It’s national weed smoking day, the 20th anniversary of Columbine, and Hitler’s birthday so 4/20 week is already WTF? enough. That being said the democrats WTFed the hell out of things by looking at the Mueller report that completely exonerates President Trump and concluding that he he is guilty. Here’s some other WTF? moments that make you wonder what people were smoking:
Headline of the Week
One-legged drug dealer on the run after trying to import £8,000,000 of speed
CCTV of a one-legged dealer who went on the run more than a year ago has been released in a bid to bring him to justice.
Richard Wakeling, 52, from Brentwood, Essex, tried to import £8 million of liquid amphetamine into the UK in April 2016.
He fled before his trial began and was sentenced to 11 years in his absence at Chelmsford Crown Court on April 9 last year.
Brits can’t catch a one-legged man running for over a year? This is how we do it in America:
Ass Kicker of the Week
Marrero woman accused of beating ex-boyfriend with his prosthetic leg after breakup
Michelle Jackson, 58, was taken into custody of Wednesday morning (April 10) and booked with aggravated battery…
She is accused of attacking her former boyfriend, a 59-year-old man with whom she’d had an off-and-on relationship for about six years…
The man told investigators he went to sleep – uninjured – in a bedroom of Jackson’s home about 11 p.m. But when the man was roused around 1 a.m. by one of Jackson’s frantic relatives, he had a large gash on his head and was covered in blood…
Jackson later admitted to the relative that she “flipped” and took her former boyfriend’s prosthetic right leg and beat him with it…
Since it was his own leg, technically he kicked his own ass. Also, that’s a woman?
UFO Sighting of the Week
Pa. man who thought fireflies were green lasers from aliens is sent to prison for two break-ins
A man high on bath salts who thought fireflies were green lasers from aliens or people coming after him has been sentenced to three to six years in state prison.
Clinton County Judge Michael Salisbury on Monday imposed the sentence on Jesse Shields, 31, who had pleaded guilty in March to charges of criminal trespass and possessing a firearm without a license.
The charges stem from an incident that begin late last June 29 in the Loganton area in which Shields fired a shot into the air to scare off “whoever was messing with them” and broke into two homes.
Did you ever notice how people who use bath salts rarely bathe?
Rebranding of the Week
“The right thing to do”: Cherry Hills Village officially rename Swastika Acres subdivision
After 111 years, Cherry Hills Village leaders finally scrubbed the city’s maps of Swastika Acres, the name of a 56-lot subdivision that has bewildered new homeowners and served as an uncomfortable relic of the city’s past.
Starting this week, Swastika Acres will officially be known as Old Cherry Hills.
Rejected names: Hitler Hills, Auschwitz Estates, Final Solution Court
Cancellation of the Week
High school rodeos cancelled, postponed over equine herpes concerns
Growing concerns regarding the spread of equine herpes, a potentially deadly virus, has prompted the cancellation and postponement of several high school rodeos across the state.
Most of the students who compete in high school rodeos have dedicated their lives to their horses.
If you can’t put up with a little herpes, you ain’t dedicated.
Buyer’s Remorse of the Week
‘Sexually weak’ man who drank too much penis growth potion wants member shrunk back
A HAPLESS husband who enlarged his penis with a potion to please his wife now wants manhood reduced to its original size after it brought nothing but pain.
The bloke reportedly went to see a native doctor – a healer thought by some to have supernatural powers – in a bid to save his marriage.
He was prompted to take such drastic action after his missus of 11 years complained about his performance between the sheets.
But he apparently drank too much of the charm and has ended up with a member that isn’t fit for purpose.
Sadly, it the extra inches haven’t had the desired effect.
His wife said: His manhood wasn’t working very well, but lately I don’t even sleep with him because he is hurting me.”
Stretching before physical activity can greatly reduce the risk of injury.
Dick of the Week
Just because we call cats “pussies” doesn’t mean dogs are dicks.
Balls of the Week
Did You Know That Haubstadt Has A Turkey Testicle Festival?
The 22 Annual Turkey Testicle Festival is coming up in Haubstadt, Indiana. I have lived here all of my life and I had no idea this was a thing! Pardon the pun, but that is nuts!
The IBEW Brotherhood puts it on every year. So the big question here is: Why is it called the Turkey Testicle Festival? Because they serve fried turkey testicles!
You’ve heard of Rocky Mountain Oysters (if you haven’t, then Google them), well these are Southern Indiana Oysters, and I bet you can’t wait to “gobble” them up!
Honestly, I didn’t even know turkeys had testicles.
Vajayjay Questions of the Week
Where Does Vaginal Odor Come From & What Should You Do About It?
What’s with all the questions? Shut up and eat it.
Village Person of the Week
Raleigh man charged with exposing himself at YMCA
A Raleigh man with a history of indecent exposure arrests has been accused of showing up naked in the women’s steam room at a local YMCA.
Brandon Tyrell Stringfield, 26, of 5821 Cherryrain Court, is charged with indecent exposure in the alleged March 31 incident. He was being held Wednesday in the Wake County jail under a $2,000 bond.
According to an arrest warrant, a woman walked into the YMCA’s steam room and saw a naked Stringfield masturbating near a woman who was dozing.
It’s fun to masturbate at the Y-M-C-A!
Explanation of the Week
Report: Exposed woman tells police, ‘I’m taking a (expletive)’
A Greenwood woman explained to police that she had her buttocks exposed in public Saturday because she was defecating, according to a report.
Toyeshia Shimura Styles, 46, of 207 New Market St., Greenwood was arrested Saturday and charged with indecent exposure.
Officers found a woman standing in the common area behind an apartment with her buttock exposed. Police reported seeing several children and people sitting outside, and some of the children stopping to look at the woman, who wasn’t making any attempt to conceal herself.
When an officer asked the woman what she was doing, she said “I’m taking a (expletive) and wiping my (expletive) demon,” the report said.
When asked why she was doing it outside and had herself exposed, police reported her saying, “I ain’t (expletive) on myself.”
“Wiping my f*cking demon” is the greatest thing anyone has ever said.
Florida Man of the Week
Florida man explains why he hurried his friend in the backyard
On Sunday, officials with the Orange County Sheriff’s Office said a body was found in Greg Palermo’s backyard.
Palermo said his friend – who stayed with him off and on – died of a heroin overdose in his home. Palermo said he panicked because of a cop that was “after him” and later buried his body.
“I buried him right here,” he said, standing in his backyard.
Palermo said he was honoring his friend’s wish.
“He jokingly said that morning while we were fishing that he wouldn’t mind being buried in my backyard because it’s so pretty,” he said.
Since when does Florida Man have to explain himself? Also, what are the chances that a paranoid junkie would have a beautiful backyard?
Florida Bird of the Week
Florida man killed by ‘world’s most dangerous bird’ did not have permit
A Florida breeder who was fatally attacked by a large, flightless bird native to Australia and New Guinea did not have a permit to own the animal, officials said.
Marvin Hajos, 75, was killed by a cassowary Friday near Gainesville, according to authorities.
Cassowaries are similar to emus and stand up to 6 feet tall and weigh up to 130 pounds.
The San Diego Zoo’s website calls them the world’s most dangerous bird, with a 4-inch, dagger-like claw on each foot that can cut open people or predators.
In Florida, bird flips you.
Florida Road of the Week
Road crew misspells ‘school’ in Florida school crossing
…workers in Doral had made a mistake when painting the word “school” at a pedestrian crossing in the road. Instead of S-C-H-O-O-L, it was spelled S-C-O-H-O-L.
Close enough.
Lightweight of the Week
Woman’s body was ‘hot enough to fry an egg on’ after she drank a BEER
Maria Marzaioli, 43, says her skin became so hot after she suffered an adverse reaction to beer she drank on holiday that she “could have fried an egg on her neck”.
She woke up one day during a trip to Tuscany in Italy with her eyes and face swollen – which she believes was a result of wheat beer she drank the night before.
The itching was so extreme that she completely shaved off her long hair to try to ease the irritation.
Maria’s skin was so irritated she would awaken with “blood all over her sheets” from scratching during the night.
One time after 12 beers I thought I could fry an egg in the microwave.
WTF? of the Week
Horrific pictures of man who hacked off PENIS after ‘women demanded sex in dream’
Wahab Sa’adu, 35, said he was fed up with women demanding sex from him in a dream he chose to cut off his manhood.
“Prior to the incident, I had a dream in which three unidentified women appeared to me and ordered that I drink battery acid, which I did the following morning without the knowledge of anyone.
“Three days after, I had another dream where the same women ordered me to wake up and cut off my penis. It was after cutting it off that I regained consciousness. So I rushed home for immediate remedy.”
Wahab said he carried his genitals to a neighbour’s house in Alapa, Nigeria.
There’s a remedy for a severed penis?
