Don’t Forget To Pack The Soap On A Rope; Rat Cohen To Report To Prison

Despite a last-ditch effort to appeal to prosecutors to stave off his imprisonment, disgraced shyster lawyer Michael Cohen is heading to prison.

The former lawyer for President Trump who turned cheese-eating rat after Deep State dirty cop Robert Mueller dialed up a Gestapo-style raid on his offices has been trying to trade information on his famous ex-client for a reduced sentence.

With his time outside of the pokey about to expire, his own attorney and Clinton crime family consigliere Lanny Davis is bemoaning the reality that prosecutors have turned a deaf ear to Cohen who is scheduled to report to his cushy country club prison this week.

Via The Associated Press, “Prosecutors refuse final meeting with Cohen as prison looms”:

For months, President Donald Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen tried — but failed — to position himself as a whistleblower in the vein of Watergate hero John Dean.

As the time ticked down toward his deadline to report to prison, Cohen also lost the interest of the one group of people who could help him out: the federal prosecutors he desperately hoped would ask a judge to shorten his sentence.

Since mid-March, prosecutors in New York have rebuffed Cohen’s repeated offers to provide more information about alleged wrongdoing by Trump and other people in his orbit, Cohen’s attorney Lanny Davis told The Associated Press on Friday.

“Why not see him?” Davis asked. “What’s the downside? He’s about to go to prison.”

Cohen’s legal team reached out to prosecutors in March asking for an opportunity to meet for a “frank discussion” about reducing his sentence, based on his cooperation. That meeting never happened.

That snub might be the best evidence yet that Cohen’s months-long campaign to sell himself as a potential witness hasn’t paid off.

The lack of interest from Trump hating SDNY prosecutors comes on the heels of Cohen and Davis’s last Hail Mary, an offer to House Democrats to provide them with a “recently discovered’ hard drive containing 14 million files that they could use to fuel their investigations but alas, it was even too sleazy for even the likes of Jerrold Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters.

So barring a last minute change of heart by the witch hunters, the snitch will be reporting to prison on Monday, a place where squealers don’t rank much above child molesters and other sex offenders in the hierarchy.

It’s not all bad for Cohen though, his cooperation in the great Trump hunt did allow him to wrangle concessions including the ability to serve out his term in one of America’s cushiest prisons.

According to Reuters, “Trump’s former lawyer heads to U.S. prison that offers matzo ball soup and full-time rabbi”:

The 52-year-old Cohen will be housed in dorm-like accommodations at the facility’s minimum-security camp, which prison consultants say has become a destination for Jewish inmates due to its proximity to New York City’s Jewish and upstate New York’s Orthodox Jewish enclaves.

“He’s going to what I like to refer to as ‘Jewish heaven,’” said Larry Levine, founder of Wall Street Prison Consultants, who served a 10-year prison sentence that ended in 2007 for racketeering and other crimes.

The commissary menu on Otisville’s website advertises matzo ball soup, gefilte fish and rugelach, a pastry, alongside Doritos tortilla chips and Diet Sprite soda. Kosher items are marked throughout with the letter K.

The camp is not fenced in and inmates’ movements throughout the day are not as tightly controlled as in more secure facilities.

Inmates are given jobs, which Levine described as “busy work” like cleaning or emptying garbage.

But, in practice, work hours at Otisville are short, sometimes one or two hours a day, said Justin Paperny, a former inmate whose consulting firm White Collar Advice has clients in the camp.

For much of the day, Cohen “can pretty much do what he wants,” Frantz said.

The camp offers weights and other exercise equipment, a basketball court, a tennis area and a baseball field, and bocce ball, according to its handbook.

Paperny also said Otisville grants furloughs – temporary releases for inmates, usually one or two days, which can be granted for family and other reasons – “in my experience more than other facilities.”

Translation: Alcatraz it’s not.

The long break should give Cohen plenty of time to lay low and put time into writing his inevitable tell-all blockbuster bestseller that will earn him a big advance when he gets out as well as a nice media tour when he’ll visit all of the usual leftist shows where he’ll bet to rehabilitate his image to become a martyr for the so-called Resistance.