Cory Booker called himself ‘Spartacus’ during the Brett Kavanaugh hearings for releasing documents he was allowed to release and it turns out his heroism knows no bounds. The NJ Senator and democratic presidential candidate saved President Trump from getting punched in the face, sort of. Even better, he used racism to keep the President from getting socked in the kisser. And you guys thought he was just a grandstanding jackass.
The Hill obtained some audio of Booker speaking at Las Vegas church on Saturday morning. Unfortunately The Hill didn’t provide that audio or put Bookers words into any kind of context that would make sense. In any case, here’s a story of Spartacus’ bravery:
“I go to these meetings sometimes – I talk a lot about this one, the time where a guy comes up to me in the beginning before I spoke and he says to me, ‘I want you to punch Donald Trump in the face.’ And I looked at him and I go, ‘sir, that’s a felony,’” said Booker.
And just in case this guy wasn’t deterred by a possible felony arrest, Booker reminded him that America is so racist that black guys can’t get away with punching the President of the United States in the face.
“And black guys like us we don’t get away with that. We don’t get away with that,” Booker added.
Yeah, but white guys can totally get away with assaulting the President, right?
This story is already hard to believe, but Booker then explained that he managed to get this man, who doesn’t exist, to curb his desire to punch Trump by talking about politics.
“But I actually encourage him, I go, ‘Sir, listen to me, and then come up to me afterwards if you still think Donald Trump should be punched in the face.’ And I spent my time talking about the issues like I have here,” Booker said.
Like I said, Booker made this story up, but he left out the part where the guy came up after he spoke and no longer wanted to punch Trump. I’m assuming that is the case, but Cory Booker is a shitty storyteller, even when he’s telling a bullshit story. He should hire a professional writer to come up with garbage tales of heroism.
And really, this is what Cory Booker is asking us to believe: A guy wanted to punch Trump, but Booker talked him out of it by reminding him he isn’t white and then giving a lecture on Medicare For All and abolishing ICE. A better version of this story would have been…well, literally anything but this. Maybe try to work John Snow into it and throw in some dragons and shit because people love Game of Thrones.
I’m not sure if Booker is hoping to get a thanks tweet from President Trump for saving him from a face punching, but I do think this sets up a nice battle in the field of 2020 democratic “also-rans.” Senator Kirstin Gillibrand has stated that she wants to punch Trump in the face and Booker claims he stops people from doing this. Maybe at the first democratic debate we’ll see a little slap fight between Gilliblonde and Spartacus. At least it would be watchable.
Later Booker declared:
“I’m going through all through this election unapologetically. This is what makes me different than a lot of the other candidates in the race,” he said.
Judging by the complete lack of enthusiasm for Booker from democratic voters, I’d say he won’t be going though all of the election. Most likely he’ll be out after Iowa and apologizing profusely for running an awful campaign.
