Usually the biggest WTF? of the week is something the democrats did or said. This is opposite week so the WTF? is on them as the Mueller report was released and not one single American, including President Trump, was indicted for colluding with the Russians to influence the 2016 election. The mood is definitely heavy in Liberalland, but not nearly as heavy as these WTFs:
Iron Maiden of the Week
Colombian woman known as ‘The Beast’ dies after ‘five hours of drug-fuelled sex’
A woman has died after having sex with a male partner for five consecutive hours, it is believed.
The 32-year-old, known as ‘The Beast’, told her partner that she felt dizzy before going into cardiac arrest at a hotel in southern Cali, Colombia…
Police officers learned later that the pair had taken drugs in attempt to prolong the sex.
It’s said that they had been having sex for five hours non-stop.
Sex, sex, sex, the number of the beast.
Ozzy of the Week
Man charged with fatal stabbing in Alexandria thought victim was a werewolf, attorneys say
Defense attorneys say a man accused of brutally stabbing a man to death in Alexandria last July did so because he thought the victim was a werewolf.
On July 13, 2018, police were called to an Old Town window replacement business in the 1200 block of King Street after receiving reports for a suspicious death.
Once officers arrived at the scene, they found Pankaj Bhasin locked inside a Mercedes Benz with no pants on covered in blood.
Inside the business, officers found the owner, Brad Jackson, 65, suffering from 53 stab wounds, among other injuries.
Bark at the moon? I don’t know why but I think the fact that he wasn’t wearing any pants is the weirdest thing about this.
Judas Priest of the Week
While shocked parishioners and a television audience watched, a man stabbed the elderly rector of St. Joseph’s Oratory at Mount Royal, Canada’s biggest church, as he led Mass on Friday morning, Montreal police said.
Police said the stabbing was not considered a terrorist attack.
Breakin’ the law. I guess I could have went with Black Sabbath “Disturbing the Priest” but I already did an Ozzy thing.
Fruit of the Week
Woman nearly dies after injecting fruit smoothie into her veins
A Chinese woman injected a fruit smoothie into her veins in the hope it would make her healthier. Instead, she almost killed herself.
The woman, whom Chinese authorities identified only as Zeng (51), from Chenzhou China, blended a mixture of 20 different fruits and put it in an intravenous drip…
“I had thought fresh fruits were very nutritious and it would not do me harm by injecting them into my body,” Zeng said.
Doctor Liu Jianxiu told local media that the woman had developed an infection in her liver, kidney and heart and was at risk of multiple organ failure…
Is this why Chinese parents throw their baby girls down the well?
Vegetable of the Week
A one-legged man high on bath salts and Subutex threatened to kill two police officers who responded to a parking complaint, according to court records.
Truell appeared to be intoxicated in the truck when Blewitt approached, and “nodded off” when the officer tried to get his attention, according to the report.
Truell woke up when Blewitt went to the passenger-side door and opened it so he could talk. That’s when Truell allegedly started making threats if the driver’s side door was opened.
“(I’ll) touch this knife to your throat,” Truell reportedly told Blewitt.
Sgt. Stanley Andrewski arrived to assist and Truell allegedly threatened to shoot him with a .45-caliber pistol.
Police then learned that Truell had a leg missing, Blewitt said. They also found a 12-inch knife and a 7-inch knife in the truck. Truell told officers he used the knives to butcher animals for people.
Handcuffed, Truell threatened to head-butt Andrewski and he told the officer he would find him and kill him once he gets released, according to the report.
If you ever wondered how a one legged man would do in an ass-kicking contest, now you know.
Destination of the Week
Initiative started to rename Dripping Springs to, uh, ‘Pound Town’ after early settler
A coalition wants to rename Dripping Springs, a small city in Hays County, west of Austin, in honor of one of the town’s “most outstanding and earliest settlers,” Dr. Joseph M. Pound.
The new name they’re proposing? Pound Town.
Dripping Springs is where she goes after you take her to Pound Town. Also, it looks like Bang Her, Maine just got a little competition.
Gift of the Week
Principal Claims He Was Forced To Resign After Giving Wooden Penis To Co-Worker
A former principal at Anchor Bay High School in Fair Haven, Michigan, is suing the district claiming he was forced to resign after gifting an employee with a wooden penis.
…Jack Stanton gifted a female security guard a wooden penis that was previously confiscated from a student who made it in a wood workshop.
Apparently, Stanton was told that the female security guard felt sexually harassed by the joke, which led him to believe that he should resign.
Don’t ever look a gift whore in the mouth.
Cock of the Week
Police say a man shot himself in the foot after throwing a shoe at a cockroach
Police say a man shot himself in the foot Tuesday morning, after he threw a shoe at a cockroach…
The 50-year-man apparently saw the bug from across the room and took off his shoe to throw it at the nuisance. His revolver however, was still inside the shoe and discharged after hitting the ground. The fired bullet came back and struck the man in his foot.
Even the cockroaches in Detroit will pop a cap in your ass.
Pussy of the Week
Terrified Russian local scares off a moose by THROWING a cat at it
A terrified Russian man has been filmed scaring off a moose – by hurling a cat at the bewildered animal.
Residents in Oktyabrsky panicked when an inquisitive young wild moose suddenly walked into the Russian city from the forest.
The scared animal had lost its mother and went on the rampage, denting cars and charging around children’s playgrounds.
People tried in vain to scare away the large calf by throwing snowballs and shouting. But as the moose approached one apartment block watched by a crowd of jeering people, a man suddenly threw his black cat at the moose.
Since the fall of the Soviet Union, Russians try to solve every problem by throwing pussy at it.
Ass of the Week
Man grabbed woman’s buttocks in store to prove he’s ‘not gay,’ police said
A Hammond man told police he wanted to prove he’s “not gay” when he grabbed a woman’s buttocks at a local Family Dollar store on March 2, newly filed court records allege.
Devin Lemere Price, 27, told police he also did the same thing to a random woman at the CVS, 6445 Calumet Ave. in Hammond, about a month ago, records state.
He said he had been molested as a child by a now-deceased male cousin, records show. He told police thoughts of molestation have been plaguing him, causing him to “doubt his heterosexual orientation.”
“He explained he grabbed this woman by the buttocks to prove to himself that he was not gay,” the charging document states.
He was charged March 2 with sexual battery in Lake Criminal Court.
Ironically he is now headed to jail where he will have no choice but to prove he is gay.
STD of the Week
Nasa issues space herpes warning after revealing ‘dormant’ viruses hit astronauts
ANYONE hoping to make the trip to Mars has one more thing to worry about: space herpes.
It is not a new form of the virus, but rather existing forms that are dormant before space travel but re-awaken as the immune system is compromised.
The viruses found in samples given by the astronauts were much higher than before the trips, and included four of the eight main types of herpes virus.
These for included one variant of the virus causes both oral and genital herpes, another causes chickenpox and shingles, and two others known as CMV and EBV are “associated with causing different strains of mononucleosis or the ‘kissing disease’,” according to Nasa’s report.
Sure beats the space AIDS you get from going to Uranus.
WTF? of the Week
I know Beto is all about the hand gestures but at least he’s never done this one. #WarrenTownHall pic.twitter.com/G6ugwnwyLZ
— Kate Hyde (@KateHydeNY) March 19, 2019
Now that’s what I call an unhappy ending.
