF? of the year is this: When Muslim jihadis kill innocent Americans in the name of Allah while professing allegiance to ISIS, as happened in San Bernardino and Orlando, liberals say it’s racist to blame radical Islam. However, when a white Australian kills a bunch of Muslims in New Zealand, as happened this week, liberals blame President Trump, the NRA, and white Americans. Here’s some other crap that defies logic:
Headline of the Week
‘Old fat lesbians’ who smoke pot find captive Instagram audience
“We are tired of the stigmas on weed, on lesbians, fat people, old people,” the couple said. “People need to just be who they are.”
Even their cat is an old fat lesbian. In related news…
Pussy of the Week
Woman arrested twice for being intoxicated, once with cats
A King George County woman was arrested twice in two nights by the same Stafford County deputy for being intoxicated on the U.S. 17 corridor, once while carrying cats zipped up in a suitcase, police said.
Sheriff’s spokeswoman Amanda Vicinanzo said Deputy William Bolinski went to Mr. B’s Market and Deli at 5:34 p.m. Friday after a citizen expressed concern about cats a woman was carrying in a zipped-up suitcase.
Bolinski confronted the woman, who told him she was taking the cats to the SPCA. The cats appeared fine and were released from the suitcase…
Police said the woman, 43-year-old Shanna Holwager, was extremely intoxicated and unsteady on her feet.
No word on if the cats were drunk or gay.
Cock of the Week
Reality star’s penis tattoo is the worst you will ever see
Damian ‘Stifler’ Zdunczyk, who appears in Poland’s version of Geordie Shore, has a tattoo we think he might one day regret.
The personal trainer who has appeared in MTV docusoap “Warsaw Shore” since 2015, has had a 42-centimetre penis inked on his inner thigh, along with the words ‘Come to Daddy.’
There’s a picture of this at the link if you must, but…there’s a Polish version of Jersey Shore?
Hitchcock of the Week
Chickens ‘gang up’ to kill intruder fox on French farm
Wild turkey seen chasing Canada Post employee in Mississauga neighbourhood
Squirrels ‘declare war,’ maple syrup producers say
Goat elected as honorary mayor sworn in for first term, leaves mess for police chief
Did you ever see that movie Food of the Gods? Animals are taking over, y’all.
Fad Diet of the Week
People should pick their noses and eat the bogies to boost their immune system, according to an expert.
Dr Meg Lemon, a dermatologist in Denver, says she also tells people to eat food they drop on the floor.
Exposing the body to a range of germs could help to boost its natural defences and make people more resilient to infections and allergies, research has suggested.
And as society becomes cleaner and more antiseptic, it may be down to people to take matters into their own hands.
‘You should not only pick your nose, you should eat it,’ she added.
Sustainable, locally-sourced, and gluten-free. It definable beats going vegan. Or this:
Big Gulp of the Week
A woman suffered a life-threatening allergic reaction to penicillin after performing oral sex on her partner.
The unidentified woman swallowed her lover’s semen and afterwards began to vomit, struggle to breathe and break out in hives.
She revealed she had an allergy to penicillin but denied having taken the drug, or any unusual foods, before performing fellatio.
Medics then discovered her 32-year-old partner had taken amoxicillin-clavulanic acid – a form of penicillin – to treat an ear infection.
Twat did you say? I have an ear infucktion and cunt hear you.
Douchebag of the Week
Do California politicians’ yearbooks harbor secrets? Nah. But dorkiness?
There’s East Bay Democratic congressman and possible presidential candidate Eric Swalwell, Dublin High, Class of 1999, showing off his forehand in his tennis whites, and staring down strikers as The Gael’s varsity soccer goalie. And his senior class photo: bow-tie, moussed blond hair and almost-Trumpian tan.
Don’t nuke me, bro.
Dick Bag of the Week
Flatmate arrested after Brit man was found carrying his amputated penis in a bag
The flatmate of a British man who was seen wandering the streets with his amputated penis in a plastic bag has been arrested.
Locals in Zaragoza, northern Spain, alerted police after spotting the 33-year-old Londoner walking along a city centre street bleeding heavily last Friday.
Officers followed a trail of blood to the nearby flat he shared before recovering the sex organ in a plastic bag and rushing him to hospital so he could be operated on.
This morning police in Zaragoza said they believed the Brit had mutilated himself and insisted they were not looking for another person in connection with the bizarre incident.
They spoke out after unconfirmed local reports the Londoner had been using a social networking app to look for someone to film him amputating his penis.
What social networking app? Insta-Ma’am?
Gas Bag of the Week
Cult leader claims to be able to cure cancer with breast massages and BURPS
The leader of a bizarre group that claims to be able to cure conditions such as cancer with breast massages, vaginal manipulation and burping…
Benhayon – who claims to be the reincarnation of Leonardo da Vinci – teaches that victims of sexual abuse deserve it because of sins they committed in a past life and that people with autism are reincarnated dictators.
Somehow this guy is little less crazy than AOC and about equally nuts as this chick:
Alibi of the Week
Woman claims demons told her to steal rental car
A woman was arrested after stealing an SUV from an Ace Rent-a-Car.
On the scene, McCullough told a local news station, “Demons told me to do it…I didn’t take it, demons took it.”
She continued, “I tried to rent it, but y’all didn’t want to rent me a car. Y’all talking about how y’all didn’t have any cars to rent so I stole y’alls (expletive).”
What evil entity convinced her to leave the house in that outfit?
George Costanza of the Week
Your penis can SHRINK… how exercise and smoking can wither your manhood by up to an inch
Well it’s no horror movie plot, the reality is your penis really can shrink – by up to an inch, experts reckon.
Some men can watch in horror as their todger withers by up to an inch, for a variety of reasons.
Fear not, despite all the bad news, there is a ray of light at the end of the tunnel.
Penis shrinkage is reversible, but in some cases it may be harder than others.
The quick fixes are quitting smoking and losing weight.
Cold swimming pools don’t help either.
Truth in Advertising of the Week
Fire Station Burns Down On Madeline Island In Northern Wisconsin
There was a fire at the firehouse and they found a body at the body shop? I wonder what’s going on at Dick’s Sporting Goods.
WTF? of the Week
People erect parades to praise the penis as part of Japan’s yearly fertility festival
Yes, friends, once again it is time to celebrate the wonders of the penis.
Every year in March, residents and visitors of the Aichi Prefecture in Japan flock to Komaki, north of Nagoya, to celebrate the phallus, all as part of the Penis Festival – also known as Honen-sai.
Why? Well, to wish fertility to loved ones, obviously, by throwing a massive festival packed with all manner of penis-like objects.
Think dick statues, cream-filled cakes shaped like members, throbbing monsters paraded through the streets.
I’m starting to think that nuking Japan had some adverse effects on the people and the culture.
